Trollslum Act 1: Welcome to Alternia

[Geminex]

You go back to being Scalis.

> Scalis: Be your creator

Creator? What on earth is that supposed to me-

You are now GEMINEX.
It is a wonderful feeling.
You are sitting in UNDERGROUND LAIR WHICH IS REALLY AN OFFICE BUT SCREW YOU PAL, considering your recent absence from this RP, brought upon by driving school, reports for college and your online time being eaten up by organizational matters and attempts to stop sucking at visual art. You do not have many successes to record. Also, you are still working on the WORLD DOMINATION thing, but you do not have many successes to record there either. That saddens you.
It is beginning to feel sort of pointless to break the fourth wall simply in order to state this, but you reason that someobody would have broken it eventually anway, so it might as well be you.
You briefly consider how very, very sexy you are as you wait for a new command.

> Decide to go meta

You decide to go meta by giving yourself the command to go meta. Which is in itself pretty meta. Well done!
> Now cut the crap, you haven't posted in ages.

'kay...

> Really be Scalis this time

You are now really being Scalis this time. You are just fishing up the "FAUNA TRANSMUTIONISTS" story you have been engrossed in, when you become aware that you are being trolled. More than usual, in any case. You'd love to return the favor. Now if you could just... retrieve your gruptop...
After some careful searching and double-checking, you manage to retrieve several grapes, an (honestly inexplicable) goat, before,finally, fishing out your grubtop. You really need to get your ARCHIVE MODUS organized, but it has always been thus. Sometimes you speculate whether you subconciously like the disorder. Then you wonder whether you should stop being an idiot. Your conclusions are generally no and yes.

Your train of self-loathing is interrupted as you see that there is a memo underway. You join it, and proceed to participate in this EXTREMELY UNPRODUCTIVE CONVERSATION.
There. That was... mildly enlightening. Though whatever you gained was counter-acted by the fact that you had to be courteous to... him...
You shudder at the thought of what he did. But soon you will be... even...
If you didn't know better, you'd say there was a barely audile humming in the background, almost like approving, yet sinister, laughter. But the only thing around you is the books, so you shake the feeling off and turn back to your gruptop. Another troll! It almost seems as if they are lining up to be condescended by you! Coming to you like they originate from a country suffering a severe shortage of... something extremely popular and vital, and they have heard that you have such a large supply of said thing that it practically amounts to a free good, so it is imperative that you immediately commence in an activit related specifically to the distribution of... said... thing...
You're not very good at metaphor. Or simile. Or allegory.
Good at synonyms, though.
...
Anyway, you reply, and then proceed to have THIS CONVERSATION.

But enough of social interaction. You are on duty, here. You return the FAUNA TRANSMUTATIONISTS novel to its proper place on the shelves (though you are certain that it will not remain in its proper place for any length of time) and continue down the many ailes, letting your intuition guide you. Some might say that going with the flow is probably the worst thing you could do when in a place of knowlege and strange power, a place where reality has few limits and even fewer points of reference, where there is no real difference between a word on a page and a moment of existence! They would speak of losing touch with reality, of become less troll and more character with each step, of becoming part of a story, a tool of the books, the many, many fragments of author's minds, carried on by their written words, assembled, connected with all others to make an unspeakably powerful, unpredictable, omniscient superconciousness. But you would accuse them of exaggerating, and point out that, even should the library harbor you ill will, it isn't going to keep itself cleaned, sorted and safe. Who'd make sure silence was maintainted at all times in the reading rooms, hmm? Besides those individuals didn't go through the arduous experience of trying to make a map for this place. After wasted almost half a sweep, you gave it up and decided on going with the flow. It's served you well so far, you doubt today will be the day you regret letting your hive influence you. What're the odds!

As you stride purposefully (though your slippers turn it into more of a purposefull shuffle, honestly), you are constantly vigilant! For out-of-place books, for anomalies, for anything the librarchivary could throw at you. CONSTANT VIGILANCE is the key to survival. And when it comes to a vigilance-off, you are uqite simply the best there is.

Or you would be. If not for the fact that you are imagining what it would be like to be a FAUNA TRANSMUTATIONIST. Yes! You would HAVE the power of transmutation, and along with your gang of friends at your side (or, rather of "friend", as your relationships have been suffering lately), you would... Do some research! It would be vital to find out which FAUNA would be most effective at fighting the SLUGLIKE MIND-CONTROL ALIEN invasion. This would take a while, but the conflict would undoubtedly cease quickly once you discovered the perfect TRANSMUTATION. No series of increasingly desperate, dramatic, exciting adventures for you. Nope. Several hours of research, and one utterly risk-free mission. Much better that way. Knowlege triumphs again! You stop, vaguely aware that you've entered some sort of larger space, but you're concentrating on something else right now..

Something is niggling at you, something about... writing, and stories, and why knowlege never triumphs, ever, (at least not in these situations) but... you are dimly aware of the source of this niggling bit of info. And that alone is enough to banish it from your mind. You do not want to remember that, him. No thank you, no need to file those memories, straight into the shredder with them, the incinerator, the center of the alternian sun, thank you very much. But that is not how it works. You find it very, very hard you forget. Facts, things, people. Especially people. Excrutiatingly hard. And when you do forget, or at least manage to push something away, out of sight, out of mind, you tend to be... reminded at times. Vividly. As you look around and realise exactly where it is your feet and your intuition decided to take you, you become extremely certain that this is one of those times. There's pages on the floor, ash, soot, broken glass. The air smells of ozone and electricity and knowlege gone wrong, and you crouch down, sit back against one of the few intact shelves in this once-great reading hall. You have now been reminded, very vividly. So, like it or not, you now get to... remember.
Enjoy the ride.

[Intern Nin]

>Get off the ride and be Caoway.

You succeed at getting off the ride and being Caoway.

You once again find yourself in your RESPITEBLOCK, now seated at the desk. It would seem that your old HUSKTOP has reached the sufficent temperature for trolling and you are now typing up something.

>View computer screen.

Show memo.

[MC] opened up memo on board TRUE TALES OF TWO HORNED ADVENTURE.

