NPF Avatars 5 - The Universe, Breaking Us Down

[PhoenixFlame]

"Eyah!" Phoenixbot replied with a yelp to Ethilvira's totally unexpected manuver. I mean, who would actually expect an evil un-kawaii queen/demon would actually fight back when assailed with powers of love and justice? Oh, the suprise!

The giant tentacle-paddle seemed to sail toward Phoenixbot in slow, and possibly even stopped motion, her own form frozen in mid-dodge, the background wooshing by as symbolizing excessive speed. Cartwheeling to one side, Ethilvira's attack pulverized the ground where Phoenixbot once stood, though the latter had taken absolutely no attempt to exploit the Queen's weakened defenses.

"Hey, that could have hurt!" Phoenixbot accused Ethilvira, menacingly brandishing her staff at the tentacle-bearing woman. "You should watch where you swing those things!"

[POS Industries]

"Pe-chan, I think we have another problem..."

"What, the jam? Yeah, that's what I call a sticky situation," POS chuckled, "But it isn't anything you can't handle."

"Um, no," the disembodies voice of Rei began to correct him, "that's not really what I--"

"Hang on a sec, Rei," Pedro interrupted her as his cell phone rang, "Apparently someone's gotten ahold of my private line. Give me a minute to trace their location so we can deal with whoever it is appropriately... WET JIMMY'S GOURMET ASSMEATS!! DO THIS BE PICK-UP OR DEELIV-O-RIE?"

"Er... wait, what?" The nasally voice on the other end of the line stammered, "I must have the wrong number, but I thou--Hold on. Pedro, is that you?"

"Oh, heya Doug. What's up?"

"What do you mean 'what's up?' You can't tell me you haven't noticed!" Doug Doukhobor growled as menacingly as he could possibly be.

"Is this about the jam?" POS inquired, "Because I was just telling Rei that it's not that big a deal..."

"No, I don't mean the stupid jam!" Doug whined, "The spice-time displacement bubbles! Don't you think it's odd that they're starting to merge like that?"

"Oh yeah.... you mean like Thod fighting the Teen Girl Squad or whatever the fuck they are? I thought that wasn't one of our ideas... That's pretty neat, Doug! The fans are loving it. We're gonna make a killing! ...Wait. You don't work here anymore. Ha, sucks to be you, doesn't it?"

"But I... er... Hey!" the wannabe villain stammered, "I'll have you know that your friends lives are in peril now thanks to my genius and if you want them to see the light of tomorrow you'll--"

"Oh, hello? Hey Doug, you there?" Pedro interrupted, making occasional static noises with his voice, "Listen, I'm about to go through a tunnel so we're gonna get disconnected. If you need to reach me, just call my office and..."

"...But you aren't even drivi--" Doug argued as Pedro ended the call.

"Man, I love screwing with that guy," POS grinned, turning his attention to the matter at hand, "Anyway, I guess I should go see about fixing whatever that dumbass did to my reality bubble system. I couldn't care less about, like, Mesden but Phoenix'll kill me if her robot gets wiped from existence or something..."

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Spider-sense a-tinglin', the bear instinctively ducked as IC leaped over his head, shooting a quick glance back at the oncoming flood before firing off webbing and swinging down the hall after his currently fleeing opponent.

Further ahead down the hall, IC was making impressive time as he sped now through what appeared to be more Santa's Castle than it was Mashirosen Tower. Suddenly, a hand grabbed the choco-ninja by the leg and hoisted him into the air, hanging him upside-down by the ankle.

"Well, hello Inbred," a familiarly malevolent-looking Raiden greeted him, "Is it just me, or is it suddenly beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here?"

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"Hello, kitty!" Yes, that was totally on purpose!

Back in the workshop, one of the BDTA(H) Women couldn't resist her natural impulses and bent down to pet the kitten that approached her. The cuteness of the creature was irresistible and powerful. Very powerful. The urge to cuddle the kitty was overwhelming the girl, pressure building from within her as it felt as if she was going to burst.

And then she did.

