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Unread 11-06-2010, 07:09 PM   #31
Arhra
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> Be the other troll.



It's dark, you're indoors and you're wearing sunglasses. You are a troll on a mission.

What is your name?


> Enter Name

EXCEL DASHACE

Oh yessssss!!!

But that's not really your name. Try again.


IROPHA ZANGES

Your name is IROPHA ZANGES.

You prefer the faster nickname of IRO. In fact, you prefer a lot of things to be fast due to your love of SPEED GAMBITS. You still hope to one day join the elite express post order of the DELIVERATORS, despite your accident.

You enjoy making stuff, meddling with stuff and trying many RIDICULOUS ARTS AND CRAFTS to fill your time.

You are an avid collector of STUFF. Knick-knacks, totems, junk, experience, mechanisms, secrets, favours, people, stuff. As a result you are a fan of EXTREME ROLE PLAYING and numerous COLLECTIBLE GAMES although it is more of an ON AND OFF thing for you.

Your trolltag is hastyExecutor and you SPE^|< IN ^N E><CESSIvELY E><CITE> W^Y!

What will you do?


> Retrieve arms from sleeves.



You... you assholes.


> Retrieve arms from drawers.



Now we're talking.


> Get on to business



You are an enabler in the illicit, unofficial delivery network for BLACKMAIL; packages too sensitive, too dangerous or too embarassing to risk via the ordinary postal channels.

You have a package to deliver.

You have a feeling this is going to be a challenging one.


> Be the addressee
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Unread 11-06-2010, 09:35 PM   #32
Menarker
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> Be the addressee

You are now SHARL. You are OUTDOOR, about an hour walk away from the WAREHOUSE HIVE. You carry a laptop with you wherever you go in case of any special

Having rummaged the outdoors for DISCARDED ITEMS, you sigh in exasperation at your less than impressive achievements. Fewer items are still preferable to none. A discarded MATESPIRIT SOFA, missing its pillows. A slightly smushed up double layer of CAKE found in the middle of nowhere, the offending portions removed. A few FANGBRUSHES and a half empty roll of FANGPASTE... and a few other oddities like a large collection of SHINY COLORFUL SMALL ROUND ROCKS, a ripped CHECKERBOARD TABLECLOTH, among other worthless shit.

> PESTER "FIRST RATE SUCKER" IROPHA

You log onto Trollian and type a few inviting messages to your FAVORITE client, whom also has a passion for COLLECTING ODDITIES.

Quote:

BH: Iropah. d-(^,^)/ I hope you are doing great...
BH: I found some new items. :3
BH: As always, if you are in the mood to check out what I got... Well, you know what we do. $_$
BH: Regardless, I hope you are in the most favorable of positions. Looking forward to hearing from you... Even if you just want to spend time instead. \m/ (^.^) \m/


Last edited by Menarker; 11-06-2010 at 09:37 PM.
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Unread 11-07-2010, 02:59 AM   #33
mauve
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mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare.
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>See if Gorrma is still talking_

Yup, you're still chatting with Ballaa. Your anger has been displaced by the prospect of baking cake for people.

>Gorrma: Respond_

Quote:
OO: okay! i can bake you one thish evening. maybe i can get hastyexecutor to run it over to your hive later.
OO: it'sh really eashy to make, too. i have mosht of the ingredientsh downshtairs in the cupboard. it jusht takesh a few cups of berriesh, half a cup of freshly-harvested--
>FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD_

Hmmm. Maybe you shouldn't be spreading your secret cake recipes across the internet. You never know who might get their hands on it.

Quote:
OO: oh, right, the night of the robbery.
OO: i think i was out looking for my lushush. he got hungry and went out to go find something to eat, but he took a while sho i went to go find him. he must've walked a real long distance, like all the way into one of the urban development districtsh, cuz i looked for him everywhere!
OO: anyway, he must've found shomething good, becaushe eventually he showed up outshide our hive again. he looked really full, too, like he'd just eaten a whole lot of shtuff! sugary shtuff! i ashked him what he found, but he didn't anshwer. he'sh not very talkative!
OO: but yeah, i wash moshtly looking for him in the woodsh around my hive that evening. then i gave up and made myshelf a shandwich. it was made out of--
> STOP. TALKING. ABOUT. THE FOOD._

You suddenly hear a noise from deep within the lower levels of your SUBTERRANEAN HIVE. It is a blood-chilling, echoing sound that rolls through the many halls of your labyrinthine abode, a sound filled with rage and eons upon eons of smoldering hatred.

