The Guys' Rules

Bob The Mercenary · 08-19-2005, 02:48 PM

Yeah, this was mass emailed to me. I just thought I would share it to counter the women's rules posted a few months ago.

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

10. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

12. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

13. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

14. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

15. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.

16. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

17. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is
fine...Really.

19. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

20. You have enough clothes.

21. You have too many shoes.

22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

23. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

phil_ · 08-19-2005, 02:55 PM

Quote:

We have no idea what mauve is.

Sure we do! It's like red, only with sprite comicry, origami, and chocolate-eating as well.

Or it's a pinkish purple. Same difference.

Adoria · 08-19-2005, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phil_mike

Sure we do! It's like red, only with sprite comicry, origami, and chocolate-eating as well.

Or it's a pinkish purple. Same difference.

You are no guy.

Red Fighter 1073 · 08-19-2005, 03:12 PM

did you make these up?? i mean, i think these are spot-on...atleast for me. though, I atleast dont think im fat..oh well.

Quote:

15. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.

unbelievably true!

Skyshot · 08-19-2005, 03:18 PM

He's referring to this.

Anyways, I just finished up "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" which really explains all this stuff. (Well...most of it. I get some of it, at least.)

Also:

Quote:

5. Crying is blackmail.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Red Fighter 1073 · 08-19-2005, 03:26 PM

whoops, forgot some stuff i thought i should comment on:

Quote:

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

someone understands me!

Quote:

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

sometimes, women overestimate our amazing abilities..

Quote:

13. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

haha, that one is awesome!

Quote:

23. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

sometimes, women can cruel..

Quote:

16. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

this actually goes with the #1 rule for me..

Raiden · 08-19-2005, 04:11 PM

This list is SO going on my dorm room door.

And as such, I am SO not gonna get any.

Damn women and the way they control me.

shiney · 08-19-2005, 04:54 PM

You omitted my entry. Damn you.

Bob The Mercenary · 08-19-2005, 05:04 PM

Whiner.

Giant Wang Clip: Rules of men:
Giant Wang Clip: drink
Giant Wang Clip: eat
Giant Wang Clip: fuck
Giant Wang Clip: sleep
Giant Wang Clip: fin.
BobtheMercenary: And thus, the four commandments of the shiney were
logged.

Dragonsbane · 08-19-2005, 05:04 PM

What was your entry, Shiney?

That aside, these are pure genius.

08-19-2005, 04:11 PM	#7
Raiden Just a passing through veteran Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: On your couch. Yes? Posts: 5,327	This list is SO going on my dorm room door. And as such, I am SO not gonna get any. Damn women and the way they control me. __________________ I have a signature. It's a really cool one, too. It's so awesome, you'd pull your eyes out and punch your mother. Sadly, these rules state that my signature is just too darned big. Too much awesome for such a small space. Oh well. You can still punch your mother...if you want... Fifth and Krylo made me do it. http://www.animecubed.com/billy/user...sigs/60266.jpg Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

08-19-2005, 04:54 PM	#8
shiney Derrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The land of fartz and buttz Posts: 8,266	You omitted my entry. Damn you. __________________ boop

08-19-2005, 05:04 PM	#9
Bob The Mercenary Bob Dole Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Bob Dole Posts: 5,606	Whiner. Giant Wang Clip: Rules of men: Giant Wang Clip: drink Giant Wang Clip: eat Giant Wang Clip: fuck Giant Wang Clip: sleep Giant Wang Clip: fin. BobtheMercenary: And thus, the four commandments of the shiney were logged. __________________ Bob Dole

08-19-2005, 02:48 PM	#1
Bob The Mercenary Bob Dole Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Bob Dole Posts: 5,606	The Guys' Rules Yeah, this was mass emailed to me. I just thought I would share it to counter the women's rules posted a few months ago. 1. Men ARE NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 5. Crying is blackmail. 6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 7. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question. 8. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. 10. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 12. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 13. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 14. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 15. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 16. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 17. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really. 19. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf. 20. You have enough clothes. 21. You have too many shoes. 22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! 23. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; __________________ Bob Dole