NPF Avatars 5 - Burning Down The House

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

"Hello Hawk. Where is your god now?"

Hawk simply ignored the insanity that is the multiple Arhras and stepped through the portal without answering. It was just easier that way.

Arriving at the O'Sullivan Tower (what is it with this guy and towers?), he quickly looked down at all the various hardware that had been submitted for the tournament. There were quite a few things on there he wouldn't mind nabbing for himself, but he quickly figured that the others would and so decided to just reclaim what was rightfully his.

His feather, he found, appeared to not have been touched at all yet, which was slightly annoying really. Guess my stuff just isn't appreciated round here. Well, now that I have this for myself, I can use my powers in human form too. This thought cheered him up immediately. Sure it wouldn't be quite as powerful as a full transformation, but airblasts and gales would now be avilable to him more readily and even his speed and jumping abilities could be increased with a sudden gust of wind.

"Why did I never try this before now? Over three-hundred years of time and space and never once did I think..."

He pocketed the feather, thoughts of how to use this new weapon to his advantage circling around his head.

[Fenris]

Fenris re-emerged from the Invisible lot, walking calmly towards the Kurosen tower, before moving himself to the top once more.



He walked into the portal, and into the Dining hall.

[Bailey]

Newb hastily attempted to flee the annoyed deities, and, after some shenanigans involving five banana peels, three sticks of butter, a whole bunch of staircases, his roller blades, and a half pipe, found that he was no longer anywhere near Asheth or Mesden.

He did seem to have crashed into a large fish though. And it seemed to be strapped to somebody. How odd.

[TheBlindMime]

After reliving the terrible events that led to TBM being an only child thanks to Rei's unnecessary tangent on an amusement park that had taken all the joy it could take from his childhood, TBM found himself on the verge of death again. In yet another bear hug. This time from a certain fire god.

"Dammit, everyone stop hugging me this instant!" According to the union bylaws of living in NPF city everyone (but only 4 of the Arhras) and their brother jumped in to hug the man who clearly didn't want to be hugged. Damned bylaws. After a long and uncomfortable silence TBM spoke, "So... are we going to save Pedro so I can fight in a triple threat match against Spanish Jesus and Kali or what?"

[PyrosNine]

"Why ever would we want to save Pedro? The man is clearly intending to screw us over in some way before this ARR PEE ends! Also, I should think that with his vast amounts of money, he could just hurl money at his problems to make them disappear. Especially if they disappear under a giant mountain of money. Which is like, a really awesome death." Pyros said whilst hugging TBM in a totally straight, fire god way.

Letting go of Mime, Pyros did something thinking for a reason to save the perpetrator of even more ill-will then himself.

"Though then again, in order to get a fight with Hay-Zeus, we'd need to get in on his good side before we snuck in for the kill. And Pedro DOES sound like a hispanic name. So, we need to get a copy of POS's driver's license, white out O'Sullivan and replace it with Rodriguez, and thus lull spanish Jesus into a false view of safety when we save the poor (situationally speaking, cuz y'know He be rich, yo!) man!"

Pyros nodded his head in agreement with himself. "Uh Huh. That will work. Mime, you're such a genius! Giant Flamenco Dancing Asheth hug!" He pulled out his guitar.

Although the room was clearly too small for such an act of painful, scorching hot display of affection with a lovely hispanic vibe, an on her knees Giant Flaming Asheth crawled towards Mime.

[Nikose Tyris]

Suddenly, Nikose's eyes flashed brightly. "If there isn't a Santa anymore, that this world's santa is dead in a ditch... I'll become the new Santa!" Nikose smiled widely. "That gotta be the best course of action here, if there is no santa then there was no point in me being good unless there's a final reward in the form of eternal deification as Santa himself, gaining the powers of Santa on top of my own considerable arsenal! Then I can give presents to the good and punish the wicked! Fenris, can your modstick turn my clothes red instead of purple?" Nikose called to Fenris.

Fenris tilted his head, confused.

"I'm the new Santa." Nikose explained.

[Fenris]

"...Just, no," Fenris said, shaking his head, walking calmly into the room, completely ignoring Newb, taking a seat despite the giant fish on his back.

