The Marvelous Misadventures of Asshat! [REBOOT]

[RobinStarwing]

Dude, you are epic in your rage!

[Token]

Okay, now that I've solved all that other crap,time to head to Blackthorn, get my badge, beat the League, and get out of here. Assuming Palkia keeps up it's end of the bargain, anyway...

No you aren't.

Seriously, if you think you'll win, you should probably change your Trainer Class, cuz damn.

Get a mohawk and become a Bird Keeper or something.

Oh, mewdammit. That pun is bad even by my standards. They're Bird Keepers, and they all have mohawks? Damn.

Because I beat you with two Thunderpunches? Kid, I'm already in pain from that other joke, don't make it any worse.

Fuck off Joey. Oh. Wait. Whoops.

What.

You spent my Elite Four stash on a doll? Are you shitting me?

What a coincidence, I have two shinies, a Sudowoodo, and a Johto starter. None of which I went out of my way to get.

Guess that just means I'm better than you in every possible way.

Just to rub it in, I'll whip yo' ass with one of the shinies.

How's that taste? Not the Ice Punch, the knowledge of your incessant failure?

If you touch them, I will end you.

Yes. It also means they are more FABULOUS.

Why are you twisting my words you bastard.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

Yes. Yes I did.

Stand here and laugh. Also, knock out your Pokemon.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

Best part?

Now that all your Pokemon are knocked out, you'll have to go to the Pokemon Center before you can catch anything else. Which means you'll probably never see that Poliwag again.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

MOTHER.

FUCK. Those things are fucking huge, how do they always manage to sneak up on me like that?

So what you're saying is, you're about to drop?

Yeah, I'm just gonna stand right here and not give a shit.

No, it's right. I told you I wouldn't give a shit. And hey, look at that! I didn't give one.

I know.

Don't be silly. I'm a good trainer, and I've never seen a tough opponent.

Are you gonna be tough?

Of course not.

Why would I even think that?

You're a failure. Get out of my sight.

Fantastic, more cannon fodder.

You're half right.

Also: how the hell did your hair just go from black to blonde?

Drown in the everlasting rains of oblivion or whatever.

I really don't even care anymore. You people are literally the best that Johto has to offer, and it's just getting boring.

Be more specific, there are like seven of them.

Come on dude, water you doing? At least try to put up a fight.

Figures.

Sure, why not.

Huh. Cool.

Oh, damn. It's a puzzle. I hate puzzles.

Holy shit, those things are creepy. But, y'never know when you'll need an Ice type.

So, until a better Ice type comes along, you belong with me.

Speak of the devil. Swinub are awesome. T.Swift, have fun living the rest of your life in Box 1. Say hi to the Eevee.

But seriously.

How in the fuck does a cave form with built in puzzles?

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

Stupid.

Fucking.

Puzzles.

Hate them so much.

So, Groudon, or whoever built this damn thing. Fuck you.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

Yeah, I don't even know.

So, how does Pohatu grunting give me the power too move boulders?

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

And it's probably a bad thing that he's pretty much an HM-Slave at this point.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

Doo-doo-doo-snooze!

No, see, it was funny because TM 44 is Rest... (doo-doo-doo-doo).

It was totally funny.

Don't fucking judge me.

Yes.

I see what you did there.

Yeah, that's fantastic. But more importantly...

They have a real Pokemart.

Doo-doo-doo-shop!

Doo-doo-doo-dammit!

Ugh.

Die slowly.

Time to powerlevel Kanye until he becomes useful. There is no possible way this will create any humorously annoying events.

Tou-fucking-che, universe.

Dammit Joey.

I blame you for all of this.

Even if I was the one who awoke the gerbils, it's only because you made me try to kill myself.

Sweet.

But seriously, I'm fucking tired of gods and demigods pissing me off. Time to send them all a lesson.

It's time for me to surpass god.

Let's do this shit.

I hate caves. I really do.

Luckily, I brought a towel.

Allons-y!

That wasn't so bad. But now...

where doing this man

where making this hapen

Twenty Ultra Balls, sixteen Great Balls, and one Pokeball later.

Have fun with T. Swift and Ford.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

Heal! Also I have a gym to defeat or something?

Wow, I guess it was totally convenient that I happened to level up Kanye West.

Is it my first? I can't even remember anymore. Fuck if I know.

About as tough as every other type?

Fuck you, Paul.

How dare you challenge me to a battle when I go into a gym or something.

I'm disappointed in you.

I've met a dude called Lance who uses his Dragonite to Hyper Beam everything.

The really stupid thing about this gym's puzzle is that she can't get out unless someone solves it. Ten bucks says nothing in this gym has Strength.

Weird puzzle shit is the worst shit.

Actually, no.

Weird puzzle shit, while shitty, can be dealt with fairly easily.

Weird time shit, on the other hand, is the most shitacular shit to ever shit a shit.

Weird time shit is fairly disgusting, yes.

Doesn't mean I don't hate puzzles though.

Fair enough. Latios forbid that any of you actually follow your gym's theme.

Uh dude? The Ice gym is thataway.

Well, it is.

Flash fact: Not only are they both less powerful than Dragons, they evolve into one.

Stupid puzzles.

Yeah, but it's not zero percent. And if it's not zero, then for me, it might as well be a hundred percent!

After all, who the hell do you think I am? I shoved a god in a ball and left it to gather dust. The odds of you actually beating me are non-existent.

Case in point.

No it isn't.

Not really.

Yes. Living things usually are.

Wanna bet?

I use dragons hurr durr look at me

The only good pokemon of my type are all in different regions lololol

Also my leader is a dumbass who's trapped herself in her own gym BUT YEAH GUYS DWAGONZ ARE SUPAR SERIUS.

