GC does a Let's Play: I also have Pokeymans and I will show you them

[Great Cartoonist]

<...and if I get that one early, I can... Oh, right, the update.>



When last we left off...


Wow. Even the town itself admits that it's dull.


Yeah, I guess they all knew how boring this dump is.


Really? We'll see about this guy.


This is clearly of no importance to us. We'll be back later.


How nice, I was looking for that guy too!


And so he drags us to the Wizard of Oz or wherever he's leading us.


Alright, well, thank you for leading us to the only gym in this city, which we could have found out on our own within seconds of arriving.


And then he walks off.


...apparently unhindered by fences, the bane of our protagonist. Damn him, and damn those fences.




I bet that evoked fifteen different dick jokes in your minds, you filthy jerks.


Tacky.


This guy appears in every gym. And they're all the same person.
<I hate this guy already.>


Why are you even here. Get out.


No. I hate suck-uppers.
<Oh yeah, me too.>


GODDAMMIT I SAID NO
<WHAT YOU IDIOT HE JUST SAID NO>


YOU JACKASS YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME AT ALL
<SERIOUSLY IT'S BEEN FIFTY SECONDS AND ALREADY I WANT TO SPIT-ROAST THIS ASSHOLE>


I ALREADY KNOW ALL THIS YOU DEAF DICK
<HOW ABOUT I UNCLOG YOUR EARS WITH MY FREAKING FIRE TAIL YOU PHENOMENAL MORON EITHER WAY IT WOULD BE AN IMPROVEMENT>




DAMMIT THAT JERK GOT HERE BEFORE US




I INSTIGATED A FIGHT WITH YOU DUMBASS


I ARE ANGRY


YOU BLOWHARD YOU ONLY HAVE TWO POKEMON


THAT SHRIMP IS GOING DOWN


JEIGAN WILL EAT YOU ALIVE


YOU MORON YOUR DIGLETT ONLY HAS SCRATCH


LOOK HOW MUCH DAMAGE


JEIGAN KILL YOU DEAD




<LEMME AT THIS GUY I AM SO FULL OF RAGE>


<I WILL MELT YOU>


<THERE IS NO ESCAPE>


<THAT WON'T STOP ME>


<MY FIRE WILL BURN YOU FOREVER>


<OH YOU IDIOT>


<I WILL BURN YOU INTO MOLTEN GLASS AND THEN USE YOU AS BUBBLE GUM YOU GIGANTIC IDIOT>


<BURN>


<BURN>


<BURN>


<BURN>


<BURN>


<BURN>


YOU JACKASS STOP USING SCIENCE TERMS LIKE LIGHT YEARS AS IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY INTELLIGENT




I HOPE THAT YOU GET CANCER
<I HOPE THAT YOU BURN IN THE INFINITE FIRES OF ULTRA HELL>


Okay, okay, everything is fine again.
<Whew... yeah, I'm cool. I'm cool.>


Hmmm...


Let's go for HARD MODE
<Yeah, I bet I can take this guy.>










AND HERE WE GO










<This guy looks like a hard-hitter, so I'm going to cut his attack by half.>


<Well, this guy doesn't know what he's up against. All that defense won't save you from what I'm about to use next.>


<Oh hey I just realized, I'm frigging fire resistant! So instead of whipping my tail around I can just throw a fistful of glowing burning crap!>


<Even though he's got the type advantage, I'm still hurting him more with fire than with brute force.>


<Owww... yeah, I can take it.>


<Well, I'm melting him down very slowly, but I can still outlast whatever he throws at me.>


<Yeah, I've toughened up a bit throughout this journey. I'm not going to let some rock with arms beat me.>

Some rounds later...


<Hey rock-boy! You know something? Curling into a ball doesn't protect you from being roasted alive!>




<Alright! The next battle should go slightly faster!>


<Oh what, seriously? I have to be at level 15 to learn how to do THAT?>


<Bring on the next chump!>


<Alright, what sort of assholery do you have in store for me this time?>

<Please, do not disrespect your opponent with your foul words.>

<Holy crap you're actually having a conversation.>

<Again I must protest. I believe that both of us should be honorable and respect each other even if we are on opposite sides.>

<Well, um, gee... I'm at a loss for words here.>

<I myself believe that talking should be left out of the fight, for it can be distracting. One must put all of their focus on defeating the opponent.>

<Okay, well... shall we have at it then?>

<Very well. Let us begin. Show me your full potential.>


<Alright then, take this!>


<Oh wow, a lucky strike.>


<Wait, what? Oh that is TAUROS [poop]!>


<Oh well, that just means I get an extra turn in.>


<Okay, what's this now? Well, if that move's name is any indication of what it does...>


<My gut feeling tells me to not attack for a while. Just like those first bosses in some of those Final Fantasy games!>


<Oh crap he's going to murder me>


<...not.>


<And I get another lucky hit in.>


<And then that asshole does it again!>


<Well, I've got him down to less than a third and he hasn't even hit me yet. What the hell.>


<Yeah, keep using your turtle move...>


<I'll just not attack while you do that.>


<Having that as your only attack isn't very smart.>


<Because I'll just lay the smackdown once it wears off.>


<This time your move won't protect you...>


<Your health's too low as it is.>


<You were good... except that the game's AI is dumb.>






<You damn right you did!>






Ahh, yes, our first plot coupon.


