NPF Avatars IV, Chapter VIII: At the Fountains of Madness

[mauve]

“That’s not good,” Mauve remarked intelligently as the sphinx took flight and lazily tossed some sort of dark spell her way.

The mage quickly backpedaled, trying to judge where it was going to land. This was okay, this was okay: As long as she didn’t get distracted, she could cast a spell to deflect the pyramid and shoot it back at the sph--

"Mauve, Rei, Skyshot! I'm a sitting snake right here! We need something that'll either reveal it's movement or slow it's attacks!"

Mauve was startled and instinctively looked towards the spot where her name was being called. She corrected herself almost instantly, but the briefest distraction was all that the sphinx needed. When Mauve’s attention returned to her opponent, the base of the great dark pyramid was already mere inches from her nose. Her eyes widened in something resembling horror.

“Aw, bloody he--” And Mauve was gone.



Meanwhile, in some parallel dimension comprised entirely of mazes, a portal opened in the sky. A magenta-clad figure plummeted through the glowing disk of light and landed in an undignified heap in some odd corner of the gigantic stone labyrinth.

Mauve coughed once or twice and picked herself up off the floor. She looked around, feeling quite annoyed and more than a little humiliated. That pyramid must have been some sort of prison spell or dimensional gateway, she thought to herself as she looked around. There wasn’t much to look at from this angle: just some long, twisting hallways and lots of stone walls lined with moss and who-knows-what-else. It certainly wasn’t the Earth Temple, or any part of the NPF.

She needed a different perspective, she decided. The view was always better from above. Grumbling to herself, she found a climbable portion of the wall and hefted herself upwards. A wave of icy coldness washed over her as she saw where she was.

There was nothing but jagged walls and winding passageways as far as the eye could see in every direction, looking more like a Salvador Dali painting than a physical landscape. She couldn’t see a beginning or an end, or anything, really. She slid back down to the ground, sitting on the cold stone floor and feeling slightly dazed. So that was it, then. The Sphinx had trapped her in a gigantic maze.

Mauve wondered if this was going to be the kind of maze adventure that involved Muppets and David Bowie, or the kind that involved Minotaurs.

Suddenly, Mauve was mad. Really mad. The Sphinx had just dumped her here as though she wasn't anything to concern herself with. She was probably up there right now, gloating over her victory. Stupid sphinx, thinking she's so damn high and mighty. Oooh, lookit me! I'm part cat and party lady and I'm oh-so-smart at riddles! Woo, so bloody special! And that little pink kid fell right into my trap! Oh-ho-ho, I is so smarts! She has to wander around blindly for the next SEVEN BLOODY HOURS whilst I sit here and laugh at her!

"Sphinx must die!" snarled Mauve. She knew what she had to do.



Back at the remnants of the earth temple, something strange was happening. If anyone had bothered to pay attention, they may have noticed that an oval patch of air seemed to be warping, like a funhouse mirror. And.. there was a sound. Faint at first, but growing louder. The sound... of machinery.

The warped splodge of reality jerked suddenly, and with a shredding sound a white and silver spinning blade appeared out of nowhere, hovering above the ground. The mechanical roar grew louder and the blade slashed a horizontal wound into the fabric of reality itself. A figure all but threw itself out of the gaping tear and landed on the ground with an angry grunt.

Mauve tossed the heavy weapon to the ground, it's machinery all but worn out from the task. The loud roar sputtered and faded away.

"Betcha didn't know chainsaws could slice through the fabric of reality, huh?" she asked the sphinx. "Yeah. Neither did the chainsaw." So much for the chainsaw she found. But oh well; it served her well while it could.

She stretched a hand towards the airborne creature.

"Come down here," she said angrily. She called forth another spell, and a boulder-sized chunk of ice appeared above and behind the sphinx. It fell quickly, intending to collide with her and knock her to the earth. Or at least show the Sphinx that Mauve was not a particularly happy camper at the moment. Whichever.

