Trollslum Act 1: Welcome to Alternia

Bard The 5th LW · 11-02-2010, 07:20 PM

We now view a world long forgotten by Paradox Space. A planet of hostility, strangeness, and of rather intense relationship struggles. This sphere in space is, or was, known as ALTERNIA. Alternia and its people, the trolls are known throughout space for their innumerable military conquests. These conquests will be all but pointless by the time the day is over. However, a select few troll children will remain quite important for the time to follow.

Let us take a view at these children.

>Zoom in_

We go down even further onto the planet's large surface. Beneath sea level, underneath the vast ocean, but still high enough for light to shed through, a large hive juts from the sand. It is very manor-like, standing several stories tall. There are several windows and marble steps leading inside. It is so very regal and elegant you wouldn't believe. Let us examine further inside.

A very excited and chipper young lass with gills stands in a rather large respiteblock, surrounded by paintings and drawings, despite the water. It Just so happens that today is her wriggling day! That doesn't matter though. At least, not to us. She seems to have actually marked it on her calendar, but I don't think we'd really understand the dates there. Oh look at that, we seemed to have reminded her of the date. She takes notice of the calender with a joyed look in her eyes. Apparently, today is a big deal to her.

Just who is this young lady?

> Enter Name

UNINSPIRED SHREW

Well that wasn't very nice at all! We just wanted a name! Now look at her, she looks very sad that you said this. You must make amends at once!

CRASS RETARD

Thats the exact opposite of what was requested! Look at her now! A sad, nay, forlorn expression makes its way across her face.

WHINY CALLOW WRIGGLER

That wasn't even two words! Oh wonderful, she's crying now. Her salty purple tears are being released straight into the water around her. Just wonderful. See what you've done?

PATHETIC DAME

What? Just get out of here! Name someone else! It will be quite a while before she calms down. Go name someone else!

> Name someone else_

Amsterdam · 11-02-2010, 08:41 PM

>Name someone else

We are subject to a stark change of scenery, and are now looking down upon a large expanse of tropical forest. Move in closer, and one can see that something is built around the largest and most towering of trees. Why, it's a hive. And.. oh dear what is with that big snake lounging in among the leaves? Looks like it would be pretty violent.. if it were awake. Looks like we're lucky!

>Sneak in closer

We can now see inside this young lady's respiteblock. There are.. skeletons! Everywhere! And a lank troll sitting at her desk, ticking and tacking away on her Husktop, all bundled up as if it was cold. What's up with this weirdo?

>Enter Name

Gross Hermit

>Okay that's very funny. But let's be serious for a minute.

Petulant Whelp

>Uhh she doesn't look like she takes kindly to that kind of..

Vapid Floosie

>Okay maybe we should get out of here, she's looking pretty angry, not to mention that noise coming from the roof..

>Name someone else else_

Aldurin · 11-02-2010, 11:23 PM

Our view now changes towards the top of a distant mountain. Upon closer inspection it appears that there is a small . . . balcony? What the fuck, who puts a balcony in a mountain?

We move in closer, we see that the balcony is decked out with some sweet tech shit, including a quantum telescopic apparatus, a magnetic pulse cannon and what appears to be the most comfortable adjustable lawn chair, ever. The balcony appears to lead inside the mountain, it is somewhat dark but lights from various high-tech machines can be barely seen.

We move in to get a closer look, suddenly our screen flickers, creates some sparks, and a pop-up window appears, saying "NOT NOW, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP CRAPDAMMIT!! I CAN HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY FROM IN HERE!!".

We quickly close the window and switch to someone else.

>Name someone else . . . in a very cautious manner_

Dracorion · 11-03-2010, 12:04 AM

>Name someone else

We are subject to yet another change of scenery. You see a brightly lit cave that can only be described as an explosion of color. Every inch of wall space that isn't covered in various posters has been painted on. The floor has also been painted on, and both it and the furniture are covered with various dolls, plushes, squiggles and figurines. There is a young troll standing in the middle of the room.

>Enter Name

UNIMAGINATIVE PRI- BANG!

He shot you! With a shotgun. You are bleeding! There will be no shenanigans except for his own under his roof, he says.

Ahem.

Your name is ZEBREK SALAKK.

As demonstrated by your room, you have a variety of interests. You enjoy shitty comedy movies, shitty action movies, shitty romance stories, and shitty movies altogether. The same can be said for TV series you like. You like to PAINT, though you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You don't use chalk though, as can be seen by the brushes and- aw, where'd all your drawing implements go? Well whatever, they'll turn up sometime. Probably when you trip over them.

Anyway, where were you? Oh, right. You like to partake in VARIOUS FORMS OF ROLEPLAYING, and often employ your TITANIC COLLECTION of toys to fight miniature wars. Dragons, lizards, bugs, spiders and Squiggles, even when you're not physically playing with them you're usually running a giant scenario or two in your mind.

