Pet peeves for the next generation...

[Jagos]

These are a few things of this generation that seriously need to be eliminated before I even CONSIDER picking up a 360 or PS3. Below are a few rules so that when you play your favorite series on the new systems, perhaps they took my advice so you can keep your Mojo flowing.

1) For the love of Mike, you have multi streaming processors, you have 2+ years of development. Hell, you even have my undivided attention in a game. WHY FOR ALL THAT'S HOLY DO WE STILL HAVE RANDOM ENCOUNTERS!? Monsters make no sense being in the middle of the street with cars around. I don't CARE about your stinkin' art degree and background. If there's something waiting to bite me in the arse, have him come out with fangs. Have his HP show at the bottom. Have it so the screen goes straight to the battle IN GAME. But do not have me transit to another screen!

2) I don't care who you are. I bought the game and your label's on the front. I can't pass your screen everytime I open the game? That's five seconds. Five seconds is a LOONG time to contemplate me picking up a game from you again. And a LOONG time to consider your game on EBay...

3) 21. Great number. Great age. I think I can handle mature stories. If it says M or Ao on the box, I probably know what I'm getting into.

4) Less hype, more production. How about quit boasting something is the greatest fucking game that will hit the shelves this year when it's goddamn January, and spend that money instead on ensuring it is. Advertise, fine, but don't cram it down our throats.

5) Welcome to Madden 2006. Oh wait, I mean 2005. No, 2004. Or is it 2003? Nobody knows. Cause they're all the damn same. You may replace Madden with any other long-running sports game.

6) How about a bit of a better storyline? Since everything became graphics oriented it seems that playability took a backseat. I know I'm just saying what everyone else has been, but with the advent of even more powerful machines it seems more likely than ever before that it will become a near epidemic of visual orgasms paired with lackluster titles that can't even remotely compare to the greats of the mid nineties. It's been ten fucking years. How about something goddamn amazing to blow me away?

7) Involve the player. Please! Sure you can make a game look good. You can have a game that plays well, but I would like to be included in these games of yours. If I want to watch a movie I will watch a movie. When I want to play a game I want to be in the game. Doing things, moving stuff, slashin, hacking, dancing, whatever! Don't take time with load screens, or FMVs. The movies in a game should not equal more than the amount of actual game play. Appendum) This one is aimed toward Kojima: "Hi, I'm the player! You remember me? I'm the one who has the controller and says what I do during the gameplay? Can I do something more than watch two talking heads and listening to boring text about some stupid plot twist that I don't care about five seconds before the final boss fight? That'd be great."

8) If I see one more game that could be summed up with the sentence "A man on the edge," I will snap. I'm aware of the irony. Also, if you use "High octaine thrills" in your summary, I'm coming after the maker with a baseball bat.

9) Sequels are evil. It's about time to kill off a few series. Start new, but please, please, PLEASE stop a game before it hits "10." By then, it's time to move on.

10) If you have characters, please don't make them just as generic as Street Fighter, Final Fantasy 7, and any other landmark game. I don't want to have to adventure as the "Silent Protagonist," the "Romantic interest", the "tough guy," the "goofy sidekick," and the like. Give me originality, not another Legend of Dragoon.

11) Be sure that you make your music available to us. Remember the old quote "If you build it, they will come"? Helps all of us.

12) No more scantily clad women. There's enough flack about women being degenerated in every way possible. Why not give us a heroine who does more than bouces around everytime she swings a sword? Beyond Good and Evil was a great start. We keep in that direction and perhaps there will be more than 43% of the current female generation playing games.

13) We pay attention to the voice actors. We cringe when a man's voice sounds too high, or a woman's is too low. If voice acting is the way to go, and can't isn't done properly, just make it an option. Some of us like our subtitles.

14) NO LOADING TIMES. Okay, I'm a realist. I don't need loading scenes gone completely, but at least reduced. Good examples: Halo

15) Look, not all of us play online everyday. We can't all afford broadband connection. However a game meant for all should play on every system and connection. If you all were playing on dial up, perhaps you could explain the rubberband effect. If you can't and dismiss us, then how can you call that customer service?