[Bailey]

After Thod had been lured away by a bit of bread with some cheese on it, Syttulg seemed to be talking to himself. In reality he was being fed 'helpful' hints, but none of the other NPFers had a way of knowing that. Well, they probably didn't. You never could tell with forumites. "That takes too much battery." "Yes, I know that with the sun shining my battery charges itself. It just doesn't do it fast enough for what you're suggesting." "NO I AM NOT GOING TO SPEND MY ENTIRE TURN TRANSFORMING MY BODY INTO FLOWERS! What would that even accomplish?" "Okay, fine, that's the first piece of usable advice all day."

Syttulg retracted his roots and thudded up the slope as fast as he could to reach the 'portal' mauve had opened, which he then grabbed. He moved it slightly, and the view shifted, changing the scene to piles of towering books rather than some sort of hellmaze. Syttulg walked in, grabbed a stack of tomes, the top of which was labeled NPF ADDventures: Core Rulebook I of XVI. The subtitle read More rules than you can shake a stick at!

Trudging back out of the dimension full of books, Syttulg found an outoftheway place to sit down and read. As he read, he began muttering to himself. "Huh, I guess I shouldn't have been able to do that." He said, the iron dissapearing from his back and clattering to the ground. "Oooh, I forgot to factor that in." A small wound closed itself up. "Oh here's an interesting rule. I'll have to remember that one." "Huh, I'm short one feat. Lessee... I guess I'll just take speed reading." After that he was able to make short work of the book, minor changes occuring across his body as he did so, some wounds closing, others opening.

He put the book down and picked up Core Rulebook II: Even more obnoxious rules and charts!

In no time at all, he was on the tenth book. Everything you never wanted to know about monsters and were afraid to even ask. He thumbed to the correct page, marked his place, and looked through the remaining books to find The book of riddles that are too damn hard. After thumbing through it, his eyes opened wide in surprise.

"Hey Skyshot! Her answer to your riddle is listed above yours in the NPF ADDventures Core Rulebook XIII: The Book of Riddles That Are Too Damn Hard! Yours is there too, but it's one space down." He glanced again. "And according to the book, 42 is a better answer than either."

[phil_]

"Yeah, train's served it's purpose. ●Dismiss."

Now, what to summon, Phil thought from behind a rock a short jog from the battle. The troll could be taken out by a Fire Elemental, but I think the plant guy and the shaman have him. I think we'll need to focus on the sphinx last; it seems to be the strongest. That leaves the rock and the snake. So, inexplicable drill tank or giant mongoose? I'm feeling mongoose-y.

"●Summon: Hungry Giant Mongoose!" The air in front of Phil's rock shimmered, and there appeared a 20 foot tall mongoose. The critter squealed, then ran toward the battle.

Phil proudly watched his monstrosity tramp onward. Then, his look of pride turned to one of worry. "Oh wait, we have two snake-people on our side...

Let's just see how it works out, at least until I think of something better."

OOC: Arhra, everybody else, the mongoose has general mongoose powers (biting and squirming), it's just really big. Treat it as an NPC.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

"Oh crap!"

Hawk was suddenly surrounded on all sides by giant thrashing, writhing, biting, poison miasma spewing serpents. And they were pissed!

The only good bit of furtune here was that he was airborne and his foe was stuck to slithering along on the ground. Hawk did the only thing logical the present situation allowed for: He accelerated straight up. He fired the gale downwards, towards his enemy and rode the updraft. This also came with the added benefit of dispersing the miasma somewhat, before it could fully envelope him.

"So, tough little bugger are we?!"

From this height, Hawk could see everything. The whole battle was laid out before him. So he couldn't miss the twenty foot tall mongoose that suddenly appeared.

"I knew this guy would come in handy", he thought to himself. "Ok, back to the old standby."

"ARTILLERY BARRAGE!"

Hawk began firing concussive blast after concussive blast, one after another in rapid succesion and all of them aimed at the multiple heads of the hydra.

This was gona hurt!

[Flarecobra]

I grinned and closed my eyes for a quick breath. "Well, methinks the Boulder's out of the picture for a while....Now for that Hydra...." I said, as I saw the hostile snake-being and used Flare on it, a group of six red orbs formed and rushed at it, detonating upon contact with the monster.

