NPF Avatars 5 - Another Version Of The Truth

[POS Industries]

Meanwhile, back in NPF Avatars IV....

POS took a sip from the can of Cherry Coke, looking down through the employee lounge window upon the loading team as they finished readying the glowing canister onto the transport. The contents within, some high-energy material from the comet currently traveling past the NPF, had been analyzed as thoroughly as possible in the short time afforded them during the current situation and appeared to be the final piece of the puzzle necessary to power the machine....

"Pe-chan, are you ready to go?" the android Rei asked of Pedro as she entered the room, "The other NPFers are nearly out of the Fire Temple and we need to leave soon if we're to meet them before they head to the Shadow Temple."

"Sure, sure, one sec," POS nodded, drinking down the last of his soda and throwing away the can, "We're sure the chaos shards won't react badly to the hyperlink transport?"

Rei looked out through the window herself. "Probably. The canister's pretty well protected. Assuming Arhra and the others save the day this time, there shouldn't be any major hiccups."

"Well, then we'll have to make all the arrangements for my coming out party. Creating a manmade god and heralding in a new reign over the NPF seems like something for which you plan a whole major event, you know? Not to mention create an excuse to get all your potential threats together in one place to wipe them out," Pedro grinned as he grabbed his coat.

"Well, what about another grand adventure?"

"Hm, that could work," POS considered aloud, "but nobody'd buy me assembling the Avengers to save the world or whatever. Maybe invite them all for, I dunno, an arena tournament and then have the major crisis pop up from there. We'll have to create the threat ourselves and pin it on some other schmuck, of course...."

At that moment, the two of them became aware of the man behind them, who had just started pounding on the snack machine that had eaten his change.

"You stupid piece of garbage!" the stout, balding man in the labcoat whined, "Give me my damn Cheetos!"

POS studied the man curiously studied the man for a moment, before continuing his conversation with Rei, "What do we have as far as mind control? You know, hypnotic suggestion, sleeper agent induction, that sort of thing?"

"We've got a few things available," she answered, "What do you have in mind?"

"All of it and right now," Pedro informed her before walking over the man, "Excuse me, guy with his arm jammed up the snack machine. What's your name?"

"Um, D-Doukhobor, sir," the guy stammered, quickly pulling his arm from the machine and getting to his feet, "Doug Doukhobor. What, uh, what can I do for you, Mr. O'Sullivan?"

"Well, Dougie," POS continued warmly, putting his arm around Doug's shoulder and walking him out of the room, "How would you be interested in a promotion? I believe we might have a position as the Robotics Director that you might really enjoy...."

------------------------------------------------------------

The restaurant shaking all around them, the staff at Denny's were quite obviously in a state of panic at their current situation. Had there been any customers, perhaps the trepidation would have been doubly so. Luckily it was just a couple fry cooks and a few waitresses at the moment.

Well, it was really always like that there.

"It's an earthquake, Myrtle! We've got to get out of here!"

"No no no, Rose! You have to stand under a doorway or hunker down in the bathtub!"

"Bathtub? That's tornadoes! And there isn't even a tub in the place!"

"Oh, right, right.... Well, what if we ju--"

At that moment, the ground around the restaurant gave way as the concrete shell that had been erected around Gaia broke apart under the strain and were devoured by the dark, empty tendrils that had grown out from Pedros Nihilem as the final stage in his ascension to godhood commenced. Light finally shined down upon the true surface of Gaia for the first time in over a year as the massive parking lot was torn apart above it.

Despite the further questions asked of him by the assembled NPFers as they themselves battled the panicked hordes of Gaians while the world around them was torn asunder, Nihilem had become much too involved in his "birth" to answer at this point.

Rei, on the other hand, didn't have much to do at the moment. Opening a hyperlink portal, she threw Pedro's lifeless human body into it and dropped down next to Mauve, erecting a shield bubble around the two of them and deflecting the several Gaians who were lunging at the mage at that very moment.

