8-bit fanfics

[Jared Todd]

:bmage:*walk* *walk* *walk* We're lost, you know that, right?
:fighter:No we're not. Look, here's a sign. *points it it*
"Armor of Invincibility ahead, inside the Cave of No Return -->"
What the--..!! That's not how the script goes..!!!
Let's go! *runs*
Wah-- ..weh-- .. Fighter; wait up, will you...!? *runs with after him*

Both come upon a cave, and enter it, finding battles with fierce mice and deadly vampire bats that don't actually suck blood from humans, only animals because it's a myth that vampire bats bite humans!
Reaching a light source upon a pedestal, they gasp.
*gasp!* Hey, look, someone's already taken it! I wonder who.....
I think I have a pretty good idea.... *turns and starts walking out*
Wait, hey, don't you want to solve this Martin Mystery??
*stops* You already know who took it. *turns* It was you! *brass instrument chord*
*rubs head* .. you lost me, Mage. Why would I be looking for an Armor of Invincibility I already have? That'd be stupid.
You're stupid! Look at you!
*looks down* ... I'm looking, but all I can see is the cuirass I found the other day in this weird cave I visited and my shiny boots.
... buffoon... *turns and walks away, grumbling*
I like 'em 'cause they're shiny..


I think that's sufficient enough..... I was thinking of their voices as I was typing. This is their personalities as I see them from the earlier comics. The reason BM can't hurt Fighter could be that he already HAS the armor of invincibility. Although that theory's probably been thrown around enough.

[Seran]

"They're engaged?" Fighter repeated with such a subdued, surprised blink, Red Mage could only return the most awkward of stares.
"N...never mind...Why do I even bother...?" Soon, they heard a disturbing sound from far off, and all the fighting had abruptly come to a halt.
"...bbbuuuurrbbbbllllbbb...."
"What happened?" Fighter jumped to his feet, clutching Black Mage's dagger in his hand. "What happened?" He peered over the bridge towards Black Mage, Thief, and White Mage, noticing a great crimson fountain spurt up from the ground. He cautiously hopped forward in an attempt to get a closer look, but Red Mage jumped forward and grabbed him by the back of his cuirass.
"Ahem, Fighter, this looks as though it will get a little messy. Perhaps you should go back to fishing."
"Oh, yeah! I was getting...uh..."
There was a pause, during which Fighter stood, staring at the stone ground. The stone didn't help him remember he was supposed to be digging for worms.
-
"That should teach you two to be so immature!"
White Mage stood over the bodies of Thief and Black Mage, both gurgling with blood in unison. Her hammer was waving threateningly over her shoulder, her eyes narrowed in anger, and blood was staining her pure white robes. She bothered to glance down to notice, and sighed exasperatedly. "Oh...I'll have to wash these again..."
Black Mage attempted at pained speaking, but only succeeded in more gurgling.
"Shut up, I know what you may have wanted to say." White Mage sighed again, with more breath this time, and muttered under her breath. "Lousy White Mage's oath..." Moving her gaze towards the two, she raised her hand, placed her hammer beneath her robes, and flicked her wrist briefly. "Cure-2!" Sparkles of blue shot out, settled upon the two, and their wounds quickly sealed before her eyes, their bones mending smoothly and their organs fucntioning once more. Thief let out a wheezy exhale, and Black Mage's chest rose rapidly with a gasp of air. White Mage lowered her hand, and quickly shifted her hood mildly, as it was becoming uncomfortable. "I'd love to leave to wash my robes, but I can't trust you two to not hurt each other."
"Want me to wash them for you?" Black Mage promptly asked.
-
"No, good man, what are you doing! Are you trying to hack your hand off!"
"No, I'm trying to dig."
"But stabbing the ground like that will get your hand chopped off in an instant!"
"But Black Mage always stabbed me, and I think I remember him saying something about digging into my armor with his dagger. So I figured stabbing would work, 'cause it also digs."
"Just...no, Fighter. Look, you need to adjust your motion to a curving movement, so that the dagger will actually slide into the dirt and lift it when you lift it." Red Mage took Fighter's hand firmly, trying to demonstrate how to do so. Having full control over Fighter's hand, he did what he had said -- forced the motion into a curving movement that hacked into the dirt, and not the other hand.
"Thanks, RM!" Fighter exclaimed happily and did as he was told. "How long is it gonna take until I find a worm for the fish?"
"Uh...Just be patient." Red Mage raised his head at the sound of Black Mage being flung into the water, caused by a bone-crushing blow from White Mage's hammer. "Ooh. That does not look pleasant."
"Like I said, he's not good at talking with girls. Then he said he hated us all."
"I think I can recall for myself, if you will. Now don't bother me and keep digging for a wormy. I only said that because it rhymes and would distract you from everything else."
"Huh?"
"Like I said."
"Look!" Fighter, still on his knees, pulled an earthworm out of the ground and showed it to Red Mage, who turned to lend attention to Fighter. "A worm. What do I do with it now?"
Red Mage turned around and quickly whipped out a quill, but as he stood there, staring at his empty hand, he suddenly realized his character sheet was no longer there. Devastated, he simply stood there, gazing with stunned horror at his hand, and whimpered. "I think I'm going to cry now."
"You wanna help me catch a fish?"
"No, thank you."
"Okay. More fish for me. You hungry? I'm starved. That's why I'm catching fish. 'Cause, like, fish is a good source of protein."
"Please stop talking."
"And I really want to catch one, you know?" Fighter crawled over to his fishing pole, pinned the worm to his little sword figure, and tossed the line into the river. "I've never fished before. No one ever tried to teach me. I think I asked my teacher once, I can't remember, I can't remember his name either, but anyway, as I was saying, no one taught me to fish before, you know? And what better experience than to learn by yourself?"
"Stop it."
"Oh, but there's always the big chance of making a whole ton of mistakes...I mean, really! It's really hard learning on your own."
"I really am going to cry."
"But now all I have to do is wait. I forget what you're supposed to do when you're waiting, so..."
Dread filled poor Red Mage.
"Swordswordswords, swords swords, swordswordswordswords swords I like swords swordswords badadada swordswords...."
Red Mage threw his head back and screamed.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaugh!"

