The Marvelous Misadventures of Asshat! [REBOOT] - Page 10

Token · 06-20-2010, 11:20 AM

Right, time to give this Surfing shit a try. Allons-y!

What the fuck, Sayrune evolved into a Lapras.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

I shouldn't say it. I really shouldn't.

But I'm gonna anyway.

Right, time to get me a motherfucking red Gyarados!

Oh my Zapdos. It's...

It's...

IT'S FUCKING ADORABLE!

D'awww!

It's even fucking cuter when it's sleeping! I must have it!

I could probably pawn this.

Who's the cracka in the cape?

Um... do you not see all of those Magikarp?

That's pretty rad, really. That means they will all become adorable.

Actually, I came here to capture the fuck out of Skittles.

Bullshit. You don't have an adorable Gyarados. (Also, it's Token.)

Not fast enough, bitch.

It's Token, you spastic cock jockey.

Lesse... I've met five Legendaries, released giant fucking gerbils into civilization, gotten four badges, and done so with a team that has a Beedrill and Chikorita. Yeah, I'm fucking rad.

No fucking way in hell you fucking cape wearing motherfucker. Now that I have Skittles, I'm going to fuck the fuck out of Team Rocket's organization.

I know. Those fuckers are gonna be crying when I'm done with them.

Some of them are, I guess. Who cares?

Good sleuthing.

What?

What? He just FLEW AWAY.

OH COME THE BALLS ON!

NO. I have to go help a superhero save some Magikarp or some shit.

You're fucking retarded.

If I battle you, will you never call me again?

I will take that as a yes. Now, let's see what this radio broadcast is that's pissing off the wildlife so much...

Oh dear Arceus, what am I listening to? Holy shitting shit! This... this is a real thing. They got someone to sing this. Clearly, he wasn't paid enough, because ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD HAS MONEY.

The worst thing is that I can't stop Digi-listening.

Just a bit of switching.

And some research! Ugh, dammit, Bulbapedia's down. Again. Stupid 503... Okay. It looks like these radio broadcasts are more just a crappy DJ than anything else. According to a few other sites, the Magikarp's rage is due to some old fisherman jackass, blah blah blah... That shit's hardcore, actually. Okay, forced evolution... "There have been allegations that recent spikes in wild Gyarados population can be traced back to Fuchsia City in the Kanto region, and Mahogany Town in Kanto. Both are known hotbeds of ninja activity, with ties to Team Rocket. Fuchsia's Koga denied these claims, stating that he has had no contact with the Rockets since the events of three years ago... Mahogany's leader could not be reached..."

Shit. Ninja. That can't be right, can it? Wait a second...

Well balls. I had better warn Lance.

Or I could just go and get some badges. Dude's a superhero, he can handle a few ninja, right?

Dammit.

I don't see him anyway.

I'll just stop in that shop run by stoners, then head back west.

Wait, what?

You just... but... illegal... perfectly nice druggies... superhero...WHAT?

I was gonna come get some items before you fucking HYPER BEAMED THAT POOR FUCKER.

They're high! You can't attack them just because they have shitty taste in music!

Fucking fuck man!

NO! You crazy motherfucker! I will have no part in this. I mean, they're playing Party in the USA right now! I love that song! Fuck you, Lance. Fuck you.

That nigga's trippin'.

I mean, trippin more than those other guys.

I mean, really, they just havin' some fun! And besides, it's Johto. That shit's legal here.

Although, if it's legal to just Hyper Beam a bitch when they piss you off...

No. It's not nice to kill people.

Even if it is Johto.

Although, with any luck, those ninja will kill Lance. Then good music everywhere-and the digirap, I guess- will live without fear.

And I will put my hands up; they'll be playin' my song, and the Butterfree will fly away...

Nodding my head like NO!

Fucking dammit, I will battle you later!

I don't care!

I am going to beat you in the most embarrassing way possible.

Team of Magikarp?

No, then I'd have to go back to the Lake of Rage...

Course, they might be playing Party in the USA again by then...

