I need advice from a girl

nintendo-fanboy · 05-22-2006, 03:22 PM

There is this girl. Her name is Kara. I've known her since early grade school and I have fallen in love with her. I tried going out with her but some things outside of my control messed things up and we broke up. I want to tell her how I feel and this is what I was planning. I was gonna go to her house and we were gonna walk over to the local park where going to walk for a little bit and talk. This i somewhat along the lines of what I am gonna say. I don't want it to be a speach. I want it to be from the heart.
I am gonna find a bench or something and cup her hands in mine. Then I am gonna say " Kara. We have knoen each other for a long time. And durring that time we have had a lot of fun. When we tried dating before, stuff happened that messed things up between us and it crushed me when we had to split up. WEll, all these years I've been waiting to tell you and it is that I love you. I know you may not feel the same way as I do but want you to know that I love you and nothing on earth can change that. All I want in life is for you to be happy; with or without me. I think you are the most beautiful girl in the world and I love everything about you.I really love you. This is from my heart. I just needed to tell you how I felt and hope that yu feel the same way.
Then I will ask her how she feels.
How does all that sound? Any special thing to wear or say differently?

Mesden · 05-22-2006, 04:08 PM

Bumping is a nono and so is double posting.

But, I'll tell you this. We aren't you. We aren't Kara. We don't know your relationship fully. We don't know who you really are or what you're like. And if you want it to come from the heart, then make it come from your own.

Your heart is not our words. Our advice isn't you and you'd be lying to her to do what we say and change something about yourself.

But, if you want my most unchanging advice...Muster some courage, try to look nice and don't go in with a memorized speach. Let it be spontaneous. It's not from your heart if you plan it out, it's from your head. (And I swear, if some ass comes in and says something about the heart being a blood pumping organ, they will be branded as an ass forever. FOREVER.)

Saying what you feel now isn't the same as being with her and saying it. Feelings can't get more intense or less and THAT'S how you feel with her, not when you're writing something down.

My advice to you.

shiney · 05-22-2006, 04:31 PM

Bringing on the love word is more than likely going to freak her out, just for reference. You went out for a little while and it didn't work out, back then...but you have no real basis in a long-term romantic relationship with her to justify love per se, it could be said you lust after her (non-sexually perhaps) or that you don't understand it as much. Your heart cries love in the beginning, it cries love in the middle as well though, and continues...the feeling of love is very different from the feelings of euphoria in the beginning. Especially in that I, personally, can find absolutely no way to define what exactly it is. It is a lot of things, and at times it is none of those very same things. Very weird.

I have no doubt of your care for this Kara, but I would suggest that you do speak from the heart but do not pledge your undying love for her. It's too strong, it's too soon, in my opinion.

TheSpacePope · 05-22-2006, 05:40 PM

The walk is a good Idea, But I'd agree with shiney
Don't use the L-word yet.

I'll tell you some advice a friend of mine gave me long ago.

Be Cool-Meaning don't act nervous, hold yourself with confidence
Be interesting-Talk about stuff she likes, and stuff you liked to do together, stuff that was fun the first time you went out.
Be yourself-(Self explanitory)
Be out.-Don't stay too long, because you may very well wear out your welcome.

icythaco · 05-22-2006, 06:47 PM

My advice is this: First of all, I am in full agreement with Shiny and TheSpacePope; you need to ease into any sort of relationship...and besides, "pledges of undying love" can be very akward and offputting to someone who doesn't want to rush headfirst into a serious long-term social commitment.

Other than that, my suggestion is to always take full responsibillity for anything that might have caused the previous split in your relationship; Apologize profusely for any percieved slight you might have made, real or imagined, and take full blame for whatever problems you two might have had in the past, no matter who you think is really at fault.

Fifthfiend · 05-22-2006, 07:44 PM

Well, if it's advice from a girl you're after, I think this should pretty much have you covered.

In particular,

Quote:

at fifteen, what you're feeling is not love but rampaging weasel lust, and the sooner you understand and accept this, the easier life will become for you.

Think about it.

Mirai Gen · 05-23-2006, 01:51 AM

Fifthfiend puts it bluntly, and accurately. Boys and girls at 15 are more confused and conflicted than anything, and gripping concepts like love is completely foreign.

You should probably just back off and try and get a grip on yourself.

BUT, given how I also was once fifteen and convinced I was in love, I'll give you this; slow. Very. Very. Very slow. Don't be pushy. The pushier you are, the more she'll get scared.

Zeldias · 05-23-2006, 09:45 AM

Scared? Gosh.