MC: /j Ahoy. It'S\ been awhile haS\n't it?
MC: /j S\ome thinG\S\ happene/) and I mope/) aroun/) for a bit.
MC: /j Won't G\et into the /)etailS\.
MC: /j Oh, an/) if you've been won/)ering why Zottic haS\ been takinG\ S\o lonG\ to up/)ate...
MC: /j I /)on't reG\ret to inform you that he will no lonG\er be poS\ting hiS\ S\o-calle/) /journalS\ on thiS\ boar/).
MC: /j BecauS\e he'S\ /)ea/).
MC: /j Well, now that that'S\ been toS\S\e/) overboar/), I have S\omethinG\ to S\hare with you all.
MC: /j It'S\ an excerpt from my current work in proG\reS\S\.
MC: /j I'm havinG\ a /juS\t little bit of /)ifficulty in the whole S\tory tellinG\ thinG\.
MC: /j The S\ource material miG\ht be part of the problem too.
MC: /j I won't can/)y-coat it, it'S\ about my recent maritime lifeform reapinG\ ventureS\.
MC: /j They're really all I have to write about theS\e /)ayS\.
MC: /j Well, G\oinG\ back on courS\e, I was hopinG\ to G\et some critiqueS\ an/) conS\tructive criticiS\mS\.
MC: /j Rea/): S\omethinG\ I can uS\e to improve the narrative, not S\uG\G\eS\tionS\ of a/)/)ing a re/)rom intereS\t, S\lam poetry /jamS\, bakinG\ a be/)rock an/) artichoke caS\S\erole, or S\witchinG\ to an illuS\trate/) me/)ium an/) S\tart wearinG\ an oranG\e S\cale-mail S\hirt.
MC: /j Here'S\ what I G\ot S\o far. Tell me what you think.

MC: /j They came. But they /)i/) not come aS\ the Mako ha/) come. One turne/) an/) went out of S\ight un/)er the S\kiff an/) I coul/) feel the S\kiff S\hake aS\ I /jerke/) an/) pulle/) on the /)'lak'n. The other watche/) me with hiS\ S\litte/) yellow eyeS\ an/) then came in faS\t with hiS\ half circle of /jawS\ wi/)e to hit the /)'lak'n where he ha/) alrea/)y been bitten. The line S\howe/) clearly on the top of hiS\ brown hea/) an/) back where the brain /joine/) the S\pinal cor/) an/) I /)rove the knife on the oar into the /juncture, with/)rew it, and /)rove it in aG\ain into the S\hark'S\ yellow /)ouble-mouthe/)-cat-like eyeS\. The S\hark let G\o of the /)'lak'n an/) sli/) /)own, S\wallowinG\ what he ha/) taken aS\ he die/). Hemnet-2 | S\ealife-0

The S\kiff waS\ S\till S\hakinG\ with the /)eS\truction the other S\hark waS\ doinG\ to the /)'lak'n and I let G\o the S\heet S\o that the S\kiff woul/) S\winG\ broa/)S\i/)e an/) brinG\ the S\hark out from un/)er. When I S\aw the S\hark I leane/) over the S\ide an/) punche/) at him. I bit only meat an/) the hi/)e waS\ S\et har/) an/) I barely G\ot the knife in. The blow hurt not only my han/) but my S\houl/)er too. I S\houl/) probably have limbere/) up before fightinG\ the S\arkS\. But the S\hark came up faS\t with hiS\ hea/) out an/) I hit him S\quarely in the center of hiS\ flat-toppe/) hea/) aS\ hiS\ noS\e came out of the water an/) lay against the /)'lak'n. I with/)rew the bla/)e an/) punche/) the S\hark exactly in the S\ame S\pot aG\ain. He S\till hunG\ to the /)'lak'n with hiS\ /jawS\ hooke/) S\o I S\tabbe/) him in hiS\ left eye. The S\hark S\till hunG\ there. TenaciouS\ little fuck.

"No?" I S\aid right aS\ I /)rove the bla/)e between the vertebrae and the brain. It waS\ an eaS\y S\hot now an/) I felt the cartilaG\e S\ever.
FUTURE melancholicChumly [FMC] 598 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.

FMC: I think you S\houl/) /)rop the S\coreboar/) an/) the after-thouG\htS\.
FMC: They're funny, but they /)etract from the S\everity of the S\ituation.
MC: /j What the /)evil-/)octor-/)inoS\aur-fiS\h? Who iS\ thiS\?
MC: /j Zeb, iS\ thiS\ you /)oinG\ one of your "I'll /)o S\omethinG\ incre/)ibly S\tupi/) on a whim without fear of repercuS\S\ionS\" thinG\?
FMC: Nope, Trollian iS\ riG\ht. It's /juS\t you here.
FMC: S\orry about the tooly, nonchalant critique. I only /)i/) it becauS\e I remember /)oinG\ it.
MC: /j Okay, who iS\ thiS\ really?
MC: /j Drop the act alrea/)y.
FMC: It'S\ no act. I'm you, 598 hourS\ from your current time.
FMC: An/) you're me, a couple /)ozen broken wallS\ an/) a few hundre/) outraG\eouS\ S\trifeS\ ago.
MC: /j Well, forG\ive me for beinG\ /juS\t a bit S\keptical...
FMC: It's okay, I remember thinkinG\ I waS\ full of marine hoofbeaS\t leavinG\S\ when I waS\ you.
MC: /j But /)o you actually have any proof that you're me?
FMC: S\iG\h, here comeS\ the S\tupid part.
FMC: We have a wriG\G\ling mark on our lower back in the exact mirror imaG\e of the /)own-under-there continent.
FMC: With a tumorouS\ blemiS\h S\tandinG\ in for Troll TaS\mania.
MC: /j ...Who the fuck is thiS\ really?
FMC: I alrea/)y told you!
FMC: G\oG\, I wiS\h I had wiS\e/) up a bit S\ooner.
FMC: Look, I know you /)on't believe that what iS\ happeninG\ riG\ht now iS\ poS\S\ible.
FMC: An/) you're G\oinG\ to continue /)oubting me for a few more minuteS\.
FMC: But I know for a fact that you're G\oinG\ to hear me out anywayS\.
MC: /j An/) why iS\ that?
FMC: BecauS\e I remember /)oing it.
MC: /j ThiS\ iS\ idiotic.
MC: /j You can't be me. You /)on't even beG\in your S\entence with a /j.
FMC: That'S\ becauS\e we S\toppe/) /)oing that. After thiS\ very converS\ation in fact.
MC: /j Okay, if you are me, then explain how I'm/you're /)oing this.
MC: /J An/) /)on't fuckinG\ S\ay maG\ic!
FMC: It'S\ not maG\ic. /juS\t a feature of Trollian.
FMC: I /)on't know exactly how it is that Trollian pullS\ thiS\ off.
FMC: /)erpah explaine/) it to everyone but it went riG\ht over my hea/).
FMC: The S\hort an/) lonG\ of it iS\, if you know how to work it, Trollian allowS\ for you to troll not /juS\t people in the preS\ent but in the paS\t an/) future aS\ well.
FMC: You're fin/)inG\ thiS\ out now, but once all our frien/)S\ S\tart openinG\ up memoS\ to coor/)inate everything they'll figure it out aS\ well.
FMC: An/) then they'll S\tart lookinG\ for hintS\ an/) cheatS\ an/) fixeS\ to problemS\ that alrea/)y happened.
FMC: A certain S\omeone even trieS\ enG\aG\ing in a flame war with himS\elf.
FMC: All pretty pointleS\S\.
MC: /j PointleS\S\? How S\o?
FMC: ArG\h, time really iS\'t my thinG\. Let me S\ee if I can explain thiS\.
FMC: Okay, the catch here iS\ that you can access any point in a perS\on'S\ timeline but you can't chanG\e anythinG\.
MC: /j IS\ that a rule we came up with?
FMC: No, that'S\ /juS\t what Trollian /)oes.
MC: /j But iS\n't that what you're /)oing now?
FMC: Haven't you been payinG\ attention at all?
FMC: ThiS\ converS\ation is only happeninG\ becauS\e I remember it happeninG\.
MC: /j But what if I /)eci/)e to not contact paS\t me and chanG\e that?
FMC: TruS\t me, you will remember thiS\ converS\ation weekS\ from now an/) then contact yourS\elf.
FMC: I meant it when I S\aid I waS\ you.
MC: /j Okay, thiS\ iS\ really outlan/)fiS\h.
MC: /j I S\wear to Mother G\rub that waS\ a typo, not a pun.
FMC: I believe you.
MC: /j I mean, why woul/) I contact myS\elf?
MC: /j An/) what memoS\ to coor/)inate thingS\?
MC: /j What are we coor/)inating?
FMC: Well that'S\ the whole reaS\on I looke/) up the memo in the firS\t place.
FMC: To liG\ht a fire un/)er your aS\S\ an/) G\et you in.
MC:/j G\et me in what?
FMC: Remember that meS\S\aG\e from TA you S\kimmed over /juS\t before S\tarting thiS\ memo?
FMC: Put the blun/)erbuS\S\ down.
MC: /j You cannot be S\eriouS\. A FlARPING\....
FMC: I know how you feel, but there'S\ S\ome very hiG\h S\takeS\ attatche/) to thiS\ G\ame.
MC: /j Like?
FMC: Can't tell you.
MC: /j Why not?
FMC: BecauS\e I /)on't remember beinG\ told that in thiS\ converS\ation. /)on't worry thouG\h, you'll fin/) out soon enouG\h.
MC: /j Fuck thiS\, fuck FLARPING\, an/) Fuck you/me for tryinG\ to convince me/yourS\elf to be a boy-S\kylark.
MC: /j I /)on't have the luxary of free time to enG\aG\e S\tupi/) preten/) G\ameS\.
MC: /j I have a luS\S\uS\ to fee/), S\o no FLARPING\.
FMC: G\o inveS\tiG\ate the lou/) noiS\e.
MC: /j What lou/) noiS\e?