Where was I? Ah yes: Butterfrees fly away... Butterfrees... Oh. Yes.
Then he got an idea! An awful idea! Asshat got a wonderful, awful idea!

Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHA YES. Step one: get a bug out the box.

Step two: hatch five eggs in the box.

Step three: Powerlev-WHAT THE FUCK GERBIL NO

WHAT THE FUCK ANOTHER GERBIL

Okay. Gerbils avoided, and successful POWERLEVELing. Now to walk through the tall grass to get to Joey, and whip his ass with a team of Butterfree.

OH WHAT THE FUCK

Fucking things.

Right. You.

PREPARE TO BE SLOWLY HUMILIATED BY A TEAM OF what it's over already.

I... that was anticlimactic. I mean, I had a raging hateboner going on, and now... dammit. Ah well, to the next gym!

What.

I literally just fucking talked to you.

You're right. It's not. BECAUSE YOU CLEARLY DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE LAST TIME.

I FUCKING KNOW. YOU CAN'T FUCKING GET PAST THERE, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE A LEVEL. FIFTEEN. RATTATA.

YOU GO ABOVE AND BEYOND THE CALL OF SUCKAGE. YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE SULTAN OF SUCK. THE FUHRER OF FELLATIO. THE PRINCE OF POLE-POLISHING. YOU, MY GOOD SIR, ARE THE BUDDHA OF BLOWJOBS!

THE POPE OF PENISLICKING.

TASTE THE MOTHERFUCKING RAINBOW.

Also, I quite dislike you. Have a good day.

I'm glad that's over with. Time for progress!

Dracorion · 06-20-2010, 11:33 AM

What, seriously? All three gerbils in a row?

And because the universe hates Asshat, he's going to have to go through all sorts of hell just to find them again.

Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope · 06-20-2010, 11:35 AM

By the way. Mahogany town is in Johto. You said it was in Kanto.

Nice ref to the Manga anyway.

RobinStarwing · 06-20-2010, 09:27 PM

This episode had my nearly hyper-ventilating from laughter. LOL Keep up the good work!

***Fenris*** · 06-20-2010, 09:42 PM

Reading these makes me want to do one, but then I remember that there's 3 of them on the same forum.

Also where the hell is GC, he hasn't updated his in a long-ass time.

e: $3 that Joey calls next episode.

Thadius · 06-20-2010, 10:04 PM

No bet. And I was worried for a second that the thing that happened in this LP that doesn't happen in the real games was you losing to Joey.

Then I remembered that in order for such a thing to happen the universe might have to implode.

Wigmund · 06-20-2010, 10:22 PM

Then ~~Asshat~~ Token needs to lose to Joey next time they meet.

Token · 06-20-2010, 11:37 PM

On the subject of Pokemon Let's Plays: for reasons that should be obvious, I call dibs on doing one of the TCG after this one's finished.

On the subject of Joey: If [I/Asshat] didn't lose with a team of Butterfree (five of which are lower than 17, and the other one doesn't know any attacking moves), I don't think [I/he]'ll ever lose. Also, I have plans for Joey. By which I mean a one off joke that might become a running gag depending on if I find it funny enough.

Dracorion · 06-21-2010, 06:16 AM

Joey beats Red?

No, seriously, you should do this. Beat Red with a Rattata.

Geminex · 06-21-2010, 07:06 AM

Quote:

On the subject of Pokemon Let's Plays: for reasons that should be obvious, I call dibs on doing one of the TCG after this one's finished.

Oh fuck yeah, that game was rad.

Quote:

No, seriously, you should do this. Beat Red with a Rattata.