16) Invisible Walls of Death should all be destroyed. There is no reason I should not be able to follow my own path. If Fido is a cute dog and I can't keep up with him in the abandoned building there should be NO reason why I can't go to the armory 2 km from said building, buy a flamethrower, and set the rest of the town on fire. Speaking of which, if the dog's STILL there when I get back, he deserves his fate. And the city owes me for demolition.

17.) All heroes should have the power to jump. A knee high pile a rubble wouldn't stop a 10 year old, so it shouldn't stop me, the saver of the universe.

18) A plot that doesn't involve plotholes is a MUST. That's what focus groups and Q&A from your customers is for. If you're the only hope for the galaxy with a fast ship, and there's another ship with your weapons, your speed, and is basically your mirror... Suffice to say, there's a reason "All your Base" is still popular.

19) LISTEN TO YOUR PLAYER BASE! They know more about how to improve the game than your QA team. They play longer, for less money and can probably find things over time that makes them valuable.

20) ALWAYS let the player choose his own button configuration. I'm not talking "choose between three different control schemes," because that was in the Genesis days, when there were only three BUTTONS. No, I'm talking full customization. As in, if I want to freaking swing my sword with the Gamecube's Z button you'll let me. Games like Zelda with a very specific, unchangeable interface, I can understand. But for all the others? Please.

21) The gaming industry has already been turned into a profit over creativity affair. However, we don't need 20 games that copy Grand Theft Auto with "Thugz", beer as powerups, and bling-bling. Copy the things that were good (free-roaming and no invisible walls) than the things that were obvious (gang background, "immoral behaviour") so your game stands out.

22) Consider us all poor. We like games but $50 dollars+ is already HUGE on a budget where you have to pay for college, internet, a house to rent, water, food, etc. You can expect $XXX,XXX,XXX to come in. But reality is, not all of your customers make over $6.50 an hour.

23) I can't stress this enough... WAL-MART IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!!! Oh sure, you get a mainstream game in there and it sells. But guess who shops at our local Gamestop, or anything else for the niche market? If you're a small game publisher, look into that. The retail model should be scrapped. Gimme a reason to get a game shipped at a cheaper price than the enemy (retail) and maybe, as developers, your margin will be much higher than getting screwed over for your royalties.

24) Copyright... I've seen enough of Mario to last me the rest of the century. Luigi is ignored. Peach and Daisy need to seriously have their own personalities other than Damsel in Distress. Bionic Commando needs a remake. My point:
Copyrights can only be so long. There's been so many characters that different people have grown up with. Why should that stop someone from making a game about their favorite character that they put THEIR time into? Isn't that the same as what you're doing as a game publisher/developer?

25) All games, especially FPS', should be more like Half-Life 2. You should be able to pick it up, have fun with it, and most importantly INTERACT with the environment. This point can't be stressed enough.

26) No more in-game instruction manuals that you can't skip. Final Fantasy VIII is a prime example of this. The game comes with a frigging instruction manual. More than likely common sense takes over for all elemental damage. We don't have to hear it in the tutorial we've been trying to skip for the last 20 minutes since we've probably played games like this before.

27) Publish fewer games. Look at how many games are released across all platforms each year, then subtract the number of those games which are worth playing for more than thirty seconds. The resulting sum equals the pile of games that won't sell which gets bigger and bigger as time goes on. They want our money, but most of them seem like they're not willing to work for it. It's time to get the shit/gold ratio back on track.

28) Create more open ended storylines. I can handle archetypes. They typically make a pretty good story - but the distinctions made between good and evil in most epic storytelling video games are too concrete. I just dont see why the "villian" should always be trying to destroy the known universe - OF COURSE you'll stop him/her/it/kefka. But what would you do against an enemy you can REALLY and truly sympathize with, and who's cause might even be just? What do you determine is right and wrong? Lets mix things up every ONCE in a while, huh?

29) Peripherals that don't cost an arm and a leg would be greatly appreciated. This points back to Rule #24. If we can't afford it, we don't need it.

Anyone want to add?