All of a sudden, you hear a loud crash and feel your whole hive shake.

>Investigate loud noise.

You trip over nearly everything in the hive, but you manage to make it to the front entryway. As you make your way outside, you note that though it's still storming the rain seems to have stop. It's through the flashes of lightning that you see a large hill at the tree line that was not there when you were walking up earlier.

Oh dear.

>What?

There is the severed back end of a lordwhale in front of your hive. Everything you know is wrong. Your jaw just dropped with enough force to smash through a stack of bricks.

>Be another troll until Caoway regains his composure.

[Arhra]

> Be another troll until Caoway regains his composure.

You are now IROPHA, yesterday!

This could be a while.

> Get someone's goat.

You're laid a trap. And by trap you mean you've put down a pile of food which includes a portion of your purloined delicious baked goods in a prominent location so that a certain wandering lusus will eat it.

==>

Nommington's taken the bait. The goat will return home stuffed and Gormaa will definitely detect the whiff of delicious baked goods on his breath.

When the wingedrat comes a calling about stolen cakes, the lusus will be getting the blame.

The perfect crime.

Time for Phase Two.

> ???

Perhaps it would be better to skip ahead.

> PROFIT

It is now now, in the present. You're on your way to SHARL'S HIVE, but NOTHING VERY EXCITING is happening.

Might as well start Phase Three. You make use of your PDA.

-- hastyExecutor [HE] began trolling omnipotentOmnivore [OO] --
HE: HEY GORM^^^^^^^!!!
HE: I H^vE SOME GOURMET PIES FROM ^ >ELIvERY TH^T SOMEONE >I>N'T W^NT
HE: WOUL> YOU LI|<E TO TRY SOME?!

Wheels within wheels.

[Overcast]

Wheels within wheels.

>Be outside the wheels.

You are now Leraje, and you have your own wheels to spin.

>Meddle.

You stare through your Trollian client for the various chumps about to get thoroughly trolled, Zeb had already taken a proper smack to the brain that might help him on his way to improvement. A seed of hate that might somehow blossom to nefariousness to be proud of, and next on the line was...

Piron.

A mysterious and sheltered creature, it was you that dragged her into the group in the hopes of it having an effect on her curt and instinctive nature. Though you will admit that the way you two became friends wasn't exactly orthodox.

>Remember meeting Piron.

Thw whole world does the blurry flashback thing as you got lost in your head again and you are pulled back to when you first met, the pain still fresh in your mind from that, and nearly every other, encounter until you finally respected one another. Then it was only when you met in person.

You had been hunting for food in the terrifying depths of the Alternian ocean with your lusus. The hunt had been going well until the sudden appearance of a shark that took to attacking Seymour, his blood leaking out into the water and...

It started to get unclear from here, probably thanks to the scarring pain and inevitable suffocation. This bothered you. Your memories were something that you took pride in keeping fresh. There had to be a good way to remember.

>Troll Prion.

...yeah I was totally going to do that.

Show PesterlogabsentPsychologist [AP] started trolling stalkerSahagin [SS]
AP: Hey SS, do you. Remember the first time we...fought? I'm trying, to get. A clear picture but, it seems kinda. Fuzzy...
SS: Blood loss tends to do that.
AP: Yes. I remember a lot, of blood. And pain...and asphixiation. But nothing. Clear. Was it really...that hectic? I know the, second. One was. But...I'm trying to remember. If you. Ambushed...me then.
AP: Because. Then, it was just...shock. That is, masking it.
SS: Well, when one's arm gets bitten off...
AP: ...I'm, almost embarrassed. At how frequently. That happens.
AP: But then, I could never. Beat you, with just. One. Not underwater...
SS: Did your chains rust?
AP: No. Wouldn't, make...that mistake. Were you blood, blind. Again?
SS: No.
AP: I think...it is clearing.

She swam up on you faster than you could keep an eye on, distracted by the two lusus fighting. You should have thought about there being another troll nearby, but you panicked.

Sometimes being underwater did that to you.

She bit your arm off with powerful ferocity, something you've learned to expect from her since.

You tried desperately to swing the chain in return, but the water made you too slow, her claws raking at you with every move. You couldn't catch her in a loop, your other arm drifting uselessly in the currents. The world was looking doomed, you were running out of breath, out of blood, out of time.

Seymour broke free from the shark, bashing it down with a sweep of his tail, and grabbed you with his tongue, dragging you to safety.

It had gone badly for you. And you never forgot that. It was why you came back. You had to beat her somehow. At least once.

AP: You really whipped my ass.
SS: That's all there is to say on the matter.
AP: I don't think. Our second, fight went any better for me...
SS: Especially after that neck bite.
SS: But then again, you are good prey.

