NPF Avatars 6, Chapter (6?)7: Didn't your momma tell you not to fight?

[Intern Nin]

The best damn teacher period saw the troubled teenager running towards him and screaming in what could only be described as a Dean Venture-ish manner. Oninzuka side-stepped out of the way of Bad Boy's charge and then tripped him. Oninzuka knew this type of student all too well. Since he didn't want to waste thirty minutes getting to know him and getting into a series of misadventures, he decided to just skip to the speech at the end.

"Listen, I know you're mad at everybody for not understanding you, but the fact is they don't understand you because you never told them how you really felt. And that's because you're afraid of what they might think of you if you ever told anybody how felt, you're afraid they might reject you. So you started acting like a punk-rebel and tried to hurt everyone else before they had a chance to hurt you. All this time you had this self-dustructive attitude because you're afraid, am I right?"

Bad Boy picked himself picked himself up off the ground and turned to Oninzuka with a look of disbelief.

"Oh my god, you were right about everything! On the outside, I put on a tough, 'I don't care' persona and do things to hurt other's feelings (and their bodies) but that's to mask the fear and insecurity I feel on the inside. It's also why I don't try to make friends, because I'm afraid to let anybody get close to me. That's why I'm always alone."

"You don't have to be alone anymore, kid. You can join my class, everybody's a friend to everybody there. And I'll always be there too, if you ever need somebody to talk with."

"D-do you really mean it?"

"Of course I mean it, I'm always there for my students."
Tears wellled up in Bad Boy's eyes. He didn't know when it happened it, but he found himself hugging the great teacher while sobbing profusely.

"Se-sensei! I want to be in your class!"

Oninzuka patted the troubled lad on the back.

Well, that's another student pointed in the right direction. I wonder what I'll have dinner tonight. If I remember correctly, there's only a half-eaten casserole and some ramen left in the apartment. I guess I should eat the casserole before it goes bad, but I feel more like eating ramen. Damn, this is a hard choice.

Oninzuka didn't get a chance to decide what to eat, because the sentai's hug had accidently trigger the remote in the teacher's pocket. They were teleported in front of a fire engine, sprayed by the hose, and then teleported back to Japan.

"Uh sensei, what just happened?"

Bad boy pulled out of the hug and found that he was no longer in the presence of Oninzuka but instead the detective Intern Nin. Nin, of course was surprised to find himself on a street in Japan and no longer in a volcano. Even more shocking was the fact that he shared a hug with a Sentai. Suddenly, Nin eyes lost their pupils and his face was wearing an exression of pure anger.

"YOOOOUUUUU!", Nin said accusingly.

Sentai Bad Boy couldn't understand what was going on and neither could the idiots in the audience.

"Huh, what just happened? Why is turtle guy so pissed?", said an idiot with blonde hair and headband.

"Because of what he is.", a green-skinned man with pointy ears and antennae explained. "Because that's his most hated enemy."

"What? I don't understand that because my brain doesn't work if I'm not fighting. Could you please try explaining it in a way that a five-year old could understand?", said Blondy McTypical-shonen-character.

"Okay," green guy said, "It goes like this."

He pulled out a chart that read "The Most Hated Enemies of Everything" and pointed to a line on it.

"A ninja's most hated enemies are martial artists, samurais, rival ninjas, and pirates.
A mutant's worst enemies are mutants of the opposing faction and the normal people who don't understand them.
A teenager's worst enemy is themselves.
A turtle's worst enemies are crocs, snakes, cats, wild dogs, seagulls, rabbits, frogs, and William Howard Taft.

But some one who is combination of all of these has one very special and very specific enemy, that of course is... Power Rangers! In other words, Sentai!"

Back at the scene with actions actually taking place, Nin had just kicked Sentai Bad Boy about fifty feet into the air and he landed with a crash.

"Ow, what's going on? Didn't we just have a heart warming and dramatic moment?"