You are also attracted to SHINY THINGS, and are an avid collector of such items. Like that rare spindly- OOOHHHHH, SHINY. Lookit it, it's so pretty! You are transfixed by it's beauty. You watch the light bounce off the shiny object's polished surface. Wait, what were you doing? Right, right. Though you enjoy ROLEPLAYING, you have few friends that share your interest.

Your trolltag is spectacularHellion and you often go on insane tangents i mean what is a tangent anyway its like a line that crosses a circle once and whats up with circles where do they start youve never been able to figure it out

Overcast · 11-03-2010, 12:23 AM

>Name someone else.

The scenery changes to a shoreline, a hive sitting alone amidst the crashing waves. A stilted structure only one story tall with a floating pier extending from the bottom, where a troll in a hoody sat waiting with pure black eyes staring into the ocean as if expecting something to happen.

Who is this mysterious individual?

>Enter Name

NOSY ASSHOLE

He smiles faintly, but seems fairly unfazed.

BORING BASTARD

He shrugs a bit and lets you continue on with your silly business.

EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE

He tilts his head gently, his blank eyes seeming to ask how much longer you plan to do this.

...

>Enter Name

Your name is LERAJE OROBAS.

You are a born MATCHMAKER, you revel in the meddling of others relationships in the creation of long term roms worth writing RIDICULOUSLY TERRIBLE ROMANTIC MOVIES AND ROMCOMS about. You dream one day of joining the elite ranks of the IMPERIAL DRONES, despite your ignored inability to create a proper romance for yourself.

You enjoy MEDDLING with PEOPLE, helping them understand who they are and by extension how to find who they belong with. You also have a deep love for TROLL AND XENOPSYCHOLOGY the abstract ideas that make the alien mind tick and how the troll mind might comprehend them the kind of thing that keeps you up at night for ridiculous quantities of time.

You are a fan of EXTREME ROLE PLAYING, due to the fact that through the actions of a game master you have been able to fester quite a few Kismesis and Matespirits.

Your trolltag is absentPsychologist and you Have a bad, habit of losing... Your train of, thought...

What will you do?

====>

A slimy red thing shoots from the waters below directly for the hooded troll, wraps around his neck, and pulls him into the terrors of the Alternian ocean!

It seems your bullshit made him let his guard down...he might be dead.

Might as well check on someone else for now!

>Name someone else.

Intern Nin · 11-03-2010, 01:54 AM

>NAME SOMEONE ELSE

Your view switches once again, this time to one of Alternia's many moons as it melts down into the horizon, becoming a fluid wriggling puddle atop the inky surface of the eel-infested waters from earlier. A small dot sits in the illuminated surface, the view magnifies to reveal a familiar looking boat with a familiar figure in it. The pole belonging to the stout troll with no patience for your brand of tomfoolery was now bent in an upside U shape, the reel whining as more line is rapidly pulled under the briney deep. He's hooked on to something big all right.

The young MARITIME LIFEFORM REAPER, or FisherTroll, braces himself between the seat and side of the boat. The reel finally stops spinning, he holds on tight, and the entire boat is dragged along by whatever nautical monster is at the end of the line. You know what would be a great thing to do right now? Give this guy a name.

>Enter Name

BUTTFACE McFUGLY

Oh, come on. That's not even an imaginative one. Uh oh, he's noticed you. Quick, type up a better name.

CRUSTACEAN FONDLER

That's just dumb. Oh crap, he got a hand free and now he's fiddling with a GRUBPDA.

melancholicChumly [MC] has blocked assholeReaders [AR], again.

Way to go, numbnuts.

>Go pester some other troll.

Arcanum · 11-03-2010, 09:34 AM

>Go pester some other Troll

Oh look another sudden change of scenery. How surprising. Oh wait, no, there's still water... and something else. It almost looks like a gigantic beak. Wait wait wait something's not right here.

>Zoom out

You're now looking at the planet of ALTERNIA, a planet of TROLLS known for their...

>Skip the boring repetition and zoom to an adequate level that will continue the narrative

Fine. Be like that. You are now looking at a particular Troll's LUSUS, an oversized turtle-like creature, who is enjoying a refreshing drink of water. The view from earlier was obviously a close up of the LUSUS' mouth. Unfortunately the Troll living in this HIVE is nowhere to be seen, looks like we'll have to go look for someone else.

>Look for the Troll who lives here

You sure are stubborn. Fine. The view changes again and you're now looking at a young Troll standing in his RESPITE BLOCK. The walls are adorned with posters of FAMOUS COMPOSERATORUMS and in one corner there sits a GRAND GRUBIANO and a GRUBTAR. There is also a HUSKTOP lounging on a table, and of course a RECUPERACOON in it's own private corner. Give this fine Troll a name.