Her two associates stared in disbelief as a fountain of candy spewed forth from the gaping neck wound where the magical anime girl's head was a moment before.

"OMG! Yuri! How dare you evil doers commit such evil acts on our totally-not-evil friend?"

"Quick! We have to stop the cat before it kills again!"

"Yes! Wait... No! Then our heads will asplode, too!"

"Oh yeah! Then let's just get her! She sent the head explody cat after us! Ready? Let's--Hey, what the.... NOOOO!!"

The remaining badly-drawn anime woman shrieked as her other friend dropped to the ground, candy erupting from the neck hole in the same fashion as the first one, who was apparently the earlier incarnation of Arhra's assistant Yuri. Tears streaming down her face, the magical girl began to glow, activating the standard transformation of the hero senshi upon the death of all her friends at the hands of the villain.

"This ends here!" the girl announced, now wearing an ill-fitting white gown and a poorly-drawn icon of some sort glowing on her forehead, "I'll defeat you for my friends, for honor, for justice and love and--Oh, hey there, little precious kitty! Aren't you just the sweetest li--"

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Meanwhile, at the same place, Thod was totally attacking the real Raiden. Just so you know.

[Inbred Chocobo]

"Oh hey Raiden, whats up?" IC responded, acting totally natural. IC glances around. "Its freaking July! Why is everything so christmas-y?" IC went on, looking around. Then he thought of something, something really bad. He had a thunder god attached to him. There was a giant wave of water coming at them. The area is cold enough to freeze the water, and incase someone. Its time IC leave.

"Well Raiden, it was nice seeing you, but I really have to go." IC said, then yanked up, punching Raiden at the base of the arm to knock his grip off so that IC could keep up his run. He would figure out how to deal with the bear later, right now he just needed to not die.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

TRIPLE TECH: PERIODIC TABLE!

A wave of multi-colored, cascading elemental energy burst across the room just moments after Hawks last attack. It was impossible to miss the incoming destructive force of the blast so there was ample time to prepare for it.

"Windsheild!", Hawk called out, rising slightly higher into the air as an almost invisible barrier formed between himself and the triple tech. When it struck the barrier the energy from the fire began to divert around Hawk, creating a rather impressive fireball, while the chunks of ice battered thin (or in this case, hard) air. The lightning components of the spell were a little more troublesome as they were not so easily stopped by the solid air barrier, some weakened electrical charges managed to zap their way through and caught Hawk, but the effect was not so dissimillar to being inside an airplane that gets hit by lightning. And airplanes get hit by lightning all the time.

Needless to say Hawk was still pushed back somewhat and it took a great deal of concentration to survive it, but survive he did, barely. When the strike finally cut off the windshield collapsed and a slightly singed Hawk dropped back to the floor. Well, that was a tricky one, better not try that again.

He was slightly out of breath as he became human again and drew his sword, ready to try a new approach to this battle. Readying his weapon, he charged back into the fray.

[Astral Harmony]

Armored Bishoujo would be dead, but her mecha cosplay safeguarded her life. As her camera lens eyes were reactivated from the major jarring, Mecha Bishoujo rose from the floor where she collapsed. Glancing behind her, she saw the really nasty dent in the wall where the attack had sent her.

"This is a new sensation in feeling quite shitty," Armored said with her right hand on her forehead. Her systems were all pretty fucked up and it would take a while before she recovered completely. She decided that it was best to remain in this form because she didn't feel pain as an android, and she'd certainly be feeling this in her various fleshier cosplays.

[PyrosNine]

"Ha! You should watch where you swing your goodness! Someone might change for the better and find fulfillment in their lives or something!" Ethilvira quipped.

"Now stand still and suffer! SUFFER! With pain! And maybe, if I'm feeling particularly wicked, some pleasure! But mostly pain!....Grah! If only you had a boyfriend or something, and I could torture him! It would be so much more satisfying!"

Ethilvira brought down the attack again at Phoenixbot, seeing no real reason to stop doing a good thing. Her points were raising by the second on the NPF popularity poll, and moreso than in the last NPF avatars, which she ended up losing to Flare, and the one before that somehow Raiden Jr won.

