Alternate 8-bit: The story. - Page 2

11-21-2003, 03:16 PM

This has had it's good moments

Sakae, they shall feel our wrath for it shall be wrought upon them! (I would not mind you being a guy White Mage, for I am bisexual).

11-21-2003, 05:50 PM

Unfortunately for you, the Red Mage (tm) power to convert all stats to INT also gives me godlike spellcasting powers...

Why has the real Red Mage not exploited this yet?

11-22-2003, 12:38 AM

*drops out of a rift in the space-time continual*
why does this always happen?!

GatoFiero · 11-22-2003, 01:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tenjin Matsukaru

*drops out of a rift in the space-time continual*
why does this always happen?!

Because you use too much power, cut it to 50% and then turn on the home made microwave.

11-22-2003, 04:15 AM

Well, it's been two days, so I think I'll go ahead and post the revenge Icey and myself shall inflict on the light warriors (my version of it, anyway).

*Icey and Sakae are walking away from the palace, after being kicked out. They are formulating an evil, evil pot of revenge stew that shall be served cold (cold being the optimum temperature for revenge-serving)*

ICEY - They think it's over! But it is not over!
SAKAE- Not over by ANY means!
ICEY - Exactly! Those are the means by which we'll take our revenge!
SAKAE - .....Which means?
ICEY - Any means!!! *Cackles malevolently*
SAKAE - Err, yes, of course. Would means of this "any" nature happen to be expensive? If it is, we might have to commit certain deeds certain people might find criminal, but otherwise, deeds that would prove to be very lucrative for ourselves.
ICEY - Would these certain people happen to conductive? As in, "Certain people are conductive when struck by an angry Black Mage's lightning-3"?
SAKAE - I suppose they would be conductive in that sense, yes.
ICEY - Well, in that case, it breaks my heart to inform you that "any" means actually means "expensive needs".
SAKAE - Ah. Well, I'll need sharper knives then.
ICEY - And I'll need stain-resistant robes.
SAKAE - To Akbar?
ICEY - To Akbar!

*Sakae and Icey are now in Akbar's Emporium of Genuinely High-quality Knives and Robes. Not poor cutlery and rags.*
Akbar - Hi! You want knives and robes of high-quality material?
SAKAE - Yes, I need a pair of your highest quality knives.
ICEY - I need robes that, if in a hypothetical fight won't get stained if say my hypothetically stab-happy companion happens to stab one too many stabs, and gets the hypothetical victims blood on me while I'm busy trying to burn his wife and children into ashes as part of a necromantic summoning ceremony, which will visit a great darkness upon this world, CONSUMING the innocent and WEAK, whilst exacting HORRIBLE VENGEANCE on my former companions and leaving ONLY *ICEY* AS RULER OF THIS AND ALL WORL- *Catches himself* Err, hypothetically, would those robes be able to handle such a stain?
Akbar - They sure would! Hell, my robes can handle meteoric impacts at speeds over 1,000 feet per second! You could swim in LAVA in these robes, and feel slightly chilled! Stains are child's play to the awe-inspiring defensive capabilities of ....The Robe.
ICEY - Hmm. I'll take two. How mu-
SAKAE - Hey! What about my stabbing knives? I need knives that can pierce the flesh of *eyes drift to nearby customers* ...rich old women shopping for bathrobes at Akbar's Emporium with a minimum of noise and blood spray. Err, hypothetically speaking.
Akbar - ...Of course. Well, hypothetically speaking, you might be interested in a special pair of ginsu knives I bought off a retired assasin. In fact, you might say that these knives have hypothetically killed or maimed exactly three hundred and twenty-seven elderly invalids.
SAKAE - Well, I DO like a knife with history...
Akbar - Oh these knives have quite a history. Many senior citizens have been killed by these knives. And almost always for monetary reasons. You might say these are "money-making knives", in fact.
SAKAE - Oooh, I like the sound of that.
ICEY - What, killing old people, or having lots of money?
SAKAE - Gah! Don't make me choose...
Akbar - Well, here's what I'll do. You can have the robes and the knives for.....13,999,999.95 gold.
ICEY - What?! Ridiculous!
SAKAE - Booooo!
Akbar - Ok, what about this: The robes and both knives - 80,000 gold.
ICEY - No! Lower!
SAKAE - Booooo!
Akbar - Alright, folks you got my back against the wall. My final offer: the robes, the knives, a complementary headband, AND a stylish sombrero - 24,500 gold.
ICEY - Throw in some raisens, and you got yourself a deal.
Akbar - You drive a hard bargain, but I accede to your terms. If you'll just hand over your money...?
ICEY - Of course. Sakae, pay the man.
SAKAE - Err, I only have what I was able to lift off the other light warriors.
ICEY - Please tell me its 24, 500 gold.
SAKAE - Nope, just some string, 310 gold, and some stupid shining orb thing. I think I got that offa Pedor.
ICEY - Huh. Well, it certainly looks expensive. Whadda ya think, Akbar? Is this worth 24,000 gold?
Akbar - Nope. It's worth, like maybe ten. But I'll give ya twenty, since I'm such a nice guy.
ICEY- Awww, poop.
SAKAE - Well, we better get stab- fundraising, if we are to get that money, right Icey?
ICEY - *Sighs* I guess so. See ya soon Akbar. Keep hold of our stuff.
Akbar- Sure thing. No problem.
*Sakae and Icey leave*
Akbar - Suckers.