>Enter Name

EROGENOUS PAILPRANCER

What the hell? Ew! Seriously ewwww!! Why would you even try to joke about that? That is seriously messed up. Jegus what a horrible thing to say. That's it, you don't get any more chances. Name him properly this time, and be glad he didn't hear you the first time.

>Enter Name

Your name is REZTEK MELRUE.

You enjoy creating MUSIC using your GRAND GRUBIANO and your GRUBTAR. Unfortunately you are nowhere near as good as your heroes TROLL MOZART and TROLL SLASH. Speaking of which they recently teamed up to create a new ALBUM which you CAN NOT WAIT for it to be released, because that will be the BEST DAY EVER. You have high ambitions and wish to one day become a FAMOUS COMPOSERATORUM and create BEAUTIFUL TROLL MUSIC that will make every Troll cry tears of HATE and PITY. Every single troll. ALL OF THEM.

Fortunately you also have other INTERESTS such as your interest in EXTREME ROLE PLAYING, though more specifically FLARP, and even more specifically being CLOUDER in FLARP. This may or may not have something to do with your desire to ORGANIZE AND ORCHESTRATE EVERYTHING. It has become a habit that is BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC. You also possess MILD PSYCHIC ABILITIES and sometimes use them to ENHANCE YOUR MUSIC, which makes it SOUND TOTALLY AWESOME but often causes SEVERE DAMAGE to your HIVE.

Your Trolltag is eloquentOrchestrator | and you al-ways | make sure to speak | with e-ssen-tial | rhy-thmic paus-es

What will you do?

>Reztek: Examine inner workings of the piano looking thingy

We've already established that it's called a GRAND GRUBIANO but fine. Against your better judgment you walk over to the GRAND GRUBIANO, prop open the lid, and take a peek inside.

OH SWEET JEGUS THE SQUIRMING BITS, THE COLORS, THE SINEW, THE HORRENDOUS SLURRY OF ORCHESTRAL JUICES!

You quickly pass out after witnessing such horrible sights that were much better left unseen. Way to go. We better go look at someone else for the time being.

>Find someone conscious

Token · 11-03-2010, 12:31 PM

>Find someone conscious

Once again, our view changes. Slightly outside a COMMUNAL LAWN RING lies a CYLINDRICAL HIVE, its dark green visage providing a safe haven for one troll and his Lusus. The hive is oddly placed; close enough to the others to be part of the lawn ring, while simultaneously being OBVIOUSLY SEPARATE. You can tell, that the inhabitant is most likely a HUMONGOUS DOUCHETARD.

>Check out the hive's inhabitant.

Sitting in front of a HUSKTOP is a SOLITARY TROLL. His hair is rather short, and his horns, framing his chin like a pair of mandibles, seem INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE. The troll is typing away, pausing only momentarily to glare at his unwanted intruder.

>See what he's doing.

Weren't you paying attention? He's typing, numbnuts!

> Fine, jackass. See what he's typing.

The troll hastily closes minimizes the WORD DOCUMENT he was working on as you glance at the husktop's screen. He seems rather pissed that you tried to read over his shoulder. Don't you know any better than that?

>Enter name

SIGNUM AUCTOR

That's right! Your name is TERGUM CAPITI!

As always, YOU ARE IGNORED when you try to say your own name. To no one's surprise, this REALLY PISSES YOU OFF. Pretty much everything does.

You have an odd, almost fetishistic love of WRITING and HUMOR. For quite some time, you have aspired to join the CRUSHECKLERS, a vicious group of mercenaries who smite their targets through their hilariously hurtful insults. Unfortunately, you are ENTIRELY UNFUNNY. Whoops.

You consider yourself CREATIVE, despite the almost infinite EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY. You are often distracted by IDEAS and PLOTS, but you invariably fail to complete a work. Your trolltag is antipathicHopper, and you type with an []ver|_Y [yni[a|_ and ^^[]therfucking []bs[ene ^^anner.

You look slightly angrier than normal, so it would probably be a good idea for us to leave you be.

>Go find someone who's less of an asshat_

mauve · 11-03-2010, 02:30 PM

>Go find someone who's less of an asshat_

You are now a less asshattish troll. Let's take a look at you.

You are here in the RESPITE BLOCK of your SUBTERRANIAN KITCHEN-HIVE, the lower levels of which you modeled after the IRON GOURMANCER KITCHEN ARENAS of old.

You have many INTERESTS, most of which involve COOKING, KILLING and EATING THINGS, not necessarily in that ORDER. You hope to someday join the ranks of the mighty GOURMANCERS, a brigade of powerful troll chefs who ravage worlds to harvest INGREDIENTS for DARING NEW RECIPES. Gourmancers live by a strict code, the basis of which being THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER. Weak trolls die from eating razor blades. A Gourmancer comments on the EXQUISITE FLAVOR of the steel coupled with the DELICATE TEXTURE of the finely-honed edges.