Just don't be a fool and run up to her saying you're in love with her. That's a sure fire way to lose. Back when I was fifteen there was a girl I was head over heels for (Actually maybe younger. About when did Legend of Legaia come out? Sadly, release dates help me keep track of events in my life at times), so I understand how you're feeling.

Here's the thing to know, for all relationships, whether you're starting one, trying to get one, or are in one (and it even works for all ages!): the keys are Communication and Participation. Talk, be open, be honest, and be yourself, and even if you're a little nervous, just try not to worry about it and just let yourself go. Try and be involved in things she's interested in, and get her involved in stuff you're interested in; doesn't need to be everything, but at least let her know what you like. I'm a fighting game freak, and when I told my girlfriend they're taking KoF XI out of my local arcade, she gasped because she knows I go there to play everyday. She might not play it herself, but Communication and Participation got her to understand how much it matters to me, dig? Tell her you love her once you guys are really close and she knows that you're already into her.

Also, because I'm an English major, I enjoy being, perhaps needlessly, verbose.

Dragonsbane · 05-23-2006, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shiney

you lust after her (non-sexually perhaps)

It's possible to lust after someone non-sexually? I thought lust was the desire to perform the delightfully pleasureable act of mating, which by necessity includes sex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheSpacePope

Be Cool-Meaning don't act nervous, hold yourself with confidence

Be yourself-(Self explanitory)

Sometimes, these things are mutually exclusive.:p

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mirai Gen

Fifthfiend puts it bluntly, and accurately. Boys and girls at 15 are more confused and conflicted than anything, and gripping concepts like love is completely foreign.

You should probably just back off and try and get a grip on yourself.

BUT, given how I also was once fifteen and convinced I was in love, I'll give you this; slow. Very. Very. Very slow. Don't be pushy. The pushier you are, the more she'll get scared.

Mirai is absolutely correct, this is coincidentally why I never sought a girlfriend until I was sure I actually loved her...after the first horrific train-wreck that was my first crush at your age.

Love is a scary, scary thing to be approached with. Take it easy, give it time. You'll probably screw up, because giving it time is absolutely the most difficult thing there is to do, and you don't want to be trapped in the "Friend Zone".

shiney · 05-23-2006, 11:34 AM

I say non-sexually because it's unlikely to be real love, yet it's not so simple as that he wants to put his fun bits into her fun bits. It is affection, and in a sense it is lust - lust is desire in it's most basic form, as far as I am concerned.

Most people in this thread are pretty right on in saying just don't rush in. Never rush in for that matter, even if this weren't to work out for you. Avoid rushing.

05-22-2006, 03:22 PM	#1
nintendo-fanboy Goomba Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 10	I need advice from a girl There is this girl. Her name is Kara. I've known her since early grade school and I have fallen in love with her. I tried going out with her but some things outside of my control messed things up and we broke up. I want to tell her how I feel and this is what I was planning. I was gonna go to her house and we were gonna walk over to the local park where going to walk for a little bit and talk. This i somewhat along the lines of what I am gonna say. I don't want it to be a speach. I want it to be from the heart. I am gonna find a bench or something and cup her hands in mine. Then I am gonna say " Kara. We have knoen each other for a long time. And durring that time we have had a lot of fun. When we tried dating before, stuff happened that messed things up between us and it crushed me when we had to split up. WEll, all these years I've been waiting to tell you and it is that I love you. I know you may not feel the same way as I do but want you to know that I love you and nothing on earth can change that. All I want in life is for you to be happy; with or without me. I think you are the most beautiful girl in the world and I love everything about you.I really love you. This is from my heart. I just needed to tell you how I felt and hope that yu feel the same way. Then I will ask her how she feels. How does all that sound? Any special thing to wear or say differently? Last edited by nintendo-fanboy; 05-22-2006 at 03:28 PM.

05-22-2006, 04:08 PM	#2
Mesden There is no Toph, only Melon Lord! Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Inside of a box inside of a smaller box Posts: 4,310	Bumping is a nono and so is double posting. But, I'll tell you this. We aren't you. We aren't Kara. We don't know your relationship fully. We don't know who you really are or what you're like. And if you want it to come from the heart, then make it come from your own. Your heart is not our words. Our advice isn't you and you'd be lying to her to do what we say and change something about yourself. But, if you want my most unchanging advice...Muster some courage, try to look nice and don't go in with a memorized speach. Let it be spontaneous. It's not from your heart if you plan it out, it's from your head. (And I swear, if some ass comes in and says something about the heart being a blood pumping organ, they will be branded as an ass forever. FOREVER.) Saying what you feel now isn't the same as being with her and saying it. Feelings can't get more intense or less and THAT'S how you feel with her, not when you're writing something down. My advice to you. __________________ I can tell you're lying.

