The Marvelous Misadventures of Asshat! [REBOOT]

[RobinStarwing]

Originally Posted by Melfice

Uh, Jules and Robbie? I don't think that's the kind of encouragement AsshatToken is looking for.

We are just being prepared!

[Fenris]

Originally Posted by Token

Sup, bitches?

So, at this point, most of you know I mentioned a musical episode. Thing is, I'm uber self conscious about my voice, especially when it's recorded. So, on the chance that it sucks, I don't want you fuckers to have to sit through the two musical episodes I have planned (Yes, two. Exact wording can be a bitch). So, just in case (and because I thought of this song in the shower and cracked the fuck up), either the next update or the one after that will contain two songs, to get a feel for what you crackas think. Unlike the rest of what I have planned, one of them will be a parody of an existing song. The other one will not be. It will also not be sung by Asshat.

In other words, next time you see a post by me, cover yo motherfukkin ears.

Love,
Token

This makes me happy. Do it, posthaste.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Originally Posted by Token

Sup, bitches?

So, at this point, most of you know I mentioned a musical episode. Thing is, I'm uber self conscious about my voice, especially when it's recorded. So, on the chance that it sucks, I don't want you fuckers to have to sit through the two musical episodes I have planned (Yes, two. Exact wording can be a bitch). So, just in case (and because I thought of this song in the shower and cracked the fuck up), either the next update or the one after that will contain two songs, to get a feel for what you crackas think. Unlike the rest of what I have planned, one of them will be a parody of an existing song. The other one will not be. It will also not be sung by Asshat.

In other words, next time you see a post by me, cover yo motherfukkin ears.

Love,
Token

Pretty sure I've sat through/heard worse singing. So covering my ears won't be needed.

[Ecks]

Originally Posted by Token

Been there, been accused of copying RedChocobo before I even read that shit, been deleted, been put back on.

Where the fuck do I mention anything nearly related to cruelty to animals? I've dropped the goddamn /v/ and /b/ references (haven't posted screens from 4chan in several chapters). I chuckled at first, but maybe now I'm just reading into it too much.

[Loyal]

Originally Posted by EckScizor

Where the fuck do I mention anything nearly related to cruelty to animals? I've dropped the goddamn /v/ and /b/ references (haven't posted screens from 4chan in several chapters). I chuckled at first, but maybe now I'm just reading into it too much.

It's a publicly accessible, no-registration-required wiki. Yeah, you're probably reading into it a bit.

I doubt anyone would bat an eye if you revised or deleted the entry altogether, if you wished... seeing as none of the three LPs are past the third gym.

[Token]

Pft. Maybe the others aren't. /:^J

[Token]

So holy shit, I've actually kept this going (for a given definition of "going" ) for six months. Anyway, the delay was because my recording equipment is frankly shit, , so music will be coming later. I know, I know. I'm a disappointment. But on the plus side... Well, let's just say that there is a plus side, and it's a sexy one. Anyway. I've kept you sons of bitches waiting long enough.


Oh come the fuck on!

It's been three minutes, Joey. Three fucking minutes...

I JUST BEAT YOU. JUST. FUCKING FUCK.

I know where you'll be. You never move.

See you in hell.

Oh, right. Johto. I'm already in hell...

You didn't even level it up? And you challenged me again?

Can I at least get ten minutes of peace this time?

While I'm here, I might as well talk to the only guy in the region with a name as lame as mine. Y'know, other than Bugsy, and like half the people I've met.

Oh, this? It's for making fun of fat people. I know prop comedy is pretty lame, but come on. Johto isn't really known for its sense of humor...

Oh, that scale! Yeah, Skittles dropped it.

What the fuck is in it for me?

A trade you say?

Hm... that should make POWERLEVELing easier... Meh. Why not.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

Unless you can discover a way to destroy this entire region, you'll discover that I really don't care.

In unrelated news: Bug Catching Contest!

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

I am fully aware that Sir Huggy is female. Shut up.

Hm... it's been nine minutes... Perhaps a little... mindfuckery?

GHOSTNAPPABUSTERS!

HI JOEY. IT'S ASS...TOKEN!

HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY CHIKORITA?

I THINK IT'S IN THE...

TOP PERCENTAGE...

OF CHIKORITA.



I've been on Bulbapedia, so I know about all sorts of Pokemon.

Is a "seamen" joke too obvious?

Yeah, probably is.

Of course, I never got around to making that joke about Dick, so I owe myself at least one obvious joke...

Then again, "Kakuna Rattata." 'Twas both my proudest moment and my most depressing.

People might wonder why I never give my Pokemon Marvel nicknames.

To those people, I say "Here you go, now shut up."

And straight back to motherfucking DC, motherfucker.

...you wouldn't happen to be a Professor, would you?

You may see one of them. He's all I need to fuck your shit up.

GAME...

SET!

WINNER: POHATU!

...please tell me you didn't just get The Talk today.

Ugh. Let's rock this shit.

HAHA! Bet you thought I'd use Pohatu since I said "rock." Well, suck it, bitch! Not everything I say is a lame pun! also oh my fucking arceus that thing is disgusting

So I assume you didn't learn about winning today?