You practice your JUNIOR GOURMANCY SKILLS every day by eating and/or cooking anything you can find. It is a lot of FUN, and these days you only rarely cause SERIOUS LIFE-THREATENING DAMAGE to your digestive system! Clearly, you are getting STRONGER!

Your CORRECTIONAL ORTHODONTIC EQUIPMENT makes it hard to eat things sometimes, and that makes you SAD. But it's okay! They also make it harder for you to loose teeth when you EAT ROCKS! Which you DO SOMETIMES. Which, incidentally, is why you needed the BRACES in the FIRST PLACE.

Don't you look CUTE in your offical JUNIOR GOURMANCER'S GOURMANCY APRON?

Your trolltag is omnipotentOmnivore, and you shpeak with a shlight lishp thanksh to your braschesh. you alsho only ushe bite-shized lowercashe lettersh.

What is your name?

>Enter Name:

GLUTTONY NEEDSALIFE_

Gluttony is kind of an offensive word amongst Gourmancers. Maybe you should try something else.

STUPID McLOSERHEAD_

I don't think the "Mc" prefix is understood outside of Earth society.

STUPID LOSERHEAD_

That's not very nice. Also, this joke is getting old.

GORRMA CAPRII_

Your name is GORRMA CAPRII. You are SIX SOLAR SWEEPS old.

What will you do?

>Retrieve arms from safe.

You already have arms! And they seem pretty safe at the moment!

>Examine husktop.

Husktops aren't very tasty, so this one has lasted longer than most of your possessions. You're actually not sure why it still works after you took a bite out of the monitor. But whatever! You can use it to troll your friends!

>Troll friends

Good idea! You should go see who's online. I'm sure they'd love to hear about your latest CULINARY ADVENTURES with your Lusus, NOMMINGTON. Some of your FRIENDS pretend not to care, but you're sure that deep down they're all very interested in your pursuit of the ULTIMATE RECIPE, a dish so powerful it gives wheover eats it the strength to bite through mountains. I mean, who WOULDN'T be interested in hearing about you eating random stuff you find on the ground?
...
...
...
Okay, maybe not.

>Go name another troll.

Aldurin · 11-03-2010, 02:46 PM

It appears it is now sunset on the mountain, and the troll living inside has finally woken up and has begun his daily routine of checking forums, blogs and program diagnostics that are so complex that even his supercomputer can take some to do.

This a peculiar troll, his horns bend backwards at the base and extend slightly beyond the head, adding to the large spike formation his hair forms on the back of his head. His face is strange, with flat teeth except for some slightly pointed ones on the top row but not quite the center YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, and his distinct shades hide his eyes, but a faint glow of a whirlpool pattern can be seen where his right pupil is probably hidden. He is wearing black pants and a t-shirt with the infinity symbol on it, and what appear to be some mint condition sneakers with some lights and circuitry showing on the surface. Other than that and a peculiar scar just above his left wrist he appears to be physically normal.

>Examine computer

You are about to examine the computer when suddenly you notice some movement near the ceiling. It appears the troll's lusus is a monkey, but with hawk feet instead of monkey feet and eagle wings on its back. The lusus looks at you and you feel very, very freaked out. Something about the way he looks at you makes him different from any other lusus you've seen.

Oh wait, it appears the troll is ready to make his intro.

>QUICK ENTER A NAME BEFORE HE DOES ANYTHING!!

A combination of the blood loss and your scare from when you last bothered him prevents you from thinking of a name.

--------------------------------

Your name is ALDURIN.

You enjoy WORKING WITH TECHNOLOGY, and have quite a knack for making it FUNCTION PROPERLY. Although you sometimes tend to make your inventions overcomplicated, you figure it is the sign of TRUE GENIUS. You are UNSURE OF YOUR FUTURE GOALS, but you figure ever since you KILLED THAT IMPERIAL DRONE a job among other trolls is out of the question. Maybe you will utilize your VAULT OF SWEET TECH SHIT to CONQUER THE WORLD, but that sounds like a lot of work and it might not be worth it.

Your other interests include THEORETICAL QUANTUM PHYSICS, but you don't do much in that area very often. But one of your interests is ROLEPLAYING GAMES, but not LARPing, you like to extend your imagination so you can actually see it, hence your quest for the ULTIMATE ROLEPLAYING GAME, but even with your supercomputer it's hard to create one.

Although you are a GENERALLY MUNDANE troll, you have made technological WEAPONS OF AWESOME. So far, your only working one is a special COMPUTER GLOVE that gives your hand IMMENSE STRENGTH AND REFLEXES. You would also like to have a MENTAL INTERFACE with your computer, but you have been unsuccessful and have sometimes HURT YOURSELF.