Quote:
OO: uh oh, shoundsh like dinner ish almosht done. i gotta go check the oven sho it doeshn't overcook. that happened lasht time and it wasn't pretty. i'll shee you later!
omnipotentOmnivore[OO]
has ceased trolling vengefulRodentia[VR]


More stunning revelations in this diabolical case. More questions... than answers.
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Last edited by mauve; 11-07-2010 at 03:01 AM.
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Unread 11-07-2010, 11:28 AM   #34
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Leraje: Round 2?

Not yet, but it's getting there.

There is no situation when not knowing where Seymour is has proved good for you. You cut short your musings in the MUSICAL RUMPUS DANCE PARTY and equip your chain looking around for the massive amphibian.

Leraje: Examine Respiteblock.

It seems to reflect your interests. There is a large book case full of various books on things found in the conquest of other planets, the further theory of the quadrants, a set of shitty rom and even a few romcom type movies, and maybe a few romsims but you don't play those often.

On the wall next to the book case is a drawing of your FLARP character, Czar Salamaska Ose. While you started FLARP'ing for the romantic intentions you have found yourself quite good at it, you have pretty much all the levels for the Vigilant Binder class. You are a known scourer of all places, forcing your strict doctrines upon the masses, a natural enemy of the free spirited Boy Skylarks and Petticoat Seagrifts. Bloody rouges.

Your RECUPERACOON is a large, asymmetrical thing that looks a bit worn and has an unusual amount of entrances and exits that seem to be modifications to the original design. This is because Seymour loves to strike right after you get done sleeping, he says it is the weakest moment of every creature, and that is when you must be on the highest alert.

You keep all your clothes in the closet over there, forgoing dressers and all their complicated drawers, mostly because of Seymour. You are not as anti-style as some of your species, but in order to maintain appearances you only ever change your outfit maybe once a year. Typically your wriggling day so you can pass it off as metamorphosis.

The most striking thing though is your FENSTRATED WALL it is interfaced with your Husktop, and began as a shipping wall. Unfortunately all the complicated shipping theories and edits got to the point you couldn't fit it in an organized way. So you upgraded the wall and installed a program called Trollship to help keep everything clear. It is a simple thing, you just enter the name of the person you know, and it shows how they currently are in the quadrants with everyone else you know. For example: You put in Aldurin's name, and you have a black screen that reads, "BORN TO DIE, ALONE."

The big bad salamander has yet to show himself, you still have no idea how something that big can be so stealthy. But until something happens you'd rather be prepared. It always comes down to this...the waiting.

Go be someone else for a bit.
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Unread 11-07-2010, 01:47 PM   #35
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> Go be someone else for a bit.

Okay. Cue scenery change!

It’s rather dark here, wherever ‘here’ is. So dark, in fact, that you can’t make out any of the surroundings.

A few moments away from yet another change of scenery, some kind of bio-luminescent fish swims into view. Ah, there we go. The illumination given off by it is enough to see the inside of an UNDERWATER CAVERN. It’s not very large, but serves as a hive. It’s surprisingly well-furnished. You can even see examples of Alternian HIGH ART are visible on some of the walls.

A young troll is floating here.

Who’s this?

> Enter name.


FINFACED FISHFUCKER

The troll sighs.

...

Your name is TENARR ANADIR.

You have a few INTERESTS. SUPERNATURAL PHENOMENA are kinda cool, you guess. (Motherfuckin’ magnets, how do they work?)

What really fascinates you, though, are MYSTERIES. Solving them, making them, reading about them... The steady building of anticipation... The thrill of finding clues and sorting out the red herrings... Watching everything falling into place... And then the end, the wondrous moment where everything is figured out and then revealed! The OCEAN seems to never run out of them. An unknown something drifting through the currents, another undiscovered cavern...

