BlackMage.exe

[Loyal]

Oh goddamnit Meister now I can't unsee it. Why would you do that!?

[Fifthfiend]

WHAT

THE FUCK

[Melfice]

Remember where I live, Meister.
And I remember where you live.

You'll pay for your crimes.

[The SSB Intern]

Meister, you are a god.

[CelesJessa]

Originally Posted by Meister

*Terrifying image*

Did you draw that yourself Meister? That's terrifying. If I have nightmares tonight, I'm blaming you.



Anyway, Kirby, is English your first language? That sound kind of like a jerk-y question, but I would feel bad everyone commenting on the grammar and whatnot in this if there's a legitimate reason that it's off.

As far as ideas on how to improve the writing. I think I understand kind of what you're trying to write, in the sense of it's kind of a written explanation of perhaps what you might see if you play this game called blackmage.exe (if that makes any sense) but I don't think it's coming across correctly and perhaps instead of describing the events as if it was something you were watching on a screen, you might want to try describing the story as if it was a real book instead of just describing what you see happening on the screen. (Wow, I'm not sure if my huge run-on sentence made any sense at all. )

So instead of something like:

It then switch to a to a brown fat kid with fat lips wearing a green shirt and a flatter circle thing no the left side of the shirt with a green plus sign and his name was Dekao. He was holding a blue thing and said, “Finish him off, Black Belt.”

It sounds better if it's more like:

"Dekao, a dark skinned child, whose green shirt barely covered his heavy frame, shouted into the fight, "Finish him off Black Belt!"

I... uh... left a lot of the details in that original sentence out because I really couldn't figure out what was going on. More detail might be good here, as I have no idea what "a blue thing" is.

[Fifthfiend]

Originally Posted by CelesJessa

Did you draw that yourself Meister? That's terrifying. If I have nightmares tonight, I'm blaming you.

Okay hold up I need to check something.

Originally Posted by People who are entitled to bitch about people's artwork causing nightmares

• NOT CJ

Well then.

[Kirby2000]

I guess I better work on my detail better on episode one before posting episode two.

[CelesJessa]

Originally Posted by Fifthfiend

Okay hold up I need to check something.



Well then.

What? My artwork is 100% non-terrifying 100% of the time.

Although looking at that link reminds me I need to work on some more nightmare fuel FFVI-2 XTreme Beach Volleyball.

[Kim]

Oh, please do. That would be delightful and fill my soul with much joy. It would also wash out the horrible taste of Meister's monstrosity.

[Mike McC]

I love the extra details, like the little bit of blonde hair, or that extra little bit under the apron. It is fantastic.