NPF Avatars: A story of Seals, Tears, and Betrayal

[Truce]

You'd think that suddenly turning into a turkey would have bothered Ecurt, but the truth was that he was used to this sort of thing happening to him all the time. What was more surprising was that there was a female voice talking in his head. "Oi...Gleipnir...that Chaos Explosion didn't turn you into a girl, did it?"

"No. However, it looks like one of your friends has come to visit.

"It'd better not be you again, Sub-Pyros! I'm telling you for the last time, my head isn't a karaoke bar!"

"No, it's not him. Actually, it's somebody else..."

"Dark Twiddy?"

"Think more feminine."

"Light Twiddy?"

"A little more feminine."

"...normal Twiddy?"

"No! That dragon friend of yours!"

"But Fencer isn't even in this RP..."

"...you know what. Just go back to watching your movie."

"Okay! Hey...when did Krylo get a boob job?"

[PhoenixFlame]

Phoenix glared at Newb, she glared long, and glared hard. Any further glaring might have manifested as laser eye-beams and vaporized the poor MacGuyveresque man into naught but black smoke. He had ruined her day, and it was about to get worse.

*Phoenix's Bad Day, Episode2, The Shores of Hel... erm, Mount Raiden*

Phoenixbot hacked her way through hordes of weak enemies with her beamscythe, kindly asking each and every one to stand down and surrender before tearing him in half. She didn't exactly give them time to respond, but it was a humanitarian gesture to at least demand surrender first.

Then Rhiya exploded. Chaos waves washed all over Phoenixbot, her personal forceshield flickering once, twice, three times. The newbs and flamers around her exploded into pansies, and a particularly powerful pair of trolls nearby turned into a Sperm Whale and a Bowl of Petunias. Phoenixbot however, was completely unharmed, and took this moment to find Dragonsbane.

*Back on the Isparalian*

It was about the same time as Rhiya's explosion that Phoenix's HUD-Glasses reactivated. Several lines of text ran down the red lenses, reading something like this.

"PC HUDwear initiatialized."

Phoenix cringed at the poor spelling of her own creation.

"Forming PX-R Cerebron Uplink."

"What?!" Phoenix exclaimed to no-one in particular, though the act spared Newb of her killing glare.

"Purple Bicycle Fins Actualize Radishes Greenly." Gibberish washed over the screen, and was finally punctuated by a massive burst of blue-white light, launching Phoenix several feet backwards, and sliding the poor Technomage several feet backward across the slick corridor of the Isparalian.

From her supine position, Phoenix watched her glasses, still in the air, fly down and hit her in the face. For some reason, the impact felt weird. For one, it didn't hurt, and for two, she felt like she had facial hair.

"What the heck just happened!?" She exclaims. Her voice takes on a slightly more shocked tone as she notices a distinctly feline ring to it.

The Rakshasa raised her right hand in front of her face, examining the back of her hand, and the palm of her hand. Wait... The back was on the front, and the front on...

"Oh no! Phoenixflame is an inside-out Tigerrr!" she moans, wondering why she suddenly referred to herself in third person, and why she rolled the rrr's in Tiger.

She stood, looking sullenly at her tigeresque reflection through the reflective wall of the Isparalian's corridor. Fortunately, much to her relief, her hands were the only visibly backwards part of her body. It would have been throughly embarassing to have her head on backwards, or something.

Newb, now babbling, and looking distinctly rodentlike, continued to babble incoherantly.

"Why is meat babbling incoherantly?" Phoenix asks him, gazing at him with her new, predatory feline slit-eyes. For some reason, Phoenix had suddenly developed an appetite for human flesh, and involuntarially licked her lips while regarding Newb.

[Bailey]

At her first three words, Newb's ears and feet grew again.

"Please, use long words. Monosyllables turn me into a rabbit. Statement repeated understandably assisting clarity, thesaurus used intention: dispelling status. Translate statements within cerebellum, spoken monosyllables unapreciated."

[Mesden]

Massive explosions. Such a rare occurence...in ANY other place in the world.