However, lately, they haven’t been anything like that all. Mysteries that are unsolvable, mysteries that are incomplete, mysteries that aren’t even mysteries... Even the ocean, which has never failed you before, comes up empty. While you were never the most cheerful of trolls, your disposition has become noticeably more DEPRESSED lately.

Your trolltag is bottomDweller and you speak in... a down-to-earth, and depressed... manner...

What will you do?

> Examine husktop.

Your husktop is the same as ever. Yours is of the portable variety, although you have to be careful when it comes to charging it, given the state of your location. Last time you weren't, it hurt. A lot.

Someone is trolling you, but you aren’t in the mood to respond. You're pretty sure you know who it is, anyway, and there are less headaches this way. Instead, you decide to check on the progress of a certain download.

> Check download progress.

Still not finished, unsurprisingly. Maybe you can find someone who actually knows something about this game while you wait.

> Try and find someone who actually knows something about this game while you wait.

You pick a troll at random from Trollian and send the following message:

Quote:
BD: so... do we know anything about this game yet...

>_
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Unread 11-07-2010, 10:34 PM   #36
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>Vintag: Be relevant.
What? You have no idea what that poppycock means. And frankly, you don't care to find out as you are preoccupied in finding that blasted pan of yours. You swear it was right here, in the cabinet.

>Sylladex: Deploy skillet.

Ah, there's the little devil....

>Pull it out.

...right under your collection of LUCKY MUSCLEBEAST SHOES. They rain down on you, inflicting concussion upon concussion. Your being is an orgy of solid agony!


Or it would be, if these weren't just some of your rubber props. You do seem to be quite buried in them, though. How humiliating!

Gog fuck, does this shit never end.

Oh, you hush.

>Look at trollian.

Oh my, it's BD. Better get out of your shame pile and answer him.

Quote:
BB:O>o i can't say much for certain STOP
BB:O>o aldurin has been rather tight-lipped thus far STOP
BB:O>o fortunately an associate of mine has provided me something that should warrant some interest STOP
BB:O>o a documentary about the island he said he got the disks from STOP
BB:O>o the title is "terror from frog island" STOP
BB:O>o ....
BB:O>o okay it might not be a documentary STOP
BB:O>o but anyway its about a bumbling archaeologist who bumbles himself into this doomsday cult STOP
BB:O>o then he goes gaga redrom for one of the native beings (gross) and tries to impress her STOP
BB:O>o but in actuality initiates the apocalypse STOP
BB:O>o which comes in the form of a giant rageape STOP
BB:O>o it was hilarious, but all a sack of horsefeathers STOP
BB:O>o this game is probably just going to be another one of his role playing shenanigans STOP
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Unread 11-07-2010, 11:50 PM   #37
mauve
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mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. mauve has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare.
Lolitrollu

>Be someone else_


You are now SOMEONE ELSE. Oh look, it appears someone is playing a little game of MAKE-BELIEVE with their dolls! What will you do?

>Observe tea party_
It appears to be more of a DINNER PARTY amongst COLLEAGUES, actually. Gorrma seems to be narrating her adventures. What will you do?

>Listen in_>Listen in_


You are roleplaying. In this game, you are IRON GOURMANCER CAPRII, the most famous, powerful, and not-to-mention beautiful gourmancer in the entire universe. You shot to fame at a young age after discovering the ULTIMATE RECIPE, a fabled dish that had eluded the grasp of fellow gourmancers since the invention of cooking itself. Since discovering this incredible secret, you’ve been lauded as one of the greatest culinary geniuses of your time. You’ve even been granted the highly-coveted title of IRON GOURMANCER by the troll Empress herself! Not too shabby!

You are here in the opulent dining hall of your grand KITCHEN STADIUM, surrounded by four of your most promising APPRENTICES. You have invited them here to discuss a very important matter.


