The Marvelous Misadventures of Asshat! [REBOOT]

[Flarecobra]

Hmmm... never did find a water stone, did ya?

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Did you draw that Sliph logo yourself? It's pretty badass.

Aaand now I have the Hate Miser tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

[Token]

Originally Posted by Flarecobra

Hmmm... never did find a water stone, did ya?

Nope.

Originally Posted by Shyria Dracnoir

Did you draw that Sliph logo yourself? It's pretty badass.

Aaand now I have the Hate Miser tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

Nah, found it on the Chan, and thought it was the best thing ever.


SO. GUYS. I just drank a metric shitton of Red Bull, I've got no class tomorrow, and minimal homework. Anyone want I should post the endibg tonight? Cuz I'm ready to post it whenever you guys want. I'm all set to post this fucker, but I'mma go with the first thing I'm told to do.

[Tev]

Go for it.

[PCD]

Hell yeah, man, do it.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

[Flarecobra]

ONWARD, TO VICTORY!

[Token]

PREVIOUSLY: There's this dude, right? He's kind of cool, but he's sort of a dick, and he makes horrible jokes. And he's from another dimension or something. Dunno. The author wasn't really clear about that. But yeah, he complained to one of the gods who transported him here. Anyway, he's spent most of the past few months being fucked around by said deities, but he was told that if he defeated the strongest trainer in the land (while dropping some phat beats) he'd be sent home. And now, here the dude stands, ready to defeat the Elite Four and beat the strongest dude or whatever, so he can be in the Top Percentage of Pokemon Trainers.


Okay. This dude's up first. It's sort of weird knowing there's only five battles between me and getting the fuck away from Johto forever.

Thanks, cockcake.

Congratulations, Billy. I don't really care.

Psychics are dumb if they aren't Wallace.

So what you're saying is that being a gay clown made you one of the best trainers in the continent. Huh.

I very much doubt you could get worse.

You can't really call something an "option" if it's the only logical outcome.

WARNING! BOSS BATTLE!
TokenASSHAT VS Itsuki KoizumiA Gay ClownITSUKI KOIZUMI, THE GAY CLOWN!

GOD.

FUCKING.

DAMMIT.

Luckily, Deckard has no desire to put up with any more of your shit.

Neither does Wallace, for that matter.

Your first move has been a status inducer twice in a row now. I don't like you, Billy.

And now you're just crampin' Wallace's style!

Bad move. That just pisses him off. You aren't nearly fabulous enough to pull off his moves.

This right here. That's how it's done.

Hate to give you the cold shoulder...

...but I gotta hurry this up so I can fly.

They aren't even eggs though they're like coconuts or something the fuck.

Regardless... it needs to cool off.

Snap. Crackle.

Popped all up in this bitch.

I know you can't. Now get out of my way, please. I'm quite anxious to get out of here.

And now "Sail Away" is stuck in my head, you utter bastard.

Or, y'know. Anyone with a Dark type. Or any Ghost that isn't part poison. Or pretty much anything, really.

So ferocious. I'm shaking. MOVING RIGHT THE FUCK ON.

Your laugh is dumb.

And here I was thinking you were Justin Beiber.

Oh sweet zombie Giratina, you're a weaboo.

A gay clown and a weaboo. The Elite Four will just accept anyone these days, won't they?

Oh, dammit. If I didn't already hate you, this would make me want to punch you.

Whatever. I'll just brute force my way through it.

Is that funny?

Yes it is and no I won't.

WARNING! BOSS BATTLE!
TokenASSHAT VS WAPANESE STATUS ABUSER

Welcome to "Poison Control with Deckard!" Today's episode, all about ruining people's days! Step one? Fire Punch.

Step two is also Fire Punch.

Step three is telling your Venomoth to fuck off.

Deckard is far too awesome to ever be poisoned. Can you guess what the next step is?

Here's a hint: FIRE PUNCH.

Next move: Crushing the brain of your Muk.

