"Ridiculous Questions About Superheroes" or "How Does Superman Get A Haircut?"

[Seil]

So I live in a small town. About a half hour away by car is the main campus of my school, and since I don't drive, that's a long way away/ It's okay, though, because my school has taken space above the public library in town for classes. That means that whenever I finish Biology, I can go downstairs and read comic books. Over time, I've started to wonder about a few things.

Like how does Superman get a haircut? He can stop bullets with his eyes, he no mere human scissors are going to be able to cut his hair. Or shave him. Or trim his nails. Or flush his waste.

For that matter, does Batman go out and get haircuts, or does Alfred do it? Also, if Alfred does it, how dedicated is he that he hasn't just indignantly quit?

Also, why is it that only a few select Batman villains know his identity? How hard is it to deduce? You can see that he's caucasian, tall, and well built. He knows a variety of martial arts. He's got to be a genius, rich or both to come up with his equipment. He's got to be a recluse, or at least on the unavailable side due to the whole crime fighting thing. Hey! You know who's built, rich, knows a variety of martial arts and rarely strays out of the mansion where he lives with only one boy and their butler? Bruce Wayne.

With all the radiation just being all radioactive in Metropolis, how come people aren't in the hospital what with the cancer?

How does one get good insurance in the superhero world?

Who cleans Spiderman's webs off of buildings?

How does Daredevil get through court while being able to hear everyone in the gallery and their heartbeats and everything all the time?

When do superheroes sleep?

The Hulk goes to a variety of places, does a few different things, but something always remains the same. He tears his purple pants. Aside from the fact that I can't find purple pants anywhere, how does he get around? People see the Hulk in torn purple pants, and then they see the resident reclusive scientist walking around naked except for the Hulks pants.

Is Mr. Fantastic good in bed?

In a male-dominanted world, why did Wonder Woman choose a onesie for her costume, despite being built like an amazon?

Why are villains like Doctor Doom and Lex Luthor even alive, let alone holding political office? Haven't they tried to destroy the world once a week, at least?

How did Superman turn back time by reversing the spin of the Earth? Or alter reality with a punch?

Why do so many villains have doctorates?