Movies you hate - Page 5

Specterbane · 04-26-2011, 10:54 PM

The Man in the Iron Mask. The one with this douche in it, before he stopped being ze Uberdouche.

Why? Because it butchered classic literature with the grace and finesse Gallagher preforming brain surgery. That is not how that story should end, that is not how those characters should be, and I'd rather watch THIS! Because at least Jack Bauer and Charlie Sheen are in it.

Also, all this talk about Star Wars and no one mentions looking at R2 being the main character who's lines were simply so outrageous they had to be edited by the senors last minute. Come on guys, he's a crucial part of every movie and if it weren't for him the Empire would've totally won everything.

mauve · 04-26-2011, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kerensky287

Dude, Gandalf sucked.

First he was all, "Hey, it's a magic ring this hobbit found! Bitchtits." Then he was all, "Oh shit, the ring is an evil ring, oh well, may as well let the hobbit keep it, what could ever happen."

Then he died. Then he came back. Then the movie went on for way too fucking long because they insisted on the last half hour being filmed entirely in slow motion.

And that's just LOTR Gandalf. The Hobbit Gandalf is even worse!

"Oh, what's this? A hobbit who hates being in mortal peril? D'ohohoho guess who I'm gonna force to join a lifethreatening quest that has absolutely nothing to do with him?!"

"Oh, what's this? A potentially dangerous and/or diplomatically delicate situation up ahead? D'ohohoho, time for me to randomly disappear and let everyone else get into trouble while I go pretend to scout ahead or something!"

"Now I'll come back just in time to save everyone and hog all the glory!"

"What's this? There are fourteen of us and only three magical swords? I'm takin' the coolest one. You guys fight over the rest."

To be fair, The Hobbit's Gandalf lobbed fireballs at wolves, so that's kinda cool. Even though the fireballs ended up making the situation worse, what with the whole "oh yeah we're sitting in highly-flammable trees right now and we just set the grass on fire" thing.

And I don't even remember if he actually did anything during the Battle of Five Armies, aside from showing up in the aftermath with minor wounds.

Bells · 04-26-2011, 11:05 PM

Oh c'mon The Man in the Iron Mask wasn't that bad. I'm sure you can find worst adaptations of classic literature

And on that note... Charlie Sheen looks quite nice with the Goatee and Mullet combo!

and on Gandalf...

I'm not 100% sure but i think during the Trilogy his greatest feat of Magic was Shinning some lights around

Kerensky287 · 04-26-2011, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mauve Mage

And that's just LOTR Gandalf. The Hobbit Gandalf is even worse!

"Oh, what's this? A hobbit who hates being in mortal peril? D'ohohoho guess who I'm gonna force to join a lifethreatening quest that has absolutely nothing to do with him?!"

"Oh, what's this? A potentially dangerous and/or diplomatically delicate situation up ahead? D'ohohoho, time for me to randomly disappear and let everyone else get into trouble while I go pretend to scout ahead or something!"

"Now I'll come back just in time to save everyone and hog all the glory!"

"What's this? There are fourteen of us and only three magical swords? I'm takin' the coolest one. You guys fight over the rest."

To be fair, The Hobbit's Gandalf lobbed fireballs at wolves, so that's kinda cool. Even though the fireballs ended up making the situation worse, what with the whole "oh yeah we're sitting in highly-flammable trees right now and we just set the grass on fire" thing.

And I don't even remember if he actually did anything during the Battle of Five Armies, aside from showing up in the aftermath with minor wounds.

"Oh man, you mean Sauron might be coming back? Holy shit, guys! I'd better go talk to my good buddy Saruman and tell him everything I know, I'm sure he'll come up with something!"

"Guys, we really shouldn't go through Moria. Trust me, it's a bad idea. No, fuck no! I'm not telling you WHY! Just like, we shouldn't. Okay now we're going to, I changed my mind, but like, don't touch anything because that thing I'm not telling you about will FUCK YOUR SHIT."

"There's gonna be a huge battle soon? Well, geez, we need reinforcements. I'm going to take the best horse for three days and leave you alone without my awesome tide-turning wizard powers for support. Hey, I'm back, and look at all these reinforcements! Eighty-ish horsemen. What, you've already beaten fucking everybody in the invading army and we're just going to sweep up the survivors? Damn, son, life ain't fair, is it?"

Amake · 04-27-2011, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Archbio

Gunkata looks stupid, is played without self awareness (as far as I recall) and is explained seriously all while being preposterous. It calls attention to its unrealism. That might be what they mean.

That's it.

And no, I wasn't complaining about Equilibrium, it's just that all the stupidity of Gun Kata carries over from there to Ultraviolet even though in Ultraviolet it's not explicitly explained as an actual strategy that soldiers are trained to use because placing yourself where you're less likely to be hit in a gunfight with dozens of automatic rifles makes you not get hit ever.

See, you can pull of any unlikely stunt in a movie as long as you do it in a haze of sweat, hangover and chin stubble, but making those stunts an integral part of your system of law enforcement where large numbers of people depend on them to work flawlessly day after day and year after year is pretty frickin ridiculous. Gun Kata is like they took John McClane's car fu move and made it a standard police procedure, and every single time an officer needs to take down a helicopter he will find an expendable car and a ramp angled just right on the scene and the helicopter will fly low and slow so they can't miss. And helicopters are illegal and are to be shot down with cars at sight.