[Jared Todd]

lol!! I laughed through that whole last part. Even if it wasn't supposed to be funny. It was funny.

[Seran]

I try my best at humor. More of my skills lie in gloom and misfortune...and solemnity.

[Robert Paulson]

BlackMage stood, pondering. He and the others had just reached another village to rest and buy supplies. Thief had gone off to 'procure' more funds, RedMage went around talking to the locals, hoping he'd be sent off on another so-called 'sidequest,' Fighter was blowing off their hard-earned gil on yet another useless collection of swords, which left BlackMage alone, overlooking the outskirts of town.

He thought to himself, how can I possibly rid myself of these inferior ones and, at the same time, convince WhiteMage to hump me furiously? But before he could elaborate further, the most horrible words uttered by the most horrible voice shattered his train of thought, "Hey BlackMage! Hey BlackMage!" BlackMage whirled around to see the thing he dread most; the all-too-cheery grin of Fighter McWarrior. BlackMage narrowed his eyes at Fighter, asking, "Fighter, do I dare ask?" "I don't know, do you?" was Fighter's response. This only made BlackMage even angrier than he was. Fighter continued, "Anyways, I was at this place, it's like a guild for inventors, and I showed them my swordchucks, and you know what? They're gonna make a whole bunch of swordchucks, and sell them all throughout the world, and I get a little bit of gil for each swordchuck sold! Isn't that great?"

BlackMage could not believe what he was hearing. This ingrate, who can't even count to two, let alone carry a conversation, has now earned financial security all because of his flatout retarded idea of two swords joined by a chain. He couldn't control himself any longer. Like a beast driven with a lust for bloodshed, he reached for his dagger and began stabbing at Fighter mercilessly. Fighter laughed, and told the psychotic stabber, "Silly BlackMage, you know your knife can't penetrate my armor! But, if you wanna practice your mad stabbing skills on your best friend for life, I'll let you!" BlackMage's eyes were now conveying a look of intense, visceral hatred and blind insanity. After a minute or so of fruitless stabbing, BlackMage went down to the ground, exhausted. He looked up at Fighter and said, almost as if he were crying, "DAMMIT FIGHTER! WHY WON'T YOU JUST DIE!!!???" Fighter happily replied, "You gotta admit, I'm a pretty hard guy to kill!" With this realization, BlackMage came to realize that this was going to be yet even another one of those long, painful days . . . .

To be continued . . .

[dark butterfree]

i must applaud all of the people, who have written such good stories. i mean, i can't write that good unless i'm in WRITER'S MODE, and that happens very rarely. way to go.

and now, non-writers-mode storytime!

:fighter:: I aM teh FigHtar! i Liek sworDs.
:thief::i Am t tHeiv, I du Stealded aLL Ur monEy Liek a THEif.
:bmage:: U R HadoKended, Guys.
:fighter:: I arE HadoKended...

sorry, couldn't help it...

