Beachside Story, Chapter I: You savvy, mate?

[Overcast]

"Never a problem I owe it to..." He was interrupted by the man in black armor whom had been staring at the shore with him not too long ago, "HEY UP THERE! Need a medic here! Drowning Victim!"

Al raised an eyebrow and followed behind quickly when the strange shiny soldier man called for aid. Looked like another live one, he himself hadn't been all that graceful when he washed up on these shores and had been greeted by the solicitations of a far too curious crab rather than the life giving power of breath. Luckily the shock value was about the same, he never did find that crab though.

Similar to Telm Alastor knew exactly what the right thing to do was, the heroic thing. But from Alastor's memory people didn't respond well to him doing anything even close to affection on their person, in fact they often responded with violence in the face of his aid, and he was pretty sure he still had a cold from earlier this week, so his eyes wandered to the soldier,

"Guess someone had better."

[mauve]

"Don't look at me," Jimmy said. "I found her and called for help. Now it's someone else's turn to be a good Samaritan." He backed away, hands in the air. There's no way he was getting any closer to that thing until he knew whether or not it ate people.

She was probably fine, anyway. Probably. Yep.

[Intern Nin]

Eleven hours earlier

The moon hangs in the night sky and casts a pale reflection on the ocean. A gentle breeze wafts the smell of salt and coconut sun lotion around. The only sounds to be heard are that of the gentle waves lapping the shore and the turtle currently digging a hole in the sand. Suddenly, there's great flash and a crackling ka-boom in the sky. Something is launched down from the sky with the force of a cannonball and embeds itself into the beach. The turtle, who is about five feet away from the projectile touches down, jumps to his feet and out of his plastic sandals.

"Whoa wha whoa!! The hell was that?!"

The turtle freezes for a second and stares at mound the objects impact made like he was expecting something nasty to jump out of it. He slowly starts to relax and groans his way into a sentence.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAw, forget this. I nearly got hit by piece of interdimensional junk and that lady from the cabana still hasn't shown up. Moonlight clam-digging, and this whole vacation by extension, blows!"

The irate turtle throws down his little shovel in disgust and skulks off of the beach. Just as the shelled simpleton has wandered out of earshot, a weary groan escapes from under the mound.

"<Urgh... this is some serious deja vu for Kug... ooo Kug's head hurts...>"

There's some shifting of sand and a single toe manages to break free to the surface before the shifting stops and the gravelly voice from under the sand speaks again.

"<Yotz to this... Kug will dig Kug out in the morning when Kug is less concussed... sleepytime...>"

After that, nothing of interest happens until the next morning when a young ninja women washes ashore and even that in itself is not too interesting.

Presently

A pair of stalked eyes watched as the group gathered around the unconscious lady. Its gaze darted from leg to leg, looking for some unprotected and pinchable extremities to present themselves. Eager little pincers clipped in anticipation and little legs skittered and skattered as the whole body scuttled closer to the commotion.

As luck would have it, this snip-happy citizen of the beach happened onto a treasure just as someone in the group said "Guess someone better." There sticking out of the sand was very big, very ripe looking toe; the staple of all day-ruining crustacean. The crab did a little happy claw movement and clipped the disembodied toe.

Sand sprayed out in all directions as something violently shot up out of the ground. An arm was now jutting up out of the beach, holding what looked like the biggest and most heavy-metal looking spatula ever. The peel gleamed in the bright sunlight and seemed to almost hum as the arm turned it so the broadside faced the crab. In the shadow of the weapon, the little creature slowly let go of toe and stared backing away just as the paddle side came down like a hammer.

There was another explosion of sand and the crab went flying off somewhere, probably fated to reappear again when it's least convenient. The person the peel wielding arm was attached to emerged from the sand and stood up. He was a tall, tan, and handsome man, with muscles like someone out of a Rob Liefeld comic. He had a wild mane of hair that covered his back like a cloak and was dressed only in a pair of animal-skin briefs and an animal-skin apron with the words Antonio's Pizza printed on it. He let out a loud, quaking bellow which quickly turned into a yawn.

