NPF Christmas RP: A very special episode of General Inhospitable!

[PyrosNine]

General Inhospitable:

You are a member of a (on) crack squad of specialists at the NPF Hospital, treating special cases of an unusual and dire nature.

You are a member of a specific field. This field can range from anything, from Medicine, Biology, Zoology, Necromancy, Voodoo, to "Sanitation Engineer" and as such all points of reference you use in diagnosis of patients should rely upon your chosen field.

However, in actual treatment you are not so rigidly forced to use your given field, it's only a general guideline.

When a patient is brought before you, there are several stages.

The first is a summary of what happened to the patient and what visual and physical traits he has developed since the patient became ill (was working at the office eating lunch, when suddenly he felt a pain in his stomach, and punched out Chad from accounting out a window, then passed out, has since began minor swelling and discoloration (red).)

The players must then discuss methods of what the disease could be, and recommend a test to find their chosen disease's diagnosis.

The test results are at the GM"s discretion, and their result may be both random, contradictory, or conclusive (to a degree) and may not be in any way directed at a set in stone actual ailment of the patient.

Players are free to decide amongst themselves what tests will be run, and in what order (also known as "Get your Ouija board out of his damn face so I can inject him with 3 cc's of mayonnaise"), and after sufficient testing, players must then vote on whose diagnosis is correct.

To make things plain, you as a doctor are a member of a cutthroat, dog eat dog world of medicine, and when it gets down to it at NPF hospital, it doesn't matter so much as curing the sick as it does proving your right, and the most important part of this game is proving to everyone and the patient that your diagnosis (however insane or illogical) is the correct one, and then proceeding from there. As everyone voting for their own diagnosis would lead to an equal share of votes across the board and a tie, you must somehow convince others that your diagnosis and findings are 'more' correct than everyone else's.

You are free to use another player's conclusions from their test as extra 'proof' of your conclusion, however your diagnosis must match your field, this is needlessly important for lulz.

Do not fret if you lose the vote for diagnosis, as what follows is actual treatment, which is much more fun. Even if your 'diagnosis' is wrong, you can still devise a treatment to cure the diagnosed disease, and furthermore you're more than willing to team up with another doctor against that hateful victor of diagnosis. Your treatment is to be discussed amongst the other doctors (you fight over it, then vote), and then chosen to be run.

However, in attempting to perform your treatment, you must deal with Dr. Cuddy, who amounts to the antagonist of this game, who has heard about your crazy plan and will have none of it, threatening your doctor's badge and your lifetime supply of anti-depressants. You may deal with her in any way you see fit, short of killing her, but be careful, she's in her 40's and has a stick up her ass the size of Intergalactic Space Fortress ship Macross! She may flay you alive!

The actual treatment will be run by the victor of the treatment vote, but will require the full cooperation of the entire staff, especially when the treatment leads to a result.

At the GM's discretion, your treatment may or may not work. If this happens, you are a free to establish a new diagnosis or treatment and run it at your own discretion, assuming you can do so before your esteemed colleagues. A doctor at NPF hospital is not supposed to be hurt by failure, as every mistake leads to more answers, and the death of your patient may be the first step to 'curing' him. (We did say necromancy, after all)

This is repeated along with melodramatic dialogue that proves everybody lies and that you as a doctor are a magnificent bastard until the patient is cured and the credits roll, and we're all inside some retard kid's snowglobe.

Flow:

Inspection (its' like the opening skit from Phoenix wright, followed with a short discussion)
STructured Tests (you all must wait in line!)
Diagnosis Vote (It's democracy with bribes and needles)
Treatment Discussion (I say we give him an enema!)
Treatment Vote (it's like democracy but WAIT did you just say enema!?)
Cuddy!: What the hell are you doing Doctor?
Treatment Result Inspection (Did it work?)
Free Revision (From the beginning of the end)
???
Profit: He's cured!

For extra shits and giggles, all actions must be entered in the form of a text parser ala Zork,

:>

But I'm not going to force you to learn or remember some inane command list, just force you to type a colon and an arrow thing before every direct action, like voting, standing up, or summoning Cthultu.

You are free to however roleplay without the need for the text parser, and you're free to talk amongst yourselves freely (in character, to some extent) as long as you don't perform actions that would involve the 'curing' process of the hospital.

Just imagine that you're all playing this as a MUD in a computer lab over a network or something. I'm sure I'll come up with something needlessly silly to replace it as time goes on.

Originally Posted by Example:

:> Put red hot tongs into patient's demon possessed right arm.

It was hard to do, with the patient screaming bloody murder in twelve languages, none of which were earthly, but as a Blacksmithologist of 12 years, I knew that there was nothing a hot pair of tongs and a few smacks of my hammer couldn't fix.

"Y'see laddies, what a bunch of girls you've proven to be! Ethically unsound my arse, afraid of acidentally letting loose some funny snakey penis monster out from under yer beds and into our dimension, hah, I'll show you something!"

The heat of the furnace made the sweat drip from my brow. With my left arm, I wiped my face dry, before reaching for my hammer.

"It's...hammer time!"

:> Use hammer on patient's arm.

Character Sheet:

Name: Dr. (whatevah)
Sex: LEATHER PANTS.
Field: (Anything you can get a degree or bullshit others about)
Bio: (A brief description of your 'professional' history, where you learned your trade, among other things)

Example:

Name: Dr. Ashley Ethington.
Sex: On a christian holiday? Why, never!
Field: Action Science, with lots of action!
Bio: After the tragic death of her father at a young age, the precocious Ethington spent the rest of her creepy childhood skulking about abandoned houses and wells, renting old vhs tapes and making creepy phonecalls. But after enrolling in the Heterodyne school of Action Science, she soon devoted herself entirely to the swift application of intelligence to matter, also known as Action Science, where she wrote prolific essays on the values of Radioshack, a handy soldering iron, and building a fuck-all superweapon emptyhanded as a means to truly hone a scientists's skill. She graduated valedictorian with extra honors, and proceeded to spent the next 2 years in a hyperbolic time chamber of her favorite teacher, and spent roughly 12 years of perceived time in self study, allowing her to obtain her masters and doctorate in a relatively short time.

Of course, the hyperbolic time chamber was actually a study on aging as a side effect of decelerated time compared to those outside the chamber, and her professor was mystified that she still looked like a creepy little girl with long hair, and would remain so until she killed a few alien robots on interdimensional monster space crack.