Like, 60 guys walk into a bar (freestyle comedy ensues)

[42PETUNIAS]

Want to hear a dirty joke?

Jimmy fell in a mud puddle.

Want to hear a claen joke?

Jimmy had a bath with bubbles.

Want to hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles is the girl next door.

[greed]

Three couples all go to have their honeymoon at this small hotel. Being from a conservative town all three have waited until marriage and consequently bolted to their rooms as soon as they checked in. Shortly afterwards however one of the men comes back out and sits on the front porche with a frustrated look on his face, soon another one of the men comes out and sits down next to him. The first asks him why he isn't up there with his wife, the second replies that when his wife got undressed in front of him, he blurted out something about her weight that she didn't like. The first with a mournful chuckle said he had made a similar comment about his wife being bonier than he thought.
A few minutes later there is a commotion above them, a sound of glass breaking, a thump, and the third falls off the verandah and lands on the ground in front of them. The first two men pick him up, dust him off and get him a beer. He sits down next to them on the porche with a somewhat shellshocked look on his face. The other two men in somewhat of a good humour because of the beer, now ask him in unison "Did you put your foot in it too?"

The third slowly turns to them and says "No, but I could have."

[Azisien]

What does a nervous cow make?

Milkshakes!

What does an atomic cow do?

Muon!

How many evolutionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes at least four million years.

Two hydrogens floating in the void. One turns to the other and says "Dude, I think I just lost an election!" The other one queries, "Are you sure?" The first exclaims, "I'm POSITIVE!" The second hydrogen sighs, "For a second there, I thought you were getting all negative on me again."

Two molecules floating in the void. One says to the other "I'll give you one proton for two of your electrons." The other agrees, and they make the trade, but the first molecule also gives the second two neutrons. The second asks "How much do I owe you for those?" The first chuckles, "Don't worry, they're free of charge."

What's a tachyon?
It's a gluon that hasn't dried yet.

Researchers in Antarctica yesterday announced they discovered a new superconductor that operates at room temperature.

What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission chips.

Two detectives are surveying a bloody murder scene. The first turns to the other and says "What happened here?" The second replies "It looks like one of the scientists murdered Dr. Grey using those canisters of nickel, potassium, and iron." The first looks at the canisters and then examines the bloodied corpse with a confused look on his face. "These don't look like blunt blows..."

"No, we're pretty sure the murderer stabbed him repeatedly with the KNiFe.

[Skyshot]

So a few months ago I was thinking about the possible health risks of defecating on a public toilet, and wondering if it was any more dangerous than doing so on your own toilet at home. I finally concluded it was possible most people are more comfortable with home toilets primarily because while one has an idea how often the home toilet is cleaned, the odds of sanitation on a public toilet are a crapshoot.

Totally accidental, too.

[42PETUNIAS]

Originally Posted by Azisien

What does a nervous cow make?

Milkshakes!

What does an atomic cow do?

Muon!

How many evolutionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes at least four million years.

Two hydrogens floating in the void. One turns to the other and says "Dude, I think I just lost an election!" The other one queries, "Are you sure?" The first exclaims, "I'm POSITIVE!" The second hydrogen sighs, "For a second there, I thought you were getting all negative on me again."

Two molecules floating in the void. One says to the other "I'll give you one proton for two of your electrons." The other agrees, and they make the trade, but the first molecule also gives the second two neutrons. The second asks "How much do I owe you for those?" The first chuckles, "Don't worry, they're free of charge."

What's a tachyon?
It's a gluon that hasn't dried yet.

Researchers in Antarctica yesterday announced they discovered a new superconductor that operates at room temperature.

What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission chips.

Two detectives are surveying a bloody murder scene. The first turns to the other and says "What happened here?" The second replies "It looks like one of the scientists murdered Dr. Grey using those canisters of nickel, potassium, and iron." The first looks at the canisters and then examines the bloodied corpse with a confused look on his face. "These don't look like blunt blows..."

"No, we're pretty sure the murderer stabbed him repeatedly with the KNiFe.

is it just me, or is it sad that i'm 15, and still understood all of those?

[Azisien]

Originally Posted by 42PETUNIAS

is it just me, or is it sad that i'm 15, and still understood all of those?

Or is it sad that I know those?

[Preturbed]

Originally Posted by Azisien

"No, we're pretty sure the murderer stabbed him repeatedly with the KNiFe.

Whats really sad is that it took me nearly 5 minutes to realize that you weren't capitalizing Knife like a 12 year old, and then I got the joke.

[Skyshot]

It's even sadder that I tried to figure out a way to tell someone that joke out loud.

Oh, and a personal favorite I picked up from Bob and George:

So Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding. The cop asks him,

"Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

And Heisenberg says,

"Yes, but I have no idea where I am!"

[42PETUNIAS]

man- its even sadder that i get that one

[Bells]

Its sad that a happy thread like this makes people so sad...

*drums*