Bad boy got his answer in the form of a hat glaive hitting his helmet and slicing a chunk out of the visor. Nin caught his hat, then rushed the downed Sentai and delivered a series of bone-breaking blows. Nin kicked him up in the air and then tied him up with his weighted chains mid-air. He then started swinging Bad Boy around smashing him into lamp posts and mailboxes. Nin finally let go after a while and sent him flying into the side of a well-placed building. Bad Boy fell to the ground. He laid there groaning in pain until he saw Nin walking towards him with the cosmic battery in his hand, the energy erupting from the rod and engulfing his entire right side in Kirby Dots.

"Aaahhh! Please don't hurt me anymore! I promise I'll stop this bad boy bullshit! I'll even quit the sentai team and become a normal japanese fictional character, like a high-school student who meets a mysterious girl with mysterious powers or some one who's trying to solve the mystery of their parent's dissapearence by looking into their research about Mayan culture and finding out he's the one with the power to save the world from doom and makes a lot of strange but loyal friends along the way! I'll do anything, just please don't kill me!"

Nin stopped just short of striking him and the pupils returned to his eyes. He put away the battery and looked down at the broken sentai.

"Give me your helmet."

Bad Boy quickly took of his helmet with the silly pompadour wig attached to it and gave it to Nin. Nin tore the wig off and held up the helmet like it was a trophy. Suddenly, beam of light came out of the helmet and shot the air, clearing away all the clouds and revealing a bright sunny day.

"Balance has been restored. Peace can now reign."

While Nin muttered this ridiculously out of place phrase, Bad Boy crawled away to a safe place to rest and rethink his life. Meanwhile, blonde kid decided to pester the alien with a few more stupid questions.

"Okay, so what's the enemy of a detective?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's evil masterminds, crimelords, and currupt businessmen."

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

With Mac being more quiet, Daimo was able to focus more on his attack. The three ninja's had put up a good fight. However, to him, they only lasted so long because both Mac had shown up, and that infernal song was being played. But now with Mac silent, he could direct all his attention to his enemy.

He slid his foot again and the fire burned brightly till it went from a vibrant orange to an intense blue. He gave it his all but it still wasn't enough. That was when an idea hit him. He spread his arms and the fire spread out and dissipated. That was when the mystic energies hit him and he was sent sprawling backwards, hitting the floor with a thud.

"I must give you three Geisha's credit to your job class," Daimo began, panting. He wiped the sweat from his brow and stood shakily. "You are good..." and a slick grin crept onto his face. "But I am better!" That is when Daimo slapped his hands together and a torrent of fire came rushing back and consumed the three.

It evaporated after a few minutes and the ninja's fell to the gorund, still breathing, but their clothing and hair burnt.

"Game over...I win."

[phil_]

Phil crouched behind a tower shield, trying not to fall over as he shuddered from hammer blows and bursts of flame all while swinging over nauseatingly hot lava. Unfortunately, he didn't really know how to use a tower shield, and thusly almost lost hold of it whenever a new wave of hammers fell. After the grueling trek to this place, Phil was far beyond his limit. Even after summoning the yoshi, he'd had to fly over open lava to reach this place. Mario must be half-oven mitt to go into these castles regularly with no protection.

But sitting and sweating behind a shield was only making the problem worse. I need a break; something to recover... Phil threw down the shield. "•Summon: Time Out!" Phil crossed his arms over his head and braced himself, knowing that it was a pointless gesture if Bowser continued his attack.

But, Bowser stopped. "Grah ha hah, what is this? Mario never gave up before. You're real pathetic. You're goomba pathetic. You're mini-goomba pathetic." Bowser stepped closer. "I'll just knock you off this bridge, and the princess will be mine!" Bowser raised his claw to make good on his words.

*TWEEEEEET* "Red card!" A chocobo knight jumped out of nowhere onto the bridge. "That's a red card for attacking during a time out! I'll be releasing a monster from your monster bank..." The judge trailed off. "Where'd he go?"

