Trollslum Act 1: Welcome to Alternia

[Overcast]

>CAN WE PLEASE BE SOMEONE THAT DOESNT MAKE US WANT TO POKE OUR EYES OUT???

That depends. What do you think of Leraje?

>Bearable.

You are Leraje.

You are staring down your husktop, a half empty bottle of faygo on the ground nearby, and a deep desire in your heart that can only be quenched by your personal addiction.

>Meddle.

And so you...wait you're being trolled. This is odd, you're normally the one to do this. You wonder who it is.

>Get trolled by Caoway

Show PesterlogmelancholicChumly [MC] started trolling absentPsychologist [AP]

MC: Ahoy.
MC: TurnS\ out I value my lonG\evity over my comfort.
MC: Oh, an/) S\orry for not contactinG\ you for half a S\weep I G\ueS\S\?
AP: We all...need. A haitus. Every, once in a...while. Your, droning on. About. Romance of a different, style. Did get. Maddening. After a bit.
AP: But why end it, now?
MC: Yeah, it waS\ S\o obnoxiouS\ the way I'/) /juS\t contact you out of the blue an/) talk an/) me/)/)le an/) pro/).
MC: Oh wait, that waS\ you.
MC: But enouG\h about your me/)/)linG\ an/) inability to un/)erS\tan/) true romance.
MC: Can I aS\S\ume you alrea/)y know about the G\ame /)erpah has put toG\ether?
AP: Ah yes, the idiot.
AP: Indeed, I have.
AP: Can I extrapolate...that. He has, given. You a copy. And you, knowing. My skill. Are, about to. Ask for my assistance?
MC: Yes, an/) /)on't aS\k me why he /)eci/)e/) to put a FLARP hatinG\ S\ocial recluS\e in charG\ of /)iS\tributinG| it.
AP: I reiterate. Idiot.
MC: S\o can I count you on boar/)?
AP: Of course! How, could I. Pass up, a chance to. Meddle in your. Affairs again?
AP: The game. Is on. Once more. Adventurer.
MC: G\reat.
MC: Now S\ince I'm S\ort of new to the whole
MC: FLARPy swinG\ weapon S\tat-bat thinG\
MC: I nee/) your a/)vice on who to recruite.
MC: Will there be fiG\htinG\? Will we nee/) a muS\ician?
MC: That S\ort of thinG\.
AP: There will, almost. Certainly be. Fighting.
MC: G\oo/), I waS\ a little worrie/) I'/) have to go 600 hourS\ without punchinG\ somethinG\.
MC: Then aG\ain, I /)o remember me mentioninG\ S\trifeS\...
MC: G\ueS\S\ I waS\ worrie/) for nothinG\.
AP: Less, than. Nothing. No proper, troll entertainment...today is complete. Without mindless. Violence.
AP: So a base of. Fighters is. A good idea. We could also. Use some wit. I recommend. Sharl.
AP: He's one crafty fellow.
MC: Crafty iS\ riG\ht. S\on of a G\rub S\ol/) me a S\ho/)/)y taxi/)ermy book.
MC: Twice.
AP: ...he may be craftier than I thought.
AP: We may, also need. A healer sort. Gorrma is a good, filler for that. Spot. Also good in a...scrap.
AP: And I want. Zeb on our team.
MC: FLARP NO.
AP: Why the glub not?
MC: That moron'S\ a fliG\ht riS\k.
MC: We'll be un/)er attack by
MC: I /)on't know, a fuckinG\ flyinG\ Spi/)er an/) he'll /juS\t be S\tarinG\ off in the opposite /)irection
MC: LookinG\ at the pretty /)ouble rainbow while we all /)ie.
MC: AlS\o, G\lub?
AP: ...a friend. Rubbing off on me.
AP: But Zeb has, untapped. Potential, that can only. Be unleashed...by conflict.
AP: And, if he isn't. On our team...I might not be.
MC: ArrrrrG\h, okay I miG\ht think about maybe conS\i/)ering him.
AP: Good. In response, I know. Some powerful. Muscle...that could. Prove well to us.
AP: Note, get Piron.
MC: Who iS\ Piron?
AP: Oh yeah, you weren't there. When I pushed...her in.
AP: Sharky troll keen to kicking my ass.
MC: S\harky?
MC: Wait, /)oeS\ S\he have a muS\clebeaS\t tail, clawS\, an/) a luS\uS\ the S\ize of a whale?
AP: Close, but smaller. Lusus.
MC: S\eeme/) biG\G\er at the time...
AP: Maybe, it is big. But she will. Ruin someone's, day in a...strife.
MC: Okay, now I /)efinitely think I know her.
AP: Good, get her. She will do well.