TOP FUCKING PERCENTAGE

06-20-2010, 11:20 AM	#91
Token Magikoopa Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,789	Episode Five: In which the universe despises Asshat. Right, time to give this Surfing shit a try. Allons-y! What the fuck, Sayrune evolved into a Lapras. Doo-doo-doo-doo! I shouldn't say it. I really shouldn't. But I'm gonna anyway. Right, time to get me a motherfucking red Gyarados! Oh my Zapdos. It's... It's... IT'S FUCKING ADORABLE! D'awww! It's even fucking cuter when it's sleeping! I must have it! I could probably pawn this. Who's the cracka in the cape? Um... do you not see all of those Magikarp? That's pretty rad, really. That means they will all become adorable. Actually, I came here to capture the fuck out of Skittles. Bullshit. You don't have an adorable Gyarados. (Also, it's Token.) Not fast enough, bitch. It's Token, you spastic cock jockey. Lesse... I've met five Legendaries, released giant fucking gerbils into civilization, gotten four badges, and done so with a team that has a Beedrill and Chikorita. Yeah, I'm fucking rad. No fucking way in hell you fucking cape wearing motherfucker. Now that I have Skittles, I'm going to fuck the fuck out of Team Rocket's organization. I know. Those fuckers are gonna be crying when I'm done with them. Some of them are, I guess. Who cares? Good sleuthing. What? What? He just FLEW AWAY. OH COME THE BALLS ON! NO. I have to go help a superhero save some Magikarp or some shit. You're fucking retarded. If I battle you, will you never call me again? I will take that as a yes. Now, let's see what this radio broadcast is that's pissing off the wildlife so much... Oh dear Arceus, what am I listening to? Holy shitting shit! This... this is a real thing. They got someone to sing this. Clearly, he wasn't paid enough, because ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD HAS MONEY. The worst thing is that I can't stop Digi-listening. Just a bit of switching. And some research! Ugh, dammit, Bulbapedia's down. Again. Stupid 503... Okay. It looks like these radio broadcasts are more just a crappy DJ than anything else. According to a few other sites, the Magikarp's rage is due to some old fisherman jackass, blah blah blah... That shit's hardcore, actually. Okay, forced evolution... "There have been allegations that recent spikes in wild Gyarados population can be traced back to Fuchsia City in the Kanto region, and Mahogany Town in Kanto. Both are known hotbeds of ninja activity, with ties to Team Rocket. Fuchsia's Koga denied these claims, stating that he has had no contact with the Rockets since the events of three years ago... Mahogany's leader could not be reached..." Shit. Ninja. That can't be right, can it? Wait a second... Well balls. I had better warn Lance. Or I could just go and get some badges. Dude's a superhero, he can handle a few ninja, right? Dammit. I don't see him anyway. I'll just stop in that shop run by stoners, then head back west. Wait, what? You just... but... illegal... perfectly nice druggies... superhero...WHAT? I was gonna come get some items before you fucking HYPER BEAMED THAT POOR FUCKER. They're high! You can't attack them just because they have shitty taste in music! Fucking fuck man! NO! You crazy motherfucker! I will have no part in this. I mean, they're playing Party in the USA right now! I love that song! Fuck you, Lance. Fuck you. That nigga's trippin'. I mean, trippin more than those other guys. I mean, really, they just havin' some fun! And besides, it's Johto. That shit's legal here. Although, if it's legal to just Hyper Beam a bitch when they piss you off... No. It's not nice to kill people. Even if it is Johto. Although, with any luck, those ninja will kill Lance. Then good music everywhere-and the digirap, I guess- will live without fear. And I will put my hands up; they'll be playin' my song, and the Butterfree will fly away... Nodding my head like *NO!* Fucking dammit, I will battle you later! I don't care! I am going to beat you in the most embarrassing way possible. Team of Magikarp? No, then I'd have to go back to the Lake of Rage... Course, they might be playing Party in the USA again by then... Where was I? Ah yes: Butterfrees fly away... Butterfrees... Oh. Yes. Then he got an idea! An awful idea! Asshat got a wonderful, awful idea! Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHA YES. Step one: get a bug out the box. Step two: hatch five eggs in the box. Step three: Powerlev-WHAT THE FUCK GERBIL NO WHAT THE FUCK ANOTHER GERBIL Okay. Gerbils avoided, and successful POWERLEVELing. Now to walk through the tall grass to get to Joey, and whip his ass with a team of Butterfree. OH WHAT THE *FUCK* Fucking things. Right. You. PREPARE TO BE SLOWLY HUMILIATED BY A TEAM OF what it's over already. I... that was anticlimactic. I mean, I had a raging hateboner going on, and now... dammit. Ah well, to the next gym! What. I literally just fucking talked to you. You're right. It's not. BECAUSE YOU CLEARLY DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE LAST TIME. I FUCKING KNOW. YOU CAN'T FUCKING GET PAST THERE, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE A LEVEL. FIFTEEN. RATTATA. YOU GO ABOVE AND BEYOND THE CALL OF SUCKAGE. YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE SULTAN OF SUCK. THE FUHRER OF FELLATIO. THE PRINCE OF POLE-POLISHING. YOU, MY GOOD SIR, ARE THE BUDDHA OF BLOWJOBS! THE POPE OF PENISLICKING. TASTE THE MOTHERFUCKING RAINBOW. Also, I quite dislike you. Have a good day. I'm glad that's over with. Time for progress!