Your trolltag is technopathicalAnomaly and you type with a vErY jAggEd AccEnt.

11-02-2010, 07:20 PM	#1
Bard The 5th LW Feelin' Super! Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 4,191	Trollslum Act 1: Welcome to Alternia We now view a world long forgotten by Paradox Space. A planet of hostility, strangeness, and of rather intense relationship struggles. This sphere in space is, or was, known as ALTERNIA. Alternia and its people, the trolls are known throughout space for their innumerable military conquests. These conquests will be all but pointless by the time the day is over. However, a select few troll children will remain quite important for the time to follow. Let us take a view at these children. >Zoom in_ We go down even further onto the planet's large surface. Beneath sea level, underneath the vast ocean, but still high enough for light to shed through, a large hive juts from the sand. It is very manor-like, standing several stories tall. There are several windows and marble steps leading inside. It is so very regal and elegant you wouldn't believe. Let us examine further inside. A very excited and chipper young lass with gills stands in a rather large respiteblock, surrounded by paintings and drawings, despite the water. It Just so happens that today is her wriggling day! That doesn't matter though. At least, not to us. She seems to have actually marked it on her calendar, but I don't think we'd really understand the dates there. Oh look at that, we seemed to have reminded her of the date. She takes notice of the calender with a joyed look in her eyes. Apparently, today is a big deal to her. Just who is this young lady? > Enter Name UNINSPIRED SHREW Well that wasn't very nice at all! We just wanted a name! Now look at her, she looks very sad that you said this. You must make amends at once! CRASS RETARD Thats the exact opposite of what was requested! Look at her now! A sad, nay, forlorn expression makes its way across her face. WHINY CALLOW WRIGGLER That wasn't even two words! Oh wonderful, she's crying now. Her salty purple tears are being released straight into the water around her. Just wonderful. See what you've done? PATHETIC DAME What? Just get out of here! Name someone else! It will be quite a while before she calms down. Go name someone else! > Name someone else_ Last edited by Bard The 5th LW; 11-02-2010 at 07:28 PM.

11-02-2010, 08:41 PM	#2
Amsterdam Tra la la Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: In the clouds. Posts: 13	>Name someone else We are subject to a stark change of scenery, and are now looking down upon a large expanse of tropical forest. Move in closer, and one can see that something is built around the largest and most towering of trees. Why, it's a hive. And.. oh dear what is with that big snake lounging in among the leaves? Looks like it would be pretty violent.. if it were awake. Looks like we're lucky! >Sneak in closer We can now see inside this young lady's respiteblock. There are.. skeletons! Everywhere! And a lank troll sitting at her desk, ticking and tacking away on her Husktop, all bundled up as if it was cold. What's up with this weirdo? >Enter Name Gross Hermit >Okay that's very funny. But let's be serious for a minute. Petulant Whelp >Uhh she doesn't look like she takes kindly to that kind of.. Vapid Floosie >Okay maybe we should get out of here, she's looking pretty angry, not to mention that noise coming from the roof.. >Name someone else else_ Last edited by Amsterdam; 11-02-2010 at 08:49 PM.

11-03-2010, 12:04 AM	#4
Dracorion Moves Like Jagger, Kupo! Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: To the south, a little to the left... Or to the right. Posts: 4,910	>Name someone else We are subject to yet another change of scenery. You see a brightly lit cave that can only be described as an explosion of color. Every inch of wall space that isn't covered in various posters has been painted on. The floor has also been painted on, and both it and the furniture are covered with various dolls, plushes, squiggles and figurines. There is a young troll standing in the middle of the room. >Enter Name UNIMAGINATIVE PRI- BANG! He shot you! With a shotgun. You are bleeding! There will be no shenanigans except for his own under his roof, he says. Ahem. Your name is ZEBREK SALAKK. As demonstrated by your room, you have a variety of interests. You enjoy shitty comedy movies, shitty action movies, shitty romance stories, and shitty movies altogether. The same can be said for TV series you like. You like to PAINT, though you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You don't use chalk though, as can be seen by the brushes and- aw, where'd all your drawing implements go? Well whatever, they'll turn up sometime. Probably when you trip over them. Anyway, where were you? Oh, right. You like to partake in VARIOUS FORMS OF ROLEPLAYING, and often employ your TITANIC COLLECTION of toys to fight miniature wars. Dragons, lizards, bugs, spiders and Squiggles, even when you're not physically playing with them you're usually running a giant scenario or two in your mind. You are also attracted to SHINY THINGS, and are an avid collector of such items. Like that rare spindly- OOOHHHHH, SHINY. Lookit it, it's so pretty! You are transfixed by it's beauty. You watch the light bounce off the shiny object's polished surface. Wait, what were you doing? Right, right. Though you enjoy ROLEPLAYING, you have few friends that share your interest. Your trolltag is spectacularHellion and you often go on insane tangents i mean what is a tangent anyway its like a line that crosses a circle once and whats up with circles where do they start youve never been able to figure it out __________________ Dracorion's dumbass color is Royal Blue. If you see that color, you better run the fuck away.

