Jokes, bad and otherwise.

TDK · 04-20-2009, 05:15 PM

A girl asked what my sign was the other day. I told her 'Stop.'

My friend kept making jokes about trees. I told him he needed to branch out with his humor.

To be frank...Well, to be Frank, I'd have to change my name. So I think I'll just stay Pete.

And two from my personal favorite comedians:

Escalators can't break, they can only become stairs. So you'll never see an "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, only Escalator temporarily stairs. We apologize for the convenience, that you can still get up there. - Mitch Hedburg

I tripped on an escalator. ...I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. - Demetri Martin

Premmy · 04-20-2009, 05:22 PM

random girl: you suck
Me: no YOU don't and that's what's wrong with this relationship now!

your mother's such a ho that she had a vagina implanted into her hip to make a little money on the side.

Kim · 04-20-2009, 05:33 PM

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

A: Where's my tractor?

Pip Boy · 04-20-2009, 05:47 PM

Whats the difference between good jokes and the ones this thread is probably about to be filled with?

There aren't dead babies in good jokes!

Premmy · 04-20-2009, 06:30 PM

What do you call a black man in a police car?

A BLACK POLICEMAN, you racist bastard!

Bells · 04-20-2009, 07:27 PM

we should totally have "Open Mic nights" here on NPF...

No, seriously, that wasn't a joke!

Corel · 04-20-2009, 08:46 PM

A guy driving hits a pedestrian at night. He gets out to check on them, only to find it's someone wearing a giant dog suit.

"Are you alright? How are you feeling?" asks the driver.

"Rough, rough" replies the man in the dog suit.

That's the only joke I remember besides the incredibly morbid or sickening ones. I wish I could remember good jokes and not the frightening ones.

Karrrrrrrrrrrresche · 04-21-2009, 09:30 AM

Two in one is a bullshit term. Because two cannot fit in one.

That's why Two was invented.

Amake · 04-21-2009, 10:26 AM

I've got a somewhat original sick and morbid one where the sickness and morbidity isn't actually the joke. But I think I'll spoiler it just for the faint of heart:

One night two young men strolled through the park and came upon the body of a small boy, without any apparent injuries. In a burst of sudden, weird inspiration (you had to be there) they decided to rape the corpse in the ass.

They did so, taking turns, marveling at the intense feeling of liberty in indulging in such a forbidden act. But then, as they walked away, they started worrying about being caught. They have DNA analysis and that stuff nowadays, said one of the guys.

So the other guy produced a plastic straw from his pocket and proceeded to suck the semen out of the dead boy's ass and swallow it. Struggling not to vomit, he handed the straw to his friend and said, you do the rest.

You're a Goddamn sick pervert, said the friend, if you think I'm going to use your straw.

Disclaimer: No germs, youngsters or little dead boys were harmed in the writing of this joke.

Funka Genocide · 04-21-2009, 10:30 AM

that is the worst fucking joke ever.

oh my god. I'm actually a little nauseous.

I think you might want to reevaluate your life. <_<

04-20-2009, 05:15 PM	#1
TDK Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Reality Posts: 2,914	Jokes, bad and otherwise. A girl asked what my sign was the other day. I told her 'Stop.' My friend kept making jokes about trees. I told him he needed to branch out with his humor. To be frank...Well, to be Frank, I'd have to change my name. So I think I'll just stay Pete. And two from my personal favorite comedians: Escalators can't break, they can only become stairs. So you'll never see an "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, only Escalator temporarily stairs. We apologize for the convenience, that you can still get up there. - Mitch Hedburg I tripped on an escalator. ...I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. - Demetri Martin

04-20-2009, 05:22 PM	#2
Premmy Stop the hate Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a nice web on fifty first street Posts: 4,466	random girl: you suck Me: no YOU don't and that's what's wrong with this relationship now! your mother's such a ho that she had a vagina implanted into her hip to make a little money on the side. __________________ Drank Last edited by Premmy; 04-20-2009 at 05:32 PM.

04-20-2009, 05:33 PM	#3
Kim adorable Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 12,950	Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Where's my tractor? __________________ this post is about how to successfully H the Kimmy

04-20-2009, 06:30 PM	#5
Premmy Stop the hate Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a nice web on fifty first street Posts: 4,466	What do you call a black man in a police car? A BLACK POLICEMAN, you racist bastard! __________________ Drank

04-20-2009, 07:27 PM	#6
Bells That's so PC of you Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: In a Server-sided Dimension where time is meaningless Posts: 10,490	we should totally have "Open Mic nights" here on NPF... No, seriously, that wasn't a joke! __________________ *BELLS STORE : Clothes! You wear* them! Free US Shipping Subscription System? WTF?! Zazzle Black!**

04-20-2009, 05:47 PM	#4
Pip Boy Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: A right and proper Nerd Cave Posts: 2,460	Whats the difference between good jokes and the ones this thread is probably about to be filled with? There aren't dead babies in good jokes!

04-20-2009, 08:46 PM	#7
Corel Welcome, to Paedogeddon! Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 1,015	A guy driving hits a pedestrian at night. He gets out to check on them, only to find it's someone wearing a giant dog suit. "Are you alright? How are you feeling?" asks the driver. "Rough, rough" replies the man in the dog suit. That's the only joke I remember besides the incredibly morbid or sickening ones. I wish I could remember good jokes and not the frightening ones.

04-21-2009, 10:26 AM	#9
Amake Keeper of the new Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: A place without judgment Posts: 4,506	I've got a somewhat original sick and morbid one where the sickness and morbidity isn't actually the joke. But I think I'll spoiler it just for the faint of heart: One night two young men strolled through the park and came upon the body of a small boy, without any apparent injuries. In a burst of sudden, weird inspiration (you had to be there) they decided to rape the corpse in the ass. They did so, taking turns, marveling at the intense feeling of liberty in indulging in such a forbidden act. But then, as they walked away, they started worrying about being caught. They have DNA analysis and that stuff nowadays, said one of the guys. So the other guy produced a plastic straw from his pocket and proceeded to suck the semen out of the dead boy's ass and swallow it. Struggling not to vomit, he handed the straw to his friend and said, you do the rest. You're a Goddamn sick pervert, said the friend, if you think I'm going to use your straw. Disclaimer: No germs, youngsters or little dead boys were harmed in the writing of this joke. __________________ Hope insistent, trust implicit, love inherent, life immersed

04-21-2009, 10:30 AM	#10
Funka Genocide Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 4,566	that is the worst fucking joke ever. oh my god. I'm actually a little nauseous. I think you might want to reevaluate your life. <_<