[TheBlindMime]

"EeeP!" TBM cried as the flames flickered closer, suddenly everyone was gone. The hug was over and everyone separated far from the doomed mime. Turning to his right he pleaded, "Can't you hurry up and take me!"

A shrouded figure of black moved amongst the NPFer's unseen and unnoticed by everyone but TBM, whom had prior experience with Death. "Now now, don't be hasty my little ironically named mime, the watching is my favorite part. I can't skip it for you, as interesting as you are. Besides this is the third time you've neared the afterlife in 10 minutes, its time for a show." Death seemed to keep a good distance away from Nikose, as if he had some sort of anti-death spray on.

The world had slowed and dimmed slightly, it was beginning to lose all its colors and flair as well. The giant Asheth continued to drag herself provacatively towards TBM, albeit a lot slower and sexier. "You're a sick man."

"I am neither ill, nor am I a man." Death moved around Mauve, if darkness itself could smile, it would have. "I like this one. She reminds me of myself, from long ago."

"Fascinating," TBM said with a toxic tone in his voice, he thrust his arm out angrily, "Now would you hurry up and take me back to the spirit world, you could still watch my body burn if you want."

"Very well, you never could finish anything you started..." The wispy black form loomed closer but remained just out of reach, "but then you'll never know which of them dies."

"One of them dies?"

"Oh yes, you don't fight an evil technological overlord, an alternate Santa and a dimension tearing at the seams without at least one casualty. But you want to go, you don't care about these people. Take my hand and we'll go." Death's limb floated eerily up.

TBM stood in quiet contemplation for a moment, "I guess, I should finish this." He turned to face the impending doom of a flaming goddess who also happened to be giant and had a Hispanic vibe.

"Remember, I'll be watching. Entertain me." With that the world seemed to turn back on.

"TRANSFORM!" TBM exploded into a giant burst of rank smoke, it smelled like the burning oil fields of candy land. As the smoke burned away and Asheth hugged the figure into her massive mammaries it was revealed to all how TBM intended to survive. Awkward as it was, he had turned into someone they all knew well. Pyros. And now he was thoroughly enjoying a hug he never thought he could live through. TBMyros purred gently as he clung to the giant woman whom he loved.

[PyrosNine]

"EWWWW!!! THIS IS ALMOST LIKE, YA-KNOW, THE M-WORD! ME TIME! THAT THING I DO ALONE!.....BUT I WILL ADMIT, I AM SNUGGLY CUTE. LIKE A FOX! OR A KITTY! FOX-KITTY! NYU-UBI!" The giant Asheth pointed out, torn between disgust and the natural adoration all beings have for cats. It was logical that as a cat, TBM could escape death, as Death was allergic to them and usually waited for a few "deaths" before he picked them up.

"BUT IT"S STILL LIKE THAT THING I TAKE PICTURES OF FOR OTHER PEOPLE IN ORDER TO BLACKMAIL THEM! EWWW! WRRYYY? NEKOOOOO!!!"

Asheth reverted to smaller size and held TBMyros by the scruff of his neck. "Okay, I'll allow this CRIME AGAINST MY SENSES, but there are rules you got to follow, BUSTAH! Like, you have to wear this $9k diamond kitty collar, as well as this nice knitted sweater I made that says "My Pokemans: let me show you them", then you have to sleep in this portable cat house with cable and internet, and I have to declaw you, get you your shots, and have you fixed/spayed. But in the end, it's all because I WUV YOU SNOOKUMS!"

Asheth pulled out the 'permanent' scissors. "Only hurt for second!"

The Pyros with the guitar stepped in on the behalf of the poor, defensless Mime-cat.

"Hey, d'ya think you could go back to snuggling 'em? In case I ever need to blackmail myself." The guitar opened up to reveal a built in camera.

"Wait, didn't that get fused together with the hamsterball when we went super?"

"Well....uh...."

"ULTIMA DISRESPECT!"

Asheth sent Pyros flying by the seat of his crotch.

"Now that that's resolved, Time for a snip!...Snookums? Snookums? Where did you go?"

Asheth seemed to have lost TBMyros during the distraction...

[Flarecobra]

Still in hiding, ShadowFlare was looking over the equipment on the table, and debated about taking some of them, but then she overheard some random tech out in the hall saying how some portal had damaged the paint job, and that got her thinking, and decided to try to find out more about it.