The blood of the gods runs through you! Well, one god anyways.

Thadius · 06-20-2010, 05:10 PM

Right, go talk to Gorion, get this thing over with.

Can do! Hey foster dad, what's all this about?

Are you done in your studies, my child? Have you said farewell to everyone, done your chores, and brushed your teeth?

Well, yes. But what does that have to-

Damn. He's not kidding is he?

Never does.

It's a-

I feel as though if you finish that sentence I will have to hurt you.

Dad, no!

Run.

What? I can help, I can fight! I've killed rats before, he's just a big one in a suit that's compensa-

RUN GODDAMNIT!

I...I could have helped. I should have helped.

And then his sacrifice would have been in vain. At least this way you have a chance to live and avenge him.

I...suppose so.

How did she follow? I thought the rules were very strict there.

Oh I know I complained before, but I cannot help but say she is a sight for sore eyes.

See? Free thief!

Surely that's not the only reason you're glad to see her.

Welcome to the real first area of the game. It's actually kinda easy here, with no real penalties if you decide to explore around. This also explains why I haven't cheated up a full map of the place yet, I can get it easy enough wandering around. First objective is to get to that area north of us and see what there is to see.

Also, say hello to Imoen! With a max dexterity score and decent intelligence, constitution, and charisma, the only real downfall of having her around is she can't do any heavy lifting. Most people dual-class her into a mage\thief as soon as it's feasible.

She comes with a magic stick that fires small bolts of death, a bottle of coffee, and a few more healing potions for the stockpile. Naturally we'll stick all of those on Mary. Imoen will be getting the magical skinning knife in case we get in melee combat.

Imoen will also be standing in front of Mary to take the brunt of any attacks while the two of them get over here to loot the bodies of last night's events.

But that's inhuman! One of those bodies is my foster father!

Who, might I remind you, died so that you could escape. It would be a shame if he was carrying vital information that detailed what the hell that was all about that you decided to skip out on because heaven forbid you disturb the dead, even though you're a necromancer and that's kinda your job.

Satisfied, monster?

Oh yes. Oh yes I am.

This ring. This is the best ring. It fetches the best price in shops and I will be selling it first chance we get. For now let's tool around a bit.

First, Imoen tells this guy off, and sadly we get no experience for it. Funnily enough, no matter what way you choose, he lives and you get no experience for it. I think it was meant just as a morality test.

We run into some deceased gibberlings...

Diseased gibberlings...

And a wholly unhelpful messenger.

This guy, at least, is sympathetic if not helpful. Hey, Mary, go check out the rest of the area. Might find something of worth.

Har-de-har. Fine.

Fuck. A wolf. At our level it could easily wreck us. Well we have missile weapons and Imoen has that dagger. Maybe we can smite it before it reaches us.

Shit. Okay still salvageable. Mary just needs to back off and Imoen needs to close with her dagger to distract it before-

Oh god! The teeth!

SHIT. That has to be the most badass wolf I've ever encountered. It went on after this was taken and bit Imoen to death as well! Still, I have to do all that again? Ah well, reload and-

What the hell just happened?!

Ah, you died. I just rewound time so that we could avoid that next time.

...To a wolf, right? Let me at him again, I dare you.

Mary, no what are you do-

Mary I admire your fighting spirit but-

Imoen, go stand between me and him and stab his brains out.

Not a problem!

Teeth, ow. Don't suppose you could give me a potion after this?

Kill him first, potion later.

HiiiiiiiYA! Potion please.

Sure thing!

If you're quite done with your little vendetta, Mary, you've an entire area to explore.

FUCK. Bears are big and lumbering, and unlike most wild animals, aren't openly hostile at first. If you get too close, though, they go from big and cuddly to big and hungry. They can wreck our shit faster than wolves can, so we're going to steer well away from this one. And every other one as well until we're bigger and have a few more meatshields to hide behind. We might be able to kill it with magic missile, the wand, and liberal amounts of bullets, but Imoen would definitely be bear chow by then.

Imoen dispatches another wolf and gets another potion for her troubles...