As the wave of chaos washed over Mesden, she could feel like something was being pulled away from her.

"Seems the soul of the chaotic has...hit her breaking point. Poor chaos, such a glorious, yet unartistic trait one can have."

That's when Mesden looked down. Why the HELL was she wearing the clothes that should be on Pyros?

"What the hell!? Those were MY clothes. NOT PYROS'S! DAMMIT!"

Seems Mes really like her red style. And then wannabe Cloud armor just exuded "Lame".

"Fucking damnit Rhiya!" screamed the goddess as she began to plow through the army...backwards. "GET YOUR SUBASS OVER HERE AND GET MY DAMN CLOTHES BACK! AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT DAMN TURKEY!"

No one had ever seen an enraged goddess. The best excuse they ever had was Asheth and that was definitely a poor excuse.

Then, a banned approached.

"HA! WHAT ARE YOU?! SOME KIND OF DYKE!? and pretty hot..."

Twitch.

Twitch, Twitch.

Twitch, Twitch MOTHER FUCKING TWITCH.

An aurora of lights exploded from the goddess. Her eyes the main beacon of the explosion. Yeah, another explosion. CLICHE!

"You," she said as she pointed at the banned one. She drew in her fingers to express the universal code for "Bring it"

"YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME?! HA! YOU HAVEN'T EMBRACED THE POWER OF THE GODM-!" His taunt was stopped halfway as his throat was clenched by the goddess.

Her face swelled in pure anger as she looked into the Forsaken one's eyes.

"You just said a goddess lacks power. You have just degraded one that weilds the power not even a blasphemer such as yourself can imagine!"

The Banned broke from her grip and transformed into a massive demon. One premade and unoriginal. A damn Balrog.

"NOW, GODDESS, I SHOW YOU WHAT POWER I HAVE EMBRACED!"

"You don't embrace power. You exploit it. You are a stain. One that should have been removed long ago from existence. You boast your power you wield, but this power is nothing to me. I care less about what you can-" Her sentence was cut short by a massive whip of fire cascading to her. It wrapped itself around Mesden's Spiritual Withering Blade and pulled it away.

"I don't need that."

The banned let out a booming and sick laugh that rippled throughout the forces.

Mesden lifted her hand in the air, the red gauntlet that was her hand became white. It faded down to reveal her bare hand. But her hand wasn't there. A translucent figure of light extended from her arm and clenched the air.

DIE!" yelled the massive beast as it brought down a newly formed sword of flame onto the goddess. It connected and let out a wave of fire the incinerated all around him. All except Mesden.

His sword had been blocked by her now pulsating arm. The light illuminated all dark places. Including those of the soul. The banned keeled over a bit, grasping at its stomach before continuing the assault with a giant flaming partisan. With a sweep it rushed towards Mes and it again was held off.

The spearhead lurched forward as Mesden pulled the banned one closer to her. Foot by foot he drew in, unable to overpower the goddess. Now they stood close, a sword's length away as Mesden let out a whisper that could be heard by all.

"You are my responsibility. I govern your soul. Your black twisted mockery. Now, I shall undo the worst of this world."

As her hand let go of the spear, the forgotten fell back a bit. Fear was something new to him. Never before had he needed to feel fear. Never before was there one so much more powerful. His eye grew wide as he tried to turn into a massive, winged demon and soar off. But he couldn't. He felt suppressed. Unable to do anything but stare at the angered woman walking towards him.

As she walked between his massive flaming legs, she ran her hand through them. The light rippling out wards with a sick, black aura that could only be the banned one's soul. The beauty of her light enveloped to abomination of his soul, erasing it from being. She soon was on top of his chest, her hand sending a beam that connected to his soul, tearing it out and devouring it.

She finally reached his head. The beast had now gone into near shock. Its eyes wide and jaw dropped. His face quaked in fear as his eyes shifted from left to right, trying to find an escape.

With the all to familiar whisper heard around the world she said, "Now then, I thought you had embraced true power. What is this fear I see and feel?"

"Y-you're...you're a godmodder! You bitch!"