Phil and the judge heard a thud as Bowser fell into the lava, knocked off by the judge's zealous injunction. "Oh, well, I'll just be off, then," the judge muttered. Phil was left very confused as the chocobo jumped away to whatever nowhere he'd hopped from before. After a few more moments of gaping at the success of his lack of a plan, Phil started onward, eager to get away from the lava and finally have some rest.

[Flarecobra]

I slowly stood up, and wide-eyed, said "Big snake..." Then after noticing that I could walk with a slight limp, I looked at Chill. "Well, I'd say it's time we part ways for now, no?" I said with a shrug.

[PyrosNine]

Sentai Card Gamer made a weak sound, somewhere between a scream and a whimper, looking at the ashes of his cards, before being hit by a bus. It was nicer than that Hamsterball he'd been hit with a long time ago, so he was okay with it.

"All coming to the next possible future site for NPF, come aboard! Maybe this one won't suck!" Pyros pressed the switch, and the door opened up, allowing the winners of the duels to come aboard, leaving their defeated foes lying their bleeding. An ambulance would come shortly, if Arhra and Sentai Cynical's battle hadn't destroyed the Hospital.

"Now on your left, you will see some place where 7 killers did what you did but cooler. And on your right, you will see that green voiced chick flying away in...Wait, WTFUCK?"

THe girl in green (with the yellow headscarf) cackled sinisterly. "Bwahaha! It's mine! It's all mine! The giant Robot! WHEEEE!" The Sentai MegaMechamazord in all it's glory rose up from the ground and flew off into the sunset, shining like a pearl (a pearl with lasers!).

"All people who won, you won! If you didn't, you lost! Good job, NPF! See you guys next time!"

"Oh man! We get Suckbot and Majimmier, she gets a fully functional Megazord? I blame our lack of team spirit!" Pyros complained, closing the door and continuing down the street, passing now through a flaming dungeon with a Princess Peach being magically removed from a cage, and walking up to her hero.

There was some chat between her and Phil, as the bus came to a stop.

"On your left, ladies and gentlemen, you will see Phil, who just beat Kuzo Mario, and is therefore from here on more hardcore than all of you at videogames, even if he cheated a little. And look! He found a Princess that won't turn into a bug or turn out to actually be Toad in a dress!"

The chat ended very quickly, with the Princess picking up Phil and hurling him into the opening doors of the bus.

"Next time, Fight with your face!" a Hyadain referencing Peach yelled before stomping off to a possible PMS laden game of her own.

Coninuing on, the Bus made a slight detour to a Dojo within a Mansion within a dark Mountain, with the sound of Cicada's was everpresent.

"All dark and brooding figures please board the bus now, before you become even more Cliche!" Pyros commanded, yet not bothering to stop the bus, he just drove through the walls of the mansion with the door open, passing by a room with a computer, Leon Kennedy and Ada Wong and some graphic nudity.

The bus went to the second to last stop on it's trip where all peeps were, which was where Fenris and Ryuusuke Yamino (Jormgundr) continued their battle as Newb watched and Flare got acquainted with her counterpart.

"Oh, okay! Fighting is never the right way, especially between two respective hands of the esteemed military, who are supposed to work together in harmony to fight the-"

Chill stopped suddenly, as Pyros's bus came to a complete stop in front of her without harming her in anyway.

It would seem like a stroke of luck, if it weren't for the fact that the bus's tires were spinning helplessly against the road at full throttle, and her lone hand was pushing the bus back.

"Oh dear! There was almost a horrible bus accident! I"m glad no one got hurt!" She cheerily laughed, as Pyros gaped from behind his steering wheel.

"Um, yeah. Accident. Would have been bad. Terrible. Not intentional at all!" A bead of sweat ran down Pyros's neck.

"Well Flare, it was a pleasure to meet you. Now, I must return to the sky as a bird of prey and a Mongoose!" Chill smiled, and leapt up into the air, straight into her fighter jet's cockpit, and rocketed up into the air.

From here, Pyros stopped the bus and held out his D3.

"Portal, OPEN!" The portal opened up, and Pyros hit the gas.

