News From The Future: Michael Bay Ruins Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[Magus]

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Michael Bay To Produce 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Reboot
'Transformers' director has plenty of experience adapting kid-focused properties for the big screen.

By Eric Ditzian

In the spring of 2009, at the same time that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles celebrated their 25th anniversary as the gnarliest martial-arts-enabled reptiles in the pop culture universe, we got some news that Michelangelo and his buds would surely dub "wicked." A new live-action "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie was in the works, almost two decades after the original.

Friday (May 28) brings word that the upcoming flick will be produced by a guy with more than a little experience adapting long-established kid-focused properties for the big screen: Michael Bay.

Deadline.com reports that Bay and his Platinum Dunes partners will take on producing duties after Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon approached them with the property. Bay, of course, produced and directed two "Transformers" movies for Paramount and is ramping up to shoot a third one this summer.

Even before the movie was announced last year, MTV News spoke with "Turtles" co-creator Peter Laird about what a rebooted franchise might look like. "I can say that at this point there are a lot of positive feelings about a 'Batman Begins'-style 'reboot,' which would, of necessity, include a retelling of the Turtles' origin story," he said. "Having said that, I would also be into an all-new story, if it was decided that that was a more desirable direction. Either way is fine with me, to be honest!

"Simply telling the story of what happened in the first issue of the 'TMNT' comic book would be a pretty short movie, so I suspect other things from the Turtles' history in the comics might be brought into it," Laird continued. "I would not be unhappy to somehow see the tale of Baxter Stockman and the robotic 'mousers' folded into this movie, as well as some elements possibly setting up the TCRI connection for a possible sixth (or seventh) movie. But I think I'm getting a little ahead of myself there."

While I don't want to dismiss Bay out of hand (despite the thread title), I have absolutely no idea what he's going to do with this franchise. I can only predict run it into the ground, EXCEPT that in my experience of it, TMNT doesn't really lend itself to explosions, so it seems like he'd HAVE to ruin it in a different manner, which could lend itself to success.

In any case, I actually enjoyed the CGI TMNT that came out a few years ago, personally they should've kept going with that writer or director 'cause it wasn't half bad outside of the actual plot points (dialogue and characters were all handled well, the actual plot was stupid but everything else was actually awesome).

[krogothwolf]

I guess Foot Soldiers will have to be robots, to fill the explosion quota in a Bay film.

I enjoyed the CGI one too, but not as much as the cheesy live action ones, god I loved those ones.

[tacticslion]

Originally Posted by krogothwolf

I guess Foot Soldiers will have to be robots, to fill the explosion quota in a Bay film.

I enjoyed the CGI one too, but not as much as the cheesy live action ones, god I loved those ones.

What do you mean? Footsoldiers were always robots

Originally Posted by wikipedia

Over the years, Saki, who became known as The Shredder, moved to the USA, allied himself with the alien warlord Krang, and replaced the human Foot Ninja with robotic Foot Soldiers.

(emphasis added)! Anything else is naught but lies and chicanery!

(Edit: Source of Quote! Ooh, yeah, take that! Buuuuurrrrrrrnnnn.... ... ... yeah I've no idea where I was going with that either.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

*sigh*

Alright I am gonna commit seppuku. Who wants to join me? There'll be Kool-Aid!

[Magus]

They could blow up the Technodrome at the end. But that means that Krang and Bebop and the Technodrome will be in it and that will just lead to horribleness in the hands of Bay, since more competent people couldn't even handle it (and those "competent" people were people writing for a children's cartoon, so you know Bay's bad!

[Marc v4.0]

You'd think the man was Uwe or something, jesus

[Wigmund]

If Krang is in the Bay Turtle movie, he damn well better have his android body.

However, since this is gonna be a Bay movie...who's up to play April O'Neil?

[Donomni]

You know, I'm gonna be hopeful about this.

Mostly because I enjoyed the Transformers movies and I have lower-middle-class tastes in quality.

But, honestly, I don't think he'll ruin it. Hell, I don't think he can(Not completely, anyways). I mean, besides not ever having enough explosions, TMNT kinda lends itself to his insanity. He turns his movies into saturday morning cartoons, and TMNT more-or-less is a saturday morning cartoon.

[bluestarultor]

All I can think of is my future reaction if I ever see this:

"Wha?! But- but shurikens don't explode! What the- oh, my God, shaky-cam! I think I'm going to hurl! Is- is that- that is TOTALLY NOT HOW MIKEY TALKS! HE ISN'T RAPH! YOU ARE RUINING EVERYTHING!"

Then it just cuts to me curled up on the floor of the movie theater while the credits roll, crying, feeling so, so dirty and used.




In all seriousness, Michael Bay is wrong for this material. He got away with Transformers because he could do a lot of explosions and fill it up with tanks and push trying to nail the iconic characters by the wayside in favor of a generic human story. He bullshat his way through most of it. You just can't do that with the Turtles. Every person with any experience with the franchise, meaning pretty much every person who was neither a coma patient nor living under a rock, and especially every person thirty and younger, is probably going to see it and see it manhandled. Turtles, in any continuity, is an icon in its own right, and unlike Transformers, it's something that has a near-universal market. You simply do not grow up without them. I honestly don't think Bay can handle that faithfully.

[Aerozord]

who wants to bet April is reduced to one-dimensional love interest.

and that the Turtles are used more as a plot device then as the stars