"Wrong, I'm a goddess."

Her hand made one last plummet through the face of the Balrog. The being writhed as it changed form, trying to escape the nightmare. Her arm twisted inside of its head. Then, the flailing stopped. Mes removed her hand from him and clenched tightly. Her former hand of a red gauntlet returned and the red gloves purpose was finally revealed. It sealed her power.

She looked back into the still massive number of enemies and then into the portal. She saw one noticeable figure, a man with a cannon that the Gaians let be. He had to be it. The leader.

"Now, to get to him."

With a wave of her hand the spiritual withering blade returned to her back. With a look of intent upon the leader, she nodded her head.

[POS Industries]

Pedro suddenly had a splitting headache, but it was receding. That last explosion made quite a large boom, but it wasn't unprecedented considering the long string of explosions that it followed. Still, something didn't quite feel right, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Llama anyone got an aspirin penguin?"

Wait, that wasn't right. POS could've sworn that he spoke more words than he had originally intended. Surely, he must've imagined it. He carried on.

"Llama my head is killing me penguin. Llama is it normal for shit to blow up constantly around here penguin?"

No, that time he definately said more than he intended. Something was very, very wrong here and he needed to figure out what before...

"Pe-chan?" Rei spoke up, "I'm having difficulty understanding your query. Would you like to talk about llamas and penguins, because I think they're sooooo cute!"

"Woah, hey! These are some slick new duds!" Pedro turned around to see Fenris, apparently fully recovered from his surgery, and now wearing a dark purple tuxedo, cape, top hat, and a white mask. The newly fancy hobo was holding his trademark hammer in his right hand and leaning upon a cane held in his left. "This part of your enhancements?"

While he was certain there was an explanation out there somewhere that bordered both on logical and idiotic, POS didn't have any time to waste, and a golden opportunity had just presented itself. Yes, this would do very nicely.

"Llama not quite penguin," he replied as he began to approach Hobo Kamen, "Llama in fact, your modifications aren't quite finished yet penguin. Llama I'll need you to hold still for just a second penguin..."

Hobo Kamen wasn't happy about this. After enduring what felt like an eternity of torture in the name of Pedro's bizarre idea of saving the world, he had no intention of spending any more time on the issue. They were done, and he was going to make sure of it. "Stay the fuck away from me. I don't care what you've got cooked up, I'm pretty sure I've got enough in the way of special powers to fight you off now."

POS grinned wide, in such a way that a shudder ran down Hobo Kamen's spine. "Llama oh, I'm counting on it, hobo penguin. Llama I wouldn't have it any other way penguin."

Extending his arms outward to each side, Hobo Kamen began spinning the hammer and cane nimbly around him before he jammed them together in front of him, yelling, "Hobo Elegant Warhammer!" A bright flash of light enveloped the two items, revealing upon its recession a single, larger, ornately crafted hammer, which the masked man readied behind him to attack.

Pedro raised his right hand in the air, the grin on his face transforming into a deathly serious expression as he kept his eyes trained on the man in front of him. Regardless of the ship's climate control, a light breeze had somehow kicked up in the laboratory, causing his coat to billow slightly in synchronicity with Hobo Kamen's cape. Finally, he broke the silence.

"LLAMA DROIDS, RESTRAIN HIM PENGUIN!!"

A swarm of medical and assembly droids swarmed the Kamen as he quickly tried to drive his warhammer into the nearest one. POS watched the ensuing melee, the twisted grin returning to his face as he grabbed the small device he had been assembling off the workstation and plunged into the fray.

**************************

Several minutes later, Fenris laid unconscious on the floor of the robotics laboratory, now returned to his normal hobo form. Around him, a large number of worker droids laid damaged and destroyed, the remaining automatons already beginning to reassemble and repair their fallen brethren. Pedro was now back at his workstation and, wiping away the blood running down his face from a gash on his forehead, continued working on his device, which now pulsed with a new energy.

[Dragonsbane]

OOC: Hobo kamen? Badass.