[Tarrin]

"see now isn't this more productive than fighting" Tarrin asked the large form of the Troll beside him.
"Thod like this p..Pizza" spat the large green trog,
"You know i think we just found a new position for you, I'm sure Pos industrys has a Pizza department and needs a Quality tester" Tarrin smiled his beaming smile at his new found eating partner, he hoped that this would keep the troll happy and out of the battle.
Atleast untill he could find out if Pos indeed had a Pizza devlopment section, then he'd have to convice him that a troll would make a good tester...meah couldn't be harder than this damned first temple.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Above the battle, Hawk continued to pummel his enemy. Some might think he had gone into a slight berserker rage but that was not so. He could still see everything that was happening below him, his eyes picking out every minute detail. The mongoose reinforcments he had been expecting continued to stand there, apparently unsure of what to do. He watched as the double team of REI and Flare blasted the boulder again and then saw Flare turning to face the hydra.

Reinforcements had arrived. And they had brought fire! And that gave Hawk a new idea.

Air contains large amounts of oxygen. Fire needs oxygen to burn. Hence oxygen + fire = INCIENDIARY BLAST!

The bombardment ended as Hawk began crushing and condensing the air around him. Small vacumns appeared about the area as the air was ripped out and pulled towards a spot about a metre in front of Hawk. Space seemed to warp and bend as the light passing through the growing sphere was refracted in bizzare ways. The oxygen level within the ball increased by several million molecules per cubic inch.

And then it was ready. About half a metre wide, but containing the full concentrated pressure of a seventy cubic metre area. Hawk launched it forwards at almost supersonic speeds and nerly fell out of the sky from the blast. He tumbled through the air slightly before catching an updraft and righting himself.

The Superball connected half a second after Flares' flare.

[Steel Shadow]

Steel had found a nice, secluded spot a few meters away from the rest of the group and sat down, vaguely disappointed at the lack of explosions. It was time to get some rest before moving on to the next temple. He sighed, lay his staff down beside him and closed his eyes...


Meanwhile, in another plane of reality...


See, if you add on the experience from the dryad and the boulder-
You didn't do anything to the boulder!
It was a group thing. I'm part of the group. Hence experience.
Fine, fine. That's still not enough.
Then you add the capitalist and all those little trolls which no one really bothered with on.
Close, but still not enough, even with the caryatid's bonus.
Don't forget the cultists.
Please, those experience numbers are nearly negative.
And the snakes to?
And the snakes to. Put it all together, even with what you already had before the temple, your still one point off.
One point you say?
Yup
Hold on a sec.


Back in the dimensions reserved for the NPF'ers...


Steel frowned. He could hear something. A small buzzing sound filled his ears, making it impossible to concentrate. He opened one eye and looked around. The buzzing grew louder. He opened the other eye and tensed his arms, ready for an attack. He saw movement. There! He struck quickly, giving his would be attacker no chance for escape. The flattened mosquito fell to the ground and Steel returned to his meditation. Or he would have had there not been an explosion behind him. He didn't even bother turning around.

"Will you guys keep it down? I'm trying to rest here!" With that out of his system he ignored the subsequent explosions and war cries. It was like they all had an extremely violent version of ADD. Putting them from his mind, Steel returned to his meditative state.


In a place where beings of infinite power play with the fates of men and gods alike...


No.
Come on!
No! I'm not letting you level up by killing a mosquito! A mosquito!!
It was a hostile being that I defeated. You know how hard it is to hit those things?
But...
Just gimme the damn level.
Fine.
Yes! And with a level up comes-
-The complete hp/sp/mp/status regeneration, yeah yeah.


...You know the drill...


Steel opened his eyes. Suddenly he felt completely refreshed. He stood up.

"Alright! I'm defiantly using meditation more often." His cheer was cut short by another blast wave from behind him. "I TOLD YOU GUYS TO-" He turned around. "Oh riiight, your fighting another hectic battle against what could easily be forces of evil. Why didn't you say?" He pulled free his sword, ready to charge into the fray.

