GC does a Let's Play: I also have Pokeymans and I will show you them

[Great Cartoonist]

Well I guess I can't go wrong with the popular vote, right?

<Wait, seriously? THAT'S what we're calling him? Oh boy, this is going to cause a lot of conversational problems in the future.>




Ah yes, right where we left off.


Welp, going back to retrieve that Abra.


Accessing Pokemon Storage...


Gonna have to deposit this one to make room.




<Hey, buddy. Just so you know, we're going to refer to you as Dammit, alright?>



<Hmm.>

<Little dude don't talk much, huh?>

<Maybe he's sleeping or something. I dunno.>


Now to change the order to allow our Abra to gain experience.


Right, so let's get back to where we were before, shall we?


Whatever. I'm still going to send you packing.


Oh goody, a Machop.
And for those who still don't get why I didn't bother to heal paralysis: Paralysis is worthless on a Pokemon with no practical battle moves. In fact, it could actually be beneficial, because it blocks other permanent status effects like poison and sleep.


But why am I saying this anyway? Nobody in their right mind would leave an Abra out for more than the opening round.


Blah blah blah high attack, low special, same old Machop.


Poison isn't quite as good as burn, but we'll run with this.


Yeah, trust me, poison is only good in the games where the intensifying poison effect doesn't get cleared after battle or on switching out.




HERP


DERP


And now we have to handle another one of these freaks.


Or rather, Bard is going to handle another one of these freaks.

<Oh god, don't tell me I have to handle another one of these freaks.>


<Yep, looks like I have to.>







<Jeez, that was annoying.>


<No, it was routine. Boring, monotonous routine.>


That's nice. Moving on.


Now this is a sneaky hidden item. You have to check the wall to find it.


I don't need practice, I just want my Pokes to get EXP.


Now, I had considered using Rare Candies to speed up the process...


But no. Rare Candies are rare and using them now would be a waste.




Well, we're making progress I suppose.



Man, we make Gofur act like a schizophrenic.


Fury Attack is one of a few attacks that deals 2-5 hits at random. It's not that great of a move.


Especially since there's high-power, 100-accuracy moves that can do the job more effectively.




I outrank you.


That sort of tip would have been useful back at Viridian City.


I just need the EXP thank you


As we've observed, Rock/Ground Pokemon might be fearsome when you first encounter them, but they quickly become a sorry bunch once you know their weaknesses.


<Aaaaaand you're using me to defeat these guys because...?>


<OWJESUS my... wait, I don't have ears. Huh.>


Let's skip through the whole battle as you already know who wins.


<I'm a goddamn lizard that can START FIRES.>


Yes, but we're going OUT of Cerulean City. What now?


What the hell I don't care about your boyfriend


A male Nidoran?


OBVIOUSLY THIS ONE WANTS TO INTRUDE ON SHEPARD'S DOMAIN




SHEPARD SHALL PROVE HIS DOMINANCE OVER ALL NIDORAN



AND NOW SHEPARD WILL... um.




Yeah, you weren't missing much.


Don't you be blaming your loss on your own shortcomings.


You seriously have low standards.




The hell you were; you were just standing in one spot waiting for someone you can fight.



<Oh no, not another one of these freaks.>


<Retarded>



<Jeebus, ANOTHER ONE again?>


<Retarded>



A Machop with the same moves as last time.


Glah.




<If you didn't see that coming, you're not paying attention.>


<Wait, I got a hiker? AWESOME! Oh wait, you didn't mean that literally.>


None of which will be helpful to us in any way because we never get to see them.


Alright, there's an item on the other side, but we can't get to it because some jerk and a skinny bush is blocking the way. Since we can't cut that bush down yet...


...we need to draw this guy out.


You just gained negative coolness points for stating that in public, you dip.


Also, those clothes are retarded.





Whoever thought that throwing the same forced battles at the player was a good idea needs to have their head slammed into a toilet.


Okay, seriously, we need to change things up a bit.


<Right, then, we shall settle this fair and square.>


<Ooh, trying to intimidate me, are we? Well, nice try old chap...>


<...because I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU INTO PIECES REGARDLESS.>


<Next time, don't try to step. Jackass.>


You just lost any coolness points you had left.