11-03-2010, 12:23 AM	#5
Overcast Cinderella Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Trespassing in the graveyard Posts: 3,076	>Name someone else. The scenery changes to a shoreline, a hive sitting alone amidst the crashing waves. A stilted structure only one story tall with a floating pier extending from the bottom, where a troll in a hoody sat waiting with pure black eyes staring into the ocean as if expecting something to happen. Who is this mysterious individual? >Enter Name NOSY ASSHOLE He smiles faintly, but seems fairly unfazed. BORING BASTARD He shrugs a bit and lets you continue on with your silly business. EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE He tilts his head gently, his blank eyes seeming to ask how much longer you plan to do this. ... >Enter Name Your name is LERAJE OROBAS. You are a born MATCHMAKER, you revel in the meddling of others relationships in the creation of long term roms worth writing RIDICULOUSLY TERRIBLE ROMANTIC MOVIES AND ROMCOMS about. You dream one day of joining the elite ranks of the IMPERIAL DRONES, despite your ignored inability to create a proper romance for yourself. You enjoy MEDDLING with PEOPLE, helping them understand who they are and by extension how to find who they belong with. You also have a deep love for TROLL AND XENOPSYCHOLOGY the abstract ideas that make the alien mind tick and how the troll mind might comprehend them the kind of thing that keeps you up at night for ridiculous quantities of time. You are a fan of EXTREME ROLE PLAYING, due to the fact that through the actions of a game master you have been able to fester quite a few Kismesis and Matespirits. Your trolltag is absentPsychologist and you Have a bad, habit of losing... Your train of, thought... What will you do? ====> A slimy red thing shoots from the waters below directly for the hooded troll, wraps around his neck, and pulls him into the terrors of the Alternian ocean! It seems your bullshit made him let his guard down...he might be dead. Might as well check on someone else for now! >Name someone else. __________________ Time to bust out the glow sticks! Last edited by Overcast; 11-03-2010 at 12:32 AM.

11-03-2010, 09:34 AM	#7
Arcanum Strike the Earth! Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 3,185	>Go pester some other Troll Oh look another sudden change of scenery. How surprising. Oh wait, no, there's still water... and something else. It almost looks like a gigantic beak. Wait wait wait something's not right here. >Zoom out You're now looking at the planet of ALTERNIA, a planet of TROLLS known for their... >Skip the boring repetition and zoom to an adequate level that will continue the narrative Fine. Be like that. You are now looking at a particular Troll's LUSUS, an oversized turtle-like creature, who is enjoying a refreshing drink of water. The view from earlier was obviously a close up of the LUSUS' mouth. Unfortunately the Troll living in this HIVE is nowhere to be seen, looks like we'll have to go look for someone else. >Look for the Troll who lives here You sure are stubborn. Fine. The view changes again and you're now looking at a young Troll standing in his RESPITE BLOCK. The walls are adorned with posters of FAMOUS COMPOSERATORUMS and in one corner there sits a GRAND GRUBIANO and a GRUBTAR. There is also a HUSKTOP lounging on a table, and of course a RECUPERACOON in it's own private corner. Give this fine Troll a name. >Enter Name EROGENOUS PAILPRANCER What the hell? Ew! Seriously ewwww!! Why would you even try to joke about that? That is seriously messed up. Jegus what a horrible thing to say. That's it, you don't get any more chances. Name him properly this time, and be glad he didn't hear you the first time. >Enter Name Your name is REZTEK MELRUE. You enjoy creating MUSIC using your GRAND GRUBIANO and your GRUBTAR. Unfortunately you are nowhere near as good as your heroes TROLL MOZART and TROLL SLASH. Speaking of which they recently teamed up to create a new ALBUM which you CAN NOT WAIT for it to be released, because that will be the BEST DAY EVER. You have high ambitions and wish to one day become a FAMOUS COMPOSERATORUM and create BEAUTIFUL TROLL MUSIC that will make every Troll cry tears of HATE and PITY. Every single troll. ALL OF THEM. Fortunately you also have other INTERESTS such as your interest in EXTREME ROLE PLAYING, though more specifically FLARP, and even more specifically being CLOUDER in FLARP. This may or may not have something to do with your desire to ORGANIZE AND ORCHESTRATE EVERYTHING. It has become a habit that is BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC. You also possess MILD PSYCHIC ABILITIES and sometimes use them to ENHANCE YOUR MUSIC, which makes it SOUND TOTALLY AWESOME but often causes SEVERE DAMAGE to your HIVE. Your Trolltag is eloquentOrchestrator \| and you al-ways \| make sure to speak \| with e-ssen-tial \| rhy-thmic paus-es What will you do? >Reztek: Examine inner workings of the piano looking thingy We've already established that it's called a GRAND GRUBIANO but fine. Against your better judgment you walk over to the GRAND GRUBIANO, prop open the lid, and take a peek inside. OH SWEET JEGUS THE SQUIRMING BITS, THE COLORS, THE SINEW, THE HORRENDOUS SLURRY OF ORCHESTRAL JUICES! You quickly pass out after witnessing such horrible sights that were much better left unseen. Way to go. We better go look at someone else for the time being. >Find someone conscious Last edited by Arcanum; 11-03-2010 at 02:30 PM.