She suspected a bit of foul play on that one....

***

Pyros looked behind him. "No. I do not know them. But if they get in my way...."

A strange obese man-child, dressed in Naruto fan clothes and armed with a WoW weapon replica he got on ebay chose that moment to get in his way.

Pyros cut three times. In an instant, the loser's weapon was destroyed, his clothes looked decently christian, and he'd lost pounds to a healthy weight.

With this done, Pyros kicked him out the window, at the mercy of the Troll Fungus amongus.

***

Ecurt picked himself back up, his well protected camera (which was valued more than him) having taken the most of the blast. What worried him most of all was whether or not his plushies survived. It'd be like days of effort and work straight down a Tri-attack drain.

The plushies were fine. Celsius chose to create a wall of ice to protect her self, and Pyros plushie had merely done something so impossibly crazy it worked without actually being an attempt to work.

[Arhra]

"Foolish girl, a villainess is only as powerful as her bustline!" Ethilvira cried as Magical Sailor Phoenixbot jumped her and was knocked aside.

A small portion of Arhiyara's brain mused about this. Hmmm, does that mean if we do something to reduce - it began. THAT IS NOT LOVELY! the rest of her brains shouted at it. The portion whimpered and tried to blend back in with the crowd. Peace and love. Peace and love!

Ethilvira forged her Giant Paddle of Unrelenting Negativity from black tentacles and icky nastiness, swinging her unwieldly weapon to swot Phoenixbot. "Eyah!" Phoenixbot yelped, barely jumping out of the way of the spanking of her life. The mighty paddle pulverised the ground where it struck, a carthweeling Phoenixbot springing back to a standing pose and brandishing her staff at the dark lady.

"Hey, that could have hurt!" she accused Ethilvira, not moving take advantage of her enemy being off balance, "You should watch where you swing those things!" Ethilvira quipped and then swung again.

Enter large dragon.

One of Arhiyara's head jabbed in, jaws flicking opened chomping down on the villaness. Seeing Phoenixbot endangered, she was determined ot put an end to Ethilvira.

This, most unfortunately, was the first real injury to have been inflicted of the dark empress of the Un-kawai-verse. Though teeth had neatly closed on her waist with the express intent of splitting her in two, she looked a lot more angry than hurt. "How dare you!" she screeched, inky dress erupting in masses of tentacles whipping everywhere. Black lashes whipped at Arhiyara's head, flares of light whenever they hit.

Arhra staggered backwards from the onslaught, jaws releasing the tentacled demoness. But Ethilvira wasn't letting her get away that easily, tentacles wrapping Arhiyara's necks and yanking them forwards.

"Feel my Paddle of Unrelenting Negativity!" Ethilvra declared, swinging it horizontally and smacking both heads with the evil weapon. Arhiyara was knocked to the side, falling into the plantation in an ungainly heap. She struggled to rise.

Back on the ground, Ethilvira pointed the paddle at her fallen enemy. She was an intimidating sight; an unpleasant looking black substance oozed from her wounds in the place of blood and her dress flowed into thrashing masses of icky tentacles, even the loops of her excessively elaborate hair thrashing.

"You will feed the Dark Tree of Bad-ergy!" she told the forces of truth and love, a carpet of dark tentacles bursting from the ground around the fallen Arhiyara and twining around her, the dragon paling and struggling limply. The dark mistress of the un-kawai-verse advanced on Phoenix, paddle raised.

She looked like she was going to get Phoenixbot, and her big dragon too.

[mauve]

Mauve had managed to construct a magical shield just before the triple tech jam attack o' elemental doom hit. The barrier wasn't quite strong enough to block all of the attack, but then Mauve had a high enough magic defense that this really wasn't a problem for her.

"Stupid jellies." she grumbled as she booted one aside.

"Jams, not jellies!"

"Whatever."

Magic engulfed her hand, and the mage grabbed one of the smaller jams in her fist. The magic protected her arm rather like a glove as the deadly jam sat in her palm.