Good luck with that. Wait, no, I take back any luck I had given you and replace it with spite.


With that guy out of the way, we can now take this TM that teaches Seismic Toss.


HOLY CRAP THIS KID IS A PSYCHIC.


These battles will not end.





And, finally, level 16. That didn't take long.


Oh boy, I just love fighting Sandshrews! /sarcasm


To save time, assume that the entire battle was made up of nothing but Horn Attack and Sand-Attack.


HOLY CRAP THIS BOY MUST BE A CHILD PRODIGY AMONG PSYCHICS




BEHOLD, THE SECOND APOSTLE HAS AWAKENED


And he comes with a free attack too! ALL YOURS FOR AS LOW AS $100


Yeah, why don't you go back to Viridian and share your wisdom with those guys.


HA HA HA I don't give a crap.


We've seen Oddish before. It being a Grass/Poison type means that it has a weakness to Psychic, and you know what that means...


A high Special stat makes Confusion hurt that much harder.


Oh no a Pidgey! It does not have a crippling weakness to Psychic! Whatever shall I do!


Duh.


Another Oddish? Man you people suck.


And just like that, another level!


That came out of left field there.


Do you ever listen to the words that are coming out of your mouth?


This looks important.


Nice place, but where's the kitchen? Or the bathroom?


Why would you want to build a teleporter when you have Pokemon that can teleport you anyway!


I can't even tell if this creature is a Pokemon or a dog/crocodile hybrid.


Well, looks like we found Bill, I guess.


Aha, looks like a problem that we alone need to fix. Also, shouldn't Bill be speaking in Pokemon language right now?


The game's not going to move until we do so, so we say yes.


Wait, he knew this was going to happen beforehand?


I bet he likes doing this sort of thing every day.


And so, without any prior knowledge on how to operate this bangdoozle, we activate it.






















...It's supposed to work isn't it?


Oh wait, there we go.


Hang on, what happened to the Pokemon that you spliced with? Did it get vaporized?


No, we just came here because the plot required it.


Gimme gimme.


And here's the plot coupon we need.


Oh hey, guess what we're going to be doing on the S.S. Anne!


Yep, it looks like we're headed to the S.S. Anne.


Well, we're done here.


As we've heard before, this path is a one-way road back to Cerulean.


And it's only NOW that this jerk decides to move out of the way for no apparent reason.


Well, the guy who robbed this house surely never heard of the word "discretion."


I'm sorry, I only heard the word DIG, what was that other stuff you said?








Guess what we're going to be getting for FREE!


What the hell! That idiot didn't even run away during the time we spent running around in Route 25!



Team Rocket fails HARD at even the simplest of crimes. Also lying.


Ahahaha, wow, this fight is one-sided.


Plain overkill.


Oh snap, a Pokemon we haven't seen yet!


Drowzee is actually a pretty decent Psychic Pokemon. Though its evolution, Hypno, is outclassed by the more popular Alakazam, it gets more HP, Attack and Defense, and it also has a sleep move, something that Alakazam lacks.


Physical attacks can still chew through this guy however.


Seriously, Team Rocket is full of wimps.


And I'll be sure to give it back to the owner. Yes.


Oh wait, we ran out of room for items already?


<Wait, WHAT? This guy... he could've... *sigh* It's official. Team Rocket is the absolute worst criminal organization in existence. Also the police are even worse.>




<Hey.>



<Umm... are you ever going to talk at all?>



<I think he's ignoring you because YOU SUCK.>




So, we store all the items that we're not going to use until much later. Or even use at all.
Currently, Gofur's PC holds a town map, a dome fossil, TM34, TM12, TM04, TM45, TM19, and 2 Rare Candies.


Now we go back and get our prize from that idiot.




And NOW he runs off. What a retard.


Oh hey, you're serious about that? Cause, we just got back your TM, which we could have given back to you... yeah.

Oh yeah, you may have noticed that I missed out on fighting a few trainers back in Route 24 and 25. Well there's a reason for that. AND IT'S GONNA BE BIG.


Now this next part is something that could potentially be dangerous if you decide to try and recreate it on your own game, so I take no responsibility in any losses that may occur on your end. Are you ready?
First, note where we are right now. If we take one step down, we will find a trainer who will be facing upwards, ready to battle us. But there's a way to avoid fighting him while standing in plain sight.