"Bodigious!" Chisokumon cheered.

"Next stop, who knows?" He said in character, because as we all know, I'm the GM and I tend to know where we're going before the rest of us do, unless you sponged it from me in AIM chat!

[Bailey]

Newb looked around as Pyros began collecting the other martia- forumites, and climbed into his mini-van. As he worked the controls to turn the machine on and then drove through the portal, he spoke to himself in excitement. "All right! Off to the past! Maybe! Or possibly something completely different! In any case, it's sure to be- who the hell are you, and how'd you get in here?"

Newb had just driven through the portal, and was not certain how the boy in the yellow bandana had managed to get into the passenger seat.

[Intern Nin]

Nin ran after the bus yelling and waving his arms. The bus driver, however, paid no attention to the turtle detective chasing after the bus and continued on, leaving Nin stranded on the street corner in Japan. Nin stood in the middle of the road, breathing heavily while still carring the Sentai helmet.

"Ah criminy, why do I always miss the first bus out? What am I going to do now? I could use the flight harness to chase after them but then I couldn't hold on to the helmet if I did that. And there is no way I'm wearing this thing. Not to mention I'd leave the De Lorean behind if I did that. Heck, I don't even know where the De Lorean is now. Ahhh, why does every aspect of this situation suck so much?!"

Suddenly, a honking sound came behind him. Nin turned around to see that the car making this noise was the De Lorean with Thorn in the driver's seat. Nin ran to the car and jumped into it, while throwing the helmet into the backseat.

"Thorn! Oh, I've never been so glad to see you! Where have you been anyways? I haven't seen you since..."

Since he tried to hide my battery from me.

Thorn looked over to Nin and replied, "Oh well you see, since I knew you hadn't eaten anything yet today, I took it upon myself to find you some food. I went to the local village's pizza shop and picked up a personal pan pizza along with a salad for you to eat." Thorn handed the lunch special over to Nin along with some plastic cutlery.

"Wow, Thorn! That was... actually really thoughtful. Thanks."

"You're welcome. Also, I did some sleuthing of my own and found the cause of your missing time."

"Oh, I already know. It's because of the split personality that I got from the springs."

If Thorn's face could show any emotion, I'm sure he would've looked a little suprised right now. "Yes, of course. The springs are the cause." He said as he discreetly threw some pictures of UFO's out the window. Thorn turned on the car and took off after the bus so they wouldn't be left behind.

"Although I think that since I won this challenge," Nin continued, "I won my freedom from the curse."

"Well, that's good isn't it?"

"Yeah, good." Nin looked out the window, at the crater left by the hamsterball.

And there's pieces of the blimp-thing. Pedro probably didn't survive that. Then again, I survived somehow and I'm frickin' poor. Pedro's richer than God, he must've found a way out. Still since he's not here, I can't ask him any of the questions I had. That bounty hunter didn't look cheap, he might've known someone from his social circle with the dough to hire her and the desire destroy us, or at least the desire to destroy Pyros. And I never got a chance to complain to him about this malfunctioning product of his that was dropped in my lap, although now Thorn seems to be working fine.

Nin took a bite out of his pizza and was suprised at the wierd taste of the meat on it. He swallowed and coughed.

"Hey, Thorn. The toppings on this taste a little off. What kind of pizza is this?"

"It's a special ordered one. I researched the diet of the common pet turtle and asked them to use toppings that fit in with it. It has crayfish, tadpoles, feeder fish, algae, garder snake, dragonfly, crumbled cooked egg, and the egg shell."

Nin gagged and threw the pie in the back seat. If Thorn could smile, he probably would've been wearing a big smirk across his face right now.

"Is that not to your liking?"

"NO! Thorn, from now on you order my meals with people food, not pond scum!"

"Acknowleged."

Nin wiped off his tongue and grumbled a little. He was still hungry, so he opened up the salad and found that Thorn had ordered the salad made up of lettuce, cabbage, mustard greens, broccoli greens, cucumber, flower petals, and some bits of apple. Nin shrugged and began to munch on it.