You got lost in the memories again, as you tended to do in the middle of conversations. You had journeyed back to the cave in search of her. with a shackle or two with spare arms attached.

Your plan: Distract her lusus with the extra limbs and get her with a surprise attack!

It did not go quite as planned.

The shark took to the bait pretty well, the blood attracting it in no time, busying itself with chewing on the flesh. You're entry had been silent, as far as silence can go underwater, and you were sure that she couldn't see you as you crawled on the walls of the cave, ready to lunge down and catch her in your chains.

But she could smell you.

It wasn't long before she had you in her arms and was biting and raking you as before. This time you got a few good punches in, but nothing substantial. It went to hell quickly and you had to sacrifice one of your chains just to get out alive.

Another failure.

AP: Trouble. Was, I didn't...want to be. Prey. So I kept coming, back.
SS: Not my fault you are tasty.
AP: Why does. Everyone, keep saying. That?
SS: It's the truth?
AP: The trap, was the. Best. Finally, getting. The upper. Hand.
AP: Our...first, real. Strife.

After more failures than you cared to go into you had noticed something about her ability to smell his blood. After he began to get particularly emptied she would start acting far more savage, and so came the next plan. Operation Blood Ties.

It took a long time, a large watertight sack, and meticulous collection of your blood and the blood of other things to put in it.

You swam down with a couple spare arms to throw off the lusus again, who predictably took to them almost immediately.

You began banging on the cave wall as you had done before when you tried to coax her to land the first time. Which she had denied, having a clear enough mind to see your ruse.

She came out to chase you as she had done before, but as soon as she started to turn around again you broke the bag. The water filling with unreasonable amounts of blood, the mixing colors creating a pure black.

She stopped, and the scent began to overwhelm her as she turned to hunt you once more. The only visible prey in her blood blindness. You swam desperately towards the shore, and she followed.

AP: It actually. Almost, looked like. Another. Failure.
AP: I didn't. Think. You'd be so good, on land.
SS: Strong legs from swimming.
SS: Thus, I can jump fairly well.

You had stumbled out of the water. She flew. Out like a flying fish and on you in a second, knocking you to the ground. Scratching and biting and tearing at you .

For moment you thought you were doomed again but a lucky punch knocked her off. You jumped away and the two of you squared off with one another. You staring down at her your chain falling to the ground with a heavy thud. She was snarling and growling her claws ready to rend you asunder. She leapt again.

It wasn't so perfect this time.

Dead stopped on her way across the sky with a fist to her jaw that sent her sprawling to the ground. You threw your chain at her, the links wrapping around her neck and you started pulling her across the ground.

She gripped at the chain instinctively, the asphyxiating grip inspiring the natural response, but she could not break the links with just her basic claws. So she leapt again. You hadn't faced a creature smart enough for a while to go with the flow, and so you didn't react properly.

You fell to your back by the sudden loss of resistance and she was on you again. This time you didn't panic though, and gripped your chain tight pulling the makeshift choke collar and kicking her off. You struggled to your feet again, but she seemed to get there with unreasonable speed. You pulled the chain desperately knocking her off her balance and then ripped it off it's choke hold the links flying back to your trusting grip.

Pulling her wasn't working. It was time to do it the old fashioned way.

You pulled another chain from your specibus and wrapped both hands, cracking your neck audibly and then ran screaming into the fray.

AP: I still can't...remember who. Won.
SS: You absconded.
AP: ...did I? I hadn't. Even, lost a limb. Yet.
SS: I do not know why either.
AP: All, I know. Is I. Had your. Trollian ID, when I. Got home.
SS: Why DID you attack me in the first place?
AP: You were good prey.
SS: I am NOT prey
AP: We'll see. About that. Next time.
AP: But I told, you. Since that. First assault. When you took my...arm. I had, to beat you.
SS: Well, how many times have you tried?
SS: And how often did you come away bloodied?
AP: Not, enough. To give. Up.
AP: Besides.
AP: If I, didn't come...away bloodied. I'd be. Sorely. Dissapointed...
SS: And if you die?
AP: I, don't fear. Death.
AP: Just failure.
SS: And you've failed to kill me.
AP: I don't. Want to, kill you.
SS: Then why attack me?
AP: It is fun.
SS: ...
AP: Confused?
SS: Yes.
AP: Good...maybe. It will. Inspire, thought.
AP: Contemplation.
AP: Learning. For now, all I have. Is confusion. So, I'll have. To leave you. In it.
AP: Bye ._.
absentPsychologist[AP] stopped trolling StalkerSahagin[SS]
SS: Glub.

Meddling complete. Another seed planted, the seed of PERSPECTIVE. Prion was a very instinctive creature, hardly ever branching beyond the very basics of how you can respond to a situation. This made her very curt, and for the most part not all that friendly. You had dragged her into this to open a world view that had been crippled by being so isolated, and you hoped this little activity had helped build on that expanding understanding.

You sipped on the bottle of relatively mediocre soda as you contemplated the next chump.

Actually thinking about perspective, you thought maybe you should get a bit yourself.

>Troll Burgun.

You proceed to have this conversation.

You had been wanting to get her in on your friends for a while. Though you had maintained that she was going to be your control in most relationships and advisory in some of your meddling you just could not resist having her in the mix. One was that inherent competitiveness in you that had to eventually be quenched, but the other was that you could only explain a situation so much.

In having her in the mix you risked your control over their actions, but you could not count on you always making the right decision.

You hoped when you couldn't she could. For all their sakes.

>Meddle

Nah, need a break for a minute. Too much activity at once can sometimes confuse. Nobody benefits from that.

>Be someone less meddlesome.

[Intern Nin]

>Be someone less meddlesome.

You succeed at being the incredibly less meddlesome Caoway. You are now running up the staircase in your hive and into your RESPITEBLOCK, where upon entering you immediately stumble over your stuffed Splash-hound and fall flat on your face.

Ouch, that look like it hurt.

>Get up and go continue talking with yourself.

You pick yourself up off the floor and take a moment to do the same for Ten before rushing back to the computer.

Show memo.

FMC: Ouch, I /juS\t remember/) the S\tumble I ha/) on the way back in.
FMC: S\orry about not warninG\ you.
MC: you
MC: how
MC: that
FMC: ThiS\ iS\ about the kS\itty couplinG\ en/) of a lor/)whale out in front of the hive, iS\ it?
MC: /)i/) you /)o that?
FMC: S\ort of.
FMC: There'S\ G\oinG\ to be S\ome weir/) time S\hit involvinG\ a /)iS\S\appearifier/appearifier later on.
FMC: S\o I aS\ke/) the perS\on /)oing all that to /)rop that miS\hap off at my hive at thiS\ exact moment.
MC: Why?!
FMC: Partly to /)aS\h away any remaininG\ /)oubtS\ you have that thiS\ converS\ation iS\ leS\S\ than G\enuine.
FMC: MoS\tly S\o that you have no excuS\e not to /join.
MC: What?
FMC: That'S\ enouhG\ meat to fee/) Beechie for a few /)ayS\, iS\n't it?
FMC: You have nothinG\ but free time now.
MC: But moS\t of it'S\ G\oinG\ to S\poil before he haS\ a chance to eat it.
FMC: Put it on ice.
MC: What ice?