See what I did? I opened up the menu the moment the trainer appeared on the screen. Note that this can only be done if you approach the trainer from the left, right, or above, because each NPC, by default, faces downwards when they are activated, and it is only on the next frame that they are assigned the direction that they will face (assuming that they are supposed to be facing a direction other than down).
So what can we do from here?


Well, how about we teleport back to the Pokemon Center in Cerulean?


Once we cancel out of pause, the trainer immediately sees us, but since we're in the process of teleporting, he can't do a damn thing about it.


So now we're back in Cerulean. Notice now that the pause menu has been disabled. Also, we can't talk to people. This is because the game had expected you to fight a forced battle, so it disabled the controls so you couldn't escape.
But WE JUST DID, and this is where it gets real.


So what now? Well, let's go and fight that OTHER trainer we missed.


Now, it is crucially important that the other trainer has to walk towards you to battle you. Otherwise, the game will freeze for some reason.


This kid has a Slowpoke, a Water Pokemon that can use Psychic attacks and evolves into Slowbro, a rather decent Water/Psychic Pokemon. Partly because it gets humongous Defense and has decent values in every other stat besides Speed, and partly because it can also learn Amnesia, which DRASTICALLY boosts the user's Special stat.


However, it falls easily to a fast Electric attack.




Once the battle ends, we can talk to people and use the pause menu again.


Now let's teleport to Cerulean again, because it's quicker I feel like it.


When we try to go back to Route 24, the game suddenly opens the pause menu for us. IT IS ALSO CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT THAT YOU IMMEDIATELY EXIT OUT OF THAT. And when we do...


HOLY CRAP A BATTLE ON THE BRIDGE!


IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT'S MEW!

<HOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLY [pumpkinschnitzel] WHAT THE [aerogel] IS GOING OOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN>


And there you have it, the Mew Glitch. This is why we had to fight that trainer's Slowpoke: it had a Special stat of 21, which is also the game's internal Pokemon index for Mew (in case you're wondering, Rhydon is 1). This glitch can pretty much allow you to catch any Pokemon in the game, as well as glitch Pokemon that should not exist (for the obvious reason that they could crash your game).



Now all we have to do is catch it like we normally do. However, keep in mind that Mew has a very low catch rate, so it might take a few tries.


<Well, I guess I was wrong about us having no way in hell of ever catching a Mew.>



But hold on, this isn't the best part of the glitch. Want to see something even more HORRIBLY GONE WRONG?



Going back to the Slowpoke battle, what if we had lowered the Slowpoke's Attack by 6 stages?


Well, this happens.
That's right. A LEVEL 1 MEW.

See, this is another feature of the glitch: the level of the Pokemon encountered with this glitch is determined by the attack modifier of the Pokemon fought (so, in this case, no change = level 7, -6 attack stages = level 1).




Catching it is still the same as before.


Also, it comes with HOLY CRAP THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH EXP
Why is that? Because the game never expected any Pokemon to be at level 1, so the EXP curve is slightly screwed up in such a way that a level 1 Pokemon comes with NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE POINTS. However, since EXP is an unsigned value, it instead wraps around and becomes an ungodly amount of EXP, enough to bring any Pokemon to level 100 (provided that the EXP gained on the next battle is less than the EXP that's shown as what is "needed" to get to the next level), the equivalent of using 99 Rare Candies, with the same downsides (ie. does not give stat exp).


For more information on this glitch, go see the Bulbapedia article and follow the links there.
So, what should we do with this Mew? Should we use it as part of the team, or should we get rid of it and claim this never happened just to keep the rest of the adventure fair?

Until then...


I hope I didn't forget anything important!

<...so I'd like to know how you think the world will end.>
Well, either Groundon's gonna crack open a supervolcano and turn the air into acid, or Kyogre's gonna do a cannonball and wipe all the continents clean with a megatsunami, or Rayquaza's gonna twist a hypercane into existence and rip the face of the planet off itself.
<Okay... so which one is more likely to happen?>
It'd probably be the Clefables pulling the moon down onto the planet. You can't trust those smiling faces.

<Are you lying?>
Nnnnnnnnnnnoooooope.