11-02-2010, 11:23 PM	#3
Aldurin Lakitu Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 4,648	Our view now changes towards the top of a distant mountain. Upon closer inspection it appears that there is a small . . . balcony? What the fuck, who puts a balcony in a mountain? We move in closer, we see that the balcony is decked out with some sweet tech shit, including a quantum telescopic apparatus, a magnetic pulse cannon and what appears to be the most comfortable adjustable lawn chair, ever. The balcony appears to lead inside the mountain, it is somewhat dark but lights from various high-tech machines can be barely seen. We move in to get a closer look, suddenly our screen flickers, creates some sparks, and a pop-up window appears, saying "NOT NOW, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP CRAPDAMMIT!! I CAN HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY FROM IN HERE!!". We quickly close the window and switch to someone else. >Name someone else . . . in a very cautious manner_

11-03-2010, 12:31 PM	#8
Token Magikoopa Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,789	>Find someone conscious Once again, our view changes. Slightly outside a COMMUNAL LAWN RING lies a CYLINDRICAL HIVE, its dark green visage providing a safe haven for one troll and his Lusus. The hive is oddly placed; close enough to the others to be part of the lawn ring, while simultaneously being OBVIOUSLY SEPARATE. You can tell, that the inhabitant is most likely a HUMONGOUS DOUCHETARD. >Check out the hive's inhabitant. Sitting in front of a HUSKTOP is a SOLITARY TROLL. His hair is rather short, and his horns, framing his chin like a pair of mandibles, seem INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE. The troll is typing away, pausing only momentarily to glare at his unwanted intruder. >See what he's doing. Weren't you paying attention? He's typing, numbnuts! > Fine, jackass. See what he's typing. The troll hastily closes minimizes the WORD DOCUMENT he was working on as you glance at the husktop's screen. He seems rather pissed that you tried to read over his shoulder. Don't you know any better than that? >Enter name SIGNUM AUCTOR That's right! Your name is TERGUM CAPITI! As always, YOU ARE IGNORED when you try to say your own name. To no one's surprise, this REALLY PISSES YOU OFF. Pretty much everything does. You have an odd, almost fetishistic love of WRITING and HUMOR. For quite some time, you have aspired to join the CRUSHECKLERS, a vicious group of mercenaries who smite their targets through their hilariously hurtful insults. Unfortunately, you are ENTIRELY UNFUNNY. Whoops. You consider yourself CREATIVE, despite the almost infinite EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY. You are often distracted by IDEAS and PLOTS, but you invariably fail to complete a work. Your trolltag is antipathicHopper, and you type with an []ver\|_Y [yni[a\|_ and ^^[]therfucking []bs[ene ^^anner. You look slightly angrier than normal, so it would probably be a good idea for us to leave you be. >Go find someone who's less of an asshat_ Last edited by Token; 11-03-2010 at 12:36 PM.

