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Reload this Page The Grinch shows us why all other christmas specials suck
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Unread 12-17-2012, 03:38 PM   #21
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The best christmas morals come from Gremlins.
Animals are evil, let's murder them.
Chinese people are trying to poison us with their evil magics.
Disney saves the day.
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Unread 12-17-2012, 04:32 PM   #22
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Pft.

Everyone knows what the best Christmas story really is.

I mean think of all the awesome elements in this story.
* Set in the era of the Roman Empire? Yes.
* A deity puts on a misogynistic Zeus impression by impregnating a woman with magical sperm without her consent? Yes.
* Angels show up? Yes.
* Marital strife threatens a newlywed couple in a series of emotional sequences ripped straight out of Hallmark movie? Yes.
* An Innkeeper resorts to petty villainy in denying a pregnant woman housing? Yes.
* Barnyard animals are involved? Yes.
* A star is created and exists in the cosmos for the sole purpose of leading a bunch of Shepherds (sadly, not Commander Shepard) and three old dudes to a newborn kid? Yes.
* The best music out of any Christmas special? "Here Comes Santa Clause" ain't got shit on "Silent Night."
* Chronicles the birth of a kid credited with more accomplishments, responsible for more wars, capable of evoking euphoria, fear or dread? Yes. Bonus points for becoming the world's most famous carpenter, too.
* An incredibly divisive message that's still hotly debated among scholars thousands of years later? Yes. What's better than a story that can muster more than a billion diehard adherents -- and millions if not billions among the opposition?

Whether it's fiction or non-fiction, you know it's the best story of them all. Luke totally laid down the gauntlet and you think Dr. Seuss can beat that? Let's talk again in the year 4012 and see if anyone still reads or watches the Grinch.
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Unread 12-17-2012, 04:36 PM   #23
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This is about Star Wars, right?
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Unread 12-17-2012, 04:42 PM   #24
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Default Tears were shed when Padme and Anakin were forced to stay in a barn alongside Wookies
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This is about Star Wars, right?
Pft, Kim, don't give it away
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Unread 12-17-2012, 04:55 PM   #25
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Vader is responsible for somewhere between 0 and 2 wars. Jesus is responsible for hundreds. Vader is a kiddie leaguer when hes compared to big J.
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Unread 12-17-2012, 04:56 PM   #26
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Default We're going to debate who's the best at wars, Jesus or Vader. We are officially nerds
You have to factor in the size and scope of each individual war too, Smarty. How many lives do you think the Clone Wars and the Rebellion cost the galaxy, given the hundreds of planets impacted?
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Unread 12-17-2012, 04:59 PM   #27
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Yeah but that's not really fair because there is no way Jesus could start a galatic war. If you scale it to the respective populations of interacting civilisations which could possibly be affected he's got to be well ahead.
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Unread 12-17-2012, 05:06 PM   #28
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Default And then He sayeth to the Alpha Centurians: "Declare war on Earth when you can."
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Yeah but that's not really fair because there is no way Jesus could start a galatic war. If you scale it to the respective populations of interacting civilisations which could possibly be affected he's got to be well ahead.
Jesus is half-deity. He could have just asked his father to give the Roman Empire the ability to construct starships in order to ensure he'd measure up to Vader.

...Actually, wait. Who's to say Jesus hasn't started wars on other planets, and we on Earth just don't know it because we haven't been in touch with extraterrestrials? For all we know Jesus has been born on every civilization in existence, as God keeps tabs on the development of every pre-pubescent Type Zero Civilization.

Shit this is getting complicated.
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Unread 12-17-2012, 05:25 PM   #29
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Garden of Eden was on Mars.
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Unread 12-17-2012, 05:42 PM   #30
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You have to factor in the size and scope of each individual war too, Smarty. How many lives do you think the Clone Wars and the Rebellion cost the galaxy, given the hundreds of planets impacted?
It depends on whether or not you consider clones to be 3/5 of a person.
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I fought a nuclear war and didn't suffer a single casualty.
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