Still better than dragonflies.

"Would you like a beverage? The information I got indicated that turtles like clean fresh water, so I got some bottled spring water." Thorn handed Nin an unlabled bottle of water. Nin opened it and started to drink it as they passed through the portal. Another non-existant smirk formed on Thorn's face.

[Flarecobra]

Damn..." I said, sounding quite impressed. Seeing the bus, I looked at Pyros and said "One sec." And after one quick check under the bus I said "Ok, no bomb. We're good." And with that, I got on.

[Arhra]

With great victory to soften the blow, Arhra V decided to raise a sensitive topic with Arhra I. "Perhaps you should shrink a little?" she said.

"Why?"

"Well," Arhra V said, looking thoughtful. "You wouldn't have to crawl through the portal again and you could steal that person's clothes." That person being Sentai Cynical, who was both unconscious and untransformed, wearing her normal clothes.

Arhra I sighed a long suffering sigh. She could do with more clothes. "Then do it before any of the sheep notice!"

"Alright! You are like a tiny midget who is smaller than a grain of rice! I am overlooking you, you puny flea of miniscule proportions!" It went on like that.

Returned to approximately her normal size by the end and only moderately annoyed, Arhra I had only managed to liberate a jacket before the bus pulled up. She pulled it on over the somewhat basic clothing she'd been able to improvie.

"Do you think you're the world's greatest pantless detective?" Arhra V asked.

"Shut up. Besides, you're wearing some sort of torn up... plugsuit?"

"Oh, I'd forgotten." Arhra V said, looking down at blue, skintight suit she was wearing. After being forced into it last universe, her brawl with Asheth had done it some damage. "I know how to fix this - nanomachine magic!"

"You have nanomachines now?"

"Yeah, I only had micromachines before. Nano's about a thouand times better!" Arhra V's expression shifted into something a little more downbeat. "I still have to make the nanoassembler factory though." She looked over her figure. "I'm a bit low on space though... once I have them in I'll be able to overhaul things a bit, but there's nothing I really want to take out right now... don't really have enough time to extend my frame again..." Amongst the many other abuses being a cyborg gave her, Arhra V had used it to makes herself taller than the other Arhras.

Looking around, she noticed Arhra I had left. "Ah, screw it. I'll just use my two easiest mass dump areas." she snarled.

Meanwhile, at the front of the the bus, hijinks were presumably about to ensue.

"Oh Pyros, I still have a few more questions." Arhra I said sweetly.

Where on earth did she keep that knife?

It seemed that fighting, Superman 64, torture, moogles, mysteries, giants, light bulbs, harems, spaceships, bounty hunters, revenge, pools, fire gods, cynicism, true love and miracles had only managed to slow her down.

[PyrosNine]

The trip through the portal was uneventful despite Arhra repeatedly jabbing a tight lipped Pyros with a knife, and once they all popped out on the other side, they found that despite previous worlds, there was nothing immediately jumping out with intentions of killing them, aside from Arhra.

However, there was a strong feeling of Nostalgia that lingered, despite the environment being entirely foreign, for before them was a large house that seemed to be part of a Villa in the mountains, in a mild climate. A large pond/small lake of sorts was beside the house, almost giving the place a sort of beach house feel, with the water likely coming from a mountain spring: Crisp, clear, and clean to the point you could see the fish nibbling on smaller fish, then hit them with a rock for easy fishing!

It was a little chilly from the altitude, but it didn't seem to be a bad place, and some may have thought perhaps the nostalgia had something to do with lingering after affects of the Jusenkyos springs, despite being cured of their curses by very forceful Nurse Asheth plushies with specific curse curing waters, right down to "Spring of drowned Detective Mutant Teenage Turtle."

No, it had to do with the fact that the Bus was gone, and the group found themselves riding atop a a toy bus that was clearly not big enough to hold all of them on it, as it was soon crushed like Arhra V's dream of having a pen for all her electric sheep.