See? I wasn't serious at all. But wait... I was serious about not being serious... Whatever. I'll call it a victory.

What about Lance? Or Drake? Or Iris? Or Shaga? Or pretty much anyone else who has ever used a Dragon?

So what you're saying is I won't have any trouble beating the League. Good to know.

I'm still standing here with a Pokeball in my hand, aren't I?

Okay, fine. Now shut up and send something out.

No shit. Let's go.

WARNING! BOSS BATTLE!
TokenASSHAT VS DRAGON DRAG QUEEN

Well shit. Didn't expect you to be so heartless.

Much better.

Y'know, I'm really over fighting Dragons. There are what, four varieties in this entire region? Boring.

Over it.

Eh. It's not as derpy as Dragonite, so I suppose it could be worse.

Oh, you motherf-

hahahahahahahahahaha.

And then it died horribly.

Yep.

Nope.

Oh?

Pretty sure I am. They use Rock, Fighting, Psychic, Poison, Dark, and Dragon. I could sweep them just using Deckard and Wallace.

I know, you should give me my badge and TM, then shut the hell up.

Look at all the caring I'm not doing.

Also: look at all the fucking yourself you should go do if you think I'm going into some mangy cave just to look for a stupid tooth.

I don't use Dragons though. I'm a winner.

The fact that I kicked your ass six ways to Sunday doesn't prove I'm worthy?

Oh.
Fuck.
NAW.


The fuck does this bitch think she doin'?

Shit gotta be illegal.

Nigga definitely be crossin' the line.

Beating you in a battle: not worth. Finding a fang that was RIGHT THERE IN PLAIN FUCKING SIGHT: worthy.

Doo-doo-doo-fucking-doo.

Doo-doo... no fuck this. Just gimme the shit, then get the fuck out of my face.

I thought that was just you.

Keep telling yourself that.

I'm taking it just so you won't have it.

No thanks to you.

Nigga, I know that shit.

Just surf east from New Bark. Not a big secret.

Excuse me. I'm going to scream in inarticulate rage now.

I... wasn't... going... t....ARRRRGHAHGHGHGHGHAHHAHGHAHGAHHAHGHGAHHAFUCKYO UUUUUUUUUUAARRRRGHHHHHHH

ALL. MY. HATE.

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, ELM.

IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD.

YOU ARE SO FUCKING LUCKY I'M GOING TO NEW BARK ANYWAY.

YEAH, FINE.

NEXT TIME: The second to last episode of the Marvelous Misadventures of Asshat! I've been powerleveling like crazy, and I'm ready for you guys to pick my final team out of the following:
Leafyhed-Chikorita-50.
Kanye West-Piloswine-50
Stabeak-Fearow-50
Pohatu-Graveller-50
Skittles-Gyrados-50
Wallace-Hypno-50
Deckard-Ampharos-50
Terry-Crobat-50
Argent-Lugia-40
Sayrune-Poliwhirl-50
Lagann-Rhydon-50
Kittan-Beedrill-40
I think that's everyone. >_>

The only stipulations are that I'd like to use Leafyhed, and I'd prefer not to use Argent. Other than that, go nuts. I'll take suggestions up until I start working on the last episode, which will be in about a week. More info on why it'll be the final episode soon. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go watch Glee. Peace, niggaz.

[Julford Hajime]

You forgot to mention Black Star the Staryu, but fuck him anyway so it doesn't matter.

Anywho, my DEMANDS FOR YOUR TEAM are:

Leafyhed,
Skittles & Wallace (THEY ARE A TEAM AND SHOULD NOT BE SEPERATED EVER),
Deckard,
Sayrune,
LPers choice, because I just named the major players of the last several installments. I always Pohatu has been less frequent recently or else I'd nominate him. Oh, FUCK KANYE. I've always hated Piloswine, so Kanye West gets my vote to sit in the box for FOREVA.

Edit: Oh, and did you seriously see all three dogs while you were montage training Kanye? Or were you just fucking with us and you GS'd in those fights or something?

[Token]

I haven't GS'd anything at all. If it showed up, it happened. And the reason I didn't mention Black Star is because he's an HM slave and still level 20. I have a bunch of other guys I didn't mention because I'm lazy as fuck and they're low level.

Katy Perry-Deliberd-22
T. Swift-Jynx-22
Snooki-Krabby-20
Ninten-Lapras-20
Nana-Electrode-23
Erik-Magnemite-16
Murderface-Machop-14
Cockgoblin-Sudowoodo-20
GOB-Abra-10
Persephone-Drowzee-12
(A Pimp Named) Slickback-Ditto -10
Totaro-Togepi-5
Shoop Da-Wooper-4
Cordelia-Paras-10
Berilia-Donphan-33
Solvernia-Skarmory-27
Dionysus-Weepinbell-30

[Locke cole]

Wait, second-to-last episode?

But the game's not even half-done.

[Token]

As soon as I figured out what direction I was taking this LP (so back in early Feburary), I decided that I was going to break it up into "volumes." MMoA is almost over, and then I'll start Asshat's Spectacular Shenanigans. I'm really looking forward to that one, and I think it'll be more fun than what I've done so far. Because I'm bored and have had the first bit uploaded for a couple of months now, have a preview.

The Title Screen

And have a bit of LP.

Spoilers for the end of MMoA, I guess.
Ngh...dammit...Stupid dragon...

Excuse me?

Wait, what?

As in the jackass those other jackasses were trying to contact?

Oh hell.

[Locke cole]

Oh, this sounds lovely.

[Token]

I'm certainly very excited for it.

[Fusionman]

This is this best way to start a sequel LP ever. However 1 stipulation. I want a Pokemon or 2 named after Mass Effect characters. Preferably after Saren, Fist or the Reapers.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

Oh...wow