Another thunderous crash came from outside.

Show memo.

FMC: That ice.
MC: ArG\h, why iS\ it S\o /)amn important that I /join this G\ame?
FMC: BecauS\e it iS\, all riG\ht?
FMC: Look, I know you hate beinG\ tol/) what you can an/) can't /)o.
FMC: I alS\o know how you feel about G\ames like thiS\.
FMC: But for G\oG\'S\ S\ake, thiS\ iS\ yourS\elf tellinG\ you to /join!
FMC: /)on't you think it miG\ht be in your beS\t intereS\t to S\hut up an/) just /)o it?
MC: It'S\ /juS\t...
FMC: It'S\ /juS\t what?
FMC: You prefer to mope aroun/) an/) make S\tupi/) S\hipS\ in bottleS\?
FMC: Maybe S\tuff an/) mount a fiS\h or two?
FMC: I'm offerinG\ a chance for a new a/)venture.
FMC: Maybe not like the oneS\ we're uS\e/) to.
FMC: But it iS\ an a/)venture none the leS\S\.
FMC: One you are G\oinG\ to participate in reG\ar/)leS\S\ of how you feel riG\ht now.
MC: S\iG\h.
FMC: Your frien/)S\ are G\oinG\ to be in thiS\ G\ame too.
FMC: An/) they will nee/) your help.
MC: /)o I have to wear a tunic?
FMC: I haven't worn a tunic thiS\ entire time an/) I have no planS\ to /)o S\o in the future.
MC: Fine, it'S\ not like I G\ot anythinG\ better to /)o.
FMC: G\oo/), you're not G\oinG\ to reG\ret thiS\ too much.
MC: /)o I have anymore of theS\e weir/) time cluS\terfuckS\ to look forwar/) to?
FMC: There'S\ G\oinG\ to be S\ooo many queer temporal occuranceS\.
FMC: You're G\oinG\ to want to break a clock.
FMC: But, thiS\ iS\ the only converS\ation you have with yourS\elf, if that'S\ any conS\olation.
FMC: Oh, I /juS\t remembere/) that waS\n't.
MC: /)o you have anythinG\ elS\e to tell me?
MC: Or /)o you not remember /)oinG\ that?
FMC: Actually, I /)o remember beinG\ tol/) S\ome thingS\ that really helpe/) me out.
MC: An/) thoS\e thinG\S\ woul/) be?
FMC: Well, if you ever hear S\omethinG\ like two metal containerS\ beinG\ clanG\ed toG\ether, abS\con/).
FMC: An/) /)o not S\top abS\con/)inG\.
FMC: PaS\S\ that meS\S\aG\e on.
MC: Oooo, ominouS\.
MC: Whoop-/)ee-/)oo.
FMC: PleaS\e take thiS\ S\eriouS\ly.
FMC: S\econ/)ly, thereS\ G\oinG\ to be a lot of romance in thiS\ G\ame.
FMC: An/) not the kin/) we like.
FMC: Put the blun/)erbuS\S\ /)own, you /)on't even have the S\trifeS\pecibuS\ for it.
MC: I can S\till try!
MC: /)ammit.
MC: ArG\h, anythinG\ elS\e?
FMC: /juS\t one more.
FMC: I nee/) you to not juS\t remember thiS\.
FMC: You nee/) to really believe in thiS\ meS\S\aG\e.
MC: An/) that woul/) be?
FMC: ThinG\S\ will G\et better.
MC: Okay, note/).
FMC: G\oo/), now you nee/) reS\pon/) to /)erpah's message as soon as I sign off.
FMC: /)on't worry about the lor/)whale half, it'S\ not G\oinG\ anywhere.
FMC: An/) sorry in a/)vance for the ba/) /)ay you're about to have.
MC: What?
FMC: beS\tG\etamoveonyourfrien/)S\nee/)youbye!
FMC banned himself from responding to memo.

MC: S\plen/)i/).
MC closed memo.

>Answer Aldurin.

You answer Aldurin's message and proceed to have this conversation.

Well, now you're caught up to the present and need to find some players for your team.

>Skim Not dying in Sgrub for assholes.

You skim the file. The game mechanics are explained in a condescending and downright rude manner. You get fed up with being insulted by Derpah's stupid instructions and close the file.

> Contemplate which trolls in your social circle would make for good teammates.

You do just that, but find that you're not very sure what kind of things to look for in an RP teammate. Maybe you should recruit somebody with more RP experience and consult this with them.

>Scroll through TrollSlum and find experienced FLARPER.

Hmm, there is this guy. He's a troll on a shore up north of here. He's definitely an experienced FLARPER, but he will not stop with the meddling and discussing of romance. Not the adventure kind of romance either.

>Go for a nap in the RECUPERACOON.

Can't you see you're busy weighing pros and cons right now? Besides the RECUPERACOON is blocked off. Couldn't sleep in it if you wanted to.

>Just contact the meddler already.

Be another troll you say? Well if you insist.

[mauve]

Your insistence pays off. You succeed at being another troll.

> But I didn't say that I wanted to be another troll. I told Caoway to contact the meddl--

You are now Gorrma.

> .......what.

You have learned a valuable lesson about being a smartass.

> But I wasn't being a smartass! I just wanted to--

You are now GORRMA. And you are now EATING what appears to be a pile of dead--

> Okay, okay, I get it! Just stop with the eating!

Oh, what's this? Why, look over there at your husktop! Someone is TROLLING you! How exciting! You put the leftovers of your pile of roasted gophers in your FOOD COOLING AND COLD STORAGE UNIT and inspect your husktop.

-- hastyExecutor [HE] began trolling omnipotentOmnivore [OO] --
HE: HEY GORM^^^^^^^!!!
HE: I H^vE SOME GOURMET PIES FROM ^ >ELIvERY TH^T SOMEONE >I>N'T W^NT
HE: WOUL> YOU LI|<E TO TRY SOME?!

Pies?! Awesome!!!!

You never turn down an offer for free baked goods.

omnipotentOmnivore [OO] began trolling hastyExecutor [HE]
OO: !!!
OO: would i ever!
OO: wow. i dunno why anyone wouldn't want a delivery of piesh. that'sh jusht crazy-talk.
OO: but then, i've learned that not everyone hash tashtesh ash refined ash mine. ]:-/
OO: kinda weird, i know, but it'sh true. shome people jusht can't
OO: appreciate food like i can. life musht be really boring for them.
OO: like a while ago, i wash talking to aldurin and he shaid that--
OO: !!!
OO: oh! that remindsh me! i might have shome shtuff for you to deliver to shome
OO: friendsh of mine, if you have time!!
OO: depending on what i can get accomplished here today. ]:-\

Yes, you really have a full plate today, so to speak. All the baking and recipe-planning and deep frying and puzzle solving you've been doing today-- not to mention the SGRUB game later... You hope you haven't bitten off more than you can chew. You should really start prioritizing things better. Maybe move some things onto the backburner for a while.

