Like, 60 guys walk into a bar (freestyle comedy ensues)

[Preturbed]

Originally Posted by Pure Liquid Awesome

The white guy says, "Well, I'll have a Coke."

Boondock Saints

==

Mike and Sue were a great couple and happily engaged. Unfortunately, on their way to the wedding, they get into a head-on collision with a Mac truck. Both die on impact, and they soon find themselves in heaven.

Mike and Sue can't help but feel a little jipped, so one day Mike goes up to the Angel Gabriel and asks, "Gabe, Sue and I were about to get married, but on our wedding day you called us both home. Do you think that maybe we can get married up here in Heaven?"

Gabriel replies, "I'll see what I can do."

Several weeks pass, and the couple begins to grow anxious. Exactly one month after Mike's request, the Angel Gabriel returns to them with a priest. Needless to say, Mike and Sue get married that very day.

For many years, they are the happiest couple in heaven. However, all good things must come to an end and, sure enough, they find their marriage in a state of disrepair.

Once again, Mike approaches the Angel Gabriel and asks, "Gabe, I'm not happy in my marriage anymore. Do you think that maybe we can get divorced, up here in Heaven?"

Gabriel replies, "I'll see what I can do."

Several weeks pass, and the couple once again begins to grow anxious. Weeks turn to months, and as is likely to happen most times, months turned into years.

A frustrated Mike approaches the Angel Gabriel once again. "Gabe," he says, "If you recall, several years ago I asked if you could find a way for me to get a divorce. I haven't heard back from you, and my wife and I are still on the outs. What gives?"

The Angel Gabriel smiled, and replied, "Mike, it took me four damn weeks to find a priest up here. How long do you think its gonna take to find a lawyer?"

[One of Pwnage]

Yeah, less racist jokes, and I stand by my earlier comment.
I am absolutely amazed at how fast this thread grew to 6 pages. 1 day! Keep it up, what with the jokes, humor, and funny stuff. This is like me getting ninja'd by about 50 posts, that's why my funny came this late, 'cause the computer crashed in the most unwelcome way yesterday. I still got some previousely planned blond, jokes. Sorry.

A blond, brunette and a redhead are at school. The Brunette gets a tuna sandwich, and says
" I am so SICK of tuna!!"
Blond gets a P,B&J,
" I hate peanut Butter AND jelly!"
The redhead gets a Ham sandwich, and says likewise.
The next day, the same thing happens, but they each vow to kill themselves if they get these sandwiches again.
The next day, they get their sandwiches again and kill themselves.
The police go to the mothers. The brunettes mother says that she didn't know her daughter hated tuna, and the redheads mother didn't know either. When they ask the blonds mother, she says' " My daughter makes her own lunch."

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

Are Newfie Jokes taboo?

[One of Pwnage]

And Chuck Norris jokes, huh? I wont post 'em, but my friends and I have combined Chuck Norris with dead babies, and had hilarious results.

[I_Like_Swordchucks]

Originally Posted by Big Mac

Are Newfie Jokes taboo?

Well since there are Newfies on this forum (such as moi), you might want to consider one of my personal favorites:

Q. What is black, blue, and floats face down in a harbor?:

A. Mainlanders that tell Newfie jokes.


Remember, there's over 3 million of us, and there's probably one living near you. Who is related to me. Twice. Due to inbreeding. So, be careful. :shifty:

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

Originally Posted by I_Like_Swordchucks

Well since there are Newfies on this forum (such as moi), you might want to consider one of my personal favorites:

Q. What is black, blue, and floats face down in a harbor?:

A. Mainlanders that tell Newfie jokes.


Remember, there's over 3 million of us, and there's probably one living near you. Who is related to me. Twice. Due to inbreeding. So, be careful. :shifty:

And they are all headed out west for work =P

A Liberal from Ontario, a Conservative from Alberta and a fishman from Newfoundland find a bottle. The Newfie rubs the bottle and -poof- out pops a Genie.

"I shall each grant you one Wish as reward for freeing me," the genie boomed.

So the three guys were excited and the newfie wishes fiorst. "Well, my father was a fisherman,my grandfather was a fisherman, and by god my son will be a fisherman. I wish for the ocean to never run out of fish." There is flash of light and the genie booms

"It is done,"

The Conservative thinks about this and thinks of his wish. "Hey genie. I wish for a giant wall to surround Alberta so that no one can get in or out and to keep our money with us and away from the greedy Liberals." There is a flash and the Genie booms

"It is done,"

The Liberal think about and asks the genie. "Can you describe this wall for me?"

"The wall is 200 feet high, 5 feet thick and surrounds the entire Province of Alberta."

The Liberal nods. "I wish for you to fill it with water,"

[Sir Pinkleton]

I got a good one:

A redneck couple in kentucky is finding trouble with birth control, seeing as how they have 12 kids. they go to a docter and he tells them:

"The husband has to put a firecracker in a can, hold it up to his ear and count to ten."

Seeing no alternative, the father puts a firecracker-can beside his ear and uses his hand to count to ten. After reaching five, the man pauses, then puts the can between his legs and continues counting.

Did you get it? Hahaha funny, yes?

[P-Sleazy]

ok, theres a blonde, a brunett and a red head all running away from the police. Their car runs out of gas just outside an old farmhouse and they decide to run in. The police catch up to their car and see the farmhouse so they head towards it. Seeing the police, the three jump into differnt sacks. The brunnet into a sack of chickens. The red head into a sack of pigs. The blonde jumps into the ONLY logical sack, a sack filled with potatoes. Each of the three sacks is labeled respectively. The police come in and kick the sack of chickens first. The brunnet begins to cluck like a chicken. The police go on to the sack of pigs and kick it. The red head starts to Oink. The police come to the sack of potatoes and kick it. The blonde yells out "POTATOES!"

[xravi]

So a blonde burnet and a red head were on a beach and foud a genie lamp and the genie let them have three wishes

so the red head wishes first:
"I'm homesick and I wish I was home."

Then the burnet after hearing what the red head says:
"I feel homesick too, I wish I was home."

then the blonde felt lonely and said:
"I wish my friends were back with me."

[Demetrius]

Ok so this witch catches three guys, a pollock, a jew and a black guy. She tortures them, molests them and does all sorts of nasty/evil/inappropriate things to them until finally she tells them she'll let them go... after she does one last thing *cackle* *cackel*

So she takes the guys and hangs them by their wrists from her rafters and strips them down naked. She goes up to the pollock grabs his balls and they malt, the guys passes out and she cuts him down. She goes up to the jew and performs the same vile magic. Finally she goes up to the black guy and snags his nuts... nothing happens. She tries again... still nothing, the black dude laughs at her and says "You're doing it all wrong Witch, they melt in you mouth not in your hands!"