That movie about Jason Statham and some old guy from '80s throwing knives at Cubans

Magus · 08-14-2010, 01:28 AM

or maybe they weren't Cubans but it was basically supposed to be like Cuba, except it was led by Detective Angel from Dexter instead of Castro and Salvatore Maroni from The Dark Knight was his secret boss.

I couldn't understand anything anyone said in this film. There was this scene where the old fat guy spoke in some kind of weird guttural English and had a conversation with Jet Li in this truck about how Jet Li needs more money because he's shorter (that was about all I could figure out) before they started getting chased by Dolph Lundgren for some reason and I couldn't understand anything anyone said.

Actually even when people in this movie spoke plain English I couldn't figure out what they were talking about. Like I heard a lot of lines that sounded suspiciously like they might be jokes or one-liners but they either didn't make sense or were really awful. Some of them made absolutely no sense at all, I don't know if the director is American or not. If you see the movie you'll know what I mean, there are entire conversations that go around in circles between this elite fighting team and then they just sort of end out of nowhere when Jason Statham says something like "maybe you should've polished your shoes better!" and everyone starts laughing like the other guy totally just got told.

Like there was some scene where Bruce Willis was talking to Arnold Schwarzzenagger and this old guy and I could understand what Bruce Willis was saying but without the context of what the other two guys were saying I was a bit lost. Also there was this point where both Schwarzzenagger and the old guy said "That's right" (I think) because they both knew it was right, but then Willis said, "That's right" too, even though he WOULDN'T know. It was really weird.

Anyway, this is one of the more exciting foreign films I've seen this year (at times, a lot of the action was actually not very good if it didn't involve Jet Li or Jason Statham) but I wish it had subtitles so I could understand what people in it were saying, especially that old guy with the beard. He kinda looks like that guy from Rocky but if that guy aged about 40 years and failed to attend even one speech therapy class in all that time, which I find unthinkable.

Anyway, this movie is called The Expendables, I think. I wouldn't recommend seeing it in theaters, I think we should wait until the DVD is available so we can watch it with English subtitles.

Marc v4.0 · 08-14-2010, 02:05 AM

Maybe you need new ears, mine heard everything just fine.

I mean, I guess it could be a joke about Sly, but it isn't funny so I can't tell.

Azisien · 08-14-2010, 02:11 AM

Magus, you made this movie sound like everything I ever wanted it to be. I thank you.

Magus · 08-14-2010, 02:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marc v1.0

Maybe you need new ears, mine heard everything just fine.

I mean, I guess it could be a joke about Sly, but it isn't funny so I can't tell.

Maybe you could translate this movie for me, then? Like I didn't understand any of the jokes except Willis asking Schwarzzenagger and the old guy if "they're going to suck each other's dick."

What is a Sly?

Marc v4.0 · 08-14-2010, 05:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magus

Maybe you could translate this movie for me, then? Like I didn't understand any of the jokes except Willis asking Schwarzzenagger and the old guy if "they're going to suck each other's dick."

What is a Sly?

I think maybe you just had your Baddass meter blown out by the movie, that has to be the problem

Stallone. He's sometimes called Sly Stallone.

Darth SS · 08-14-2010, 05:55 PM

Holy shit holy shit holy shit.

I saw this last night. I absolutely loved the crap out of it. It appeals to that 8 year old inside of me that can't get over how unbelievably cool explosions are. This is the kind of movie you go to if you are okay with shutting your brain off for a while and just having stupid mindless fun. Because that's what this is, it's not cultured or refined or particularly intelligent, but god help me it's an absolute blast to watch.

Highlights include...

Terry Crews, the guy that preceded Old Spice Guy, mowing down an army with an automatic shotgun whilst yelling in that way only he can.

Jet Li getting all up in Dolph Lundgren's grill before fighting in an abandoned factory.

Randy Couture having a fist fight with Stone Cold Steve Austin in a ring of fire.

Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham killing, like, 30 guys with a pair of knives and some elbow grease.

Do you like seeing things go boom? Do you have an innate hatred of that fucking hipster who says calming down and talking about things is the solution to all of life's woes? Have you ever just wanted to fuck it all, drive 190KM down the highway, shoot fucking huge guns, freak out on someone at work, eat a red steak with potatoes and no fucking salad before burning your girlfriend's entire collection of Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan movies while rock and roll blasts in the background? This the movie for you. It appeals to the most basic, guttural and violent tendencies of you, and is completely unashamed of that fact.