Nah.

>Be someone else.

[Token]

>Be someone else

You are now Tergum's corpse.

>Tergum: get up.

Didn't you hear me? You're Tergum's corpse.

>Fine. Tergum's corpse: get up.

Much better! You can't comply, but it's nice that you're picking up the syntax.

=>

You are now Tergum's lusus, STRIZE. You're sort of a HIDEOUS PRAYING MANTIS THING, and like a lot of lusi, you take great pleasure in ATTACKING YOUR YOUNG CHARGE. Normally he doesn't bleed quite so much though...

>Strize: Inspect YOUNG CHARGE.

You proceed to poke Tergum's immobile body, but he remains unconscious despite the most vicious of drubbings! That's... not good...

>

Suddenly, your charge leaps to his feet and headbutts you in the stomach! If it weren't for the odd, downward curving shape of his horns, that would have skewered you! Such an uppity child! The crafty little nook-sniffer was playing dead!

>

Tergum jumps backward, picks up the pen that he had previously fallen on, and changes POV.

>

You are Tergum, again. So, your lusus wants to joke around, does he? Well, we'll see who'll have the last laugh! It will be you. You have four options right now: You can Affray, Adnominate, Abscind, or Animadvert.

>Tergum: Adnominate.

You attempt to distract Strize with a horrible pun: "^^antis is a|_|_ y[]u've g[]t?"

Strize seems unphazed by your genius wordplay.

>Tergum: Animadvert.

Since your pun had no effect, you devide to go with something a little more natural: a SCATHING INSULT. "Y[]u're fat and un|_[]ved.

>Strize: Beat Tergum for that blatant show of disrespect.

You would, but you're feeling to self-conscious. You mean, sure, you'd put on a couple of pounds recently, but that was just uncalled for! You shed a single tear of green liquid sorrow.

>Tergum: Finish this up. AFFRAY!

You point the BALLPOINT PENETRATOR at your lusus, hope that you didn't cause all of the ink to shoot out when you fell on it, and click the button.

>

A green jet of ink flies out, striking your custodian directly in the face. It knocks him through the wall of your Respiteblock, directly into the kitchen. The ink splattered across his head gathers together to form a phrase on his forehead, as you intended when you used the attack.

>Strize: Read phrase.

You glimpse your reflection in the door of your THERMAL HULL. "BLUH BLUH HUGE BUG."

>Strize: glare at Tergum.

You proceed to do so.

>Tergum: return glower.

You attempt to, but the two of you both end up laughing. Your lusus fondly pats you on the shoulder, as the two of you go to watch the Pokegrub television program, a common bonding experience. The words on your custodian's face shift into a new phrase: "Good Bug, Best Friend."

Despite your hatred for the world at large, you have a huge soft spot for your lusus. Clearly, he is the best custodian any Troll could ever ask for. You are thankful that nothing will ever tear the two of you apart. Ever.

>Be someone else.

[Flarecobra]

> Be someone else.

You are no..fuck.

Ok, so you're the psycho sharkgirl troll thing.

You notice a name unrelated to the events you're about to undergo come up on Trollian.

> Be that troll.

No. You're busy being Prion.

> Fine. Troll that troll.

StalkerSahagin [SS] began trolling heliosianSiren [HS]

SS: Hey.
HS: HI! How are YOU DOING!?
SS: I'm fine.
HS: EXCELLENT! I FOUND a new soNG THAT YOU MIGHT LIKE!
heliosianSiren [HS] sent StalkerSahagin [SS] file "AwesomeSONG!".MPT
SS: Thank you.
HS: HOPE YOU like it!

StalkerSahagin [SS] ceased trolling heliosianSiren [HS]

> Check out this song.

You start to open up the program to play it, but because of the old Husktop it takes a while to open.

In the meantime, you get a small fish to nibble on.

> Play the damn song already.

Ok, ok.. geez...

> Resist the urge to rock the fuck out.

You fail to resist the urge. After all, you love that group. As you do so, you begin to play some air (Or water, in this case) guitar.

>Yes. Fuck yes.

You then get the feeling someone's watching you, and you decide quickly to be someone else while you recover from this emberassment.

[Intern Nin]

>Be someone else.
Sorry, I need to rock out just a little more. Give me a moment.

>Have a moment.

...

Okay, I'm good. What did you want again?

>Be s- You know what, be Caoway.

You try to be Caoway but find that you cannot.

>What?

<Insert Picture of Troll-fisherman placating a raging Jaguar-seal hybrid here>

Yeah, looks like he's too busy dealing with some shit or whatever. I know, how about you be Gor-

>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay, fine. How about Glissa then?

>Nah, too bland.

There is that one troll that's stuck in an attic and watching this whole story as it unfolds. Want to be him?

>Fuck that. Can't I just be Caoway when he contacts the meddler?

You cannot access that Caoway without the proper Scene Transition Combo.

>Be Future Caoway.

Through the power of weird time shit, you are now Caoway in the far future. Although, at this point in time you are too busy becoming WISE to take any commands.

>Be Less Future Caoway.

You are now Less Future Caoway. You have just connected with someone as their server and are currently manipulating their hive to- Oh crap. You just put another hole through your client's wall. Maybe you can fix this. Oh no, you just yanked the LOAD-GAPER out of the floor!

Arrrrgh, this is not going well at all. You have no idea how to work these controls. If only you had played more video games instead of having adventures out in the real world. Oh great, your client just walked into the room. The client sees what you did with the LOAD-GAPER and then proceeds to flip the fuck out. Better message him and apologize. Shit, your finger slipped and you broke one of the big high-tech looking things! FUUUUUUUUCK!

>This is stupid. Be UN-Future Caoway.

You find yourself far into the UN-Future and in the middle of the ocean again. You are UN-Future Caoway and you are sitting in a very different boat than the one you use in the UN-UN-future and have just finished transcribing one of your journals onto a memo using your LIR HUSKTOP. (You're sure that the people at True Tales of Two Horned Adventures are going to get a real kick out of this one!) Your custodian Beechie has left you momentarily to dive down below and gather a meal for the both of you. It really is unnessary, you just ate a few hours ago. You know that he wants to keep you well nourished so that you'll molt into big, strong adult troll but he needs to get it into his brain that you don't eat as much as Sea Jaguaren cub. You'd think it would be clear what with all the fish that goes to waste after every meal because you don't eat it all.