"Well, since you asked nicely," the android began to inform her, "Pe-chan's trying to take over the NPF, a goal in which most of you would undoubtedly try to stop. To that end, he used the resources and knowledge gained throughout the past two of your adventures to become a god and destroy you in one fell swoop. We would have actually done this at Pe-chan's funeral, but Dougie decided to spill the beans and so we moved this on ahead. Neat, huh?"

[Inbred Chocobo]

IC tossed another Gaian into a crowd of them, in a crude form of bowling. "Gah, why the freak are there so many?" IC shouted in fustration, punching another one's face in. The he grabbed a third one, and hurled it at Rei's shield, which broke the Gaian's neck on impact. "Rei! What the hell did Pedro do with that bloody wand? You know, the one he picked up at a pawn shop for like 8 dollars?" IC asked. He was getting sick of being here. Though if he got that wand there was something he could do about it.

Then he ripped off an arm of a Gaian and beat another one to death with it. Then hurled the bones into a couple of others, taking them out. Then he kicked another one into the crowd, and did the whole bowling strike thing again.

[Bailey]

After Rei had tossed Pedro's lifeless husk through the portal, it spontaneously turned from red to blue, and then on to purple. Then, it began crackling strangely and turned blue again, and then back to red, indicating that it had become something new, and that now... it was IN USE.

Great horrible tentacles, each ending in a key, reached out and gripped the sides. The writhing mass heaved and Keygod spilled forth, ending on the ground where it crushed several flamers and frightened a horde of fuku soldiers.

"I sense the birth of another god. I was wondering if you'd care to work together for birthday party planning and suchlike? I figure we could both pitch in for cakes and the like and we'd get twice as many people attending. Sort of a 'share the worshippers and each of us get five times the power' kinda thing, you know? Also, do you think a generic floral tablecloth would be better, or ones with patterns relating to our domains?"

[PyrosNine]

The Turquoise Railcar reached the Gaian Border.

It was deserted now, long since POS and some fox guy funked it up quite a bit, and people came as they pleased. It was getting OUT of Gaia that proved difficult, as it had been made to keep the scum of the internet (despite POS's numerous extermination attempts. They're like roaches!) with even a lethal virus being killed off by the toxic junk that even makes up a Gaian's blood stream.

"We're near the spot. I would tell you that what I see before me is entirely new and entirely shocking, but I both am rather used to it and saw it coming since AVA 3. Betcha next is gonna be that Newb guy, too. Maybe I should get him while I'm at it..."

The sight Pyros mentioned was none other than the growing form of Pedros Nihilem (would have to get him for that blatant parody of his own name), slowly turning Gaia into nothingness. While such an act was actually bettering the world by the whopping percentage, he did intend to not stop there, so he might as well be stopped before he reaches the good ground and air of the better parts of the world.

It was enough to make even John forget his own plight, enough to get Yoko to shut up for a bit, and enough for the Fan to wake up from her nap in Pyros's sandwich.

"[expletive removed: THAT IS NOT JOLLY GOOD, WOT WOT!]" John cursed.

"JOHHNNYYY! EVIL YUCKY BADNESS AT ALL TIME HIGH! I KNOW HOW WE SAVE DAY! WE SING! SING OF PURPLE FLOWERS DRENCHED IN MILK!"

"Wha? Oh. Sandwich. Knife. Knife in sandwich. Knife in arm. KNIFE IN ARM!" Said the fan, snapping out of her drug induced stupor.

"SHUT UP CRAZY GIRL! BAD KARMA! TAKE SHOTS!" A needle grew out of the wall and jabbed a liter of the 'good stuff' into the Fan's back.

"Oooooohhhh. Tastes of raspberries...."

"Damn...I didn't want a raspberry sandwich. Oh well, Turquoise Railcar 6, fire all torpedoes! Clear us a path through those Gaian Trash! Especially those fleeing for their lives, the Gaian cowards!"

