CGI Remake of Brave Little Toaster with talking iPhone to make us wish we were dead

Magus · 09-14-2012, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The A.V. Club

Waterman Entertainment�producer of all three Alvin And The Chipmunks films, and the company who is to your beloved childhood entertainment what the death of a grandparent is to childhood itself�has acquired the rights to Disney's The Brave Little Toaster, with plans to turn the 1987 film into the sort of CGI/live-action hybrid that has repeatedly revealed the cavernous void hiding behind so many a falsely warm, two-dimensional fa�ade. "Waterman has raised a development fund to acquire, option and develop well-recognized family properties and brands that adhere to specific elements that we deem suitable to create CGI/live action hybrid films with potential for licensing and merchandising," the company's co-manager Tucker Waterman told The Wrap, briefly aware that he was unable to pinpoint exactly when he stopped having human feelings.

To that end, Waterman adds, the well-recognized brand that is Brave Little Toaster has been deemed to have specific, suitable elements that can be useful for merchandising, such as the potential for incorporating into its assemblage of adorably anthropomorphic appliances "technology that didn�t exist back in 1987, including the iPhone." Additions like this�combined with semi-topical cultural references, and perhaps a musical sequence set to an '80s pop song�will create the synergistic cross-promotional entertainment that today's children so enjoy, and which generate the sort of profits for the Watermans that continue to prevent them from peering into the abysmal depths of their own soullessness and discovering that they, too, are little more than talking machines.

"The company is focused on the exploitation of each property on multiple platforms in addition to and in coordination with the films," Waterman added, frowning as he fleetingly, involuntarily remembered a day when he was a carefree child who experienced pure joy, before the thought was replaced once more by a comforting black void.

Note: Despite being written satirically to make this life-destroying news slightly less sharp as it stabs into the very core of our being, tears off a big juicy chunk, and casts it into a dark abyss from which no light can escape, and the A.V. Club being a sister site of the Onion, this is not a joke. It is being made, and Waterman really said all that.

Weep. WEEP.

mauve · 09-14-2012, 09:36 PM

....Brave Little Toaster was a Disney movie? I didn't know that. If that's true, I have serious doubts that Disney would hand over their precious, precious intellectual property so that some other studio can potentially make money off it. I figure Disney would rather just make their own crappy live action/cgi remake with it.

Meister · 09-15-2012, 02:01 AM

Hand that shit over to Pixar, make billions of bucks.

POS Industries · 09-15-2012, 08:24 PM

They already made a CGI remake of Brave Little Toaster.

Bum Bill Bee · 09-15-2012, 08:24 PM

Huh, I didn't know the Brave Little Toaster was even that popular. Balls, I don't recollect anything about that series except the scary junkyard scene in the first film.

Nique · 10-03-2012, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by POS Industries

They already made a CGI remake of Brave Little Toaster.

The concept is basicaly identicle, yes. Actually I thought I had heard a log of the people were invovled or that there was some other link between the too (aside from it being Disney)

Magus · 10-03-2012, 08:00 PM

I think the guy who wrote the Brave Little Toaster movie/adapted the script from the original book, also wrote Toy Story 1 (which, much as the third movie was even closer to the Brave Little Toaster's plot line than Toy Story 1, was still pretty similar to the Brave Little Toaster, in that Woody, the lovable nostalgic old-fashioned toy, is threatened by the introduction of a new, futuristic, modern toy, AND also involved a plot where they were trying to get back to their owner), before he was fired by Disney back in the day when something or other didn't do as well as they expected. So he didn't write Toy Story 3, but he wrote the first Toy Story, which basically had a similar concept as the third, except the third was even more stark since he totally abandoned all the toys because he got older, much like the guy in Brave Little Toaster.

Betty Elms · 10-05-2012, 10:54 AM

Haha, holy shit that's amazing. I just love sentences like "Waterman has raised a development fund to acquire, option and develop well-recognized family properties and brands that adhere to specific elements that we deem suitable to create CGI/live action hybrid films with potential for licensing and merchandising," because it makes me envious of the sort of focused monolithic sense of purpose that must come from not caring about anything.

Krylo · 10-05-2012, 04:54 PM

Except money.

09-14-2012, 09:36 PM	#2
mauve So Dreamy Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Someplace magical Posts: 6,863	....Brave Little Toaster was a Disney movie? I didn't know that. If that's true, I have serious doubts that Disney would hand over their precious, precious intellectual property so that some other studio can potentially make money off it. I figure Disney would rather just make their own crappy live action/cgi remake with it. __________________ Yoo Hoo!

09-15-2012, 08:24 PM	#4
POS Industries Argus Agony Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Gotta go fishing! Posts: 10,483	They already made a CGI remake of Brave Little Toaster. __________________ Either you're dead or my watch has stopped.

10-05-2012, 04:54 PM	#9
Krylo The Straightest Shota Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: It's a secret to everybody. Posts: 17,789	Except money. __________________ I am very tired.

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09-15-2012, 02:01 AM	#3
Meister Pure joy Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Germany Posts: 10,689	Hand that shit over to Pixar, make billions of bucks.

09-15-2012, 08:24 PM	#5
Bum Bill Bee Boo Buddy Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 454	Huh, I didn't know the Brave Little Toaster was even that popular. Balls, I don't recollect anything about that series except the scary junkyard scene in the first film.

10-03-2012, 08:00 PM	#7
Magus Archer and Armstrong vs. the World Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 7,164	I think the guy who wrote the Brave Little Toaster movie/adapted the script from the original book, also wrote Toy Story 1 (which, much as the third movie was even closer to the Brave Little Toaster's plot line than Toy Story 1, was still pretty similar to the Brave Little Toaster, in that Woody, the lovable nostalgic old-fashioned toy, is threatened by the introduction of a new, futuristic, modern toy, AND also involved a plot where they were trying to get back to their owner), before he was fired by Disney back in the day when something or other didn't do as well as they expected. So he didn't write Toy Story 3, but he wrote the first Toy Story, which basically had a similar concept as the third, except the third was even more stark since he totally abandoned all the toys because he got older, much like the guy in Brave Little Toaster.

10-05-2012, 10:54 AM	#8
Betty Elms a little adventure goes a lawn way Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 207	Haha, holy shit that's amazing. I just love sentences like "Waterman has raised a development fund to acquire, option and develop well-recognized family properties and brands that adhere to specific elements that we deem suitable to create CGI/live action hybrid films with potential for licensing and merchandising," because it makes me envious of the sort of focused monolithic sense of purpose that must come from not caring about anything.