Who were the geniuses who decided that you could be an official with that pathetic roster you have?




<Wait, what? Does this mean that I can FLASH anyone I want to at any time now despite the fact that I already have four moves?>






Oh wait, more free stuff?


ALRIGHT! What's it do?


Yes, yes, I know that.


So obviously I'm never going to use it then.




Yep, never going to use it.


I HOPE THAT EVERY LAST ONE OF YOUR SPAWN DIE UNIQUE AND EQUALLY TORTUROUS DEATHS THE LIKES OF WHICH LUCIFER COULD ONLY DREAM OF
<YOU SHOULD ONLY PRAY THAT YOUR OWN DEATH COMES QUICKLY AND PAINLESSLY, BECAUSE I WILL MAKE IT MY MISSION IN LIFE TO GRANT YOU ONE THAT WILL BE ANYTHING BUT>




Whatever. We're done here.




Well, there's no possibility that this could affect our journey in any way, right?


Tune in next time for even more stupidity!

<...and that's all sorts of wrong. So, um, don't do that, okay?>

<Okay, Bard-kun! But... there is something Adrian still doesn't understand... what is ******* and why does Adrian have to->

<Ah, no, stop. Just... don't worry about it. You are still too young to know those sorts of things.>

<But Adrian wants to know->

<No no no, still too young. In due time, missy. In due time.>

[Ecks]

I laughed at the "statistics" pic. Well, Nikose, Token, GC's called you out. You're officially competing now.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Bard seems to share a lot in common with his trainer.

It's made somewhat more depressing that Bard will likely never get to speak to Gofur.

[Yrcrazypa]

See people? Charmander kicks the crap out of Brock, and that's how I did it too. Hilarious update.

[Great Cartoonist]

Hey kids! It's time for another episode of...

ASK ARCEUS!

Alright, alright, let's see what you humans have for me... Okay, first question.

Originally Posted by Premonitions

Ask Arceus Qustion: What's Mewtwo like as a person(pokemon) and what's he/she/it doing now?

Well, I'm not completely sure myself. See, I didn't create Mewtwo; humans did. Some humans decided that they wanted to create the most powerful Pokemon in existence and Mewtwo was the result. After that, it blew them up and went off to sulk somewhere. Shows what you get when you decide you want to commit crimes against nature. Anyway, a lot of people have different opinions on what Mewtwo is like. Some say that Mewtwo is a deranged psychopath who knows only death and destruction, others say that he (yes, I'm going along with the assumption that Mewtwo is male for convenience) is simply misunderstood and confused. However, I have my own thoughts on this. I think that Mewtwo knows just how much power he possesses, but is bothered by the possibility that there are others who are more powerful than he is. What I'm saying is that I think Mewtwo is the essence of every Pokemon trainer given form: one who strives to become the best and goes out of his/her way to defeat others as a show of superiority. As for what he's doing right now... Well, from what I know, he's waiting in that stupid cave near Cerulean, twiddling his thumbs or something. Maybe he's meditating. Who knows.

Originally Posted by Sir Pinkleton

Question: What is the hierarchy of pokemon? I know you listed them, but I haven't hardly heard of any of them. I pretty much stopped playing pokemon after the first generation, so mew, articuno, zapidos, moltress, and mewtwo are the only legendary pokemon I really know. And I don't know much about them either.

When I started creating and recreating all the Pokemon in this universe, I didn't really have a set hierarchy in mind apart from "I'm at the top, everything else is at the bottom." However, I suppose I'll humor you and give you my idea of what the hierarchy is like right now: Me, followed by Dialga and Palkia, then the Lake Trio or whatever nickname you have for them, then Rayquaza, Groundon and Kyogre, then everything else except Giratina in whatever order you want it, then Giratina. Yeah I'm still angry at that prick, shut up.

Originally Posted by Flarecobra

Any Pokemon you wish you could just stamp out of existance?

That stupid spiky-eared Pichu. Oh wait, you mean a particular species? Well, I don't really hate any one species of Pokemon... except whatever species Giratina is. I'm still waiting for an apology from that asshole.




What? That's it? Only three questions? Man, and I really worked myself up beforehand... Oh well, if you have any more questions, I'll answer them in the next episode, whenever that may be. Until then, enjoy watching stupid humans play games that have already been played to death a long time ago.