MC: Yeah but I'm not S\ure S\he'/) want to be on the S\ame team aS\ me.
MC: When I met her, I waS\ kin/) of a /jerk and we ha/) a S\trife.
AP: Sounds. Like. You.
AP: Still, just try. If all else. Fails, I'll do it.
MC: ThiS\ iS\ G\oinG\ to be huG\e pain.
MC: I'll probably S\ave her for laS\t then.
MC: Oh, I S\houl/) recruit TerG\um aS\ well.
AP: That...may, not go well.
MC: But he haS\ S\o much /)irectionleS\S\ hate an/) rage.
MC: We /juS\t nee/) to S\teer him.
AP: He doesn't. Like me. Kinda like Glissa. But she is...worse.
AP: If you can, convince him. I'm all. For it though.
MC: Okay, you, me, S\harl, G\orrma, Piron, Tergum, and Zeb (pen/)inG\)
AP: Also. Going to invite...a secret. Weapon.
MC: CominG\ from you, that makeS\ me unneaS\y.
MC: But that /)oeS\ make eiG\ht playerS\.
MC: I'll G\o an/) G\et everybo/)y on boar/).
MC: Then I'll
MC: G\ive me a minute.
MC: ThiS\ G\ui/)e iS\ the moS\t infuriatinG\ thinG\ I've ever rea/).
MC: It outriG\ht tol/) me to lock my lipS\ with it'S\ poop/)eck.
AP: Don't trust. Guides yet. The game is new...the guides will be. Shit.
MC: Yeah, but it /)i/) S\ay they we have to S\et up a chain of clientS\ an/) S\erverS\.
MC: S\erverS\ are apparently in control of the client'S\ enviroment.
MC: They manipulate it an/) help G\et the client into
MC: S\omethinG\ calle/) an incipiS\phere?
AP: Don't get...too ahead. Of yourself. We don't, know. How much. Of this shit is. Game Jargon. It'll make, more sense. Later.
MC: It S\eemS\ like that function iS\ our ticket off thiS\ /)oome/) rock.
AP: Doomed?
MC: /)erpah /)i/)n't tell you?
MC: He waS\ G\oinG\ over the G\ame co/)e or whatever the /jarG\on for that iS\.
MC: S\omething in it in/)icate/) that the planet iS\ G\oinG\ to be /)eS\troye/).
AP: ...then why. Play?
MC: Well, it's G\oinG\ to happen whether or not we play.
MC: TakinG\ part iS\ the only chance we have to S\urvive.
AP: Dammit. I knew that...idiot. Would be, the one. To doom us all.
MC: Actually he may have /juS\t S\ave/) uS\.
MC: It'S\ not like he S\ummone/) S\ome S\tupi/) S\pace rockS\ to kill uS\.
MC: I mean, who /)oeS\ that?
AP: It. Sounds like...his brand of. Idiocy.
AP: But if, you say. So.
MC: Okay, beS\t G\et your affairS\ in order then.
MC: I'll contact everyone an/) then S\et up a memo to /)eci/)e what order we do thiS\ in.
MC: But firS\T, I'm G\oinG\ to G\o G\et my boat.
MC: I hope there'S\ oceanS\ where we're G\oinG\.
AP: Not. Much. Choice. Now.
MC: Here'S\ the G\ame an/) the G\ui/)e.
melancholicChumly sent absentPsycologist file "Sgrub_remastered.texe" and "Not_dying_in_sgrub_for_assholes_v.0.01.ttxt".
AP: Will get to. Installing...
AP: Bye._.
MC: No, belay that!
MC: I'm not quite rea/)y on thiS\ en/).
MC: Oh S\hit, there'S another curse/) craS\h noiS\e.
MC: I thouG\ht I waS\ /)one with that.
AP: What. More...could you. Need?
MC: I S\till haven't cut up the lor/)whale half I /jettiS\one/) onto my front lawn.
AP: More of. This ocean life...reaper. Nonsense.
MC: No, weir/) time S\hit.
MC: Apparently we're about to be hit by a perfect S\torm of S\imiliar occuranceS\.
AP: ...okay explain. No typing quirk. What do you mean by weird time shit?
MC: It iS\n't that important.
MC: BeS\i/)eS\, I'm pretty S\ure you'll fin/) out firS\t han/) when I S\tart the memo.
AP: We are all fucking doomed.
AP: Anything else?
MC: Oh yeah.
MC: If you ever hear S\omething like two metal containerS\ beinG\ clanG\e/) toG\ether.
MC: AbS\con/) or S\omethinG\.
AP: Wut.
MC: I'm /juS\t paS\S\inG\ on a meS\S\aG\e.
AP: Alright. I'm off.
AP: Bye._.
MC: AlriG\ht, talk to you in a bit.

melancholicChumly [MC] stopped trolling absentPsychologist [AP]

Well this just got a lot less fun. You're going to need some time to contemplate this. It was just a game before, but shit most definitely just got real.

>Be someone else.