05-22-2006, 04:31 PM	#3
shiney Derrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The land of fartz and buttz Posts: 8,266	Bringing on the love word is more than likely going to freak her out, just for reference. You went out for a little while and it didn't work out, back then...but you have no real basis in a long-term romantic relationship with her to justify love per se, it could be said you lust after her (non-sexually perhaps) or that you don't understand it as much. Your heart cries love in the beginning, it cries love in the middle as well though, and continues...the feeling of love is very different from the feelings of euphoria in the beginning. Especially in that I, personally, can find absolutely no way to define what exactly it is. It is a lot of things, and at times it is none of those very same things. Very weird. I have no doubt of your care for this Kara, but I would suggest that you do speak from the heart but do not pledge your undying love for her. It's too strong, it's too soon, in my opinion. __________________ boop

05-22-2006, 05:40 PM	#4
TheSpacePope Gigity Join Date: May 2005 Location: Lincoln. Nebraska Posts: 1,536	The walk is a good Idea, But I'd agree with shiney Don't use the L-word yet. I'll tell you some advice a friend of mine gave me long ago. Be Cool-Meaning don't act nervous, hold yourself with confidence Be interesting-Talk about stuff she likes, and stuff you liked to do together, stuff that was fun the first time you went out. Be yourself-(Self explanitory) Be out.-Don't stay too long, because you may very well wear out your welcome. __________________ Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

05-22-2006, 06:47 PM	#5
icythaco Funcraft II: "Let's all get along!" Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: I erased my exact whereabouts from googleEarth Posts: 665	My advice is this: First of all, I am in full agreement with Shiny and TheSpacePope; you need to ease into any sort of relationship...and besides, "pledges of undying love" can be very akward and offputting to someone who doesn't want to rush headfirst into a serious long-term social commitment. Other than that, my suggestion is to always take full responsibillity for anything that might have caused the previous split in your relationship; Apologize profusely for any percieved slight you might have made, real or imagined, and take full blame for whatever problems you two might have had in the past, no matter who you think is really at fault. __________________ Due to several pending lawsuits, Blizzard's long anticipated next installment in the famed Starcraft series, Starcraft II, has been renamed "Funcraft II". In addition, according to a Blizzard spokesman, the game will no longer focus on interstellar battle but will instead be centered around the idea of nonviolent conflict resolution, with the game's ultimate goal being to bring about interstellar harmony.

05-23-2006, 01:51 AM	#7
Mirai Gen We are Geth. Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 14,032	Fifthfiend puts it bluntly, and accurately. Boys and girls at 15 are more confused and conflicted than anything, and gripping concepts like love is completely foreign. You should probably just back off and try and get a grip on yourself. BUT, given how I also was once fifteen and convinced I was in love, I'll give you this; slow. Very. Very. Very slow. Don't be pushy. The pushier you are, the more she'll get scared. __________________

05-23-2006, 09:45 AM	#8
Zeldias Drifter Extraordinare Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 43	Scared? Gosh. Just don't be a fool and run up to her saying you're in love with her. That's a sure fire way to lose. Back when I was fifteen there was a girl I was head over heels for (Actually maybe younger. About when did Legend of Legaia come out? Sadly, release dates help me keep track of events in my life at times), so I understand how you're feeling. Here's the thing to know, for all relationships, whether you're starting one, trying to get one, or are in one (and it even works for all ages!): the keys are Communication and Participation. Talk, be open, be honest, and be yourself, and even if you're a little nervous, just try not to worry about it and just let yourself go. Try and be involved in things she's interested in, and get her involved in stuff you're interested in; doesn't need to be everything, but at least let her know what you like. I'm a fighting game freak, and when I told my girlfriend they're taking KoF XI out of my local arcade, she gasped because she knows I go there to play everyday. She might not play it herself, but Communication and Participation got her to understand how much it matters to me, dig? Tell her you love her once you guys are really close and she knows that you're already into her. Also, because I'm an English major, I enjoy being, perhaps needlessly, verbose.

05-23-2006, 11:34 AM	#10
shiney Derrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The land of fartz and buttz Posts: 8,266	I say non-sexually because it's unlikely to be real love, yet it's not so simple as that he wants to put his fun bits into her fun bits. It is affection, and in a sense it is lust - lust is desire in it's most basic form, as far as I am concerned. Most people in this thread are pretty right on in saying just don't rush in. Never rush in for that matter, even if this weren't to work out for you. Avoid rushing. __________________ boop