11-03-2010, 02:30 PM	#9
mauve So Dreamy Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Someplace magical Posts: 6,863	>Go find someone who's less of an asshat_ You are now a less asshattish troll. Let's take a look at you. You are here in the RESPITE BLOCK of your SUBTERRANIAN KITCHEN-HIVE, the lower levels of which you modeled after the IRON GOURMANCER KITCHEN ARENAS of old. You have many INTERESTS, most of which involve COOKING, KILLING and EATING THINGS, not necessarily in that ORDER. You hope to someday join the ranks of the mighty GOURMANCERS, a brigade of powerful troll chefs who ravage worlds to harvest INGREDIENTS for DARING NEW RECIPES. Gourmancers live by a strict code, the basis of which being THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER. Weak trolls die from eating razor blades. A Gourmancer comments on the EXQUISITE FLAVOR of the steel coupled with the DELICATE TEXTURE of the finely-honed edges. You practice your JUNIOR GOURMANCY SKILLS every day by eating and/or cooking anything you can find. It is a lot of FUN, and these days you only rarely cause SERIOUS LIFE-THREATENING DAMAGE to your digestive system! Clearly, you are getting STRONGER! Your CORRECTIONAL ORTHODONTIC EQUIPMENT makes it hard to eat things sometimes, and that makes you SAD. But it's okay! They also make it harder for you to loose teeth when you EAT ROCKS! Which you DO SOMETIMES. Which, incidentally, is why you needed the BRACES in the FIRST PLACE. Don't you look CUTE in your offical JUNIOR GOURMANCER'S GOURMANCY APRON? Your trolltag is omnipotentOmnivore, and you shpeak with a shlight lishp thanksh to your braschesh. you alsho only ushe bite-shized lowercashe lettersh. What is your name? >Enter Name: GLUTTONY NEEDSALIFE_ Gluttony is kind of an offensive word amongst Gourmancers. Maybe you should try something else. STUPID McLOSERHEAD_ I don't think the "Mc" prefix is understood outside of Earth society. STUPID LOSERHEAD_ That's not very nice. Also, this joke is getting old. GORRMA CAPRII_ Your name is GORRMA CAPRII. You are SIX SOLAR SWEEPS old. What will you do? >Retrieve arms from safe. You already have arms! And they seem pretty safe at the moment! >Examine husktop. Husktops aren't very tasty, so this one has lasted longer than most of your possessions. You're actually not sure why it still works after you took a bite out of the monitor. But whatever! You can use it to troll your friends! >Troll friends Good idea! You should go see who's online. I'm sure they'd love to hear about your latest CULINARY ADVENTURES with your Lusus, NOMMINGTON. Some of your FRIENDS pretend not to care, but you're sure that deep down they're all very interested in your pursuit of the ULTIMATE RECIPE, a dish so powerful it gives wheover eats it the strength to bite through mountains. I mean, who WOULDN'T be interested in hearing about you eating random stuff you find on the ground? ... ... ... Okay, maybe not. >Go name another troll. __________________ Yoo Hoo! Last edited by mauve; 11-03-2010 at 02:38 PM.

11-03-2010, 02:46 PM	#10
Aldurin Lakitu Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 4,648	It appears it is now sunset on the mountain, and the troll living inside has finally woken up and has begun his daily routine of checking forums, blogs and program diagnostics that are so complex that even his supercomputer can take some to do. This a peculiar troll, his horns bend backwards at the base and extend slightly beyond the head, adding to the large spike formation his hair forms on the back of his head. His face is strange, with flat teeth except for some slightly pointed ones on the top row but not quite the center YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, and his distinct shades hide his eyes, but a faint glow of a whirlpool pattern can be seen where his right pupil is probably hidden. He is wearing black pants and a t-shirt with the infinity symbol on it, and what appear to be some mint condition sneakers with some lights and circuitry showing on the surface. Other than that and a peculiar scar just above his left wrist he appears to be physically normal. >Examine computer You are about to examine the computer when suddenly you notice some movement near the ceiling. It appears the troll's lusus is a monkey, but with hawk feet instead of monkey feet and eagle wings on its back. The lusus looks at you and you feel very, very freaked out. Something about the way he looks at you makes him different from any other lusus you've seen. Oh wait, it appears the troll is ready to make his intro. >QUICK ENTER A NAME BEFORE HE DOES ANYTHING!! A combination of the blood loss and your scare from when you last bothered him prevents you from thinking of a name. -------------------------------- Your name is ALDURIN. You enjoy WORKING WITH TECHNOLOGY, and have quite a knack for making it FUNCTION PROPERLY. Although you sometimes tend to make your inventions overcomplicated, you figure it is the sign of TRUE GENIUS. You are UNSURE OF YOUR FUTURE GOALS, but you figure ever since you KILLED THAT IMPERIAL DRONE a job among other trolls is out of the question. Maybe you will utilize your VAULT OF SWEET TECH SHIT to CONQUER THE WORLD, but that sounds like a lot of work and it might not be worth it. Your other interests include THEORETICAL QUANTUM PHYSICS, but you don't do much in that area very often. But one of your interests is ROLEPLAYING GAMES, but not LARPing, you like to extend your imagination so you can actually see it, hence your quest for the ULTIMATE ROLEPLAYING GAME, but even with your supercomputer it's hard to create one. Although you are a GENERALLY MUNDANE troll, you have made technological WEAPONS OF AWESOME. So far, your only working one is a special COMPUTER GLOVE that gives your hand IMMENSE STRENGTH AND REFLEXES. You would also like to have a MENTAL INTERFACE with your computer, but you have been unsuccessful and have sometimes HURT YOURSELF. Your trolltag is technopathicalAnomaly and you type with a vErY jAggEd AccEnt.