Fun fact: this is the first move he's successfully used the whole battle.

Funner fact: It was also the last one.

You, on the other hand, did not.

You mean a Wing Attack?

Or just never train again.

That was the plan, yes.

Hello, Bruno of the Elite Four.

Touching. Pathetic, but touching.

No it isn't.

Am I bothered? Seriously, look at my face. Do I look bothered? Cuz I ain't bothered.

Exactly. Let's do this.

Fine. Let's have an honorable battle, the likes of which has never been seen.

By-The-Way-I'm-Leading-With-A-Hypno-LOL

WARNING! BOSS BATTLE!
TokenASSHAT VS ONE OF TWO BLACKS IN THE COUNTRY

Super effective.

Super effective.

Complete waste of a move.

Super effective.

Because-if-I-don't-do-this-first-you'll-just-use-Full-Restore-like-a-bitch-effective.

Super. Fuckin'. Effective.

You normally win, right Bruno? Well I guess it's safe to say that you just... ...kicked that habit.

Because Wallace.

I have never agreed with anyone so hard in my life.

Kay bye.

Fantastic. What stupid stuff are you going to say?

That's not funny.

They do tend to be awesome.

Sure.

Wait...

Are we still talking about Pokemon?

WARNING! BOSS BATTLE!
TokenASSHAT VS THAT GUY FROM "ROCK OF LOVE"

Holy crap, honestly didn't expect that to hit. O.o

Ha! What now?

...fair enough.

One down.

Vileplume isn't even a Dark type.

Murkrow is, so I guess that's okay?

Still won't save it's ass though.

Gengar really isn't a Dark type.

Y'know what's gonna be funny?

When I do this...

You do that...

And then I switch the hell out.

It is certainly better than being bad, I guess.

Mine.

Yours.

Or, y'know. A series of statistics proven by math and science.

If you said that shit on Smogon, they would set you on fire.

What's important is winning all day, err'yday.

Bout fuckin' time.

Yeah. Hang on dude. Just gotta get some stuff sorted out in my head.

Or I can just do this off the top of my head. I'm pretty sure Palkia will be cool with it.

Was there ever any doubt?

No words. Just beats.

Yeah, that was sort of the entire fucking point.

Get ready, I'm bout to drop some fly rhymes up in this mother.

WARNING! FINAL BOSS!
RAP MASTER ASSHAT VS DRAGON MASTER LANCE

You really sent out a Gyarados?
Bitch, don’t you know I got Ampharos?

Deckard, show him what’s up, show him that we rule,
We’ll be the League Champs, he’ll just be another fool.

It must be hard for you Lance to comprehend;
your three year reign’s about to end.
Meet Wallace, my shiny, Hypno friend,
Try as you might you can’t defend
‘gainst his puns- though he’s a Psychic,
his punch is Ice, ain’t that a nice trick?
Switch in Kanye for Dragonite Number Two;
I’ll be polite: first move goes to you!


Y’think you’re Mister Twister, moist with the roistering?
I took down Team Rocket, you just stood there loiterin’.

Icy wind up in this bitch, we rockin’, we rollin’,
You say you’ll win, we both know you’re trollin’

Kanye’s so heartless, but you’ll learn that soon
To finish this reference off, bow-wow to the moon.


Your Charizard’s so weak, ain’t worth a mention.
Sayrune’ll surf, won’t pay attention.
Flame goes out, Dragon goes down,
Know that ‘zard is headed to Lavender Town.

Wallace retakes the stage for Dragonite number three,
Couple Ice Punches to the snout and he claims his victory.
You’d think a so called “master’d” try to mix up his team,
But you didn’t, so you beatin’ me is just a pipe dream.

And speakin’ o’ pipes, Lance, the hell are you smokin’?
Send out an Aerodactyl? Fool, you gotta be jokin’.
It’s a goddamn dinosaur, it ain’t nothin’ like a Dragon.
It’s just another Flying type for Wallace to be tea-baggin’.
Yo’ Hyper Beam didn’t do nothing, but then what did you expect?