And with that, the area is explored!

Hey, Mary, go turn your charm on those guys. Might be able to get another potion off them.

If you say so. You've been right so far.

Score!

Hey, that's my line!

Hmm. It would only be ri-

No. They're evil and you don't want them with you. That guy you're talking to is nearly your polar opposite for crying out loud.

Suddenly I am filled with an urge to not have you travel with me, my good man.

Ah well. Hey Mary, go up the road a little bit and-

No. I'll send Imoen, but I have something to attend to. Imoen, give me your knife for a minute. I'll give it right back later if you'll wait for me further up the road.

Sure thing, here you go.

Mary, what are you...

Kill me, will you? I'll show you what we do to wolves...

Mary, no! That is not the proper technique or particularly appealing!

I don't have quite enough yet...

I need a bucket! *Hurf*

This is remarkably warm and cozy! Imoen will be wanting her dagger back now, probably.

Bonus time! Spot the hidden container and win a prize!

If you said 'Halfway up the tree nearest to Mary,' then congratulations, you win your very own diamond on your own file!

With that, let's get the hell out of here before Mary decides the bear would make a better coat.

Ah, the map system, how I loathed it. In order to get to another area in BG1, you have to actually walk across the entire fucking world to your destination at least once. As you can see, I've already taken the liberty of putting High Hedge on our map, and we'll be there later. For now, we have to get to the inn, and than means the crossroads. I won't bother putting up a map screen for it, because it WILL punish me for nosing around, and it WILL kill me faster than the wolves or bears could.

So wait, how did he know I was going to the inn to meet some friends?

Crazy old wizard don't have to explain. For now, run along that road. Screaming is optional.

Which fork?

The one you're currently on, now move it!

Ogre...mage?

Oh yes. And did I forget to mention there's an ogre around here? He will kill you faster than the bear could if you don't move it!

Made it!

Welcome to the Friendly Arm Inn!

Next time on Baldur's Gate: The most annoying druid in the world, yes it's true, oh it's you...