Picking himself up from the sandy pond shore, Pyros held up the bus in hand.
"Uh oh. This bus was a rental! I got a good deal on long distance group trips through dimensions...do you think they'll charge me if it's not exactly in perfect condition when I return it?" He pondered, before suddenly realizing how odd this was for the Bus to change, even though all they did was just enter this dimension. He was still new to the idea of dimensional travel, so things just transforming upon entering (not acted upon other stimuli, like Jusenkyo) was worrisome. What if he entered a world where fire was cold?

He'd be given a moral and philosophical quandary that would indubitably crack his resolve, create a Heroic BSOD, that once snapped out of would lead to angst and a section of his life where he rode a motorcycle while fighting crime and not liking it!

But for now, he was just glad it was limited to the Bus. He didn't exactly want to find himself a Clockwork Firegod in Toyland, especially since the number of Babes were outnumbered by Dudes in this particular romp anyway. And one of the babes in particular seemed to find it pleasing to ask him questions while stabbing him.

A thought did occur to him though, that he should at least check the others, make sure Flare wasn't an action figure or something, and then probbably ask them to get Arhra off of him, as he was starting to lose an awful lot of blood from knife wounds.

"Oh fine, ask a bloody way! I'll tell you whatever you want, but first let me check somethin-"

He was wrong.
He was wrong wrong wrong.

They were all cute! Or, at least, adorable. Maybe. Not like, Cute, but like, Cute Cute. Like kawaii. Cheek Pinchingly cute.

They were also very misproportioned, as in their arms and legs were much shorter than before, and their heads were freakishly huge.

There was only one explanation for this that Pyros could think of, and it involved Pygmies, a deep jungle, and spiders. Lots and lots of spiders.

But since none of these fit this situation, Pyros followed his next inclination, which was bunnies, assorted cutlery, and Clorox. Lots and lots of Clorox.

Pyros then decided that he was thinking in the wrong boat entirely, and started with harpsichords, waffle irons, and Silent Hill, lots and lots of-

Since this was going nowhere, it was time for a professional know-it-all to get to work.

* * *

The Potion Master's Guide to Everything: Time Differentiation, Part 12: Other dimensions.

Now, admittedly, I'm not a genius when it comes to other dimensions, as they are a matter best left alone and unstudied except by those who can routinely, and safely do so. As a man who has to make sure every single step he takes does not mess up my personal time line, going into other dimensions can seriously mess up a handy bothways traveled time line chart, and the implications can boggle a mind who can readily except that paradoxes can be avoided, but are essential for the well being of realities and their predestinations.

However, I'll just say something simple. For starters, as I mentioned in chapter 3, that there are places of differing time, places where time in one places flows a bit faster or slower than another, and can play merry hell with one's senses. Within a single dimension, this is easily coped with, and any transition between two states of time results in easy translation: The time is the same, merely bent or deferred at a point in space which, as it unwinds eventually catches back up with the rest of time.

A man reaches a place where time is slowed by half, and decides to walk through it, and he arrives on the other side in 2 minutes, but in reality it only took him about 1 minute. While to an observer it seems that it did take him 2 minutes to do so, his personal time will forever be 1 minute in transit, and he will only age for one minute of his life during that time, not 2.

The same goes for places where time is sped up, so I don't think I need to reiterate that part.

However, this is different for dimensions of different time. Whereas altered time within a dimension is caused by a simple bending of time in an area, different time between dimensions is caused by the basic principles of that dimension at it's creation being substantially different, causing changes in bases of time. For instance, imagine a world where a second is an extra second long.

This has huge ramifications despite being on the tiniest level, as a minute, 60 seconds in our world, is actually (to us) 120 seconds in theirs, or two minutes. Following up from there, we see that an hour is actually 2 hours, and a day is actually 2 days.

To them, those that live on that world, it was nothing but a minute, as their bodies are attuned to those seconds and that minute, perceiving them as 1 second and 1 minute despite the time being doubled. We however, from another dimension (if looking through some sort of view portal) will see them moving very slowly, but when we arrive we will find them moving at a normal speed as we arrive, very much like time dilation in a single dimension.