*Two hours and a few dozen stabbings/hadokens later, the intrepid duo returns to the emporium, with bags of money and stained robes*
ICEY - See? SEE?! This is why I need new robes. People see the crimson and assume I'm a red mage. Next thing you know, I'm pidgeon-holed into providing people fake healing spells and only regularly hadokening the shit out of old women.
SAKAE - What's wrong with hadokens?
ICEY - No, no. You miss the point. I should never have to settle for "regular". I should always be gunning for "excessive".
SAKAE - Ah. Understood.
Akbar - Welcome back, friends! You have my precious money?
ICEY - Well, yes, but it's a bit stained. Like my robes. I need to change. NOW.
Akbar - Let me just count the go-
ICEY - HAAAAA-DOOOOO-
Akbar - Err, on second thought, I can always do that later. Let me get you the robes and knives and headband and sombrero.
SAKAE - And raisens.
Akbar - And raisens. *Goes into back room. Returns with goods.* There you are, good customers. Now run along and leave me with my precious moneybags. *Starts cooing and petting the bags of gold*
ICEY - Hey, this robe fits well. Makes my penis look huge.
SAKAE - These knives aren't too shabby either. Very shiny.
ICEY - You ready to serve up some horrible, earth-shaking vengeance?
SAKAE - Ready, steady, mista eddie.
ICEY - .....Shut up.

Alright, it's 4 in the morning. I'm not typing anymore, until I get some sleep. I only hope what I posted was funny. Bleh....

11-22-2003, 04:24 AM

*puts his shoulder back into place* yeah that stupid microwave has been a royal pain ever since I bought it

GatoFiero · 11-22-2003, 07:29 PM

Well if you ever find out who made the darn thing then give me a call, i can find...uses for such a device. Muwahahahahahahahaha!

11-22-2003, 09:58 PM

Well, whitemage, I'm sure that the idea of re-writing 8-bit with new names sounded good. And the whole thing with adding another competitor for the light warrior spot was sly. But it wasn't a good idea at all, and if you really liked 8-bit at all, you'd stop.