Yo’ fossil’s out dated, Wallace is goddamn perfect.

That’s six bitches down, so step aside, see the light.
Cuz at the end of the day Lance, you can't stand 'gainst my might.

New Bark, bitch. What.

That was entirely anti-climactic.

I was never not strong.

Sure, let's go with that.

I'm certainly gonna try to bring them with me when I leave, yeah.

Who the fuck are you, and why are you in my new throne room?

Oh, he's here? Fuck dammit. I haven't even tried to complete the Pokedex.

Sup, Sammy?

Not long enough.

Not even gonna touch how creepy that sounds.

Fabulous is the word you're looking for.

My uncontainable hatred of all things Johto helped.

They certainly don't suck. Except Argent. Fuck Argent.

Don't forget the POWERLEVELing.

Woo thanks.

Let's not.

Dear Arceus, I agree with Lance.

Aiight. Peace, bitches.

You will die unloved! So decrees your new Champion!

I have no desire to hear about your masturbatory habits.

Still don't wanna know.

You're squicking me out, man.

I suppose that's not entirely wrong.

Neither is that.

Yes I do.

Aiight.

Ding-ding-da-da-ding!

Most awesome team ever.

Holy crap the space bar makes the time just fly.

Yo ratin' best be "fuckin' rad."

That is a horrible rating. You are a horrible person.

Yeah, no. I'm out, bitches!

Or is it? HINT THE ANSWER IS NO.

[Token]

This... this certainly doesn't seem like another dimension. This seems like goddamn New Bark Town.

Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm heading to Mt. Mortar and giving that dickhead Palkia a piece of my mind.

Can't believe that fucker crossed me like that!

Absolute bullshit.

SHUT THE FUCK UP JOEY, I AM IN NO MOOD.

SHUT THE FUCK UP JOEY, I AM IN NO MOOD.

SHUT THE FUCK UP JOEY, I AM IN NO MOOD. I swear, my head hurts just being around you.

Okay. Let's do this shit.

Worst case scenario, I throw a Master Ball at him and make him get me out of here.

Woah shit.

Stupid fucking gods and their stupid fucking teleporting...

Hello, mortal.

Cut the shit. We had a deal. And yet, I'm still here. The fuck.

You haven't upheld your end of the deal, boy.

What, was rapping not enough? You didn't specify you wanted a fucking show tune.

No. That was almost painful enough to be entertaining. You still have yet to defeat the strongest trainer in the land.

Not only did I kick Lance's ass, I enslaved a god before I did so.

Lugia? Hardly surprising. It's a child, compared to my siblings and I. Besides, you may have defeated Lance, but Johto and Kanto are one landmass. Last I checked, you aren't anywhere near Red's level. Ain't literal wording a bitch?

Fuck this, fuck this Red kid, and fuck you. You have two choices, get me out of here, or get shoved in a Master Ball.

OI! What sort of fucking twat do you think you are? You have the nerve to threaten me?

Well, yeah. The fuck are you gonna do, run to daddy about it?

...



Yes. Be back shortly.


IN A FAR AWAY PLACE, TEN MILES FROM THE MOUNTAIN.

A CHILD CONSULTS WITH HIS FATHER IN A SPACE OUTSIDE OF TIME.

THE FATHER AGREES. THIS ROUND IS OVER.

HIS TRUE FORM IS TAKEN, AS HE DEPARTS THIS PLAIN. WHAT A FUCKING TWIST.

Checked with Dad. He's all for it. So are my brothers. This could have been avoided if you weren't such a disrespectful shit.

So. Before you have the chance to battle Red...

You will be punished. Have fun in hell.

...

...

...

...

VOLUME ONE: END.

[Flarecobra]

I do beleve that's an occation for an "Oh snap!"

And nice touch with using the 2 origional American release colors, and it's special. :P