You're then struck with an idea: If you could show Beechie that you're capable of catching your own meal, maybe he'd stop horfing up piles of marlins and expecting you to eat'em all. And it just so happens that have the tool to do just that. You go into your STRIFE DECK, which currently has two KIND ABSTRATII, PADDLEKIND and POLEANDLINEKIND. You take the pole-and-line out of the specibus and proceed to bait it with a worm you were planning to try later because one of your friends assures you they are delicious. It's only been a few weeks since you acquired this weapon but you're already pretty good at using it, as evidenced by the scuppering of that purple-haired tool the other day. Haven't actually used it to catch a fish yet, but that's about to change.

You cast out your line and smile as you watch the bobber dip and rise in the gentle waves that are roll along the surface of the water, which itself catches the soft glow of the third full moon. A FEATHERY REAR SEA-SCAVENGER lands on the bow and watches you with great interest. The whole scene may as well be an illustration in a wriggler's storybook, with a warm smiley face drawn on the moon. It's times like these that almost make you forget that you live on a horrible murder world, filled with psychotic superpowered children and no adult supervision.

You whistle the tune to a merry troll sea chantey while you wait. The bird inches closer to you. You give it a sideways glance, prop the pole in a specially place notch, reach into your bag of spoils, and quickly pull out a CONICAL-BORE TRANSPOSER and blow into it. This unexpected silly act scares the scavanger and you arf like a Sea Sabrecat pup as it flies off. You're laughing your excrement chute off when notice that something pulling on your line. You've got a bite!

You grab the pole and begin reeling it in. This so exciting, your very first catch! You may not even eat this fish, you could stuff and mount it over the fireplace. Oh, you need to make a fireplace to mount this over! Beechie is going to be so proud!

>Land that sucker.

You're trying but it is putting up a real fight. Must be at least an 85 pounder! Almost got it... yes! The sucker comes flying out of the water!

Huh, that was a lot of fight coming from such a small fish. Oh wait, there's the problem. There was a sharky girl holding onto the fish. Oh wait! It's a seatroll, those royal gill-heads are always givng you a hard time.

The girl let go of fish and dropped back into briney deep. You pull the fish and hold it up to admire it. Not very big, but it sure it colorful. You then hear a voice saying that you should give them back their prey. You look over the side of your boat and see the troll girl's head poking of the water, giving you a rather cross look. You return the look and ask what prey? She points to the fish. You correct her, saying that this fish is your catch not her prey. She says that she had already grabbed it before you started reeling it in. You say that she let go of it and that makes the fish yours.

And the argument goes on like that for a while before the girl suggests that you can keep the fish if you can catch some more for her in place of it.

>How many fish?

40.

>40 Fish?!

Yeah, that's as many four thirteens! Or something close to that. And that's OUTRAGEOUS!

You tell her that you're not going to catch forty more fish and then just hand them over to her. She says you can just give her that one then. You start to see green. You've clearly had enough. You bite the fish's head off, throw it at her, and then hurl a few insults as well. Because trolls can be jerks sometimes.

She then punches a hole in your boat just below the water-line and sea water starts flow into your boat like a steady stream of holiday guests. I don't think she's the hoity-hoity royal you made her out to be.

>Oh shit, You're sinking! Abscond!

You're a good swimmer but there's no way you have a chance of winning an underwater strife with a seatroll. You take the oars and row away like some kind of maritime-themed boyskylark. You keep rowing until you're sure that you lost her. She then rams the boat a few times, making more small holes in the hull and creating more leaks. If only you had some sort of watertight, vertical cylinder with an open top and a flat bottom that you could use to bail out the water. It's a shame you're not a pervert, because it would've really helped right now.

Fortunately, you see spot of water up ahead that might turn the tide of this strife. Let's hope that current's stronger than her legs. You manage to make to the spot in question.

A few moments pass without any ramming. You look over the side like an idiot in a killer fish monster movie, but instead of recieving a face full of bitey death you make out the shape of the sharky girl being buffeted by the current. Now begins the counter-attack.

> Aggreive.

You brandish your pole-and-line and cast it down into the drink, where the currents do rest of the work for you. The line is carried through the current and tangled around seatroll's leg. You reel'er in with all your not-so-salty might. She's hoisted into the air and you swing her in an arc right into the bottom of the cockpit.

>Abuse.

Looks like you're not so tough when you're dragged out of the ocean like a flopping codfish!

She cuts the line with her claws and lunges at you snarling. I really don't think she's the hoity-toity royal you made her out to be. She barely misses your head, cutting ever so slightly just above the eyes. You draw backwards as she swings wildly. She fights like a wild animal. You have never been so glad to have Beechie as a lusus.

You yank out some line and ready yourself. She swipes but you abjure and entangle the line around her arm. She takes a swing with other arm and it becomes ensnared as well. You parry her bite-lunge and further entangle her in the line. Sharkgirl reels around with her teeth bared, but you simply rock the boat. She's thrown off balance and falls over.

>Aggress

You switch to your PADDLEKIND and ready your oar arm for maximum beatdown.

Put a hole in my boat? That's a paddlin'.

~Troll Joshua Norton, First Emperor of Trollmerica.

Suddenly, the portion of boat behind you erupts in spray of splintered wood and sea water. You turn your head and are met with the largest pair of teeth you have ever seen not belonging to Beechie.

Speak of the devil-doctor-dinosaur-fish, your lusus makes a big damn hero entrance and tackles into the great big shark. The girl's lusus is pulled out from the boat and both sea monster sinks down into the deep to engage in giant sized underwater strife.

>This is getting stupid.

Yeah it is. And you're so distracted by the sudden appearence by the lusii that you don't notice your oppenent bite through her bindings. Well, you do take notice after she slashes your back. You drop the oar and stumble forward and fall onto your now soggy bag of spoils. The psycho will be on you in half a second. You reach into your bag and grab something with a pointy end. You turn over and prepare to strike the crazy shark girl down, but you find that she has stopped in her tracks.

You follow the gaze of your would be slayer and see that she is staring at the shiny crystal you're wielding. You move your hand around and her eyes remained transfixed on the rock. I guess she like these things or something.

>Surrender and give the crystal as a peace offering.

You chuck the thing into the ocean and hope that she'll go after it. Thankfully, she does. You cannot believe that worked.

Beechie and the girl's lusus, still locked in combat, resurface next to the sinking ship. You grab your oar and perform a sealeg leap onto the top of the shark's head. You smack it on the nose and then leap over to your lusus. The shark's disoriented, so you tug on Beechie's ears to let him know you need to get the hell out of here. Beechie abides and you make your swift escape. You look back just once at your sinking boat and all the things you left on board.

You wonder what you're going to have to trade Sharl for a new HUSKTOP and boat.

A little later, we find you and Beechie hauled up in cave on a small island. You bandage up yourself and your lusus using some weed you gatered up. Your okay for the most part, but Beechie's flipper looks really banged up. The sun will be up soon, so'll you'll have rest here. You make a pile of seaweed to sleep in and flop down into it.