He paused, then bent down and retrieved his staff. Didn't want to forget that he thought as he retied it to his back. Now, what to attack? He looked around, thinking before he acted. It wasn't fun. There was Thog, who Tarrin seemed to be dealing with. There was the boulder, which Steel hadn't been any good against in the first place. There was the sphinx... what was she doing here again? Did it matter? Anyway, remembering the treatment she gave Syttulg last time, she was best avoided until sufficiently distracted.

That left the hydra. He'd dealt with hydra before. How hard could it be?

[Lumaes]

"Uh, are you on our side or not?"
The spectre hesitated, tenebrous body coiling contemplatively.
"Oh... well... I do rather loathe you people but..." he chomps his jaw for want of a lip, before turning to the embattled League.
"Err - I say, Do you have a plan to stop the end of the world?"
"They blew it up..." came the Sphinx's reply.
You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you all! buzzed Lumaes's frenzied thoughts.
"Oh... well then..."
The spectre hitched up his shadowy hem and dashed, coils of shadow in each hand past the battle line dodging around the flinging fire, spells and strangely enough a giant mongoose, to take up his rightful place on what could be laughably called the 'heroes' side of the battle.
With a hop and a skip he slid into place beside Arhra, gloved hands raised in preparation to deal with the villianous, wretched and morally unsound League,
he hisses over his shoulder to her,
"You know - you used to be cool. A towering monstrosity, bedecked with the spoils of a thousand bloody conquests and swimmming in the gifts of a thousand virign sacrifices, fire wreathed your fearsome fangs and the Storms themselves fled from your advance! Now you're a useless midget surrounded by equally useless halfwits"
"Well... you know, I can drain energy" came the useless midget's defensive reply.
"Well... I suppose that is kinda... No! Flying jellyfish can do that! I refuse to accept such spineless creatures as our equals! PC crap be damned! Anything without a skeleton is not worth knowing!"
The boulder, seemingly offended by this tirade burst from the ground beneath the critique spewing specter, its huge freakish mouth (well suited to devouring ghosts and what was presumably a ghost's egg) snapped at his inky body, carrying him high as the munching jaws attempted to devour him,
"Damn you invertebrate scum! Just wait till your power pellet runs out!" Lumaes shouted, spreadeagled in the maw in a painful attempt to hold the jaws apart and save him from a horrible, pointless doom.

[Arhra]

Arhra was faced with a complex moral dilemma. Lumaes was in trouble, in danger of being devoured before her very eyes. However, he'd just insulted her.

"Used to be cool?" she muttered, "I take exception to that. So what if I haven't had a thousand bloody conquests recently? I've just been resting up, biding my time. I'll show him! We'll see who's laughing when the time comes to face the Herald!"

Her tone turned introspective, "I don't remember many sacrifices though... Its all pretty hazy... Then again, I was pretty drunk - on power - at the time..."

But Arhra recognised this reverie as an underhanded attempt by half of her brain to make her delay in deciding on whether to help Lumaes. This, obviously enough, would mean a default of 'No'. On the other hand, he'd also insulted the boulder, and it was now trying to kill him. Therefore, she was reasonably sure this meant she should try to save him. Overruling a thought that it was predictable for a creature of Chaos to do the unexpected thing, Arhra sprung into action like an overwound clock.

"Alright, Hydra - " Arhra looked around. The wretched reptile was nowhere to be found. "Le sigh." she said as she brushed her fingertips against her forehead in a pained gesture, "It looks like I'll have to deal with it myself..." Rolling up her tattered sleeves, Arhra advanced on the amorphous beast.

While Arhra had hoped for an immediate transition to the aftermath of everyone congratulating her on how she'd amazingly defeated the flowstone monster, that failed to materialise. Instead, she charged in, seeking to get up to some good, old fashioned energy draining. With a dramatic cry, she punched it, and was distressed to find liquid stone crawling up her arm. Trying to tug herself free, she found herself swatted away by a stubby tentacle of stone the boulder extruded. It did the equivalent of a casual backhand, tearing the engulfing lump of rock off with her. As she flew, she saw it also seemed to be chucking rocks at Hawk and Rei.