"Listen to me, punk," she snarled to her new captive. Menacing as that sounded, the blueberry jam may or may not have been listening. It was rather hard to tell, what with it not having a face.

"You just destroyed our news equipment," Mauve continued. She squeezed the jam a little. Ice magic erupted from the annoyed creature, but Mauve shrugged it off. "Knock it off and listen to me, you little creep. Do you have any idea how much money that camera cost?"

The jam sat inert.

"Yeah. I don't know either, now that you mention it," Mauve said. "But that changes nothing. You messed with the wrong mage-turned-reporter. You know why?"

The jam cast another ice spell. It probably wasn't even listening, given its lack of ears. The magic fizzled off of Mauve's magic shield and melted before it could touch her.

"Because I'm a mage, idiot. This is like the only time when I'm actually one of the more useful characters in the RP." Mauve's fist clenched, and a wave of red flames engulfed the little ice creature. "Yeah. Sucks to be you."

Mauve brushed the ashes from her palms and turned to the battlefield. She tugged the brim of her hat downwards and rolled up her sleeves.

"Element Absorb!" she cast. "Wow, this is actually an instance in which that spell is really useful! I'm liking this!"

Mauve leapt into the fray. Any element attack the creatures hurled at her was converted into MP and HP by the Elemental Absorb spell. She threw out fire, ice, and water attacks at any jam of opposing element that got in her line of fire. When that got too time-consuming, she simply hurled orbs of raw destructive magic energy, which glowed a strange hue of purplish-grey.

Mauve was in her element.

[TheBlindMime]

TBMoichi watched as the chaos winded around him, the jams had been completely ignoring him, which was good. Yet it had an eerie feeling to it, like maybe he didn't exist in those moments where he refrained from actions. Creepy. The Periodic what have you wasn't even anywhere near him. "Well..... I could turn into a fox and use my foxfire but that would probably only hurt the ice jams...Hmm..."

He reached into his pockets to see what he had on him, his pockets were filled with the usual stuff... for like a six year old. He had candy, some of which was already unwrapped; a yo-yo, two paddle balls, one of those hats with a propeller, about seven of those fireworks that wobble and flare up, and....

"This is it! This is what will stop the jams here and now!" He held a tiny spinning top above his head like it was an olympic gold. Still the jams ignored him, "Well screw you hippies too, its on now!" TBMoichi threw the top towards the largest group of jams remaining together, yanking back on the cord caused a shrill whistle as the top gained momentum. As it reached the end of it's cord TBMoichi called out angrily, "TRANSFORM!"

Surprisingly it was the top to transform not TBMoichi. The smoke was swept away by the ungodly speed of the now giant top. TBMoichi leapt to the top of said doom top and ran to keep it going and do his best to steer the monstrosity of a toy, he laughed maniacally as jams spattered against the pointed base of his doom top. "Whose gonna ignore my big bad top!" He also started giving jams the finger.

[Incendius]

(I had one of my characteristically really long posts coming up, then my toe stubbed into the restart key. :stressed: My computer is now tilted away from me again)

TRIPLE TECH: Periodic Table

Incendius let the blast wave of the Periodic Table ability crash against his shield, and propel him backwards. Lifting his body by a few degrees, Incendius also was sent flying into the air, up to the ceiling, and above the crest of the wave. Incendius was smashed hard against the ceiling, but that did not matter to him, as he had no nerves, and the only part of his body that was in danger form smashing (his mask) was cushioned by his telekinetic force.

These things are sentient enough to combine their forces it seems, I do have something to work with then. Incendius sent out to the rest of his teamates, informing them of something that really only served to inflate his own importance. Besides, I could use some of the properties of these things, I can requisition a few samples of them and copy it for my... Incendius thought to himself.

Incendius threw out a net of pure force along a group of jams separating them into hundreds of tiny pieces, before the jams could regenerate, Incendius managed to pick up dozens of those pieces and seperate them using his telekinetic energies, and collected them. Meanwhile, Incendius reached out for the mental functions of the jams and searched for a trigger or anything else that could be used to effect them.