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Unread 08-05-2012, 02:56 PM   #1
Professor Smarmiarty
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Movies Let's review movies
I'm watching lots of movies- Imma review them. You can do.
Donnie Darko: Primer if it sucked. 0
Suburbia: Clerks plus Ulysses. 1
On the Road: Badlands shot by a computer. 1
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Unread 08-05-2012, 03:36 PM   #2
A Zarkin' Frood
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What scale are you using? Is it a shittiness scale? Where 0 is the least shitty and 10 the most shitty? And all of those movies are considered shitty by you and you just reserve the higher scores for Coen movies? I'm not sure, please explain your ratings system.

On a scale from 0 to 10 where 0 is a little shitty and 10 is fucking disgusting
The Big Lebowski: So fucking boring to watch - 6
Fargo: No Country for Old Men but with snow instead of sand and has a woodchipper - 10
No Country for Old Men: Fargo but with sand instead of snow and a psycho with a gimmicky weapon - 9
Avatar: It looks nice, I guess. Actually it hurts my eyes and the story is boring as shit, also it's way too long even in the shortest cut - 6

Note: I lowered The Big Lebowski from a 8 to a 5 because it's actually better than Avatar.
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Unread 08-05-2012, 03:37 PM   #3
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how about you rate stuff you like for once, barrelhead?
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There are no features that I possess, physical, mental or social in me, that would ground this decision of yours except in the most horrible of tastes.
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Unread 08-05-2012, 03:44 PM   #4
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I am using the SmartyScale (tm). It has 2 points
0- Not worth your time
1- Worth your time.
This is not a direct indicator of quality, I can dislike a film and give it a 1- it is an indicator of whether the film challenges itself and has some factor to recommend a watch.
the worst movie ever made Fight Club gets a 1 on the SmartyScale.

More reviews of recent films:
The Shooting- Less acid but more western than El Topo 1
Oceans 12- Did they forget they were making a movie? 0
The Five Obstructions- How to fight internet trolling if you are a classic film director 1
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Unread 08-05-2012, 04:02 PM   #5
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That's actually a surprisingly good rating system. I much prefer it over the 5 out of 5 bullshit so many professionals embrace.
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Unread 08-05-2012, 06:55 PM   #6
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Maybe it would best in conjunction with a 1-10 system. Like you give a movie a 3 to symbolize that it's crap but also a one to symbolize that you should still watch it.
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Unread 08-05-2012, 07:31 PM   #7
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I am in love with smarty's rating system.

Real Steal: The Champ + Transformers, heavy on the Transformers. Almost certainly a 0.

The Dark Knight Rises: Legend of Korra in that it fails at social commentary in almost exactly the same way + basically any other movie that fetishizes police and/or the military. Still pretty much a 1.
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Unread 08-05-2012, 07:34 PM   #8
A Zarkin' Frood
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A Zarkin' Frood is facing every kind of danger imaginable - and loving it! A Zarkin' Frood is facing every kind of danger imaginable - and loving it! A Zarkin' Frood is facing every kind of danger imaginable - and loving it! A Zarkin' Frood is facing every kind of danger imaginable - and loving it! A Zarkin' Frood is facing every kind of danger imaginable - and loving it! A Zarkin' Frood is facing every kind of danger imaginable - and loving it! A Zarkin' Frood is facing every kind of danger imaginable - and loving it! A Zarkin' Frood is facing every kind of danger imaginable - and loving it! A Zarkin' Frood is facing every kind of danger imaginable - and loving it!
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I think adding a ten point rating system would be besides the point, because then you'd have expectations. Even a shitty movie can be enjoyable if you don't expect much of it. Smarty's system is ace, and everyone should use it.
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Unread 08-05-2012, 08:52 PM   #9
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My Neighbor Totoro: Nothing really happens, but it's pretty and catbus is the best idea ever. Still, nothing happens. Ratings are how THE MAN gets you.
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Unread 08-05-2012, 09:24 PM   #10
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I like how Smarty rates movies I haven't seen, with other movies I haven't seen.
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