IC: Dragonsbane, meanwhile, was in a spot of trouble. He liked making things look effortless, that was part of a villain's job. The only person who was supposed to make a Final Boss expend effort in combat was the Hero of that particular boss's RPG, and then only at certain points of the plot, or the Boss themselves while doing something relating to their villainous plans before they assumed their final yet ultimately doomed form in which they NEVER seemed to be trying hard and ALWAYS expressed shock when they lost.

Of course, that was only the cliche. Most Final Bosses tend to be gigantic monsters of some sort, or lesser ambitious creatures who fused with something mightier...either a titanic source of magical energy, or an immensely powerful magical creature. Dragonsbane worked a bit differently.

He had been born in the pre-Multiversal equivalent of what would be considered a laboratory, heavily genetically altered and spliced with supernatural magogenetic material. No, magogenetic is not a word, it is simply the best description to describe a concept that does not exist in the English language.

Suffice it to say that if gene splicing alters the physical component of a living organism, then this process also altered the magical component. This, coupled with the fact that he had not learned of it until he reached adulthood, made him a Genetically Modified villain. The cliche for those is that they question their humanity until it causes madness and an overwhelming desire for godhood.

Fortunately, Dragonsbane had not been made from human genetic material. Humans had not existed when he was created. The species he had been designed from had been entirely erased from not just space, but also time, as if they had never existed. How HE had survived when logically he should have been removed from reality was a story of its own.

Additionally, he was qualified for the Prettyboy Villain stereotype...which was a hindrance more often than not. His independent demiplanes and extensive secret organization made him an Evil Overlord as well as a Manipulative Villain. These types were common, but it was rare to see any mixture of them that was also old enough to be an Ancient Evil.

In fact, Dragonsbane could be considered a more congenial Cthulhu in some ways. His existence Should Not Be, after all. When you added in all of these other villainous types, and coupled it with the fact that Dragonsbane was an RPG villain without an RPG, you got...a freak.

So it was with all of the disgust that comes of meeting an annoying fan who idolizes you, or seeing your little brother urinate on a public official, that Dragonsbane looked at the Banned. They too were freaks, and often a bizarre mixture of stereotypes...but they made him look normal by comparison.

The current Gaian that Dragonsbane faced was either one of the Banned, or very, very close to it. The name commonly given to her type was a Mary Sue, one of the darkest, vilest creatures of the darkest, vilest pits of existence...a creature of Self-Insertion Fanfics. Mary Sues existed elsewhere, naturally, but the Self-Insertion Fanfic Mary Sues were the worst of the bunch

She was approximately the size of a normal human, a bit on the short side both to attract the sympathy of her audience and to draw the eyes of any watching males to her prominently displayed cleavage. Her unusually large eyes (also to draw attention) were a shocking shade of violet that did NOT naturally exist as a human eye color, which perfectly matched her overly-detailed and faux-trendy outfit. The effect of her clothing was lost on Dragonsbane, who had been wearing this style of robe for centuries and had never been fashion-conscious.

The Mary Sue's typically small, dainty feet in their impractical and probably very expensive shoes floated a few inches off the ground, for Mary Sues are never touched by anything so mundane. Despite the fact that they were in the middle of a battlefield, her hair, which reached past her knees, was absolutely immaculate and looked as if she had just washed it...except that Mary Sues never wash unless it's with a canon male character. She also held a katana, although she had no sheath for it, and the belt she wore was far too tight around her tiny waist to support a sheath anyway.

Dragonsbane would have been willing to bet every spell he knew that she had a tragic past that had left her either an orphan or under the care of a cruel stepmother. Probably a poor little rich girl, or the unknown heir to an immense fortune/title. Naturally, despite her traumatic 'PITY ME' past she showed no signs of strain or weakness. Mary Sues HAD to be a 'strong female lead', at the same time that every aspect of their being drew attention to themselves, and away from the characters.

They were godmoders of the highest and most feared caliber, and so it was without a trace of arrogance that Dragonsbane prepared for battle. After all, against the Ego of a Mary Sue, there was no guarantee of victory.

