NPF Avatars 5 - Part Vampire, Part Warrior, Carnivore and Voyeur

[The Wizard Who Did It]

“I swear to Pyros, how did I get talked into this?” The Wizard said as he vigorously scrubbed the floor. Over the long days and nights working at the Kurosen building, he had got into a habit of talking to himself. Well, to be perfectly fair, he’s ALWAYS had a habit of talking to himself. Just now it was a bit more verbal.

“I guess my therapist was right, God does hate me.”

The Wizard perked up his ears. They slowly waved back and forth, trying to locate the position of the incoming footsteps. Ever since he got employed at the Kurosen tower, his physical senses had increased in proficiency, giving him a much greater sense of smell, sight, feeling, taste, and hearing.

“Oh and of course, here people come. People with their muddy boots and stinky hats, messing up the floor I worked so hard to clean. Making me work like a goddamn slave. The first person that comes through that door, I’m gonna wring their little neck.” Like you wringed the Fifth’s neck? “Quiet, I haven’t gotten a chance yet.”

A waft of tropical air washed through the Wizard’s nostrils, distracting him. He took a few more sniffs, but before he could pinpoint the source, the people arrived in the room. Without thinking, the Wizard stretched out his arms, with intent to strangle the first person he saw dead. He was taken by surprise when the person answered him in kind. Well, didn’t strangle his neck as much as wrap his arms around the Wizard’s body.

"How ya been, buddy? Fifth ever remember to feed you? He's never been the best with janitors..."

The Wizard jumped a little, taken by surprise. He managed to get out a little, “Hey Fenris,” and pat Fenris on the back with his wings before being overwhelmed. Time passed exponentially faster, and the next thing he noticed a hat was on his head.

“Huh… this hat stinks of bear.”, he said aloud.

Incendius tried to talk to him telepathically, but before he could respond he remembered…

"Wow. I guess being a triple-personalitied wizard just doesn't pay the bills like it used to, hm?"

Still speaking his thoughts, the Wizard said, “Damn Mauve breaking my thoughts.”

He turned his attention to Mauve, and cocked his head a little to the side at her… new equipment. He grinned, “I guess being a little girly mage doesn’t pay like it used to either. But I mean… I get told that I can get a good job at the Kurosen building… and some small print gets me stuck doing this. I’m being treated like a frippin’ slave, I mean look!”

The Wizard grabs his left sleeve and pulls it up. On his wrist is a golden bracelet, glittering faintly in the light. Starting up again, the Wizard says frantically, “Y’know what this does? This blocks my magic. No magic? Anti-matter guns? No way out! I get no leave, barely any food to survive. I couldn’t even enter the tournament!”

After catching his breath, he looks at Mauve and says a little sadly, “To be honest, I wanted to fight you. But it looks like I’m not gonna get that chance.”

Hey. HEY! Didn’t you say something about killing the first person who walked through that door? Still speaking his thoughts aloud, the Wizard stared into space and said in a bored voice, “So I lied.”

Hey, dude, lying is a sin y’know. Thou shalt not lie and all that, dude. This time a little annoyed, the Wizard said, “And it’s also said that ‘thou shalt not kill.’ So please just-”

But the Wizard was interrupted. The tropical smell had been drifting through the air this entire time, and he was starting to figure out what it was. Or at least what it smelled like.

“Blueberries? Lemons? Strawberries? What the hell?”

[Astral Harmony]

"So you could only work as a janitor here?" Bunny Girl Bishoujo asked the Wizard. "Gee...I mean, you'd think they'd give an NPFer a cushier job, like sitting in a leather chair, playing Nintendo DS or something while pretending to pay attention to the security monitors you're supposed to be watching for signs of intrusion."

Actually, maybe he had that job and now that the Tower's been completely invaded he's been demoted, Armored thought sourly. She could then smell what Wizard was smelling. She hadn't eaten in a good while, and it reminded her that she was pretty hungry.

[POS Industries]

“Blueberries? Lemons? Strawberries? What the hell?”

As the NPFers noticed the sweet smells filling the room, the door behind them to the stairs slid shut and locked with a click that echoed through the circular chamber. A second later, several holes in the ceiling opened, from which large spouts were lowered. A sticky glob of red slime dripped out of one of the spouts onto Newb's hen, enveloping and setting the bird aflame as it fed.

More blobs fell to the ground, the fiery red ones joined by icy blue and electric yellow versions. Rei surrounded the NPFers with her shield bubble, at which point the yellow slime creatures began draining energy away from the electromagnetic forcefield.

"Jam!" Rei informed the group as she did her best to put more energy into the shield, "They're truly outrageous! Truly, truly, truly outrageous!"

[Bailey]

"Jam elementals with an extra element tacked on? Oh dear. I can only think of one thing that the three of us can do that would be any use here. You two good on mana?" "I'm down to half." "I only cast the one spell." "Good enough. Recall the Penultimatum shockwave? Let's try something like that again, but this time... well, everybody knows that pants make excellent napkins when your hands get all messy, so why don't we summon up something appropriate?"

The three Keymen stood facing each other, the tips of their keyblades meeting to form a triangle. "PANTS DEMON!"

The ground between them bubbled oddly, then vanished. Red and Green looked about in confusion as Blue stared outside the shield at one of the boxes.

The box promptly exploded, revealing what could only be described as some mad piece of modern art constructed entirely out of many pairs of pants taken from a large and tall store, then all sewn together and afterwards given some semblance of life.