[Token]

Originally Posted by No_More_Than_Thirteen

I laughed at the "statistics" pic. Well, Nikose, Token, GC's called you out. You're officially competing now.

Oh, it's on.

I'm loving how you took down Brock, by the way. I wish it had been that easy in Yellow.

To Arceus: Why is it such a pain to get Celebi, especially since it isn't even that good?

[Ecks]

Originally Posted by Token

Oh, it's on.

I'm loving how you took down Brock, by the way. I wish it had been that easy in Yellow.

To Arceus: Why is it such a pain to get Celebi, especially since it isn't even that good?

I wouldn't say it isn't good... has a nice set of resistances... people in OU/Ubers LOVE him... course, you won't find it very often in standard play because you can't get a legit one that isn't Japanese, that's usually just in Shoddy Battle play.

And I'll be the first to agree, yeah, it's a pain to whup Brock without Mankey in Yellow. Super ghey that you don't get any of the Kanto starters until Cerulean.

[Ecks]

Been a few days, GC. Just a friendly reminder that you have an LP to run.

[Great Cartoonist]

<Hello, Bard-kun!>

<...uh... hello.>

<What's the matter? Is there anything wrong?>

<No, no, it's nothing... I just need to rest for a little while.>

<Are you sick? Did you catch a virus? Adrian can help! Adrian will make you feel better!>

<No, please, keep away from me for now... it's not a virus... I just... I think I have some sort of chemical imbalance that's causing my emotions to act up...>

<Whoa, whoa! We're friends here, and friends have to watch over each other, help each other out! You got a bug? Well we'll help you smash that bug!>

<W-wha?!>

<Sorry, I didn't mean literally.>

<Oh. Whew.>

<Look, guys, I... I know you're trying to help me and all, and I'm grateful, but... I just need a little alone time, okay? So just... leave me alone for a while.>

<Oh, okay, dude.>

<Adrian will keep you company then!>

<...what part of "alone" did you not understand?>


Alright, we're back in action! But first...


I think it's high time Comast took first position.


Forced battles? Well they can't be harder than Brock can they?


The hell kind of question is that? Of course I looked at you! You think you're invisible or something?


Oh look, she thinks she's a somebody.


Oh, this won't end well.


<Elec-trigger!>


<I was totally not trying on that one.>




Haha no.




Comast goes Raiden all over this Pidgey.


NNNNnnnnnnngggghhhhhhhh!


Oh yeah, additional effects help I guess.


Ahahahaha you so unlucky.


That was pretty much overkill, but hey, it's Comast's only attack.




Stop thinking that your life is a romance novel!


Also MONEY.


Oh you were just BEGGING to be looked at. Stop being a hypocrite. That's MY job!




Wait, who are you again?


Come on, you people all look the same.


Oh well, I'll just beat up all your Pokemon then.


Seriously why do you keep using this Pokemon.


Ahahahahahah


Hahahahahahahahahahah


You people are just unlucky today.




I'm seriously not going to bother recording every single move in these battles because it's boring and we all know how this is going to end.


Yeah.


Oh hey a level.
<Woo-hoo! Awesome!>


And again...


Pitiful.


Look, I don't bother remembering who you are because you people are only good for getting in my way and forcing battles with me.


And also giving me your MONEY.






...Wait what?


Seriously, what?


This is how you greet every person you meet?


You are a sad, sad little boy.


And now we have to beat you up.


Finally, a challenge!


This guy can actually do damage, so we'll just use status effects to cut down his mobility.


100% paralyze is pretty good for an entry-level move.


Seriously I can't tell you how useful this can be in crucial battles.


While that Rattata's busy doing useless things like tail whip and suffering from paralysis...


Comast simply tazes him to death.




Oh hey, this is a new one.


Who thought of that name for this Pokemon? An eight-year old?


Sadly, this guy falls for the same tactics as last time.


Just as before, it takes two hits to down this guy.


Well, at least we get something out of these pointless fights.


I can think of a lot of jokes to this statement right now.




As always, Gofur takes his extortion money.


I'm sorry, why did I want you to talk to me again? Oh wait, I DIDN'T.


Okay, seriously, this game just throws a lot of these forced battles at you. These guys aren't even bosses! They're just like normal random encounters, except not random, and you can't run away from them. There is no way you can simply speed through the game without having to fight the majority of these guys. Other RPGs only have a few crucial battles, usually in the form of bosses, and they actually make an effort to be challenging and awesome. But this crap right here? This is an absolute waste of time. These guys aren't worth the PP I spend to take out each and every one of their Pokemon.


I mean, if only the game's programmers simply weeded out all of the copy-and-pasted forced battles and replaced them with a few challenging fights maybe this would be more enjoyable to watch.


