Loneliness

[Solid Snake]

DISCLAIMER: No, I'm not depressed, and no, I sure as hell ain't suicidal. I know when it comes to topics on loneliness that seems the popular conjecture to make, but the irony of it all is that from a certain perspective my life has never been better. I'm working a stable job for an organization that I love, I live in a decent apartment with a respectful roommate, and I live in the vicinity of a great city. I even have a good deal of "friends," but few I'd label close confidants.

Disclaimers aside, I've created this topic because lately I can't shake this feeling of feeling miserably lonely. It probably has something to do with the fact that I recently moved 20 minutes outside the city and 40 minutes away from my old college campus, where most of my old friends live, and which I rarely have time to visit anymore.

It may also have to do with the fact that there's no woman I know of that I'm terribly attracted to at the moment, and that's true for the first time in a long time. I'm not the type who enjoys dating (or even meeting) strangers, so the fact that I'm no longer interested in the women I do know is a bad sign in regards to my dating life.

For whatever reason, I can't shake the feeling that I'm really alone right now in my life -- minimal support from family (they're too far away to visit or anything), only the customary superficial support from most of my friends, grudging respect at best from my coworkers. It's like I've just realized that I'm fighting this battle by myself, struggling just to keep afloat of things, and though I don't terribly mind, sometimes I just wish someone else was rooting for me.

Meanwhile, my friends who are still in college are still in their social bubbles, experiencing the constant euphoria of being around their community. I miss the feeling, somewhat. I know it was deceptive and fake, but that notion that I was around people I could talk to at anytime and hang out with for any reason...yeah. That was fun.

Is there anything I can do about these feelings? And, how do you combat loneliness at certain times in your life?

[Truce]

Going to a forum might help.

That said, the only real way to deal with it in real life is to make an honest effort to get to know the people you do meet every day. You said you don't even like meeting strangers, but it's something that you have to do before you can even start to try to rebuild your personal community.

[Eltargrim]

I've always dealt with it in one of two ways:

1. Make enough superficial friends that you're always talking to someone, even if it's mindless babble.

2. Become closer with some of your current friends.

#1 is possible through the internet (Forums being a good example), but generally this is a short-term solution, and might not be the best for you. Given that you've said you don't have many close friends, maybe it's time to find some. You can always use 1 and 2 in conjunction to find someone whom you'd value as a close friend.

Other possibilities include getting involved in your local community, or getting to know your neighbours. You recently moved; throw a flat-warming torpedoes* party. At the very least it'll introduce you to who's around.

I realize that you're not fond of meeting strangers, but you won't be able to rely on being introduced via friends. Research some small-talk topics before you begin the conversation; at the very least you won't run out of things to talk about.

Good luck; loneliness is never fun. If you need to vent, feel free to come back.

*Serves me right for watching Star Trek while trying to write

[42PETUNIAS]

I'd like to echo what Ecurt said about getting to know people you've already met better. Additionally, meeting people might be easier if you find some sort of club or nearby group that you'd like to join. If you get someone to go with you, at least initially, it's probably an easier method of meeting people, and will help you find people you identify with, which makes it easier to make friends.

[P-Sleazy]

And for the love of god don't talk about your grandma's birthday.

Yes, I did that on Sunday when I was talking to the girl I'm interested in and I'm actually fairly sure she's somewhat/remotely interested in me. So yea...be sure to research those small talk things.

Other than that, I say going to a church is a great way to meet people, But then again, so is going to the bar and such.

At work, see if you can't work out some sort of "work hangout thing" where all you strapping young men and women go to meet up outside of the work environment (and I really do mean outside as in OUTDOORS) and do something together as a group. A group of "friends" one might call it. I hear Soccer's a GREAT sport to play as a group of 20 or more individuals.

As per your apartment, I definetly do recommend a "flat warming party". It'll do you wonders around the place. And then you can also look into talking to all the residence around the building to see if you guys can chip in a few bucks or work to pretty up the place or get something the entire place could use, like say setting up a community organization that plans get togethers for the apartments once a month.

Once you find yourselves doing something in common, preferably ENJOYING something in common, you'll have alot more to talk about than just bitching at or about stuff, not that you do that already but for the those of you that do.

[Lady Cygnet]

I'd keep in touch with your friends, no matter how far away they are. Your friends aren't as far away as they could be (most of the friends I left behind when I moved are five hours away now), and it stands to reason that they could come and visit you, or you could go and visit them.

As for making new friends, I echo the sentiment about getting involved in the community somehow. I've been very lucky to find a church full of friendly people who seem to genuinely care about me and want me involved in their activities. Other good places to get involved would be places that interest you, such as a library, museum, park, or gaming store. Even your workplace can be a good source of activity partners or ideas for meeting new friends.

My loneliness hasn't been cured overnight (and yes, you can still be lonely even when you have a partner), but I've been taking steps to abate it since I moved out here. I wish you luck and hope that my advice helps!

[adamark]

You can always kill yourself.

Actually, I know the feeling. I live a half hour away from my closest friend, even further away from other friends. It's definitely a pain in the ass to not know anyone in the town I live in.

[Demetrius]

Man, I've always lived far away from everyone, only recently have a I moved near a city* of any sort. Now most of my friends work different shifts live in different towns and some of 'em have kids. Want to know what I do? I make the time to drive the hour to see my buddies and play games all night once a week. I make the effort to open up to people, even though I don't feel very comfortable at first. All in all its about making an effort... Or just kill yourself cause your life is over anyway.

*Burlington is the largest "city" in Vermont and is miniscule by any other state's standards.

[adamark]

Wow that's sad. Burlington has like 38,000 people. A place with 100,000 is still considered a town. So basically you live so far away from anything that you consider a village a city. PWNED

[Demetrius]

Yeah, my point exactly.

EDIT: On the other hand Burlington is really nothing more than 5 or 6 colleges in the same area and the rest is really just periphreals developed around them.