======>======>

Ah, what’s this? Your apprentice PARSLEY is thanking you for taking the time to speak with them. She knows how incredibly busy you are, inventing fantastic new recipes, and practically beating off the hordes of handsome matespite-suitors showing up on your doorstep with a stick, and generally being amazing. She knows you do so much to deserve the fear and admiration you strike into the hearts of trollkind.


======>======>

Parsley’s thinly-veiled JEALOUSY has been duly noted. You’ve got your eye on that backstabbing little grubscum.


======>======>

Huh? Ah, BASIL, the UNFORTUNATE CYCLOPS, has correctly guessed your reason for summoning them here. It is indeed related to this DELICIOUS LOOKING PLATE OF FOOD-MATTER on the table! This is your latest invention, and you’d like your apprentices to CRITIQUE it! You hope to use it against your COMPETITORS in next sweep’s IRON GOURMANCER COOKOFF DEATHMATCH. Competitors. Hah. Those scumbags would give their left protein digesters to find out what you’ve been cooking up here in your fortress-like kitchen-stadium. That’s why you’ve only shown this to your four most trusted apprentices.

Why yes, it IS delicious, isn’t it. Oh, your apprentices wish to know the secret ingredient? Certainly.


======>======>

VENOM. DEADLY ARACHNOSAURUS VENOM.

Hah. Look at them sweating bullets now. Yes, you added a DEADLY NEUROTOXIN to your dish. Of course, to a powerful gourmancer like you, such an ingredient is nothing to worry about. But for weaker trolls, like, say, your apprentices... Well, perhaps it’s best they don’t make any LONG TERM PLANS.


======>======>

You do, of course, have an ANTIDOTE, which you will gladly share with your apprentices... IF THE TRAITOR AMONG THEM REVEALS HIMSELF. Yes, you’ve known for some time that you’ve had a spy in your kitchen, someone who has been sharing your culinary secrets with your competitors. Now that spy has thirty seconds to confess before they start foaming at the mouth.
30... 29... 28... 27...


======>======>

Pah. Typical. Pesto, the big cry-wriggler, is tripping over himself in his hurry to confess. There was never really any venom. But Pesto might have been better off if he HAD been poisoned.


======>======>

HOW LONG DID HE THINK HE COULD GET AWAY WITH THIS TREACHERY? You are IRON GOURMANCER CAPRII; nothing escapes your careful eye! You knew he was a bad thin-shelled avian embryo from the beginning. You’ve just been biding your time, watching to see how far he would dig himself into his own GRAVE.


======>======>

There is but one penalty for Pesto’s actions: DEATH. You will---- No. No, a swift death by your own cleaver would be too good for this traitor. You will not dirty the precious tools of your trade with his foul blood.


======>======>

Deep-frying is a far more appropriate sentence. Yes. He will meet his end, crunchy and golden-brown and full of calories.

Oh great. Now he’s begging for mercy. What a wriggler. You will console him by letting him be served with your famous peppercorn-ranch dipping sauce. There. Now he’s happy again. You are, after all, a fair and noble leader.

Parsley! Fetch the boiling oil!!
.....
.....
Parsley, are you listening? I said--


======>======>

...
Parsley?



>That was pointless. Go find someone else_
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Last edited by mauve; 11-07-2010 at 11:59 PM.
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Unread 11-08-2010, 12:12 AM   #38
Token
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Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them. Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them. Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them. Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them. Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them. Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them. Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them. Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them. Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them. Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them. Token can afford to hire someone to poop for them.
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>That was pointless. Go find someone else_
You are now Tergum. You are reasonably certain that this is a bad idea.

>Tergum: Do something interesting.

Don't be ridiculous! You're already doing something interesting! You're writing HORRIBLE POETRY. And by "horrible," you mean "THE BEST." You're getting all raptacular up in this bitch, dropping beats so fly they

>Tergum: Shut up.

You don't appreciate such rudeness. Especially when you're holding your favorite weapon, the BALLPOINT PENETRATOR. Why, with one click of this mighty write-y utensil

>Tergum: No, seriously. Shut up.

Fine. You shut up, but you don't have to like it.

>Tergum: Read poetry.

Are you sure about that? Your writing isn't exactly what one would call "good." Or even "not horrible enough to cause mass suicides," for that matter.