"Sorry, [expletive], But I [expletive removed:Involves Queer Beer] can't even though I [expletive removed: A word that is one of the most malleable words in existence.] would love to [expletive removed: alike to Samus Aran's ability to...bend] do it."

"Whyever the heck not? I know you're not a sub now, but come on man! That's almost like your cajones! Torpedoes of pure hate!"

"You know how it is with a [expletive: I live in the white house from Zork, and people keep robbing me] missus, thats the first thing they take from [expletive removed: MY poor troll!] you. She says we need to be [expletive: Elven swords don't grow on trees!] pacifists or some [expletive removed: rhymes with 'knit']!"

"What? This is coming from the woman who killed your crazed fan with a butcher knife?"

"TWAS IN RIGHTEOUS SELF DEFENSE, JOHHHNNYYY! ONO FAMILY WAY OF MAKING SURE SAFE! SIDES, SHE BETTER NOW!"

"jupiter!"

"PACIFIST IS TRULY POPUlar NOW LIKE THE LEFT HANDED SUZUKI METHOD! GO GOOD FENG SHUI AND KARMA! CHAMELEON, JOHHHNNNYY!"

"You harm my ears and sensibilities. Fine then. Open the front window!" Pyros sighed.

The window opened, and Pyros made the gestures.

* * *

Deep under Gaia, the red light blinked. And then, another blinked. Why, if one were to count all these sudden blinkings, then it would be equal to all the forumites present! Golly!

Machinations along time planned were coming to light, and little did they know, they dug up some even older machinations and literal machinations...

***

AVA RP III.

A lone figure, not human, and greater than a beast, strolled through a maze of tunnels. Gaia had fallen, and Pedro had reaped his prize. Much that once was taken, and what was not noticed was left. Pedro and his AI had not noticed that the figure had not left, though the figure had long since guessed his intentions. He knew too much. Pyros, Raiden, Mesden, they knew too little. They did not immediately put these things together. POS was a sneaky one, indeed.

Pyros did have the knowledge, but he wasn't able to put it together. It was because of this figure's doing. The two were unknown to each other. And it seemed like Pyros would yet again be the one to have to fix this, even if he started it, if only partially this time.

Kitsune had a plan, and it required every bit of technological know-how he had to turn a bunch of scrap metal into the most advanced equipment to save the world....He'd need some blood samples first, though....

***

Pyros held out both hands as the Turquoise Railcar soared over the gates of Gaia, and roared. "FLAME CANNON!"

The blast cut a path through the Gaians, allowing the Railcar to move at full speed unhindered, though crushing a Troller or two.

The NPF-ers saw it coming, and had no time to react as it plowed through the swath of Gaians that was swarming them. Gaian flesh splattered over all those who weren't wearing a poncho (which wasn't too many people, mind you. It had been actually fairly sunny before), and the Railcar slid to a stop.

"What sort of crazed contraption is that?" Alt-Pyros queried.

"It looks like some sort of Turquoise Railcar. Wonder what that means?" Ecurt asked as he got a good angle of feed capture using a pile of Gaian corpses for support.

Pyros emerged from a rising platform on the top of the railcar, clad in armor and with sword.

"My fellow NPF peeps! I am aware, that like, you totally hate this dude now! And he like, totally wants to unexist you dudes! But since I hate this dude too, I shall rescue you, and so in return all I ask is that I recieve many scratches behind the ears, more french catfood, and someone to clean my litterbox! It is most dirty, I am afraid!"

Pyros was a master of rousing people to take fight with his cause.

"So follow me to freed-"

"PYROS! WE GET SIGNAL!"

"What?" Pyros asked, shocked. Something else was going on...

[TheBlindMime]

A chill ran up TBM's spine, at first he thought a Grombie had broken through and began devouring his brains, then he realized it was much more sinister then that. "Yoko Ono is near!" His old archnemesis! Here? "I should have known she was a Gaian... unless?" TBM turned to the gates of Gaia and cheered the welcome sight.