[Rhiya Ravenwing]

The Rhiya that was to be had still not respawned, despite the fact that already quite a few posts had passed. This worried Sub-Rhiya a bit, who was currently a little distracted watching Ecurt’s TV through Ecurt’s eyes. The other minds in Ecurt jostled for a better position, but lacked the feminine qualities of the newcomer, and henceforth were far more inferior in any circumstance.

“Ladies first, you bastards,” Sub-Rhiya cracked an imaginary whip, causing the other minds to cower and meekly step aside. Crossing sub-arms beneath her sub-bosom, Sub-Rhiya looked at the state Ecurt’s mind was in.

“Tsk tsk, Ecurt. You do tend to keep your mind in a messy state. I mean… BOOBIES is supposed to go in this drawer.”

There was some shuffling, and Ecurt felt a sharp pain in the back of his head. What happened after that was obviously a Spring Cleaning … in his BRAIN.

~~

A few agonizing and pain-filled minutes later, Sub-Rhiya looked at the newly-fixed and organized cabinets that were Ecurt’s thoughts. Everything was where it should be, and there was now more room to spare for some other activities.

Before Ecurt could react, Sub-Rhiya sectioned off a small part in his brain and retreated into it, making it her domain. Now she had privacy for her own thoughts, and can also make cruel jabs at Ecurt’s future thoughts.

~~

Rhiya still hasn’t respawned yet. Now, this would’ve worried a great many people, but apparently they were too busy either being angry or committing selected acts of murder due to her recent detonation.

[Truce]

Ow.

Ow.

Ow ow, fucking OW!

Something is wrong, he thought, rubbing his head. It feels like...my mind is clean. Cleaner anyway. Gleipnir, are you doing anything in there?

When Gleipnir didn't answer, he suddenly became worried. It wasn't like the sword to be silent, not that it actually spoke anywhere besides his head; it was...err, used to be a sword after all. It was then that the scene shifted into his mind, showing Rhiya going through the contents of his drawers, while Gleipnir and the other voices in his head cowered in fear.

Coughing, he tapped the side of his head. "Oi...Rhiya. What are you doing in my brain? And more importantly...why are you only wearing an apron?"

[PyrosNine]

Pyros finally offed the Gaian banned he'd been fighting offscreen for the last 12 posts, scorning the notion that it'd take more than one forumite to kill them, like everyone else. But he had special lease for it.

They were all hardcore FF7 worshippers, with their Sephiroth and Cloud wannabe's. But as it happened, he'd been wearing this get up long before FF7 even came out, the only difference was he used to use a celtic blade before he got the flametongue. This rose him above them. Also, When Square had been searching for a good character model, who do you think did the modeling?

Yes. That's right, I said it. Pyros didn't wear his armor to look like Cloud, Cloud wore his armor to look like Pyros. The only exception is that the Square people decided not to put in Pyros' cape, which could be buttoned around the main armor to keep it dry in the rain. Or in Mesden's case, hide her crossdressing.

So when the Gaians attempted to hax and be uber with their godmod cloudness, Pyros could kick their combined asses with the Original Cloudness.

Or at least he could until just after he gave a HEARTBURN (attack) to an unlucky banned who fashioned himself like Barret but with a SUPERFUXING AWESEOME ROCKET LONCHER and knows ULTIMA, can summon BAHAMUT ULTIMA, and really liked all caps. But Pyros really liked shoving his fist into the Godmoder's chest and clenching the mortal's heart like a stressball. Then he sent great flames o'doom doom into, the result being the beating heart pumped the flames around the body into every organ. In effect, he was cremated from the inside out.

The Banned didn't even have a chance to say any poorly spelled curses, as his lungs were the first things to go. What did come out was a sound akin to a flameflower whooshing. And the victim, did in fact breathe fire. And then, was no more.

Pyros gloated in the death of another banned, for now that he knew where they were coming from, he'd pay a visit to Gaia shortly and make them wish that they'd never even considered existing.

But then, he felt a wave pass over him...and then, he felt quite loose....

