Let's Play: Vampire: Bloodlines

[Krylo]

Originally Posted by Kepor

Yeah, but Janus was also the Roman god of doors and beginnings and stuff. He had two faces. I thought it was a rather clever reference.

Well, that was the point of them putting in the game, yes.

In fact I think Jeanette points that out right after you call her Janus. Asks something like 'isn't that the two headed god' and then says something about it being fitting for her.

[BitVyper]

Originally Posted by Krylo

Well, that was the point of them putting in the game, yes.

In fact I think Jeanette points that out right after you call her Janus. Asks something like 'isn't that the two headed god' and then says something about it being fitting for her.

Yeah, she also wants to rub Therese's nose in it when you call her... er... I forget the line, but White.... Lady... or something.

[Krylo]

Ivory Princess, I'm pretty sure. May be White Princess. Therese is the Dark Queen, if I remember right.

[Cunny]

I think Jeanette is the White Daughter and Therese is the Dark Daughter.

And IIRC, Janus had one head with two faces.

[tzimisce]

Fishmalks ftw. Or something.

[Mirai Gen]

[DFM]

VAMPIRES SHOULDN'T GET STDS


This is Bill.




Bill's dead.

He died from smelling like farts. I had to talk to Bill because I had to talk to a bag lady because I had to talk to redheaded vampire whore because I had to talk to a redheaded non-vampire whore because I had to talk to an angry redhead vampire who was probably a whore.

And mean.

Bill smelled like a sack of farts because he had gonorrhea or something I don't know all these people smell so bad I can't concentrate when they tell me why they're dying but I've talked to so many of them I think that's the gist of what's going on.

Okay so like long version is that there's a terrible plague killing everyone and it's being caused by vampire crabs. Since they're vampire crabs they fall under vampire jurisdiction and not the CDC I guess. They picked me to find out what was behind all the dying because I am a super vampire assassin extraordinare and everyone fears me.

Or they fear farts.




I think it's farts.

Bill said he was kidnapped and raped by a terrible monster with fifty yellow eyes and teeth the size of cars so I thought golly I should go meet that monster.

I didn't say that but if I don't everyone's going to shake their head and say 'We're not angry, Helen. We're just disappointed.' and then I'll be in trouble and DAMN IT I am not spending another week sitting in my room it is MADE OUT OF BUGS.



The sewer smells a lot like sewage which is kind of a relief because I was expecting it to smell like poop.

There's a locked iron door sealing off a portion of the sewers which the voices tell me leads to the horrible monster and they haven't disappointed me yet.


Well, they haven't been wrong yet.



I crouch next to the handle and slide my hairpin into the lock, carefully sliding the tumblers into place one by one.



Oh yeah I don't know how to pick locks.



Well that was a short adventure.

"Helen."

The voice isn't like the others. It's coming from somewhere behind me instead of right outside my ear. I spin around and give my best incredulous face.



"Rat."

"The whole of House Sabbat aligned against you and yet you live. You are difficult to kill."

"If only your brother could say the same."



"Still your ruffled feathers, young one. I have come only to give you aid."

"You? Give me aid? What treachery is this?"

"It is not altruism or through any love of you, I assure you. But I wish this illness ended before the overlords put my kind to the torch once more for fear of a resurgent plague. For that to happen, the beast in these sewers must die."



"Give me reason to trust you."

"You will have none. I offer only this: Summon the blood to you, draw from its strength, its power, its taint and you will find yourself capable of feats any other would think impossible."

"But what do I-"

Without another word, he disappeared through on the many cracks in the sewer's brick wall. I stared at the lock for a moment, bobby pin in place, before closing my eyes and drawing the very curse of Caine through my every fiber.



Huh.

I don't care, I still hate Rat.



Stupid Rat. I'm going to resurrect his brother and kill him again.



I crawl through the only exit from the room that I can see, an idea that did not seem brilliant at any stage of execution. I wonder if I can resurrect things.



One day I will be Mayor Prince Vampire of LA and then I am going to tear out all the sewers.


Stop whining, I don't care.





Use your chamberpot.




The floor is wet and covered in poo water, like all the rest of the sewer. You know if everyone was a vampire, nobody would poop and there would be no sewers.

I bet that's what the Sabbat's really about.



I bet this is the monster's lair. No, I know, it's totally weird to expect a monster in an out of the way and cheery place but trust me on this the voices don't lie ever.



Ahem.



"As I walk through the valley of the shadow of L.A." I begin, the quiet melody in my voice rising softly above the stagnate water and flickering torches. "The footsteps that were next to me have gone their seperate ways."



"I've seen enough now to know that beautiful things don't always stay that way. I've done enough now to know this beautiful place isn't everything they say..."



"I've heard... that evil comes disguised... like a city of angels... walking towards the light."



"You're from a small town, you're gonna grow up fast underneath these lights. Down in Hollywood, on the boulevard, the dead come back... to life..."



"Found your way down here, did you, little bloodsucker? Looking for a free meal? Followed the trail of flesh and bodies and rotted entrails, did you?"

"I FOLLOWED AN EVIL RAT AND A FART HOBO."





"You are blessed with a different sickness, I see."

"If killing you and stopping the plague is a different sickness then you're exactly right I'm assuming because I'm not totally positive how I worded that."