[Seran]

Red Mage collapsed to his knees, fell onto his side, and curled up, pulling his head to his chest with his hands. He started to weep as Fighter stared down at him as though he were some sort of lunatic who had lost all sanity, and was coping with the madness around him by crying. Fighter knelt down to him and prodded him gently in the shoulder, concerned that Red Mage was in such a position.
"You okay?" he asked dully.
Red Mage simply continued to cry.
"Kay then." Fighter returned to the fishing pole and grasped it lightly in both of his hands, casting his gaze out to the river. His cheerful expression made it seem as though absolutely nothing different had happened, and he watched the clouds drift by silently while White Mage screamed from the middle of the bridge. What he heard was:
"Some day, I'm going to crush every single little bone in your body and you'll regret the day you ever started being fresh with me, little man!"
Fighter didn't know what she meant by that, but he considered that to be a good comment. Not worried, he started humming to himself. The breeze was light and it hummed with him in an endless tune, accompanied by the crying of Red Mage, the screaming of White Mage, and the shouting of Black Mage. Thief's voice was barely heard as he attempted to prevent White Mage from throwing herself into the river just to bash Black Mage to death using her massive hammer. Fighter could plainly see White Mage flailing her arms out in a desperate move to jump into the water. He, nonetheless, paid no attention to her or Thief as he focused his attention on the sky and the river below. His gaze slowly floated up to the sky above him, only to be met with a sun hiding behind a thin layer of clouds, and he drew his eyes away. The sunlight really could hurt someone's eyes. While he waited patiently, he heard Black Mage climb onto the shore on the other end of the river. Looking up, he waved merrily in greetings to Black Mage.
-
Black Mage panted furiously, his eyes wide. He was not made for swimming. He was made for conjuring world-ending spells that would have worked if it weren't for destiny and fate and all that crap. Looking to the bridge, he noticed White Mage calming down with Thief clutching her sleeve. Black Mage didn't know why Thief cared, but he did know another man was holding onto his girl! Leaping onto his feet, he saw Fighter from across the river, delivered the middle finger to him rudely, and dashed away back to White Mage and Thief.
-
"Oh, no, here he comes," White Mage groaned, watching Black Mage attempt to reach them. "Let me go, I'm going to smash his fragile body to pieces and pieces!"
"Wait," Thief said, still holding her sleeve tightly in his hand. "You don't want to do that."
"Yes I do!"
"But that would be severely breaking the White Mage's Oath!"
"I don't care!"
"Yes you do! Look, be rational and think about it."
"I...I can't!"
"Fine. Instead, think that you'll be owing me 500 Gil after I let you go kill BM for his twisted little mind."
"Hold on!" White Mage exclaimed, pulling her arm away. "I am not paying that much! And nor am I going to be breaking my oath, thank you very much!"
"You're welcome."
"Thank...wait...what?"
"Hey, here he comes."
Black Mage ran up to them, panting harder than before, his second dagger pointed threateningly at Thief. "You...stay away...from...her..."
"Wha?"
White Mage smacked Black Mage back into the river. Apparently, she still wasn't giving up on throwing some pain directly into Black Mage's face. She watched him spin in the air at some speed of seventy miles per hour, plummet towards the water, and land in the river with a loud splash. Thief peered over the edge of the bridge, curious to see if Black Mage would swim to the shore again or not. With him distracted, White Mage grabbed him by the back of his collar and pushed him in. Thief fell over with a yell and was sent into the cold water, just like Black Mage, except his bones wouldn't have been crushed. White Mage watched them disappear into the river, then sighed and collapsed onto her rump, rubbing her cheek with reproach at her job as a white mage. Things were so complicated for her. Why did she have to suffer this horrible time of idiocy and chaos? Couldn't there have been someone else who was capable of handling the task? Her eyes followed the two below, her gaze first focused on Black Mage -- who was struggling with the current -- then on Thief -- who was swimming towards Fighter in an unusually calm manner. Silently, she prayed that Black Mage would not return for her. He was a wretched little monster whom she had always hoped would have at least a little humanity in him, but her doubts had been increasing with time, and at some points, would fall to the point of her believing once more that he had good inside him. Nonetheless, she stood up, leaned over the side of the bridge, and yelled down at him.
"Don't give me a reason to start slapping you!"
As she stood on the edge of the bridge, she felt the ground tremble, and glanced down with shock. Black Mage fell beneath of the surface of the river and failed to emerge.
-
Thief climbed onto land, sitting next to Fighter, who was too busy staring out to pay attention to anything. Red Mage was sniffling, but no longer weeping, and was laying on his back as he too stared at the sky. Thief glanced between the two, concerned that they did not notice the rumbling. Stupid humans, he thought to himself blandly.
"Hey, anyone feel that?"
"I can only feel my neverending nightmare of absolute despair."
Fighter did not respond.
"Well, it feels like an earthquake..."
Red Mage immediately sat up, turned his head towards Thief, and blinked for a moment. "Uh?"
"Eathquake."
"Is that something new?"
"I guess you have a point."

[neyo the king]

Seran. Your story rocks.

You need a cookie. Someone give Seran a cookie! NOW!

[Seran]

Aheheh...what kind of cookie is it?

I can't believe that story is still not done. But then again, what was I expecting?

...Something shorter.

[Long-Haired Narcissist]

Seran, your story rocks. I got Space, Peanut Butter, and chocolate chip cookies. You can have one when you finish this story.