However, the difference is that when we translate to the new time standards, our bodies must as well. In this case, we would find that our time, compared to the time in the dimension we entered, was actually quite short, and our body would revert to the equivalent to their time in our units: I.e.: with the 2 second for a second world, we would find ourselves having lived half the time we'd lived in our own lives, as half our own age!

This a massive metamorphosis, particularly since the mind (which doesn't neccesarily change as a result of time, as memories are not "grown") does not revert with it, resulting in an experience of sudden resurged youth. It has been said by some that the real fountain of youth is a world with more time than ours, resulting in a new youth...

* * *

Since we couldn't find a professional know-it-all, xeroxing a few pages from a esteemed manual on all things under the sun didn't hurt.

The world was much bigger now for our party, Pyros included, for he had notably in NPF canon decided about 20 years ago to adopt the growing life of a youth to better acquaint himself with modern times, and was now living back in the childish body he'd assumed back then, which was pretty much a brown haired and shorter version of himself, wearing his normal clothes)

"My god, this world is worse than I thought! Quickly, we must flee this place before plot happens!"He screamed, raising up his arms and wings (which looked more like Butterfly wings in their current state), aiming to blast a hole out of this soon to be hellhole.

As usual, something went wrong. To be more specific, something went wet, and in this case it was Pyros.

He was wet, and as wet as you can be, specifically the wetness caused by a giant catfish leaping out of the pond and landing smack dab on his poor fire god self.

The catfish, a pearl white specimen that sparkled with magical water, opened it's massive gob, and unrolled it's tongue.

Strangely enough, a couple walked out of the beached giant catfish, and looked at the motley crew of children assembled before them.

"Oh my, Nani! Look at this gaggle of poor, probably orphaned children that have appeared at our doorstep!" THe man, dressed in glasses and a white kamen cloak, looking like a magician or a throwaway Sailor Moon character, pointed at the NPFers, and not at the child he was stepping on, which was Pyros.

"Proverbially, of course, Jani, as our doorstep is over there!" She cackled as she pointed at the distant door, and not at all at the child she was stepping on, which was Pyros.

"Nani, I know what we should do, we should take these children into our humble abode and raise them as our own!" He pointed again at the children, and the house in exaggerated emphasis, still standing atop Pyros.

"Well then, I think we should do that! Let's do that right now! Heavy Handed Child Rearing!" she cast a spell in bold speech.

Suddenly, very large white gloved hands appeared, picking up the many forumites by the back of their shirts and hauled them off towards the house. Two of them however, decided they had better things to do, from playing with a ball to setting up a tournament between Nintendo Trophies.

The forumites found it hard to resist, for in their younger bodies, they were nowhere near as strong or fast as they used to be, and all who weren't transformed into children were attacked by a giant Pink DragonBunny named Fluffy.

Pyros was still being stood upon. Noticing him at last, the woman, Nani, proceeded to kick him in the general direction of the house, having her magical hands full at the moment.

"I knew it! My childhood sucked to begin with!" Pyros murmured with a bloody lip. "Oof!"

* * *

Within a few moments, the forumites found themselves using what remained of their magical talents in a windowless child's workroom to make Mile-step boots, a must have for long traveling adventurers (who don't mind occasionally walking into a the occasional tree or brick wall, and enjoy long walks off short cliffs.) emblazoned with faux Gucci and Nike labels.

"Remember children, do a good job, and we'll consider taking you to a toy store!" The couple laughed, then proceeded to magically dance out of the room, locking the door behind them.

A clock on the wall read: "302 Shoes until Snacktime."

Pyros personally had the job of testing them out.

Taking a step, he slammed into an unbreakable wall (which all the walls were to prevent escape), this one being one that could also measure how fast he hit it with a convenient sign.

"1 kilometer!", it read.

"Dang it all, which one of you is using the metric system?" He yelled through broken teeth.