Pokemon Umbral Theatre 19: Important notice!

[Geminex]

There's pokemon and there's card games. The two are not equivalent. I'm not saying everything has to make sense, ever. We have a premise. It may be a ridiculous premise, like that of pokemon is, but it is one we can accept and work within.

But there's stuff that's just so inherently silly, it takes it to a whole new level.
Card Games do that.

Look, put another way.
The premise of homestuck is pretty silly. And so is the story. But goddamn, it's epic. But hussie can't just throw in any plot element he likes and expect it to remain epic. If we clean up the story a little, we can get epic. But card games would stand in the way of this.

Just as we can't add card games and expect anyone, including ourselves, to take the story seriously.

[Dracorion]

People are taking this story seriously now?

Shit, point me to them. Is it one of the lurkers? Because I don't think even AB takes this story all that seriously.

BTW monsters living in cards isn't quite so different from monsters living in balls.

[Geminex]

Not 'seriously' seriously. This isn't a big drama.

More 'deserves to be well-written' seriously.

[Dracorion]

Hey, no reason card games can't be written seriously.

We already have magic to explain why they can fit in cards. And magic is just as good an explanation as SUPERSCIENCE!!!11!!1!

[Geminex]

It honestly isn't.

Look, let me put it this way: If ya'll gave me some plot power, I could have this shit ironed out and actually make a consistent story out of it without excessive difficulty. All it'd take would be to scale back some of the characters, scale back the tits a little, utterly separate gameplay and plot and throw in a couple of explanations for pokemon. I've got them thought up, it's not hard.
Now I'm not asking for it, cause it'd be a hassle and cause much discussion and I respect AB too much, but I could.

But card games? Not a fucking chance.

That's how I can tell that this sorta crosses the line.

[Dracorion]

Yes, yes it is.

"Your sword inflicts dragon damage because... uh... SCIENCE!" is just as bullshit as "You sword inflicts dragon damage because I USED A SPELL."

EDIT: You can't explain all the biological impossibilities of pokemon without magic.

[Geminex]

True. And I'm not saying I can make it scientifically sound. But I can make it make sense. I can set up a moderately-plausible set of rules that explains every pokemon phenomenon. It's really not hard.

But I don't think that the cards would even make sense. They just... wouldn't. I can't think of a way to make it sound anything other than badly written and ridiculous.

[Dracorion]

I am skeptical.

Seriously, I'm not buying that you can satisfactorily explain pokemon to me.

[Astral Harmony]

Yes, Eldys is from another planet. The Knomere are also from another planet. And the Netherworld is pretty much like a parallel dimension. It's not Hell, just another universe with its own set of rules.

The problem is, Geminex, that you have it in your head that the Knomere alien menace is using a "children's trading card game."

I shall retort with a quote ripped right from Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series: "Card games are serious business."

The Knomere do not use cards to play games. They use cards to turn single units into formidible fighting forces all on their own the same way that children ten years old and up use Pokemon to turn themselves into someone who could probably wipe out a naval fleet. They use cards to kill and win wars. To them, it's not a game that they play in the living room while waiting for an episode of InuYasha that isn't a rerun on Adult Swim. And when you've fought a difficult battle against them and won a well-deserved victory, I think you'll feel that these guys didn't come to your world to start a card game tournament in order to acquire an ancient Egyptian artifact from a small boy with ridiculous hair and the spirit of an eons old pharoah living inside his body.

Though, I will take it upon myself to make various card-based jokes throughout the sequel myself. It can't all be serious.

And you want to cut back on the tits? Blasphemy!

[Menarker]

So basically, it is more like they are using "talismans" that operate in the same manner to how earthlings play their trading card games. Recall that before our ancestors learned more about science, physics and technology, decorated slabs and paper were probably considered to have mystical properties, especially if they had symbols they revered highly.

They probably have their own culture revolving around it in a manner similar to how our technology, legends and such revolve around pokemons. Doctors in their world probably research and collect Miracle cards, teachers use whatever count as divination or knowledge cards, criminals use darkness/evil/forbidden cards and so on and so forth.

Hehe, I'd imagine they'd be interested in OUR cards, like Tarot cards.

Sexy: Oooh, they have cards that can be used to determine your future... Why do I have the chariot card followed by the upside down death card? (Is sneak attacked by Pierce who we joked as being the chariot symbol)

I imagine there is something that prevents their cards from being stolen and used against them or something, especially if the owner of said cards is defeated/killed. Otherwise, we'd all gain the ability to fight like them.