The Grinch shows us why all other christmas specials suck - Page 3

Professor Smarmiarty · 12-17-2012, 03:38 PM

The best christmas morals come from Gremlins.
Animals are evil, let's murder them.
Chinese people are trying to poison us with their evil magics.
Disney saves the day.

Solid Snake · 12-17-2012, 04:32 PM

Pft.

Everyone knows what the best Christmas story really is.

I mean think of all the awesome elements in this story.
* Set in the era of the Roman Empire? Yes.
* A deity puts on a misogynistic Zeus impression by impregnating a woman with magical sperm without her consent? Yes.
* Angels show up? Yes.
* Marital strife threatens a newlywed couple in a series of emotional sequences ripped straight out of Hallmark movie? Yes.
* An Innkeeper resorts to petty villainy in denying a pregnant woman housing? Yes.
* Barnyard animals are involved? Yes.
* A star is created and exists in the cosmos for the sole purpose of leading a bunch of Shepherds (sadly, not Commander Shepard) and three old dudes to a newborn kid? Yes.
* The best music out of any Christmas special? "Here Comes Santa Clause" ain't got shit on "Silent Night."
* Chronicles the birth of a kid credited with more accomplishments, responsible for more wars, capable of evoking euphoria, fear or dread? Yes. Bonus points for becoming the world's most famous carpenter, too.
* An incredibly divisive message that's still hotly debated among scholars thousands of years later? Yes. What's better than a story that can muster more than a billion diehard adherents -- and millions if not billions among the opposition?

Whether it's fiction or non-fiction, you know it's the best story of them all. Luke totally laid down the gauntlet and you think Dr. Seuss can beat that? Let's talk again in the year 4012 and see if anyone still reads or watches the Grinch.

Kim · 12-17-2012, 04:36 PM

This is about Star Wars, right?

Solid Snake · 12-17-2012, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kim

This is about Star Wars, right?

Pft, Kim, don't give it away

Professor Smarmiarty · 12-17-2012, 04:55 PM

Vader is responsible for somewhere between 0 and 2 wars. Jesus is responsible for hundreds. Vader is a kiddie leaguer when hes compared to big J.

Solid Snake · 12-17-2012, 04:56 PM

You have to factor in the size and scope of each individual war too, Smarty. How many lives do you think the Clone Wars and the Rebellion cost the galaxy, given the hundreds of planets impacted?

Professor Smarmiarty · 12-17-2012, 04:59 PM

Yeah but that's not really fair because there is no way Jesus could start a galatic war. If you scale it to the respective populations of interacting civilisations which could possibly be affected he's got to be well ahead.

Solid Snake · 12-17-2012, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Professor Smarmiarty

Yeah but that's not really fair because there is no way Jesus could start a galatic war. If you scale it to the respective populations of interacting civilisations which could possibly be affected he's got to be well ahead.

Jesus is half-deity. He could have just asked his father to give the Roman Empire the ability to construct starships in order to ensure he'd measure up to Vader.

...Actually, wait. Who's to say Jesus hasn't started wars on other planets, and we on Earth just don't know it because we haven't been in touch with extraterrestrials? For all we know Jesus has been born on every civilization in existence, as God keeps tabs on the development of every pre-pubescent Type Zero Civilization.

Shit this is getting complicated.

Professor Smarmiarty · 12-17-2012, 05:25 PM

Garden of Eden was on Mars.

Locke cole · 12-17-2012, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solid Snake

You have to factor in the size and scope of each individual war too, Smarty. How many lives do you think the Clone Wars and the Rebellion cost the galaxy, given the hundreds of planets impacted?

It depends on whether or not you consider clones to be 3/5 of a person.

12-17-2012, 04:32 PM	#22
Solid Snake Erotic Esquire Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 5,563	*Pft.* Everyone knows what the best Christmas story really is. I mean think of all the awesome elements in this story. * Set in the era of the Roman Empire? Yes. * A deity puts on a misogynistic Zeus impression by impregnating a woman with magical sperm without her consent? *Yes.* * Angels show up? *Yes.* * Marital strife threatens a newlywed couple in a series of emotional sequences ripped straight out of Hallmark movie? *Yes.* * An Innkeeper resorts to petty villainy in denying a pregnant woman housing? *Yes.* * Barnyard animals are involved? *Yes.* * A star is created and exists in the cosmos for the sole purpose of leading a bunch of Shepherds (sadly, not Commander Shepard) and three old dudes to a newborn kid? *Yes.* * The best music out of any Christmas special? "Here Comes Santa Clause" ain't got *shit* on "Silent Night." * Chronicles the birth of a kid credited with more accomplishments, responsible for more wars, capable of evoking euphoria, fear or dread? *Yes.* Bonus points for becoming the world's most famous carpenter, too. * An incredibly divisive message that's still hotly debated among scholars thousands of years later? *Yes.* What's better than a story that can muster more than a billion diehard adherents -- and millions if not billions among the opposition? Whether it's fiction or non-fiction, you know it's the best story of them all. Luke totally laid down the gauntlet and you think Dr. Seuss can beat that? Let's talk again in the year 4012 and see if anyone still reads or watches the Grinch. __________________ *WARNING:* Snek's all up in this thread. Be prepared to read massive walls of text.

12-17-2012, 04:36 PM	#23
Kim adorable Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 12,950	This is about Star Wars, right? __________________ this post is about how to successfully H the Kimmy

12-17-2012, 04:56 PM	#26
Solid Snake Erotic Esquire Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 5,563	We're going to debate who's the best at wars, Jesus or Vader. We are officially nerds You have to factor in the size and scope of each individual war too, Smarty. How many lives do you think the Clone Wars and the Rebellion cost the galaxy, given the hundreds of planets impacted? __________________ *WARNING:* Snek's all up in this thread. Be prepared to read massive walls of text.

12-17-2012, 03:38 PM	#21
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	The best christmas morals come from Gremlins. Animals are evil, let's murder them. Chinese people are trying to poison us with their evil magics. Disney saves the day.

12-17-2012, 04:55 PM	#25
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	Vader is responsible for somewhere between 0 and 2 wars. Jesus is responsible for hundreds. Vader is a kiddie leaguer when hes compared to big J.

12-17-2012, 04:59 PM	#27
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	Yeah but that's not really fair because there is no way Jesus could start a galatic war. If you scale it to the respective populations of interacting civilisations which could possibly be affected he's got to be well ahead.

12-17-2012, 05:25 PM	#29
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	Garden of Eden was on Mars.