My murderbeasts are capable of pretty much anything I want them to do. Even Stupidhed.

I can't believe it, but I'm actually starting to not hate the bean.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I can't stand it's species, but maybe... maybe mine is actually in the Top Percentage...

That sounds stupid. You're stupid.

You have no reason to brag.

Oh no. One Pokemon. Whatever will I do?

OOH! I know! I'll beat it in one move!

Mmhm. That's how I roll.

See? Told you.

My murderbeasts aren't "darling." Except Skittles. He's fabulous and adorable.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours?



What a coincidence. I don't mind winning.

Not tonight, I have a headache...

Oh, fuck you.

Uno.

Dos.

Tres.

That was almost a word.

That automatically makes this the best city.

You again?

There's no need to panic. I don't bother with wimps like you.

Okay, stop copying me or I'll battle you again.

Really? That's annoying.

There's a Pokemon Center right over there. If they can't heal the damn thing, it's as good as dead.

A little harsh, but I agree.

OBJECTION! Ditto.

Because apparently you did that. And clearly your training style doesn't work.

What. Okay. That's actually more fabulous than Skittles. I mean, bloody hell, "The Glitter Lighthouse?" That's some straight up Twilight shit right there.

Speaking of Twilight, I could really go for some cookies...

Mmm... Keebler... I mean Chips Ahoy. I am totally Team Chips... Anyway, this light house is far too big, and I'm far too apathetic.

Cianwood it is. Allons-y!

No I don't. I'm using Surf.

You're basic.

Also, your voice brings to mind a sheep gargling glass.

Please never sing anything ever.

I mean, really. Just don't.

I might actually be allergic to your voice.

That's... that's not a Pokemon. That's a bong full of what appears to be vicodin.

I mean really. Who puts vicodin in a bong?

You can't smoke pills.
Oh Zapdos, you're actually trying.

I... I can't even... Wow. Just... wow.

I've walked like halfway around this mewforsaken region. I think I get enough exercise.

Yo dawg, I'm kind of busy right now, aiight?

Y'know how it is. Trying to get to Cianwood. Get some badges.

But seriously dawg, can we wrap this up?

Thanks dawg.

Um, NO.

Also fuck you.

... WHY DON'T YOU JUST SURF ON ANY OF THEM.

Heh. Whirlpool. Spinning. I like spinning.

I'm not even swimming.

Wait, are you even talking about swimming? Is "treading water" a euphemism for something now?

It's understandable if you're starstruck.

I do have a lot of stamina...

Which is why I surf.

My only regret is that I can't think of an in-character Star Trek joke to make.

Ah, here we go. So, do you and your "Gyarados" make it your mission to go where no man has gone before?

Okay, yeah. That was lame, even for me. But...

It doesn't change the fact that you can't beat my big, red leviathan.

Told ya.

Dude, get it in your head:

Mine's bigger.

On the first date? You wish.

Fuck dammit.

Fuck dammit.

Fuck fucking dammit.

I hope it bites off your testicles.

Hey, listen! I almost cared!

Haha I'm kidding. I can't even pretend to give a shit.

If you call me again today, I'm punching you in the throat.

Hm. I should send out Sayrune and make it rain on dem hoes.

Let's make this quick.

Really quick. Seel-y quick, in fact.

Yeah, that sucked. I apologize.

Seeking what of the what now?

So, not that I would ever admit to watching any of the Pokemon movies or anything, but I just realized how dirty that "I have Krabbies" joke in the second one was. Fridge logic moment. Sorry, back to the LP.

Ugh. You swimmers say the creepiest shit, I'm not even kidding.

Except you. You said something useful.

Wait, I just said you aren't a complete idiot and you challenge me to a battle? Wendy, where's the beef?

And that's why Horsea suck and you should evolve them.

Learn'd!

Land!

Healed up, and... wait. Isn't that the gym guy?

I doubt the League would stand for that. Incompetence, maybe, but not assault or harassment.

You colossal pussy.

That's not even advice. It's a statement I could have found out anywhere.

Better idea. Stabeak stabs them. With her beak.

Hence "Stabeak."

500 years of tradition, and yet some fucktard implied that Johto wasn't even discovered until three years ago.

I mean, at least all that stuff from Isshu has a reason to be relatively unknown, they've cut off communication from the rest of the world. Those lucky, elitist, lucky bastards.

Medicinal. Right. As much as I hate Johto, its druggies are slightly endearing.

Oh yeah. I'm sure someone called "Chuck" is a total bully. Ten... bucks? What the hell is this currency called? I can't even pronounce that symbol... Anyway, ten whatevers says he's a total nerd.

Oh no. I've seen enough "roaring fists" when I battled Morty.


Coming soon (no seriously. Soon. Reality soon, not Token soon.): Episode Seven: In which Asshat backtracks like a motherfucker!

[RobinStarwing]

I think this is going to get ridiculous...

[Token]

It got ridiculous ages ago.

[RobinStarwing]

Originally Posted by Token

It got ridiculous ages ago.

More ridiculous than it is now than...