"It looks like some sort of Turquoise Railcar. Wonder what that means?" Ecurt asked as he got a good angle of feed capture using a pile of Gaian corpses for support.

That duck man was right, it was the legendary Turquoise Railcar from the legend of.... that one legend, the one legend TBM had definately heard. Either way the sight of a flame cannon was a welcome one indeed, sadly TBM did not have the time to wave goodbye to the grombie who disintegrated into nothingness as the flames enveloped him. TBM cheerfully looked up to the sky, "Thanks god, I mean Pyros. Pyros-god." That'd work. TBM was so enthralled by the sight of a god coming to his aid he hardly noticed all the chunks and blood that landed on him. TBM-plushie on the other hand was outraged, Pyros made an enemy that day, a tiny enemy who looked just like his good friend and was made of cloth.

Then he patiently awaited Pyros-god's next command, after all he was doing gods work now. Pyros-god that is.

[mauve]

EDIT: Gah. Gotta stop writing these things at 1 am. I've had to edit for errors three times already, and there're probably at least three more that I haven't noticed yet...


"Oh-ho, I get it now," Mauve said as Rei kindly explained things. She nodded, musing over this. "Well that makes much more sense now, thanks Rei."

She paused for a moment, letting all the information she had been given sink in.

"Ecurt, could you please stop recording audio and just take video for a second?" she asked. Ecurt nodded absently and turned off the microphones, still eying the Turquoise Railcar. "Thanks."

She took a deep breath and turned back to Nihilem.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! PEDRO YOU *******, WHAT THE **** MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA, YOU ***?!?" Mauve yelled at the top of her lungs. "YOUR ******* COMPANY ALREADY OWNED HALF OF THE PYROS-DAMNED NPF CITY, AND NOT TO MENTION ******** ALL OF GAIA!! ALThough--" Her voice dropped to a normal conversational tone and she tapped her chin in thought, "Although I suppose claiming ownership of Gaia really isn't something to be proud of."

She switched back to Rage Mode as a fleeing Gaian forumite ran smack into her shield and dragged her attention back to reality.

"Oh. Right. AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US?!? FOR THE LOVE OF RAIDEN!! WE WERE COMING TO ******* HELP YOU, YA JERK!" She turned to Ecurt, fires of rage burning in her eyes.

"When this is over, I'm so TPing his yard and keying his car!" she hissed. "Even if I die, my ghost will TP his yard and slash his tires for ALL ETERNITY!!! I'm leaving an open invitation for anyone who would like to join me. Oh, and you can turn the audio back on. I'm done with the expletives now."

"Oh-kaaaay...." Ecurt said, eying his employer warily as he turned the mics back on. Sometimes he wondered if life in Pyros' plushie factory was really all that bad.

Mauve started attacking the Gaians that were still running like crazy around her. While she fought she worked to allocate a sizeable portion of her MP into a reserve for battling Pedros when the opportunity presented itself. Mauve was fairly certain she wouldn't survive if Nihilem used his newfound god powers against the NPF, but she figured that if she was going to go down, then she was going to go down fighting. Cuz she's tough like that.

Plus she's never liked the thought of being team killed, especially on purpose. That was Toasty's job, not hers. She was one of the actual "true mortals" on the Forum, and as such she resented being forced into leaving the realm of the living.

[Rhiya Ravenwing]

"Oh the gods' be damned! I'm having the WORST day!"

Rhiya had respawned somewhere in Pyros' railcar, and was clambering out of the window. There was a storm brewing in her eyes, and the thermometer whizzing around her head seemed to boil dangerously among the low 90s. With a quiet flick of the wrists, and a more violent lunge, Rhiya bit into her first gaian, tearing into the unfortunate sod with blades of chaos and reverse-chaos. She was even snarling like a wild animal, and the more saner of the gaian lot gave Rhiya a wide berth as she cut a swathe into the mass of panicking gaian ranks.