The Sevenshot Kid · 04-27-2011, 12:27 AM

Last year I saw this movie that seemed like a potentially okay comedy. It's called I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and I FUCKING HATE IT. It's all about this unlikable douche named Tucker who throws a bachelor party for his best friend but ends up ditching him for a midget stripper. There's another friend involved who forms a masochistic relationship with a single-mother/stripper and ends up bonding with her kid.

The movie plot, viewed objectively, seems like an alright story idea for a comedy but it's all torpedoed by what an unlikable asshat Tucker is. He almost ruins his best friend's life just because he wants to see midget stripper. Seriously. He's an asshole and I don't see why anyone would ever want to be friends with that douche. Neither can his friends by the end of the movie so they ditch his punk ass at the end.

But after, and I shit you not, shitting himself naked in a hotel lobby he realizes just how alone he is without his friends (cause they'll be with you while shitting yourself naked) and has a "change of heart." But how does he make up for his many transgressions? He buys a fucking bounce house for the wedding reception.

ALL IS FORGIVEN!

This really is the most despicable piece of garbage that I have ever seen. I hope they do serve beer in hell cause the people responsible for this "movie" are gonna be real thirsty down there.

Professor Smarmiarty · 04-27-2011, 02:36 AM

Vader was crazy space jesus, but jesus coming back in the 20th century with his 1st century mentality where his once progressive ideas now seem incredibly archaic and out of date. And like you don't really want to say anything because he is Jesus but he's still talking about stoning dudes and chaining up your wife and stuff.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Specterbane

The Man in the Iron Mask. classic literature

You do realise its series of books was basically the twilight of its age right Massively popular but critics all mocked them heartily.

On topic: :I really hate Pirates of the Carribean. They really only have one thing going for them, which is Jack Sparrow, but after the first 10 minutes the novelty wears off and the rest of the movies are about what I'd expect from like a 1950s pirate movie.

Archbio · 04-27-2011, 02:41 AM

Quote:

You do realise its series of books was basically the twilight of its age right Massively popular but critics all mocked them heartily.

So critics are relevant if there's a full century of buffer between you and them?

Professor Smarmiarty · 04-27-2011, 02:55 AM

More like anything written sufficientely long ago is a classic. I look forward to the 2150 summer blockbuster of New Moon where angry crowds protest the butchering of a literary classic.

EVILNess · 04-27-2011, 02:58 AM

Death Racers.

Not Death Race. Death Racers.

A not so smart friend of mine rented it cause he thought it was Death Race. We watched it out of morbid curiosity.

One of the teams was named Vaginamite. It had the Insane Clown Posse in it.

I kinda want that two hours of my life back.

04-26-2011, 10:54 PM	#41
Specterbane Safety First Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Land of Gumdrops and Ice-cream Posts: 746	The Man in the Iron Mask. The one with this douche in it, before he stopped being ze Uberdouche. Why? Because it butchered classic literature with the grace and finesse Gallagher preforming brain surgery. That is not how that story should end, that is not how those characters should be, and I'd rather watch THIS! Because at least Jack Bauer and Charlie Sheen are in it. Also, all this talk about Star Wars and no one mentions looking at R2 being the main character who's lines were simply so outrageous they had to be edited by the senors last minute. Come on guys, he's a crucial part of every movie and if it weren't for him the Empire would've totally won everything. __________________ http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpos...ostcount=10436

04-26-2011, 11:05 PM	#43
Bells That's so PC of you Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: In a Server-sided Dimension where time is meaningless Posts: 10,490	Oh c'mon The Man in the Iron Mask wasn't that bad. I'm sure you can find worst adaptations of classic literature And on that note... Charlie Sheen looks quite nice with the Goatee and Mullet combo! and on Gandalf... I'm not 100% sure but i think during the Trilogy his greatest feat of Magic was Shinning some lights around __________________ *BELLS STORE : Clothes! You wear* them! Free US Shipping Subscription System? WTF?! Zazzle Black!** Last edited by Bells; 04-26-2011 at 11:10 PM.

04-27-2011, 12:27 AM	#46
The Sevenshot Kid of Northwest Arizona Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,492	Forgot something. Last year I saw this movie that seemed like a potentially okay comedy. It's called I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and I FUCKING HATE IT. It's all about this unlikable douche named Tucker who throws a bachelor party for his best friend but ends up ditching him for a midget stripper. There's another friend involved who forms a masochistic relationship with a single-mother/stripper and ends up bonding with her kid. The movie plot, viewed objectively, seems like an alright story idea for a comedy but it's all torpedoed by what an unlikable asshat Tucker is. He almost ruins his best friend's life just because he wants to see midget stripper. Seriously. He's an asshole and I don't see why anyone would ever want to be friends with that douche. Neither can his friends by the end of the movie so they ditch his punk ass at the end. But after, and I shit you not, shitting himself naked in a hotel lobby he realizes just how alone he is without his friends (cause they'll be with you while shitting yourself naked) and has a "change of heart." But how does he make up for his many transgressions? He buys a fucking bounce house for the wedding reception. ALL IS FORGIVEN! This really is the most despicable piece of garbage that I have ever seen. I hope they do serve beer in hell cause the people responsible for this "movie" are gonna be real thirsty down there.

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04-27-2011, 02:55 AM	#49
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	More like anything written sufficientely long ago is a classic. I look forward to the 2150 summer blockbuster of New Moon where angry crowds protest the butchering of a literary classic.