He scratched the side of his head, letting loose a small castle's worth of sand in the process, and mumbled some words, most of which were in a tongue unfamiliar to everyone present.

*Yawn*"<Well, that wake-up sucked.>

Kug then noticed to he was not alone. He hefted his large weapon and pointed it at these new and unfamiliar faces.

"<Where do armored-man, ugly-man, and old-man come from? If you're part of the Barony, Kug will give you twelve breems to turn around and run as for as you can before Kug chases you down and->"

It was at that moment that Kug realized that the people he was looking at were not Kylfs nor were they Rivots. In fact, they looked kind of like the people from his birth-world. And the sea behind them was neither purple nor made of mercury, there were no planets visible in the daytime sky, and nothing here was like anything he was used to. One thing was clear.

"<Kug is..>"

He lowered his peel and set it on the ground.

"...not on Bogusoom anymore, is Kug?"

Kug's lightning fast powers of perception then took note of the unconscious form on the shore next to them. He walked forward and parted what could technically be called a crowd to make his way to the obvious drowning victim. He rolled the woman over onto her back and felt for a pulse in her neck.

"Sure, just stand around and stare. That'll be a big help. Not. Stand aside little puny dudes, Kug was a junior lifeguard for a summer. Kug knows CPR."

Kug then cracked his knuckles and raised his fists above his head.

[Dracorion]

> Who cares about crabs?

No one, that's who. You are now Zebrek again.

> Zebrek: Inspect the puzzle.

You take the offered notebook and eagerly look over the contents, your wide eyes excitedly going over the scribbles and drawings and markings.

> Talk to the nice lady.

You're reading! But you can multitask.

You think.

Show dialoglog

Zebrek: oh a shotgun yeah i have a shotgun its in my strife specibus its pretty handy
cuz it helps me kill stuff that wants to kill me why cant monsters just play anyway 
why is it always kill i wonder

> ========>

You hand the book back and continue yapping incoherently. It'd probably make more sense if you weren't saying all this narration out loud. And way less creepy.

Show dialoglog

Zebrek: thats a pretty hard book miss riley but puzzles are supposed to be hard and dont worry 
if youre losing youll get it eventually and i can help can i help please please please please 
pleaseeeeee and why would i be asleep whats the point of a vacation iif youre not out having fun 
so can i help with your treasure hunt treasure hunts are the funnest pleasseeeeeeeee

> ========>

As your sperg and beg on and on, you're rudely interrupted by a wrinkled, kind old woman. It's miss Mobaba Moiba! She's offering you a handy little potion to protect against the sun. Handy, because you were just running out of SPF 1000.

Show dialoglog

Zebrek: hi miss mobaba hehe mobaba is a fun name and moiba is too your potion sounds cool id really 
love some but im kinda broke right now cause i didnt bring any troll caegars with me hang on maybe 
if i kill enough crabs ill go up the echeladder and rack in some boondollars gimme a minute i see a 
crab over there i can start with

> Zebrek: YOUTH ROLL

Leaving behind the two women, you proceed to leap into the air and tuck your knees in to land and roll in the sand, coming to a stop before a garbage bin and the small alien crab crawling onto it. This tiny crab specimen doesn't compare to Alternian crabs, it shouldn't give you much trouble.

> Zebrek: STRIFE!

You draw your shotgun from the hammerspace that is your strife specibus and face the delinquent crab!

Shell over the cash, crustacean.

> Zebrek: ARTILLERATE.

You get right in front of the crab and unload a shot right in front of its face! Poor crabbie, never got to marry or have kids.

> Crab: Lament loss of wife and kids.

[Girasol of Chaos]

Riley gently smiles at the strange boy, offering a nod as she adjusts to his apparent speech impediment. “Sure, you can help, but it might take a while to find the right door we are looking for.” Accepting the notebook back she begins making a list, titled “Key Locations” and jots as she listens to Zebrek’s continued begging. “It might be dangerous though, I hope your shotgun is enough.” She had no idea what the hell this kid actually had, because she was pretty confident if he had an actual shotgun she would have seen it by now.

