Ask Black Mage

[BlackMage]

Ugh, you know I have so many people to kill, maim, and torture. But oh no, I've been forced to come here and answer your questions instead. So since I am in this predicament on top of other things let me lay you little buggers some ground rules first:

1. I do not answer petty insults kiddies, the adults are talking and we have no time for it

2. I don't want you goth kids posting death requests(or threats) that I kill you and/or others. It's probably going to happen anyway

3. You are welcome to post compliments(and let's face it, why wouldn't you compliment me?) or other non-question posts relevant to anything in this topic, but I will not answer them. I'm here to answer questions, I'm a much too busy mage to nswer anything and everything

4. I will not answer questions on saturdays and sundays. I have places to go that I can't disclose, but they are NOT ILLEGAL and they are NOT WHORE HOUSES!!!!!!!!!!!whew, that was a close one BM. You can ask all you want on those days though, but the answers will come on monday.

Now get on with it, ask your fuckin questions.

[Just Jon]

BM! BM! Is it true that you and fighter have been together since you were children, and if so, why are you so incapable of delivering the stabbity death you think he deserves?

Also, what's your take on the watergate scandal? Did Clinton really do those things with that intern? What's the meaning of life?

[Omega]

Whats the meaning of death?

do only cowards want immortality?

[Jack of Spades]

What is your dad's name?

[MFD]

And what's the deal with WM and Blackbelt? They seem to spend an awful lot of fuggin' time together...

[rightwhatwasidoing?]

Dear Black Mage,

I have a bit of a problem. My brain, i believe is dying, because i have not thought up a good plan to assasinate my friend or take over the world in a long time. the last one didn't blow over so well (Damn you soviet soldiers, you betrayed me!), so, is there a plan that you can think up to give my mind a boost? I could really use other's ideas until my brain's back on track. I'm thinking something about mass destruction and enslaving the human race, but anything is good.

From RWWID?.

PS: bet you can't decode my name!

[Jack of Spades]

Religious Weasels Will Immolate Donkeys?

Right Winged Wimps Inevitably Disband?

Rolling With Weiners Is Disgusting?

can you give us a hint?

[slightly aboveaverage man]

Dear Black Mage,

How can you type with boxing gloves on...
oh wait, that's a different email. So, my good pervayor of stabbity death, I would like you to solve a little arguement that me and my friends were having (before I mercilessly stabbed them... Quid Quo Pro!) which is better? Evil Pie or Evil Cookies?

[BlackMage]

Originally Posted by Just Jon

BM! BM! Is it true that you and fighter have been together since you were children, and if so, why are you so incapable of delivering the stabbity death you think he deserves?

Also, what's your take on the watergate scandal? Did Clinton really do those things with that intern? What's the meaning of life?

A1: You mean other than his impenetrable armor? Well I don't really know, the guy semms to have a lot of life in him.(Heh, nice to be able to say that without RedMage correcting me saying, "HP".) I mean seriously, my hadokens don't kill him, and the armor won't deflect them. I've tried everything, but at least he can take the same punishment from monsters when I'm casting something.

A2&3: Clinton? Do you mean King Steve? Well I don't know that much about him other than his low-intelligence and general weirdness. I'm guessing the intern thing and "watergate" were among those weird things. What I do know is that he pratices about 50 executions a year. In a town of population 10,000 that about matches the population growth, so he's doing a good job. Can't really say I have a complaint other than the shitty reward he gave us for rescueing his daughter.

A4: From what I gather per experience, consciousness in a mortal body

Originally Posted by O_mega

Whats the meaning of death?

do only cowards want immortality?

A5: Leaving the mortal coil, once you die you realize how useless it is. On the spiritual plane I could cast hadoken all I wanted, I hate this stupid body!

A6: Of course not, evil wizards aren't cowards

Originally Posted by Jack of Spades

What is your dad's name?

A7: I don't remember if I even had parents at this point.

Originally Posted by MFD

And what's the deal with WM and Blackbelt? They seem to spend an awful lot of fuggin' time together...

A8: I wish I knew so I could be with WhiteMage, but I just don't. I never even bothered to ask WhiteMage that, and BlackBelt wouldn't likely have any idea. Even Fighter never got so lost that he cloned himself, never got lost walking a strait line either. What does that tell you? Judgeing by their persona's they are probably just church pals on some spiritual quest. You know, that typical hippie shit

Originally Posted by rightwhatwasidoing?

Dear Black Mage,

I have a bit of a problem. My brain, i believe is dying, because i have not thought up a good plan to assasinate my friend or take over the world in a long time. the last one didn't blow over so well (Damn you soviet soldiers, you betrayed me!), so, is there a plan that you can think up to give my mind a boost? I could really use other's ideas until my brain's back on track. I'm thinking something about mass destruction and enslaving the human race, but anything is good.

From RWWID?.

A9: Yeah I feel your pain hehe, pain, if I started saying stuff like, " damn you soviet whatever" I would probably have reason to suspect my brain was dying too. Actually from what your post looks like you are probably a dark knight. Dark knights are no good for taking over the world, but they're damn good at commiting terrible acts. The problem is you guys always need direction, but that's okay. So I'll brief you on your first act:

Dark knights usually have access to low level black magic. So you should have Water-2 and Lit-1(aka Bolt-1). Now water spells are commonly overlooked, but with a little ingenuity their dark purpose is served. So walk on down to the local homeless shelter and make sure all the doors are closed as well as the windows. Climb up on the roof and cast Water-2 to flood it, this won't be enough to drown anyone though. Next step, cast Lit-1 on the water. Job well done

Oh and remember, you're dark swords are more painful than harmful. Take full advantage of that

Originally Posted by Jack of Spades

Religious Weasels Will Immolate Donkeys?

Right Winged Wimps Inevitably Disband?

Rolling With Weiners Is Disgusting?

can you give us a hint?

A10: Oh I get it, you're high. Well I tend not to do that as It fucks with my ability to cast spells. Since however you have chosen to and are probably not a mage anyway I can give you some hints:

Marijuana - Not too great, but many seem to like. Give it a try

Alchohol - Easy to get ahold of and delivers a nice, but relaxed high

Mushrooms - Gives 6-8 hour highs, and damn good ones too. Unlike Ecstacy it won't give you a strong 14 hour low. These are pretty much the cream of the crop for getting high, but watch out because they often come laced with other drugs you may not want

Originally Posted by slightly aboveaverage man

Dear Black Mage,

How can you type with boxing gloves on...
oh wait, that's a different email. So, my good pervayor of stabbity death, I would like you to solve a little arguement that me and my friends were having (before I mercilessly stabbed them... Quid Quo Pro!) which is better? Evil Pie or Evil Cookies?

A11: Evil pie, but only because it lasts longer, Evil cookies are certainly much better to travel with though. Plus with Evil cookies I can eat with one hand and stab with the other, I can even hold the cookie in my mouth while I cast spells.

[Wintermute]

Dear BM,

Will you teach me your dark ways?

Sincerely,
Wintermute