This night started off so well. If only you hadn't blown up at that sharky girl, things would never escalated the way they did. You'd still have a boat and husktop, Beechie wouldn't have hurt his flipper. You wonder if he's mad at you.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the loud thump of your Sea Jaguaren laying down next to you. You stare at him and he stares back. Then he licks you. You lay your head down and close your eyes.

>Initiate scene transition.

You are now UN-UN-Future Caoway, who is massaging an old scar on his back. It always tingles when you're about to be hit by a really big storm and it always stirs up memories that you'd rather not remember. You stare at the screen of your Manannan Mac Husktop and sigh. No point in putting this off any longer.

melancholicChumly [MC] started trolling absentPsychologist [AP]

MC: Ahoy.
MC: TurnS\ out I value my lonG\evity over my comfort.
MC: Oh, an/) S\orry for not contactinG\ you for half a S\weep I G\ueS\S\?

[Dracorion]

>Be someone else

You are now someone else.

>Someone else: Bleat like a mother grub and piss on your bed.

You are a high-class member of society and more importantly, not plot-relevant in any way, so you would never do something as undignified as that!

>Ugh, fine. Be someone less boring.

You are now Zebrek.

>Oh God not this asshole, be Scal-

Zebrek will not let you be someone else right now, so just shut up and take it.

>YOU CAN'T TELL US WHAT TO DO! WE WANT TO B-

BANG!

No backtalk under his roof either.

>Yes sir.

Anyway, Zebrek is kinda busy right now so he's decided to be future Zebrek.

>Be future Zebrek.

You are now future Zebrek.

You were just about to open a memo for your past and future selves to discuss important matters.

>Open memo.

Show memo.

CSH RIGHT NOW opened memo on board MAGICAL AWESOME FAIRY CANDYLAND

CSH: heeeeeeyyyyy me
CSH: mes
CSH: whatever
FUTURE spectacularHellion [FSH1] 16:21 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FSH1: hey me
FUTURE spectacularHellion [FSH2] 67:43 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FSH2: hey mes
PAST spectacularHellion [PSH1] 305:46 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PSH1: hey mes
FUTURE spectacularHellion [FSH3] 11:57 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FSH3: hey mes
PAST spectacularHellion [PSH2] 103:14 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PSH2: hey mes
PAST spectacularHellion [PSH3] 24:02 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PSH3: hey mes
PSH1: whats up in the future are we havin fun
FSH1: yes we are
FSH3: and thats all that needs to be said on the matter
CSH: so hey i just wanted to tell you past mes to watch out for scalis and keep an eye on twinkleberry and especially dont open any unmarked packages
CSH: then you dont have to go through what i did
PSH3: why what happened
CSH: twinkleberry died
PSH1: what!!!!!
PSH2: oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
FSH2: i know
PSH3: but
PSH3: but
PSH3: but
PSH3: but
PSH3: but he cant die!!!
CSH: im sorry
PSH2: how!!!!!
FSH1: it
FSH1: kinda like
FSH1: just dont open any packages okay
FSH3: were telling you so you can stop it from happening
PSH2: okay well do it! well save twinkleberry!
FSH2: oh
FSH2: i'm supposed to tell all you past mes some good news
CSH: well what is it!
FSH2: play with the imps you wont regret it like last time we had this big pretend war with the toys and one of them broke through my left flank and im like nuh uh blam blam and pushed them back and then they started fighting each other it was awesome
PSH2: dude that is so cool was it awesomer than the time we pretended to be nocturnal wingedrat vigilanter
FSH3: yes it was it was the best time
FSH1: sooooooo coooooooooooool
PSH1: so this game were going to play is going to be fun right
FSH3: yeah totally the best
PSH3: what game
CSH: this game were going to play with our buddies you know youll get there
FSH2: we rock at this game so hard were the best
CSH: well if thats all we have to say then i guess were done bye mes
FSH1: bye mes
[FSH1] ceased responding to memo.
FSH2: bye mes
[FSH2] ceased responding to memo.
PSH1: bye mes
[PSH1] ceased responding to memo.
FSH3: bye mes
[FSH3] ceased responding to memo.
PSH2: bye mes
[PSH2] ceased responding to memo.
PSH3: bye me
[PSH3] ceased responding to memo.
[CSH] closed the memo

>AUGH OH GOD THAT WAS HORRIBLE BE PAST ZEBREK AGAIN

You are now past Zebrek again, slightly less busy. You were just about to respond to your buddy Tergum

>DO IT DO IT

Show log

SH: hey dude whats up im fine
SH: hows your lets play pokegrub thing going did you finish yet did you catch them all are you still pining for troll joey man i know you really like him but its like unhealthy or something to have redrom feelings for a fictional character i mean i really like my toys but you wont see me going to the imperial drone with one of them you know
SH: oh hey have you played the new pokegrub game yet man i am its pretty cool theres like 200 new pokegrubs or something ive caught a bunch and it has a lot of neat new stuff like triple battles man so sweet so dude did you get yours yet
SH: oh and have you gotten sgrub yet
AH:In []rder:
AH:I'^^ re|_ative|_y fine. []ther than having to ta|_k t[] y[]ur s[]rry ass.
AH:Shut up, it'|_|_ be updated when it's updated, n[] it's not finished, yes i have [aught them a|_|_. A|_|_ []f the^^. I d[]n't have red fee|_ings f[]r Tr[]|_|_ J[]ey, []r anything e|_se f[]r that ^^atter, fu[k y[]u and fu[k y[]ur t[]ys.
AH: Yes, I've p|_ayed it. It's n[]t entire|_y shitty.
AH: What the fu[k is sgrub.
AH: P|_ease phrase y[]ur answer in the f[]r^^ []f a questi[]n.
SH: dude my toys are awesome fuck you back and i know you dont have red feelings for troll joey but you have black feelings and thats not good man you really should try to find someone else to have a kismesis with
SH: did you catch all the rare pokegrubs man troll-oh was really difficult to catch how did you do it
SH: i dunno about sgrub its the game were supposed to be playing i think if you wanna know more maybe you should ask ta or one of them?
AH: But y[]u just said that I had red fee|_ings f[]r hi^^.
AH: And n[]w y[]u’re saying I’^^ trying to have a kis^^esis with hi^^?
AH: Zeb, I have a kis^^esis with the entire universe.
AH: That in[|_udes fi[ti[]na|_ [hara[ters.
AH: That in[|_udes y[]u, f[]r that ^^atter.
AH: S[] yeah, feel free t[] kiss ^^y b[]ne bu|_ge.
AH: Besides, the |_ess I have t[] ta|_k to TA, the better. {:/
SH: huh did i well maybe you have both
SH: like i think its pretty likely though maybe you should talk to leraje about it he knows about these things ill tell him to give you some advice
SH: tas not so bad i think like hes pretty loud and kind of a jerk i guess but isnt everyone

>CAN WE PLEASE BE SOMEONE THAT DOESNT MAKE US WANT TO POKE OUR EYES OUT