Fifthfiend · 08-14-2010, 06:06 PM

I so badly want to see this in theaters but Governor Fuckface is in it so I gotta wait until I can steal it

Magus · 08-14-2010, 06:13 PM

It was just a cameo, they probably didn't even pay him. Although I don't think it was worth seeing in theaters, personally, except for about three to four scenes, and the dialogue was awful at best.

THIS IS ME NOT JOKING BECAUSE WE CAN'T JOKE ABOUT SUCH A GREAT STALLONE MOVIE, AMIRITE? IRITE.

Darth SS · 08-15-2010, 12:01 AM

Did anyone else notice the first time they were in the airplane that Sylvester Stallone's hat displayed the Fail-Whale from Twitter?

Nique · 08-15-2010, 12:11 AM

Quote:

I so badly want to see this in theaters but Governor Fuckface is in it so I gotta wait until I can steal it

Ethical theivery?

'The Expendables' is about a decade and a half too late and about 4-5 action stars short. I came up with this idea back in like, 5th grade.

08-14-2010, 01:28 AM	#1
Magus Archer and Armstrong vs. the World Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 7,164	That movie about Jason Statham and some old guy from '80s throwing knives at Cubans or maybe they weren't Cubans but it was basically supposed to be like Cuba, except it was led by Detective Angel from Dexter instead of Castro and Salvatore Maroni from The Dark Knight was his secret boss. I couldn't understand anything anyone said in this film. There was this scene where the old fat guy spoke in some kind of weird guttural English and had a conversation with Jet Li in this truck about how Jet Li needs more money because he's shorter (that was about all I could figure out) before they started getting chased by Dolph Lundgren for some reason and I couldn't understand anything anyone said. Actually even when people in this movie spoke plain English I couldn't figure out what they were talking about. Like I heard a lot of lines that sounded suspiciously like they might be jokes or one-liners but they either didn't make sense or were really awful. Some of them made absolutely no sense at all, I don't know if the director is American or not. If you see the movie you'll know what I mean, there are entire conversations that go around in circles between this elite fighting team and then they just sort of end out of nowhere when Jason Statham says something like "maybe you should've polished your shoes better!" and everyone starts laughing like the other guy totally just got told. Like there was some scene where Bruce Willis was talking to Arnold Schwarzzenagger and this old guy and I could understand what Bruce Willis was saying but without the context of what the other two guys were saying I was a bit lost. Also there was this point where both Schwarzzenagger and the old guy said "That's right" (I think) because they both knew it was right, but then Willis said, "That's right" too, even though he WOULDN'T know. It was really weird. Anyway, this is one of the more exciting foreign films I've seen this year (at times, a lot of the action was actually not very good if it didn't involve Jet Li or Jason Statham) but I wish it had subtitles so I could understand what people in it were saying, especially that old guy with the beard. He kinda looks like that guy from Rocky but if that guy aged about 40 years and failed to attend even one speech therapy class in all that time, which I find unthinkable. Anyway, this movie is called The Expendables, I think. I wouldn't recommend seeing it in theaters, I think we should wait until the DVD is available so we can watch it with English subtitles.

08-14-2010, 02:05 AM	#2
Marc v4.0 Fight Me, Nerds Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3,470	Maybe you need new ears, mine heard everything just fine. I mean, I guess it could be a joke about Sly, but it isn't funny so I can't tell. __________________

08-14-2010, 06:06 PM	#7
Fifthfiend for all seasons Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 19,409	I so badly want to see this in theaters but Governor Fuckface is in it so I gotta wait until I can steal it __________________ check out my buttspresso

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08-14-2010, 02:11 AM	#3
Azisien wat Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,177	Magus, you made this movie sound like everything I ever wanted it to be. I thank you.

08-14-2010, 06:13 PM	#8
Magus Archer and Armstrong vs. the World Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 7,164	It was just a cameo, they probably didn't even pay him. Although I don't think it was worth seeing in theaters, personally, except for about three to four scenes, and the dialogue was awful at best. THIS IS ME NOT JOKING BECAUSE WE CAN'T JOKE ABOUT SUCH A GREAT STALLONE MOVIE, AMIRITE? IRITE.