The strange creature walked on eight legs, had four more pretending to be arms, and a further two which each thought they were a neck ending directly in a mouth and avoiding all the other messy bits of a normal head.

It promptly charged one of the jam clusters, intent upon wiping them up.

[Inbred Chocobo]

IC was getting really annoyed. He had killed what felt like hundreds of noobs and lurkers, and if he counted right 27 flamers. So he was kind of standing waste deep in human body parts and blood. It didn't help quite a few of the corpses were on fire, and that 17 longswords and 13 spears he had stolen from flamers had already broken.

Then IC realized something, if he killed that bear, the fight would be over and they would get him out of here. Luckily the mountain of bodies was slowing the progress of the noobs greatly, so IC had time to take another spear, and hurl it at the bear.

[POS Industries]

And with a mighty roar, Spider-Bear caught IC's spear with its web and slung it into the flamer behind it, then whipped the webbing back toward IC, which snapped free as the flire burned through the threads. As the fiery corpse hurtled toward its target, the bear fired off a net-like web toward IC in an attempt to capture him.

[Inbred Chocobo]

"Damnit just die already!" IC shouted, really really pissed off. He grabbed a random corpse, and hurled it, knocking the flaming webbed corpse away from him. "Comon bear what else do you got!" IC shouted at him, then turned to face him in time to see the web hit him. So now IC found himself covered in a very sticky net. IC walked, muscling through the net, making it snap in places, so all it did was make IC sticky.

So IC grabbed another corpse, and started spinning it on a strand of stickiness on IC. He spun it quite a few times, until finally it snapped and it went at the bear, having a lot more force than that spear he threw earlier. After hurling it, IC picked up a broken peice of a longsword, and started cutting the web off of him.

[POS Industries]

Catching the flung corpse with another webbed net, the path between IC and the bear was once again temporarily blocked, inspiring the bear to navigate back through the halls to find another plan of attack. And so, Spider-Bear swung off into the shadows of the old Mashirosen tower....

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Rei couldn't keep the shield up any longer. The lemon jams were draining too much energy off it, which in turn was making them stronger. Dropping the forcefield, the andoid attempted to focus as much electromagnetic energy as she could and began firing concentrated bolts at the strawberries and blueberries, trying to do as much damage to the oncoming sea of jam that she could.

The shield down, the system controlling the jams pinpointed the Keymen as the summoner of the pants and targeted them, causing several of the jams to combine their powers and attack.

DOUBLE TECH: FREEZERBURN!

DOUBLE TECH: FLASHFIRE!

DOUBLE TECH: SNOWBALL LIGHTNING!

The attacks played havoc on the Keymen's bodies at the molecular level. Red quickly froze solid and shattered as the high voltage coursed through him, and the combination of fire and lightning caused Green to totally combust.

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"I have returned, after a long and arduous training in the hidden mountains of Redpeak under the tutelage of the mysterious master swordsman Pepperjack, to reclaim my honor! Bruticus! Fight me, and feel pain!"

It was at that point that Bruticus promptly shot this incarnation of Pyros in the leg. Again.

[PyrosNine]

Ecurt smiled. "Oh, I know how to kill flans!"

"...it's Jam."

"Whatever! You two, go forth and bust a cap!"'

Ecurt was suddenly aware of a tug at his leg. Looking down, he saw the Pyros plushie, looking at him innocently.

"What?" He asked.


"I drew picture!" the plushie grinned, holding up an extremely graphic picture drawn in crayon that depicted Ecurt getting his heart ripped out and eaten by a woman in a red persian garb.

Ecurt did not even bother to redeem him with a reply, and simply hurled him toward at the oncoming Jams.

"Alright, fire attack the blue ones, ice attack the red ones! We'll worry about the yellow ones later!"

"Sure."
"Magikarp USE splash!"

CelGal immediately blasted the nearest fire Jam with intense cold, with the opposing elements canceling each other out and leaving the squishy creature a mere blueberry flavored puddle on the ground.

Pyros Plushie was enveloped by a blue Jam upon landing, however the being quickly found the plushie undigestable. Especially when the plushie melted him from the inside.

***

Ethilvira saw the attack coming and shot toward Phoenixbot, catching her Nemesis with her own large chest and bumping her away.

"Foolish girl, a villainess is only as powerful as her bustline! Now my minions, go and...Oh dear. You're sleeping on the job! How could you? Fine. Fine. I'll just do this MYSELF!"

A large swath of black tentacles came together to form a giant black paddle, that just oozed with yucky badness.

"Now MahouNeko Phoenixbot, let's see if your 'truth and justice and shopping' can stand up to my GIANT PADDLE OF UNRELENTING NEGATIVITY! (WITH A POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECT OF KINKY)"

Ethilvira readied up her attack and prepared to bring her grandiose weapon down upon the defenseless Phoenixbot. However, in creating the giant weapon, she'd used up alot of her tentacles, and as a result had left her own body equally undefended....

***

Pyros did not heed his leg. "Tis naught but a scratch! Especially when I've survived a bubble devoid of all oxygen, getting speared in the chest by a giant poisonous scorpion form of my worst enemy, and the previous time you shot me!"

Pyros limped with a wounded leg at a dangerous pace towards Bruticus, with a lunging(limping?) strike.

[Nikose Tyris]

Nikose dug around in his pouch, and then pulled out a pair of spoons, and handed one to Fenris. "It's eat or be eaten." He shrugged, and lunged at Lemon. "My Favourite!" And promptly began to eat the lemon jams.