The Marvelous Misadventures of Asshat! [REBOOT]

[Geminex]

OK NERD TIME.

Rattata's stats are...
Well, they're shit. Seriously. Except for speed, attack and HP, you should not rely on any of those. If you evolve it, they improve a bit, but I doubt Joey would even consider evolving his rattata.

So yeah... your best move is hyper fang, your best hope is to raise maximise attack and speed, and then to sweep Red best you can. If you get a baton-passer, your attempt would become vastly more likely to succeed, but that would involve using a pokemon that is not rattata. Or you just get a team of 6 and go FEAR.

Edit: This was nerd time, with your host, gem! Tune in next time for a discussion of second-gen baton-passers!

[Token]

Originally Posted by Geminex

OK NERD TIME.

Rattata's stats are...
Well, they're shit. Seriously. Except for speed, attack and HP, you should not rely on any of those. If you evolve it, they improve a bit, but I doubt Joey would even consider evolving his rattata.

So yeah... your best move is hyper fang, your best hope is to raise maximise attack and speed, and then to sweep Red best you can. If you get a baton-passer, your attempt would become vastly more likely to succeed, but that would involve using a pokemon that is not rattata. Or you just get a team of 6 and go FEAR.

Edit: This was nerd time, with your host, gem! Tune in next time for a discussion of second-gen baton-passers!

According to the 'Pedia, he does eventually evolve it. As for FEAR, that won't work in this gen, Endeavor doesn't exist until 3rd gen, and Focus Sash is only in 4th.

[Fenris]

This is frickin' long.

This Rattata transcends nicknames.



You're really too wrapped up in your research to walk the 15 minutes it takes to get to Mr. Pokémon's house?



For free? OBAMACARE.



Yes sir.



Do doo do doo!



What.



Is this...



Do doo do doo!



That's fantastic get out of my way now.



Hm, who's this good looking fellow?



Hey buddy wanna hear about my Rattata?



It's in the top percentage.



Yeah. It even had this Rattata.



Why aren't you staring at this Rattata?



G'hey!







It is time to begin our Pokémon journey!



Hey guy wanna hear about my Rattata?







Oh hey look at that one step later.







Well, that was fun! My first battle! Let's get through this grass patch and get on to the next town!



OH COME ON



It too, fell. Like all shall fall before this Rattata.



And now I've cleared my first patch of grass!



Sublime.



Rattata here doesn't even know the meaning of the word "weak."



Can't you like, gnaw away at it or something, Rattata? No? This world sucks.



Pussy.



Nope don't care. Rattata's all I need. Moving right along!



Why don't you just get up early instead? Like normal people.







Pussy.



What's your story?



I'll have you know that I am going to be in the top percentage of trainers! I'm sooo close!



Yeah sure okay.



Better not end up taking me back to your place.



It actually takes like 3 seconds.



Walk in, talk to woman, walk out. Next.



I'll have to stop here later. I have a lot of pokémon to catch!



I'll go there later.



Well aren't you punny.



Probably the water pokémon, I'd wager.



No I won't go inside you can't make me







Oh.



Thanks pal, I'll never talk to you again.



Alright, time to go talk to Mr. Pokémon.



Along the way, this happened.







Hi I'm breaking into your house.



That's... That's wonderful.







kthx



Good, almost there!

One winding maze of horrors later...












He better have sent you an e-mail instead of visiting himself cuz otherwise I'mma be pissed.







Wait. You're rediscovering Pokémon eggs?



You've already done this.



Oh, Oak's here? We tight.



Your assumption is correct. Because you've already discovered this. Twice.



In the flesh.



Yes... I know.



Cool dawg.



It's in the top percent, so I'd say it's pretty rare, yeah.



You see? Finally! Somebody who recognizes this Rattata's prowess!



It wasn't so much as "he gave me one" as "I took it off of his table," but that's just semantics.



And battles! Lots and lots of battles.



'Course, bro.



But is there an app for everything else?







You'll have lots of info on No. 19.



No don't leave me!











That's what you guys always say.



I am never coming back here again.



Hell of a way to greet somebody.



Yes get on with it.



You're spending a whole lot of time saying nothing.



Man, phones are so annoying.



Finally, back at the halfway point. Now to go to NewBarkTown and...



Snake!?



...



I got the best pokémon at the lab.







...



I just know that you're mean.



Not as good as this Rattata.



OH GOD THE BLOCKS



Bring it on, scrub!



That's a stupid name for a Chikorita.



Come on, Rattata! Kick his ass!



What.



What.







My name's JOEY. Can I get your phone number?



And then he gave me his number.



And promptly left.



Ugh, back in this hole.



That's what they say.



Good luck with that.



Oh, I battled him.



Yeah, he was really tough, but not very good at coming up with names for his pokémon.



Yeah. He wasn't very nice.



Yeah, he was named TO-...











Sure was.



Anytime!

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

So the TRUTH finally comes out.

[Geminex]

Nice.
What will happen now, though? Will Joey keep journeying, or will he find a spot he likes on an early route, and stay there? Will he meet himself?

[Fenris]

Originally Posted by Geminex

Nice.
What will happen now, though? Will Joey keep journeying,

Yes.

or will he find a spot he likes on an early route, and stay there?

No.

Will he meet himself?

Not unless I can come up with a joke for it.

[Geminex]

Possible jokesEither, make them rattata-bros (while changing Joey's name ot something else), and have them discuss how awesome their rattata are, or change the original Joey's name to "Token" make it look like he has a totodile and have Joey rage about how annoying it is to get called by a totodile-loving idiot all the time.

[Thadius]

I think I'm close to unlocking a new mutant superpower due to the hatred. I might be very close to firing pure eye beams of hate.

If I learn how to succeed in this endeavor I will begin lazering the world to death just to make sure Fenris dies as well.

[Fenris]

Originally Posted by Geminex

or change the original Joey's name to "Token"

Originally Posted by Thadius

I think I'm close to unlocking a new mutant superpower due to the hatred. I might be very close to firing pure eye beams of hate.

IRREDUCIBLE COMPLEXITY does not work that way!

[Thadius]

...I just figured out the next way Asshat Token must fight Joey.

With a Rattata.

It is the only way.