Stupid Nuklear Age. What you do for me? Nuffin'. (SPOILERS.)

Scorn the Terrible · 08-31-2005, 07:15 PM

Y'know, I hate online marketing. I don't trust it. I don't give out my personal information online, I don't give out my bank info anywhere.

Bear with me; I'm goin' somewhere with this.

Anyhow, I decided to chuck all these closely-held examples of cautious wisdom out the window when I ordered Brian's much-lauded Nuklear Age. I now wish I hadn't.

I got to Amazon.com and ordered the book in electronic format, as it was far cheaper than the disgustingly over-priced paper/hardback versions. In a little under two hours I downloaded the book and eagerly began reading. Suffice it to say I was less than impressed.

The writing in the earlier chapters is unpolished to the point of looking like a middle-school creative writing assignment. Add to that the problem with the sloppy editing and you'll understand why I feel that, despite the low .PDF price, I was severely cheated. I'm just glad I saved myself the $40.00 it would have taken to get the super-duper hardcover edition.

That isn't to say the book is complete filth; aside from what I've mentioned, and a few things I'll mention later, it's an enjoyable superhero satire that'll elicit a coupla' chuckles every so often. The "DWARF-A-PAULT" was funny, as was the frequent Fighter-esque irritated mumblings of Nuklear Man.

Of course, a few of the jokes wore out their welcomes pretty damned quickly. The "Science/Iron/Danger: (insert item here)" jokes got annoying quick, for one. Sure, the "Danger: (insert item here)" were okay at first, but when everyone had their own "(Adjective): (insert item here)" gag going on, I wanted to open-palm smack Brian across the face. This, my friends, will not be the last time the feeling arises within me.

Anyone else notice how heavy-handed Brian was about Atomik Lad? The only way he could be any more obvious about it is if he went to the home of everyone who bought the book and started punching the readers in the face while screaming, "HELLO! I AM BRIAN CLEVINGER! I BASED ATOMIK LAD ON MYSELF! HE HAS LONG HAIR AND LIKES VIDEO GAMES! HE EXPERIENCES MOOD SWINGS! HE HAS DEPTH! RACHEL IS ALSO A REFERENCE TO LYDIA! PLEASE ENJOY MY FACE-PUNCHIES! I LIKE SWORDS! DANGER: FACE PUNCHIES!!"

Speaking of punches to the face, I'd rather have Mike Tyson (or Mr. Dream if you bought the later edition cartridge) wallop me good in the kisser than read the whole Nihel arc again. The book turned from a mediocre superhero satire (the best kind) into a terrible stereotypical blah-blah-blah dramatic action bowel movement. Nuklear Man is a God? He was meant to destroy all creation? I know he said he was influenced by anime and comic books but damn, you'd think the guy wouldn't stoop so low as to ruin a potentially non-crappy book with such a poor excuse of a "punchline"?

Brian, you're a funny guy. 8-Bit Theater is the best sprite-based comic ever written. The characters are vibrant and full of humor, the storyline is true to its Final Fantasy roots. While Nuklear Age has a little in common with the comic, character-wise at least, it is obviously the inferior of the two works. 8-Bit Theater keeps its tone true throughout most of its line with few diversions. However, Nuklear Age ruins its established tone nearing middle end of the Superion saga, and completely trashes it when Nihel and his cronies stumble onto the scene. Brian calls this the punchline to a joke. I, in turn, call Brian a joke. A joke of an author that is! Ha! Speaking of humor, in his book, Brian says, "See, a joke is funny because of your expectations." That's bullshit, people. If all it took was ruined expectations to make something funny, then life would be one laugh after another and Brian would be out of a job.

Which brings me to yet another point of complaint: the commentary. First Mr. Clevinger gives us some bullshit about how the book should be read like a collection of short stories. Hey, Brian? That's cool with me, man. But you're gonna have to do us a favor and use the traditional short-story format. Or hell, hire an artist and make it into a comic book! In fact, Scott Ransoomair could do it! See? I'm a JENIOUS.

Listen, I know this review has sounded overly critical... but I feel I've earned the right to bitch. I paid good money for the book, and I've been a fan of 8-Bit Theater since time immemorial, so I think I'm more than entitled to my opinon. What's more, according to Amazon.com, I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Stick to comics Brian, and stop screwing with your readers... your paying customers. You shouldn't need to write a Goddamned apology.