"Damn you, you multi-tasking bastard!" Arhra yelled as she somehow managed to flip in midair to land in a crouch, dramatically skidding backwards as was customary. "See, this form has some nice tricks!" Arhra cried out to Lumaes, still stung by his previous comments. She quite enjoyed the crazy athleticism of her current shape or 'high physical attribute scores' as certain strange and pallid creatures would call it. Arhra wouldn't. There was a time and place for such terms and this wasn't it.

Feeling like her arm had been dislocated, Arhra glared at the heavy cocoon of rock encasing her forearm, and firmly placed her other hand on it. It sizzled as she drained its energy, turning dull and brittle. It dropped off, oozing back to the flowstone boulder's main mass, chips of rock cracking off.

Arhra smiled slightly. The boulder wasn't invulnerable and now she had something of a plan. She charged again, climbing up its side, swift as a squirrel panicking about its nut cache. It sought to knock her off again, but she was too quick for it to catch her.

Reaching the top, Arhra jumped in its jaws, Lumaes right in front of her. She saw it also seemed to have some manner of long tongue wrapping around his lower body and seeking to drag him down. Arhra put her arm out to contact the straining jaws on either side and leveraged them slightly further outwards with a surge of strength, taking the load off Lumaes. Using her two arms as a pivot to swing on, she jack-knifed her body and kicked Lumaes with both feet, tearing him out of the tongue's grasp and sending him flying safely out of the monster's mouth.

"Wait..." Arhra said, realising her position now, stuck in between the beast's jaws. "...Damnit!"

* * *

"Mirror, mirror on the wall. What is it you do for all?" It was hardly her best work, the sphinx decided as she put a hefty amount of power behind the riddle, but it was more than sufficient. She let herself chuckle as a pane of silvered air glinted in front of the hydra, Flare's flare bouncing off it and hitting Hawk's Superball, meaning a large, expanding incendiary blast was headed for the airbourne trio of Hawk, Flare and Rei.

Considering these three, the sphinx began, "Well, I think that - Mraowww!" The sphinx gave a rather cat-like cry of surprise as an icy boulder hit her from behind. While her shield spell might be quite effective against smaller projectiles, it couldn't do much against massive blunt impact. As the sphinx tried to break form her stall, she spotted Mauve. What?! I mazed her! were the sphinx's thoughts before she made a clumsy landing.

Hissing with feline fury, the sphinx rose up, awkwardly folding her wings on her back. "I'm going to start mauling you now." she told the mage of mauveness, running at her to pounce, well manicured but extremely sharp claws extended.

Meanwhile, the hydra was still beleagured, even with the assistance the sphinx had given. It, a giant mongoose and Hydra were facing off against one another in a sort of Mexican stand-off. The mongoose felt a little out of its league. While it was giant, these snakes seemed to be composed of several snakes! The small one also had hands and legs, making the mongoose wonder if it really was a snake. It didn't know if it was qualified to take on some kind of lizard person.

The two of serpentine nature were keeping several eyes on their opposition, knowing both their enemies would gladly eat them. and have a good time doing so. Having so many eyes also meant they could see Steel also about to enter the fray. They both acted at once, exhaling poison and leaping forwards, the gigantic mongoose also choosing to act. They disappeared in purplish fog, an occaisional glimpse of the battle gong on showing through. It resembled a classic swirling dust-cloud battle, except the dust was made largely of poison.

As all this went on, Thod looked at the box the delicious new food had come from. There was now no delicious food in it. He picked it up and sniffed it carefully. It smelt like the pizza. He crammed it in his mouth, spitting it out a moment later. "What this?!" Thod said angrily, rising to his feet, "Taste like cardboard!" This wasn't a good sign.

OOC: Oh, I might as well be open with this one, that mirror can't block a solid projectile - it'll probably shatter it. Also, Thod is fun to write for.