The Infected’s face turned upward at the approach of the elderly witch. At least, she was dressed like a witch. This was a very strange place. “Ah, that sounds like a lovely potion, but I’m not sure I have the currency for this island? Do you take US dollars?” Riley’s hand digs into an inside pocket to check –

Her attention snaps to Zebrek pulling out an actual, goddamn shotgun. Jaw slackened, Riley begins to slip her feet onto the ground and stand, “Careful!” In a heartbeat, she’s already next to the young troll and attempting to redirect his arms from behind him, forcing his aim towards the ground.

Riley invokes Compel: This May Sound Stupid
Girasol_of_Chaos rolls 4d3 and gets 1,3,1,2.
Athletics Score of 5, Might score of 0: +3 on the action. Difficulty of ???

That poor crab may yet live.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

> Quickly retrieve coconuts from hedge.
You've had your eye stalks on this strange interloper moving around near the bar. You suspect he's a smuggler and that there may be a vast quantity of coconuts stashed inside he hedge he's hiding in. One way to find out. Alleyoop!

Gleek spotted the crab trying to make an ingress into his hiding place and carefully drew a thin-bladed combat knife. He'd watched enough of the Food Network to know how to handle a crustacean. He just had to wait for it to get close enough.

> Zebrek: YOUTH ROLL

Leaving behind the two women, you proceed to leap into the air and tuck your knees in to land and roll in the sand, coming to a stop before a hedge and the small alien crab crawling onto it. This tiny crab specimen doesn't compare to Alternian crabs, it shouldn't give you much trouble.

> Zebrek: STRIFE!

You draw your shotgun from the hammerspace that is your strife specibus and face the delinquent crab!

Shell over the cash, crustacean.

> Zebrek: ARTILLERATE.

You get right in front of the crab and unload a shot right in front of its face! Poor crabbie, never got to marry or have kids.

> Crab: Lament loss of wife and kids.

And suddenly lunatic with a shotgun.

Gleek backpedaled deeper into the hedge, practically emerging on the other side. He fumbled the knife and thought about going for his crossbow before reconsidering. He was vaguely aware of further chaos erupting on the beach, and it was clear that sulking in a bush was only going to get him caught in the crossfire. He'd have to come up with some alibi fast. He fully emerged from the far side of the hedge and took a quick diagonal step away from the crab and the path of the gun.

"Don't shoot! Just gardening staff! Here to mind bush!" Putting on his best fake smile, he quickly severed an errant blossom and gestured it over his head to emphasize.

[PyrosNine]

Kug's lightning fast powers of perception then took note of the unconscious form on the shore next to them. He walked forward and parted what could technically be called a crowd to make his way to the obvious drowning victim. He rolled the woman over onto her back and felt for a pulse in her neck.

"Sure, just stand around and stare. That'll be a big help. Not. Stand aside little puny dudes, Kug was a junior lifeguard for a summer. Kug knows CPR."

Kug then cracked his knuckles and raised his fists above his head.

When Kug's fists came down, it was as if they hit solid rock- Senna's arms reached up in perfect synchronization, and hit his hands with pinpoint precision with equal, if not greater, force. Using just her fingers.

Being raised by ninjas as a child as a training target made one develop certain skills of self defense when sleeping or otherwise indisposed.

The action done, however, her hands fell back to the ground lifelessly, and aside from her hands and arms moving, she still looked deeply unconscious.

[Overcast]

When threatened with the strange weapon by the large man Alastor reflexively shielded himself, a purple arcing mass of energy in the shape of his face standing between him and the large man. The other three also got a shield, somewhat in the shape of his face, but unlike his own not his expression at the time, "Stay back you! Yeah back you!" They snarled at him until he came to his senses,

"...not on Bogusoom anymore, is Kug?"