11-22-2003, 04:15 AM	#15
Sakae Guest Posts: n/a	Well, it's been two days, so I think I'll go ahead and post the revenge Icey and myself shall inflict on the light warriors (my version of it, anyway). Icey and Sakae are walking away from the palace, after being kicked out. They are formulating an evil, evil pot of revenge stew that shall be served cold (cold being the optimum temperature for revenge-serving) ICEY - They think it's over! But it is not over! SAKAE- Not over by ANY means! ICEY - Exactly! Those are the means by which we'll take our revenge! SAKAE - .....Which means? ICEY - Any means!!! Cackles malevolently SAKAE - Err, yes, of course. Would means of this "any" nature happen to be expensive? If it is, we might have to commit certain deeds certain people might find criminal, but otherwise, deeds that would prove to be very lucrative for ourselves. ICEY - Would these certain people happen to conductive? As in, "Certain people are conductive when struck by an angry Black Mage's lightning-3"? SAKAE - I suppose they would be conductive in that sense, yes. ICEY - Well, in that case, it breaks my heart to inform you that "any" means actually means "expensive needs". SAKAE - Ah. Well, I'll need sharper knives then. ICEY - And I'll need stain-resistant robes. SAKAE - To Akbar? ICEY - To Akbar! Sakae and Icey are now in Akbar's Emporium of Genuinely High-quality Knives and Robes. Not poor cutlery and rags.** Akbar - Hi! You want knives and robes of high-quality material? SAKAE - Yes, I need a pair of your highest quality knives. ICEY - I need robes that, if in a hypothetical fight won't get stained if say my hypothetically stab-happy companion happens to stab one too many stabs, and gets the hypothetical victims blood on me while I'm busy trying to burn his wife and children into ashes as part of a necromantic summoning ceremony, which will visit a great darkness upon this world, CONSUMING the innocent and WEAK, whilst exacting HORRIBLE VENGEANCE on my former companions and leaving ONLY ICEY AS RULER OF THIS AND ALL WORL- Catches himself Err, hypothetically, would those robes be able to handle such a stain? Akbar - They sure would! Hell, my robes can handle meteoric impacts at speeds over 1,000 feet per second! You could swim in LAVA in these robes, and feel slightly chilled! Stains are child's play to the awe-inspiring defensive capabilities of ....The Robe. ICEY - Hmm. I'll take two. How mu- SAKAE - Hey! What about my stabbing knives? I need knives that can pierce the flesh of eyes drift to nearby customers ...rich old women shopping for bathrobes at Akbar's Emporium with a minimum of noise and blood spray. Err, hypothetically speaking. Akbar - ...Of course. Well, hypothetically speaking, you might be interested in a special pair of ginsu knives I bought off a retired assasin. In fact, you might say that these knives have hypothetically killed or maimed exactly three hundred and twenty-seven elderly invalids. SAKAE - Well, I DO like a knife with history... Akbar - Oh these knives have quite a history. Many senior citizens have been killed by these knives. And almost always for monetary reasons. You might say these are "money-making knives", in fact. SAKAE - Oooh, I like the sound of that. ICEY - What, killing old people, or having lots of money? SAKAE - Gah! Don't make me choose... Akbar - Well, here's what I'll do. You can have the robes and the knives for.....13,999,999.95 gold. ICEY - What?! Ridiculous! SAKAE - Booooo! Akbar - Ok, what about this: The robes and both knives - 80,000 gold. ICEY - No! Lower! SAKAE - Booooo! Akbar - Alright, folks you got my back against the wall. My final offer: the robes, the knives, a complementary headband, AND a stylish sombrero - 24,500 gold. ICEY - Throw in some raisens, and you got yourself a deal. Akbar - You drive a hard bargain, but I accede to your terms. If you'll just hand over your money...? ICEY - Of course. Sakae, pay the man. SAKAE - Err, I only have what I was able to lift off the other light warriors. ICEY - Please tell me its 24, 500 gold. SAKAE - Nope, just some string, 310 gold, and some stupid shining orb thing. I think I got that offa Pedor. ICEY - Huh. Well, it certainly looks expensive. Whadda ya think, Akbar? Is this worth 24,000 gold? Akbar - Nope. It's worth, like maybe ten. But I'll give ya twenty, since I'm such a nice guy. ICEY- Awww, poop. SAKAE - Well, we better get stab- fundraising, if we are to get that money, right Icey? ICEY - Sighs I guess so. See ya soon Akbar. Keep hold of our stuff. Akbar- Sure thing. No problem. Sakae and Icey leave Akbar - Suckers. Two hours and a few dozen stabbings/hadokens later, the intrepid duo returns to the emporium, with bags of money and stained robes ICEY - See? SEE?! This is why I need new robes. People see the crimson and assume I'm a red mage. Next thing you know, I'm pidgeon-holed into providing people fake healing spells and only regularly hadokening the shit out of old women. SAKAE - What's wrong with hadokens? ICEY - No, no. You miss the point. I should never have to settle for "regular". I should always be gunning for "excessive". SAKAE - Ah. Understood. Akbar - Welcome back, friends! You have my precious money? ICEY - Well, yes, but it's a bit stained. Like my robes. I need to change. NOW. Akbar - Let me just count the go- ICEY - HAAAAA-DOOOOO- Akbar - Err, on second thought, I can always do that later. Let me get you the robes and knives and headband and sombrero. SAKAE - And raisens. Akbar - And raisens. Goes into back room. Returns with goods. There you are, good customers. Now run along and leave me with my precious moneybags. Starts cooing and petting the bags of gold ICEY - Hey, this robe fits well. Makes my penis look huge. SAKAE - These knives aren't too shabby either. Very shiny. ICEY - You ready to serve up some horrible, earth-shaking vengeance? SAKAE - Ready, steady, mista eddie. ICEY - .....Shut up. Alright, it's 4 in the morning. I'm not typing anymore, until I get some sleep. I only hope what I posted was funny. Bleh.... Last edited by Sakae; 11-22-2003 at 04:48 AM.

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11-21-2003, 03:16 PM	#11
Icey Guest Posts: n/a	This has had it's good moments Sakae, they shall feel our wrath for it shall be wrought upon them! (I would not mind you being a guy White Mage, for I am bisexual).

11-21-2003, 05:50 PM	#12
Kaldar Guest Posts: n/a	Unfortunately for you, the Red Mage (tm) power to convert all stats to INT also gives me godlike spellcasting powers... Why has the real Red Mage not exploited this yet?

11-22-2003, 12:38 AM	#13
Tenjin Matsukaru Guest Posts: n/a	drops out of a rift in the space-time continual why does this always happen?!

11-22-2003, 04:24 AM	#16
Tenjin Matsukaru Guest Posts: n/a	puts his shoulder back into place yeah that stupid microwave has been a royal pain ever since I bought it

11-22-2003, 09:58 PM	#18
Username+20 Guest Posts: n/a	Well, whitemage, I'm sure that the idea of re-writing 8-bit with new names sounded good. And the whole thing with adding another competitor for the light warrior spot was sly. But it wasn't a good idea at all, and if you really liked 8-bit at all, you'd stop.