"A threat? Here, in my own sanctum? You would dare defile our work? Throw away the grand culmination of humanity's salvation that has been six thousand years in the making?"

"I dunno. I guess."



"Our message MUST be spread! Be it as a festering corpse or an infected slave, you will serve us!"

"I SERVE NO MAN EXCEPT LACROIX AND NINES AND DAMSEL AND SKELTER AND TUNG-"

I leap backwards, landing deftly in the sludge water and pulling the Mac-10 from its holster.



"ALTHOUGH I GUESS DAMSEL IS A LADY SO MAYBE THAT DOESN'T COUNT!"

There's a flash as the water tears apart, coming towards me in a wave. The sewer monster is barely visible at the head of it, seconds ticking by like hours. Oh god he is really fas







































AH



Oh god I died I died I'm dead I'm dead I can't die that sucks



OH GOD THEY'RE GOING TO TRY AND DRAG ME TO HELL



NOT TODAY, MOTHER FUCKERS. NOT HELEN PALOWSKI



There's a scream further down the tunnel. I must have hit one. It's started. The ground is going to open up around me and it's going to look JUST LIKE THE THING THAT MURDERED ME.



Oh Jesus Christ he's fast WHAT IS GOING ON?

He's on me in a second or two, grappling as I unload the submachine gun into his stomach. I guess it pisses him off because he throws me through the air and against the far wall, during which I manage to reload the mac and keep firing on him which I thought was really impressive just in case anyone was watching.







Huh. That's...



Hrm.



Well, I guess... that's that, then. I don't think... I'm going to tell anybody about that. That thing that happened. I'm just going to ignore it like an adult and hope it goes away.



Look Blue, a clue.



At least I'm never going to see another sewer again ever.



I mean at least I'm going to see a sewer all the time.


And it can't get any better.



I climb out of the sewers and onto the street. The voices say to head to the abandoned apartment block next to the bald guy's crazy house. Which is not as fun as it sounds.



There's the symbol, same as the card. Thanks voices, I'm glad I'm mentally ill.



Ooh, a fancy pants parlor.



"Welcome, my sister. Tell me, are you... Enlightened?"

"I think you should worry more about that hornet burrowing into your ear."

He blinked once at me before shifting his glance to his left and frowning. This was just before he fell to the ground, screaming and clawing at his ear.



Golly some people have an active imagination.



"A-a-are you he-here to see... the Bishop?"

"YEAH PROBABLY!"

I shout for no particular reason. She jumps back and starts apologizing.



"W-woah, lady what's... what's your problem?"

"APOLOGY ACCEPTED."



So I guess I'm going to go kill Jim Jones or play chess or something.



Ahem.



"You know there ain't no rest for the wicked. Money don't grow on trees."



"We've got bills to pay, we've got mouths to feed. There ain't nothin' in the world for free."



"No we can't slow down, we can't hold back, though you know we wish we could."



"No there ain't no rest for the wicked, until we close our eyes for good."



"Welcome, sister! I see you have been enlightened." Southern baptist vampire. Good. We needed that. "Have you been searching for something? Do you seek the truth? You have come to the right place, sister."

"SHUT UP."

I leap across the room, planting my feet square in his chest and sending him into the wall. While he's recovering I pull my severed arm from its holster and begin to savagely beat him.



How such a thing came to be in my possession is quite a story on its own.




Quite a story.

Eventually the arm stops working so well and I drop it. Then I start stabbing him with a knife I took off a vampire gangster rapper.



This whole time he's shooting at me with a shotgun whenever he gets the chance, and he's mostly missing.

Missing.



I can't believe it either.



Whelp, that's one more human race saved by the mighty Vampirella.



Yeah I'm going to come up with a better vampire name. And catchphrase.



No, there is no way most of these people were born with the names they've got, I'm onto them. Case in point: Blue Bald Man with the has-to-be-ironic Transylvanian accent.



"Hey blue man."



"The name is Maximilian Strauss, neonate."

"Yeah, well, my name is Just-stopped-the-plague. So. You know. There."



"Truly? This is fortunate indeed. Had the plague been left unchecked-"

"I think this is money time now. Money money money monaaaaay."





"Yes... well... here. I hope you find yourself suitably compensated."

He hands me a few hundred dollars and a trinket.

"Yeah I guess I can get a snickers bar or something."

I turn and take the first left out of the building.



I turn and take the first left...



GAH. I TURN AND TAKE THE FIRST LEFT.



Hah!



I have beaten you, crazy house!



Yet another of my many victories.


------------------------

SUPER SORRY for the looooooooooong delay but a lot of LIFE STUFF was happening HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE MALK UPDATE AS I REPLAY THE GAME TO GET TO WHERE WE WERE BEFORE.

Also for serious I at one point considered the end twist that Helen was just a Malkavian who thought she was Ventrue. Fo Serious.

I'm really tired. IT SHOWS NEAR THE END.

Edit: Damn this thread got big

Fake Edit: 3000th post.

[Corel]

DFM is posting again? All is right in the world.

Edit: I'm pretty sure you can replace Helen in this Malk update with Deadpool and it wouldn't change too much. Good job on capturing a shocked looking face on the NPC's, that really put the icing on the cake.

[tzimisce]

Long time no update. Hopefully you'll get to where you were soon.

[The Argent Lord]

Wait, how did I manage to miss this? DFM, that was amazing as always.