The shields dropped as Al felt less of a threat from him, "No, I don't believe so." He moved out of the way when he moved to actually aid the woman He looked quite poised to crush her with his overwhelming strength, but Al had full confidence in his abilities. At least more than he had in his own.

Then the woman did a sleep parry, that was unexpected,

"Ever teach you about that in junior lifeguard school?"

[Arhra]

Telm shrugged as the castaway unconsciously defended herself from Kug's life-threatening lifeguard action. "Well, she's breathing, so I guess it's not needed anyway?"

He nudged Senna with his toe experimentally. In between mysterious unconsciousness, pizza barbarians, Alastor face shields and assorted other weird miscellanies, it was looking like it was time to pass the buck.

He stuck out his hand. "Morning Kug, name's Telm." the retired hero said. He turned to Jimmy. "'fraid I didn't catch your name. Now-"

- behind him, gunshots -

- he paused for a moment, expression frozen. No screams, no-one seemed to be dead. "Ah, I'd better see what that's about. Could you carry this girl up to the bar, lay her on one of the benches? I'll see if we can get a doctor to look at her."

- IX -

A little earlier

"Ah, that sounds like a lovely potion, but I’m not sure I have the currency for this island?" Riley replied to potion offers. "Do you take US dollars?"

Mobaba smiled. "It'll be five of those." the crone said. "I've little idea why, but quite a few people show up with dollars. There's a money changer up on the hill too, if someone won't take them."

Zebrek was tempted too, but before the witch could reply, he youth rolled away and -

Riley knocked his gun upwards before the troll could ventilate that dear, sweet, innocent crab.

Sand kicked up in front of the crustacean and it winced, eye stalks twitching back. Then leaned forwards and grabbed the barrel with one of it's claws and inspected it carefully, on the suspicion that the shotgun might, in actual fact, be a coconut.

Telm dashed over, thongs flying. He ignored the hedge trimming kobold gardener spy for the moment, luckily for Gleek. "What do you think you're doing, kid? Don't you know those are protected?"

[Intern Nin]

"Ever teach you about that in junior lifeguard school?" said the really gross looking dude to Kug.

Kug sheepishly scratched his cheek and said, "Junior lifeguards don't go to special schools. Kug took a week-long, on-the-job training course. But Kug learned more about about treating wounds and ailments on Bogusoom."

"Well, she's breathing, so I guess it's not needed anyway?" offered a scruffy-looking older guy.

"That was to check if Muffler-lady was breathing. Muffler-lady is dressed like Shadoweyes from the Amber Empire. Shadoweye will fight for life as long as Shadoweye draws breath. Much better way to check than holding a mirror under Muffler-lady's nose. Also, Kug didn't have a mirror."

The scruffy man stuck out his hand. "Morning Kug, name's Telm."

Kug stared at the outstretched hand for a full second before turning around and bringing his attention back to the unconscious kunoichi. Kug pressed her ear against the ninja lady's chest listened. Her breathing was normal, no sounds of fluid in her lungs at least. Telm was trying to talk to the man in armor when a loud crack echoed across the beach.

Kug bolted up and raised his fists, ready to pound whatever made that crack. Then he remembered that this was Earth or something like it anyways and that crack was probably just a gunshot. No need to get riled up.

After a second of playing statue, Telm said, "Ah, I'd better see what that's about. Could you carry this girl up to the bar, lay her on one of the benches? I'll see if we can get a doctor to look at her."

"Doctors? Kug remembers doctors. Thieves with medicine and advice instead of knives and threats are what doctors are. No doctors, Kug will fix this!"

He pulled the ninja's muffleraway from her mouth and pushed her lips back. The ninja's gums were bloody red triangles between her teeth and her lips were sticky dry.

"Kug has seen this before. In fact, Kug was like this once before. Muffler-lady is scurvy and dehydrated. Only one remedy for this."

The pizza barbarian gently picked the ninja and cradled her against his massive apron-ed chest.

"Muffler-lady desperately needs Citrus Fruit Punch. Which way to the bar?" he asked Telm.