"... If Pyros didn't have such a cute kitty-cat form, I'd so not be infatuated with his kitten-ness... godsdamn! Why does he have to be so cute?! POS YOU BASTARD! STOP BEING SUCH A STUPID-HEAD AND DESCEND FROM DEIFICATION ALREADY! Today's not my day!"

[Bailey]

To understand the next few moments, you need to understand Keygod. Originally designed as a throwaway gag, Keygod was not designed well, and several problems were left in when he was upgraded to running gag. (It's a running gag if they show up twice, right?) Among its powers were the keys on the ends of each tentacle, which pretty much duplicated all the powers that a keyblade has, and then some. Among its flaws was curiosity. Among it's merits was fearless.

There's a reason that nobody should be allowed to make that particular combination.

Keygod snaked a tentacle over, jammed a key against Rhiya's thermometer, twisted its tentacle to unlock the thermometer of rage, to whatever its full potential was, and then reached down and squeezed Rhiya's ass.

Yep, there it is.

[PyrosNine]

The air became filled with particles, particles that erupted from holes in the ground, which were a by product of Pedros Nilheim's 'birth'.

The particles shimmered as they immersed our heroes, and formed a holographic image of a white ninetailed fox with blue flames in the sky above them, memorable from RP's prior.

"My fellow NPF-ers. If you are hearing this message, then what I have feared and foreseen coming (and you should really kick yourself for not realizing it earlier. Feel ashamed!) has just begun. The one you know as Pedro O'Sullivan has it in for you, you whose motley powers and egos pose a threat to anything in existance. I know not the entirety of his plans, only that it involves what he has seen that no mortal should be allowed to grasp. So therefore, in preparation,I have created a catch-all solution that has lain dormant, unbeknownst to all, lest you rotters find out and tell everybody, and he destroys them before you get the chance. Fortunately, if you're hearing this, he hasn't, and REI is currently using her systems to locate and isolate this message. Good luck with that, sweetie."

A tonefilled voice filled the air. "If this message is correct and appropriate, press 1. If Newb has turned evil from some dark lord personality, press 2. If you would like a repeat of the previous message, press 3."

Pyros stopped cleaning his nails. "Oops, I wasn't listening, could we hear that again?"

Ecurt quickly yelled out "One!"

"BLAST IT ECURT! Now i'll never know! I'd totally fire you if you weren't working for Mauve! Oh wait. Fire god. I can still fire you. PREPARE FOR FIRE!"

The holographic projection of Kyuubi continued.

"Good. I know not the details, but it is said by an ancient and wise man, that a greater deed requires greater hands, and I can assume that giving you all giant robots should solve pretty much any problem you have. So, I give you the NPF Voltrozords! They are protected with a duplicate of my barrier magic, which is less potent but should protect you from most things, up to being made nonexistent! Furthermore, they shall enhance your powers, serving as an amplifier of skill proportional to the giant robo size, and are all custom made to suit your desires and whims. Even the unconscious ones, you crazy people." He said with a sigh.

"Be forewarned they aren't Vista compatible though."

Holo-Kyuubi held up it's paw. and the ground shuddered, with a great concealed door opening up in the distance, spewing out a great light of justice.

"Now my NPF-ers, and the world's last hope, to summon your Voltrozords say, 'Go NUKLEAR!' Or, or, 'Nuklear Rangers, Nuke it up!', or hey, why not 'FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE?' Man I'm good at this. Oooh, ooh, how about-"

The message cut off, and the hologram of Kyuubi held up a "ran out of tape" sign, but continued to display stupid phrases with sign language.

[Fenris]

Fenris, after totally fighting off a bunch of Gaians n'stuff with exploding fish antics, threw about 8 pufferfish into more Gaians, laughing as they stuck to them as things with spiky needles are wont to do.

He summoned his Zord, which looked like a feral wolf. Made of metal. And smelled funky. Anyway, he hopped into the cockpit and realized that it interfaced like the RoboHobo MK I. Also the MK III, due to time paradoxes. Moving on, he announced:

"Moderator Fenris, ready to rumble!"

'Let's kick some ass, Fenry!'