The Marvelous Misadventures of Asshat! [REBOOT]

[Token]

Originally Posted by Me

Yeah, break for the night, then I'll post the rest of the episode.

THREE WEEKS LATER THE THRILLING CONCLUSION


Yeah, I gathered that much.

Makes sense. I wouldn't trust more than a couple of people with the password to my office if I ran a criminal empire.

Wait, why don't I run a criminal empire? Arceus knows I could run this operation more efficiently than whatever dumbfuck is in charge now...

Yes. And then I, Token Q. Asshat shall seize control of Team Rocket!

I wouldn't call him tough so much as he's a giant douchebag who will use Hyper Beam on innocent stoners.

That actually sounds like an improvement. Only hipsters use Silph products. Devon Corp all the way!

Woah! Look, um...

Ross. Right. Okay, dude, I'm flattered, but I'm gonna have to turn you down.

For one thing, I'm not into that sort of stuff.

Especially on the first date. I don't know what sort of guy you take me for, but I'm not easy.

Also, you're like thirty, and I'm like twelve. Just sort of... unschway, y'know? I mean you probably don't even know what "schway" means! Our cultures are inherently different. It just wouldn't work. Oh, and I'm not gay.

Mmhm. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find a sexy redhead in a cape.

In fact, you could say it drives them... ...Gaga.

Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Poke-fa... wait. Your experiment? You're the one who did this to Skittles?

Actually... it means your ass is dead. Skittles.
Spoilered for intense violence and fabulousness

That is an excellent question. Do you?



Fantastic. Now give me the password.

Oh for fuck's sake.

Can we move on now?

Thank you.

The suspense is killing me...

...If I was a good person, I wouldn't think that was hilarious. As it is, that shit's golden.

Fair enough. Thanks for the help.

Meh. Haters gonna hate.


Wait. People actually use those in battle? And here I was thinking they only existed to fornicate with everything ever.

Stupidhed, defeat it before it taps yo' ass.

Uh oh.

Hurry up, 'Hed! It's assuming the position!

Oh, thank Arceus.

Excellent. You get less and less useless with each passing battle. I'm... proud of you.

Fair en... You aren't a battler. Ditto is your only Pokemon. Precisely what were you using that Ditto for?

But... that would interrupt the Daft Punk marathon. You bastard!

I am so sorry for your Ditto.

...what.

Sure, why not.

Oh, shit! I meant Pokemon, not a rap-off!

Oh, thank goodness.

F'real? Thanks bro. When I'm in charge of Team Rocket, I won't kill you.

One Pokemon... and he's in charge of the password... clearly his Pokemon must be insanely powerful.

You wouldn't happen to know a kid called Joey, would you?

You do? I'm so sorry.

Antici...



...pation.

You sadistic motherfuckers. I'm gonna keep that same sort of password scheme, I think.

This should be good.

I can dig that.

Time to go beat the shit out of the boss now. Assert my authority and whatnot.

Passive voice should not be spoken by ignorant fucks such as yourself.

Forgive me if I'm not intimidated. Y'see, unlike you, I got dat

Boom.

Boom.

Pow.

Sorry dude. You so two-thousand-and-late.

Well aren't you just a pathetic bastard.

Have you tried... not losing to children?

Alright. Boss battle time, time to get ready.

Wait, are those footsteps?

Sup kid. You one of my future Rocket grunts?

I don't think we've met before?

You mean Lance?

Well duh. You don't even have a name, you aren't important to the plot.

That is certainly one way to stop sucking.

Did he hurt your feelings? I'd care, but you're insignificant.

Wow. You lost to someone who spouts crap like that. You should just give up now.

I would be too.

Fantastic. I have to go take down and seize control of a criminal organization now.

Did you just push me? Jackass.

I should fix that. Slowpoke Tail. Raticate Tail.

Right. Let's rock this bitch.

Don't be absurd. My name isn't Giovanni.

Wait. He disbanded the team, and you jackasses are still running around and mildly inconveniencing me?

I can see why he abandoned you if he was stuck with a bunch of stupid fucks like you.

Really? I thought it was because you're entirely fucktarded.

Unfortunately for you, I've already disturbed the fuck out of it.

Bring it, bitch.

Try to suck less.

Sure you could! You could lose.

I don't think he will.

Yes you can.

I have already whipped all of their asses.

Why the fuck are you talking?

How original.

Geeze. At least the other passwords were funny.

At least, y'know. In that "oh wow I'm a douche for laughing at this" kind of way. Hail Giovanni.

Ah well. It works, I guess.

STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM.

There's exactly nothing you can do to stop me.

You have no pride. At all.

What's with the porn dialog? Anyway, I'm pretty sure I have the mental capacity to handle a double battle.

Kinky. Bring it.

Dragon Tamer Lance: Professional Cockblock.

Not really, since I did all the work. At least, all the work that didn't involve shooting Hyper Beams at random people.

You have an entire fucking mafia. I'm allowed one jackass in a cape.

Does this mean the threesome is off?

Fair enough.

Sorry for my stony attitude...

I just get sort of snarky...

When I feel the wind beneath my wings.

Taste the rainbow, bitch.

Mmhm.

Oh?

I dunno what you're talking about. In a few weeks I will run Team Rocket.

Don't talk about my new Gligarcave like that!

If by "total success" you mean "created one of the Pokemon that kicked my ass," then yes.

Gligarcave.

No you don't.

No I won't.

Kay.

Eff you too, buddy.

I hate to be that guy, but "we?"

Ah right. You were too busy beating up children to actually. Y'know, fight Team Rocket.

Fuck you, your mother, your Dragonite, and everything you've ever loved.

You're doing that.

Then fucking Hyper Beam it or something.

Or take the douchiest option. That works too.

Works for me.

Pussy.

You motherfucker.

Allons-y.

The other two used Selfdestruct.

Can we like disrupt the Pokegear signals as well, by any chance?

Excellent. I'm sure Skittles will be happy.

It's coo'.

How considerate. Jackass.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

Fuck you.

I'm sure it is, if you suck.

What the fuck do you think? Would I have come this far with a Chikorita otherwise?

Yes, I know.

Sure, why not.

Get the fuck out of my Gligarcave.

Well, that was... a complete waste of time.

Time to fuck up an old man!

After I gamble.

New stuff coming in the next few days. For real.