06-20-2010, 11:33 AM	#92
Dracorion Moves Like Jagger, Kupo! Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: To the south, a little to the left... Or to the right. Posts: 4,910	What, seriously? All three gerbils in a row? And because the universe hates Asshat, he's going to have to go through all sorts of hell just to find them again. __________________ Dracorion's dumbass color is Royal Blue. If you see that color, you better run the fuck away.

06-20-2010, 11:35 AM	#93
Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope Definitely NOT a samurai Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Location: Wherever the wind leads me Posts: 5,347	By the way. Mahogany town is in Johto. You said it was in Kanto. Nice ref to the Manga anyway. __________________ Lost in the Music ~ On Hiatus Tales of a Torn World ~ World Building

06-20-2010, 09:27 PM	#94
RobinStarwing C.M.B.A.S.O.B Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Everywhere until you look at me. Posts: 737	This episode had my nearly hyper-ventilating from laughter. LOL Keep up the good work! __________________ *NPF's resident Crazy Magnificent Bastard Ass Son Of A Bitch (CMBASOB)* Accept No Substitutes Also known as "The Least Interesting Man in The World" according to multiple surveys

06-20-2010, 09:42 PM	#95
*Fenris* Administrator Join Date: May 2005 Location: East Coast Posts: 6,806	Reading these makes me want to do one, but then I remember that there's 3 of them on the same forum. Also where the hell is GC, he hasn't updated his in a long-ass time. e: $3 that Joey calls next episode. __________________ "FENRIS IS AN ASSHOLE" - shiney

06-20-2010, 10:04 PM	#96
Thadius BEARD IMPACT Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: MANLY ANGER Posts: 1,977	No bet. And I was worried for a second that the thing that happened in this LP that doesn't happen in the real games was you losing to Joey. Then I remembered that in order for such a thing to happen the universe might have to implode. __________________ ANGER HAS NEVER BEEN MORE MANLY THAN THIS.

06-20-2010, 10:22 PM	#97
Wigmund Lakitu Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Northwest Arkansas Posts: 2,139	Then ~~Asshat~~ Token needs to lose to Joey next time they meet. __________________ Slightly off-kilter

06-20-2010, 11:37 PM	#98
Token Magikoopa Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,789	On the subject of Pokemon Let's Plays: for reasons that should be obvious, I call dibs on doing one of the TCG after this one's finished. On the subject of Joey: If [I/Asshat] didn't lose with a team of Butterfree (five of which are lower than 17, and the other one doesn't know any attacking moves), I don't think [I/he]'ll ever lose. Also, I have plans for Joey. By which I mean a one off joke that might become a running gag depending on if I find it funny enough.

06-21-2010, 06:16 AM	#99
Dracorion Moves Like Jagger, Kupo! Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: To the south, a little to the left... Or to the right. Posts: 4,910	Joey beats Red? No, seriously, you should do this. Beat Red with a Rattata. __________________ Dracorion's dumbass color is Royal Blue. If you see that color, you better run the fuck away.