>Tergum: Read poetry.

Ah well. It's your eyes.

Quote:
Y[]. Y[] y[], y[].
Wassup. Was sup, sup.
Let's g[]. G-g[]-g[].
Beats up, up.

[apiti's up in this bit[h,
Dr[]ppin' beats s[] phat y[]u'|_|_ wish
That y[]u were ^^e, s[] y[]u [[]u|_d be
Even half as [[][]|_ as ^^e.
>oh sweet jegus stop

It's still a work in progress, but you're proud of it so far. You're a little annoyed that as soon as you typed your name, it changed to Capiti, but that doesn't make your BEATS any less PHRESH.

>how can anyone be proud of that i mean what

You don't understand the question. The rap was amazing. They always are.

>Tergum: Do something else. Anything else.

You shrug, and decide to start working on your Pokegrub fanfiction.

>Fuck that noise. Be another troll_
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Unread 11-08-2010, 07:32 AM   #39
Arhra
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> Be another troll.

You are Iropha again. The BLACKMAIL PACKAGE for Sharl is stored at the stationary position in your Vector Modus and you're fully armed and ready to get some delivering done. Let's do this thing.

> Don't do that thing.

What's this? Your SLOW RELEASE TIME CAPSULE has just dropped a slip of paper.

You picked this item up recently under MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES. It is dispensing instructions at a measured rate, a series deliveries and exchanges to be conducted at specific times and specific places to pave the way for the ULTIMATE DELIVERY.

Or at least that's what the UNIQUELY CONVINCING first missive said.

> Read instructions

A simple delivery. One question to be given to one Sharl Welatrotter.

> Reply to Sharl

Quote:
-- butketHed [BH] began trolling hastyExecutor [HE] --
BH: Iropha. d-(^,^)/ I hope you are doing great...
BH: I found some new items. :3
BH: As always, if you are in the mood to check out what I got... Well, you know what we do. $_$
BH: Regardless, I hope you are in the most favorable of positions. Looking forward to hearing from you... Even if you just want to spend time instead. \m/ (^.^) \m/
*
HE: SH^^^^^^^RL!!!
HE: I H^vE ^ SURPRISE FOR YOU!!! >:3
HE: OH, ^N> YOU WOUL>N'T |<NOW ^NYTHING ^BOUT SOME C^|<ES, WOUL> YOU?
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*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This post is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
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Unread 11-08-2010, 12:35 PM   #40
Menarker
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>SHARL, A QUICK RESPONSE! RESPOND IN KIND!

You don't need to be told that. In the absence of other vital TASKS that could be need done, you ATTEND to your CLIENT with the most earnest INTEREST.

Quote:
-- butketHed [BH] began trolling hastyExecutor [HE] --
BH: Iropha. d-(^,^)/ I hope you are doing great...
BH: I found some new items. :3
BH: As always, if you are in the mood to check out what I got... Well, you know what we do. $_$
BH: Regardless, I hope you are in the most favorable of positions. Looking forward to hearing from you... Even if you just want to spend time instead. \m/ (^.^) \m/
*
HE: SH^^^^^^^RL!!!
HE: I H^vE ^ SURPRISE FOR YOU!!! >:3
HE: OH, ^N> YOU WOUL>N'T |<NOW ^NYTHING ^BOUT SOME C^|<ES, WOUL> YOU?

BH: Oh, fantastic. That is great to know. <(^.^<) "(^.^)" (>^.^)>
BH: I got a few SURPRISES of my own to SHOW you. (~_^)
BH: Anyhow, you want CAKES? Or just knowledge about them... I'm NO GOOD at BAKING, so I would not be the best person to ask about such things... (,_,)
BH: ^,^ However, I FIND a pretty large cake somewhere... Quite a surprise, really. Almost like it FELL off the back of a LOCOMOTIVE... >_>
BH: Still quite EDIBLE once I removed the few dirty parts... :-9 Delicious, I tell you.
BH: May I be so bold to VISIT you at your HIVE shortly or you want to come over to my WAREHIVE? 0w0
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