08-31-2005, 07:15 PM	#1
Scorn the Terrible Unhappy Camper Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 9	Stupid Nuklear Age. What you do for me? Nuffin'. (SPOILERS.) Y'know, I hate online marketing. I don't trust it. I don't give out my personal information online, I don't give out my bank info anywhere. Bear with me; I'm goin' somewhere with this. Anyhow, I decided to chuck all these closely-held examples of cautious wisdom out the window when I ordered Brian's much-lauded Nuklear Age. I now wish I hadn't. I got to Amazon.com and ordered the book in electronic format, as it was far cheaper than the disgustingly over-priced paper/hardback versions. In a little under two hours I downloaded the book and eagerly began reading. Suffice it to say I was less than impressed. The writing in the earlier chapters is unpolished to the point of looking like a middle-school creative writing assignment. Add to that the problem with the sloppy editing and you'll understand why I feel that, despite the low .PDF price, I was severely cheated. I'm just glad I saved myself the $40.00 it would have taken to get the super-duper hardcover edition. That isn't to say the book is complete filth; aside from what I've mentioned, and a few things I'll mention later, it's an enjoyable superhero satire that'll elicit a coupla' chuckles every so often. The "DWARF-A-PAULT" was funny, as was the frequent Fighter-esque irritated mumblings of Nuklear Man. Of course, a few of the jokes wore out their welcomes pretty damned quickly. The "Science/Iron/Danger: (insert item here)" jokes got annoying quick, for one. Sure, the "Danger: (insert item here)" were okay at first, but when everyone had their own "(Adjective): (insert item here)" gag going on, I wanted to open-palm smack Brian across the face. This, my friends, will not be the last time the feeling arises within me. Anyone else notice how heavy-handed Brian was about Atomik Lad? The only way he could be any more obvious about it is if he went to the home of everyone who bought the book and started punching the readers in the face while screaming, "HELLO! I AM BRIAN CLEVINGER! I BASED ATOMIK LAD ON MYSELF! HE HAS LONG HAIR AND LIKES VIDEO GAMES! HE EXPERIENCES MOOD SWINGS! HE HAS DEPTH! RACHEL IS ALSO A REFERENCE TO LYDIA! PLEASE ENJOY MY FACE-PUNCHIES! I LIKE SWORDS! DANGER: FACE PUNCHIES!!" Speaking of punches to the face, I'd rather have Mike Tyson (or Mr. Dream if you bought the later edition cartridge) wallop me good in the kisser than read the whole Nihel arc again. The book turned from a mediocre superhero satire (the best kind) into a terrible stereotypical blah-blah-blah dramatic action bowel movement. Nuklear Man is a God? He was meant to destroy all creation? I know he said he was influenced by anime and comic books but damn, you'd think the guy wouldn't stoop so low as to ruin a potentially non-crappy book with such a poor excuse of a "punchline"? Brian, you're a funny guy. 8-Bit Theater is the best sprite-based comic ever written. The characters are vibrant and full of humor, the storyline is true to its Final Fantasy roots. While Nuklear Age has a little in common with the comic, character-wise at least, it is obviously the inferior of the two works. 8-Bit Theater keeps its tone true throughout most of its line with few diversions. However, Nuklear Age ruins its established tone nearing middle end of the Superion saga, and completely trashes it when Nihel and his cronies stumble onto the scene. Brian calls this the punchline to a joke. I, in turn, call Brian a joke. A joke of an author that is! Ha! Speaking of humor, in his book, Brian says, "See, a joke is funny because of your expectations." That's bullshit, people. If all it took was ruined expectations to make something funny, then life would be one laugh after another and Brian would be out of a job. Which brings me to yet another point of complaint: the commentary. First Mr. Clevinger gives us some bullshit about how the book should be read like a collection of short stories. Hey, Brian? That's cool with me, man. But you're gonna have to do us a favor and use the traditional short-story format. Or hell, hire an artist and make it into a comic book! In fact, Scott Ransoomair could do it! See? I'm a JENIOUS. Listen, I know this review has sounded overly critical... but I feel I've earned the right to bitch. I paid good money for the book, and I've been a fan of 8-Bit Theater since time immemorial, so I think I'm more than entitled to my opinon. What's more, according to Amazon.com, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Stick to comics Brian, and stop screwing with your readers... your paying customers. You shouldn't need to write a Goddamned apology.