06-20-2010, 05:10 PM	#11
Thadius BEARD IMPACT Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: MANLY ANGER Posts: 1,977	Run, Mary, run! Right, go talk to Gorion, get this thing over with. Can do! Hey foster dad, what's all this about? Are you done in your studies, my child? Have you said farewell to everyone, done your chores, and brushed your teeth? Well, yes. But what does that have to- Damn. He's not kidding is he? Never does. It's a- I feel as though if you finish that sentence I will have to hurt you. Dad, no! Run. What? I can help, I can fight! I've killed rats before, he's just a big one in a suit that's compensa- RUN GODDAMNIT! I...I could have helped. I should have helped. And then his sacrifice would have been in vain. At least this way you have a chance to live and avenge him. I...suppose so. How did she follow? I thought the rules were very strict there. Oh I know I complained before, but I cannot help but say she is a sight for sore eyes. See? Free thief! Surely that's not the only reason you're glad to see her. Welcome to the real first area of the game. It's actually kinda easy here, with no real penalties if you decide to explore around. This also explains why I haven't cheated up a full map of the place yet, I can get it easy enough wandering around. First objective is to get to that area north of us and see what there is to see. Also, say hello to Imoen! With a max dexterity score and decent intelligence, constitution, and charisma, the only real downfall of having her around is she can't do any heavy lifting. Most people dual-class her into a mage\thief as soon as it's feasible. She comes with a magic stick that fires small bolts of death, a bottle of coffee, and a few more healing potions for the stockpile. Naturally we'll stick all of those on Mary. Imoen will be getting the magical skinning knife in case we get in melee combat. Imoen will also be standing in front of Mary to take the brunt of any attacks while the two of them get over here to loot the bodies of last night's events. But that's inhuman! One of those bodies is my foster father! Who, might I remind you, died so that you could escape. It would be a shame if he was carrying vital information that detailed what the hell that was all about that you decided to skip out on because heaven forbid you disturb the dead, even though you're a necromancer and that's kinda your job. Satisfied, monster? Oh yes. Oh yes I am. This ring. This is the best ring. It fetches the best price in shops and I will be selling it first chance we get. For now let's tool around a bit. First, Imoen tells this guy off, and sadly we get no experience for it. Funnily enough, no matter what way you choose, he lives and you get no experience for it. I think it was meant just as a morality test. We run into some deceased gibberlings... Diseased gibberlings... And a wholly unhelpful messenger. This guy, at least, is sympathetic if not helpful. Hey, Mary, go check out the rest of the area. Might find something of worth. Har-de-har. Fine. Fuck. A wolf. At our level it could easily wreck us. Well we have missile weapons and Imoen has that dagger. Maybe we can smite it before it reaches us. Shit. Okay still salvageable. Mary just needs to back off and Imoen needs to close with her dagger to distract it before- Oh god! The teeth! SHIT. That has to be the most badass wolf I've ever encountered. It went on after this was taken and bit Imoen to death as well! Still, I have to do all that again? Ah well, reload and- What the hell just happened?! Ah, you died. I just rewound time so that we could avoid that next time. ...To a wolf, right? Let me at him again, I dare you. Mary, no what are you do- Mary I admire your fighting spirit but- Imoen, go stand between me and him and stab his brains out. Not a problem! Teeth, ow. Don't suppose you could give me a potion after this? Kill him first, potion later. HiiiiiiiYA! Potion please. Sure thing! If you're quite done with your little vendetta, Mary, you've an entire area to explore. FUCK. Bears are big and lumbering, and unlike most wild animals, aren't openly hostile at first. If you get too close, though, they go from big and cuddly to big and hungry. They can wreck our shit faster than wolves can, so we're going to steer well away from this one. And every other one as well until we're bigger and have a few more meatshields to hide behind. We might be able to kill it with magic missile, the wand, and liberal amounts of bullets, but Imoen would definitely be bear chow by then. Imoen dispatches another wolf and gets another potion for her troubles... And with that, the area is explored! Hey, Mary, go turn your charm on those guys. Might be able to get another potion off them. If you say so. You've been right so far. Score! Hey, that's my line! Hmm. It would only be ri- No. They're evil and you don't want them with you. That guy you're talking to is nearly your polar opposite for crying out loud. Suddenly I am filled with an urge to not have you travel with me, my good man. Ah well. Hey Mary, go up the road a little bit and- No. I'll send Imoen, but I have something to attend to. Imoen, give me your knife for a minute. I'll give it right back later if you'll wait for me further up the road. Sure thing, here you go. Mary, what are you... Kill me, will you? I'll show you what we do to wolves... Mary, no! That is not the proper technique or particularly appealing! I don't have quite enough yet... I need a bucket! Hurf This is remarkably warm and cozy! Imoen will be wanting her dagger back now, probably. Bonus time! Spot the hidden container and win a prize! If you said 'Halfway up the tree nearest to Mary,' then congratulations, you win your very own diamond on your own file! With that, let's get the hell out of here before Mary decides the bear would make a better coat. Ah, the map system, how I loathed it. In order to get to another area in BG1, you have to actually walk across the entire fucking world to your destination at least once. As you can see, I've already taken the liberty of putting High Hedge on our map, and we'll be there later. For now, we have to get to the inn, and than means the crossroads. I won't bother putting up a map screen for it, because it WILL punish me for nosing around, and it WILL kill me faster than the wolves or bears could. So wait, how did he know I was going to the inn to meet some friends? Crazy old wizard don't have to explain. For now, run along that road. Screaming is optional. Which fork? The one you're currently on, now move it! Ogre...mage? Oh yes. And did I forget to mention there's an ogre around here? He will kill you faster than the bear could if you don't move it! Made it! Welcome to the Friendly Arm Inn! Next time on Baldur's Gate: The most annoying druid in the world, yes it's true, oh it's you... __________________ ANGER HAS NEVER BEEN MORE MANLY THAN THIS. Last edited by Thadius; 06-23-2010 at 06:33 PM.