08-23-2005, 06:02 PM | #24 |
Earth-Pig Borne
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60) No more in-game instruction manuals that you can't skip. Final Fantasy VIII is a prime example of this. I wanna kick some Ifrit ass, not have a nerdy chick telling me how I can avoid ice damage by hanging some magic charms from my balls. The game comes with a frigging instruction manual. If players are too stupid to read them, they don't deserve to know how to play the game.
61) No more games based on the following: Reality TV Movies (especially superhero flicks) Mary Kate & Ashley (unless they get nekkid) Fighting/Basketball playing rap artists Shitty cartoons (Fairly Oddparents, Recess, etc.) Decks of cards WWF/WWE/OTHER THREE LETTERS Wrestling (Unless it's XXX) Game shows Ideas hastily scribbled on a cocktail napkin during a weekend bender in Amsterdam 62) Publish fewer games. Look at how many games are released across all platforms each year, then subtract the number of those games which are worth playing for more than thirty seconds. The resulting sum equals the pile of shit thrown at us every year, and it gets bigger and bigger as time goes on. They want our money, but most of them seem like they're not willing to work for it. It's time to get the shit/gold ratio back on track. 63) An RPG without all the standard cliche's of the genre. "Hi, I'm a mild mannered country boy of little importance who's just escaped from prison and into a dragon-infested wasteland, and I found a sword and something wierd and glowing spoke to me in my sleep and informed me that I'm chosen for some reason and I have to save the world. Which is really crazy, cuz I rape kittens for fun, but somehow the fates have looked kindly upon me anyway. Oh, and the blue-haired chick with the gun who hates me? Yeah, I'll be banging her by the third disc when she realizes how much she's in love with me. I just hope she doesn't turn out to be my long lost sister. Cuz then while I'm banging her it's gonna be hard not to think about what our kids might look like."
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