Oh well, maybe I'm just overanalyzing this thing too much. After all, nobody plays Pokemon for the main quest, right?


Except us Let's Players. We have to do the main quest because it's our obligation to play games as they're supposedly played by the average gamer.


And then we have to submit a record of our playthough for you guys to see, and then we have to comment on it so that you know how we felt when we play these games...
<Um, ow?>


I guess a game like Pokemon is easier to do a Let's Play of because it's less interesting when you watch a playthough of it on video, so we pretty much have to post screenshots of it and thus skip the whole screen recording software we would need to create videos of our playthough.
<Oh, man, I hope I don't get an infection or anything... ouch.>


Ah well, I guess it doesn't matter. So let's get back to the game.
<Ah, is it swelling? I think it is swelling. Am I allergic to this stuff or what?>


Boring.




No.




Yawn.




<Ah, it's itchy. I think I am allergic.>


Seriously? Stop catching bugs. Go raise dragons!


We take his money because he's a moron.


That's nice. Go talk to Mr. I-Like-Shorts over there.


Meanwhile, let's restock on PP for the next few battles.








Another Rattata.


Thunder Wave and kill.


Nidoran!? WAIT WAIT WAIT


THIS SHALL BE AN EPIC BATTLE
...


FIGHT, SHEPARD! PROVE YOUR SUPERIORITY OVER THIS OFFENDING MALE AND SHOW THAT YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPAWN OFFSPRING!


A GOOD HIT


THIS MALE IS OBVIOUSLY ALL BARK AND NO BITE


SHOW HIM THE FOLLY OF HIS FEEBLE DEFIANCE


VICTORY




SHEPARD HAS TRIUMPHED OVER YOUR NIDORAN. YOU ARE AN INFERIOR TRAINER. GO HOME AND CRY KNOWING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A NIDORAN AS GOOD AS SHEPARD.
...


THIS MONEY WILL BE USED TO AID THE CAUSE OF SHEPARD


You serious? There's no way I can avoid all these people because they are constantly looking in such a way that I can't go any further without crossing their line of sight!


And just because I can, I'm going to fight this jerk!


One Pokemon? You DESERVE to be beaten.


Bah, it's nothing we can't handle.


Especially since INSTA-PARALYZE


Wahahaha you suck.


This is just too easy.


Stop stalling and use an actual attack!


Geez, you suck.




That sounds like a new song I could sing about you guys.


Gofur is still the biggest bully around.


Wait, seriously? Don't you freaking freeze to death if you're caught without so much as even a ski jacket and pants in winter? Or do you fly south like all those birds do?


Really? Well then you can fight my older and more experienced Pokemon!


Oh not this crap again.


This isn't new. This is the same crap I've seen before.


And they all die the same.


Nope, sorry kid.


They're not new enough.


Level. Bah.


The crap does that mean? Speak proper English!


Also pay up.


Thanks, Captain Obvious II!


Well I go over a patch of grass and I saw a PINK.


PINK.


PINK.


PINK.


Welp, gonna catch it because it's there.








When you already have 6 Pokemon with you, this happens.


No, and I hate you for attempting to play the "feign victim" card.


You're just asking for it aren't you.


Meh.


Same old tactics.






Oh wait, this is new. Disable prevents a random move from being used for a few turns. But since it can miss, it's not really a good move to use most of the time.


Jigglypuff is more resistant than the last few Pokemon we fought so this can take a while.


Sing induces sleep. It can miss.


Almost...


Sing sucks, use Hypnosis instead.


Finally.








Gofur robs her of her money and nobody else bothers to care. I think these people would be more concerned about Gofur than Team Rocket if they had a quarter of a brain.


And MT. MOON is where we have to go isn't it?


Hmm hmm




Uh, so there's no way around it? You can't just walk over MT. MOON? Or around it?


Well, if the game says we have to go there...


What? Why you calling people Geodude? Gofur doesn't look anything like a rock!


Looks like this is where we're headed.


BUT FIRST!


How convenient that a Pokemon Center is next to the entrance of MT. MOON. Totally doesn't imply that it'll be frustrating as hell!


Oh hey I think I will trust this guy because he does not seem shady at all


Hmm, this offer is pretty good... We could get a Magikarp early for 500, but I could save the cash and wait until I get an OLD ROD so I can catch my own Magikarp.
Whatever shall I do?

<Well, I guess I can use the internet and check up on things while I'm still on the sidelines.>

<Hi, Bard-kun!>

<Why are you here?>

<Adrian wanted to keep you company!>

<I thought we were over this.>

<Adrian learned how to do acupuncture! Adrian will use it to make you feel better!>

<NO WAIT STOP STOP GO AWAY>

[Token]

Buy it, and POWERLEVEL it. By the time you get the Old Rod, you're in Vermilion City, and most people get the Squirtle there for their Water type.