Or what he was wearing was loose. He looked down in horror to see himself resplendant in Mesden's crimson dress. None was as horrified as he to be in his Estranged sister's clothing, for he had always been of the opinion she had no taste and didn't keep up with bad-assness of being a god.

Naturally, the Gaians found this funny. "HA! TRANSEXXUAL FA-" but with one swift move Pyros had cut off the offending party's head, and multiple others. "GAH! CURSED FATES! FATES OF ACCURSEDNESS! RHIYA!!!!" Pyros yelled as he both tugged at the distasteful dress and slaughtered all who dare laugh at him. Once he cleared himself a wide berth, he sought to rectify the situation.

"Alright, I look too awkward in this dress, so I might as well at least fit what it's supposed to be on." With a burst of flame, Pyros became Asheth. Then she fell over.

"ACK! TOO TIGHT! Can't....can't breathe! Need air! AIR!"

[Darth SS]

Darth continued his whole-sale slaughter. Like the others, he had a "super-powered" form. Two, actually. One was when he was being awesome. It was with that form that he'd cut the fruitcake golem in two. The other was when he was just crazy. That was now, and it was advertised by him having made a lassoo out of a newbs intestine's, and his wrangling flamers and newbs alike. Then he was punching them in the mouth, seeing if he could hit them hard enough to get his hand clean through two, so that his hand protruded from their bums.

All this while, there was a crazed cackling coming from him. The ichor and gore sprayed around him, and he was hopping around, behaving like a hunchback. At long last, a banned stood in front of him. It was wearing a black trenchcoat, sunglasses, held a katana, and was a chick wearing tight latex underneath the trenchcoat.

"Essee-essee dee lad make cliche go pop?"

The banned tossed her hair out of the way, and then spoke in quick tones. Disturbingly enough though, it was a dude's voice. It was a dude who enjoyed playing girls. Undoubtedly in the RP, they were horny as hell and smut-tastic.

"Slly foe. I'll take you down."

Darth gave a guttural chuckle.

"Oh, bloody hell. The lad's gone and gotten me all covered with bloomin' blood. 'Thos dirty!"

Darth twitched. The banned "dissapeared," apparently moving faster than the speed of light. Darth punched right behind him. Of course, thinking s/he was smart, the banned appeared right there. S/he took the fist right in the nose, and stumbled back. With a horrific smile, Darth rounded on his foe. His combat knife flashed out and opened the banned's throat.

Then, purely for amusement, he cut open the banned's stomach. He grabbed his prey and jumped into the air, and leapt into the air. Then he threw his victim at the ground, holding onto the guts. The effect was akin to a yoyo. Darth would hover, his victim would hit the ground, he'd pull him/er back up, punch him/er back down, rinse, wash, repeat. Needless to say, by the time his foe was almost dead, Darth was laughing psychotically. He finished by dropping like a bomb, and crushing the enemy's head like a rotten watermelon.

"Ah, fuck. Now I've gotten blood all over me. Thanks a lot, ass hole!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, it's even on me. What the hell is your god-damn problem?"

"I think the lad is a bit stressed boys."

"If he's stressed, it's because you're stressing him out. Harlot."

"Mmm hmm. You lay the law down there you big buff pair of woven-handsomes."

"You think you Irish are all so right because you've got the loveable cockney accents, well listen here missy..."

Darth starting convulsing. At long last, he pulled his revolver and shot himself in the thigh, then the foot. Thankfully, the pain brought back his sanity just as he put the barrel against his crotch. He shook his head, and then began to limp painfully towards Mesden.

"Fucking OW."

"See, it's because of you that h-"

"Oh, shut up! ShutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupSHUTUP SHUT UP! Why won't you shut up!? Why won't you [ducking] shut up you [fornicating] [vagina equipped canine] [child born out of wedlock]!? You just don't stop talking, you [Krylo's hobby] [Pyros]! I'm trying to [bouncing] kill the [darn] little gaian [pucks] and I can't do it with your incessant [tally-whacking] whining! Please, pretty please, just close your [world's most versatile word] [cum receptacle. Oh, wait. No, that's not any better.]"