The Marvelous Misadventures of Asshat! [REBOOT]

[Fenris]

Originally Posted by Token

Been there, been accused of copying RedChocobo before I even read that shit, been deleted, been put back on.

I'm actually attempting to emulate RedChocobo's style with Joey's, because I find it the most entertaining and the closest to how I would write it anyway, so it's basically my guidelines of what works and what doesn't.

Installment No. 3. Also incredibly long.

Hey, at least he didn't get his hands on this Rattata.



He discovered Pokémon eggs. Again.



Take a look.



Yeah, I don't get him either.



We just went over this.



This is the THIRD FUCKING TIME he's done this!



Is everybody else in Johto this mentally incapacitated?



He gives them out like candy, what's the surprise?



It's about par for the course, really.



Well, I don't like to brag, but my Rattata...



'Kay.



Violet City's like 20 minutes walk, tops.



You're not my real dad!



What.







That's all there is to it!



Model housewife: cooking.



Thanks, it's pretty spectacular.



Elm next door gives them out to every kid in town. Where do you think I got it?



Sorry, Mom.



You seem awfully accepting of your only son going out into the wilderness with nothing but a barely tamed rat at his side.



Good question.



Sure, you can lend me some money along the way.



Oh, save my money? Heck no, lady. I'm keepin' my own dollars.



Don't worry, Mom. Our courage will pull us through.



Later.



And I'm never coming back here again.



Hey, I'm not Snake!



None. All's I need is this Rattata.



Sure, why not.



I knew it, taking one step in the grass leads to wild animal attacks. Write your Senator today.



It's that easy, huh?



Cool, I'll keep that in mind.



That's what they told me about heroin, and that just got Mom mad.



Derp.



These rules are stupid.



WHERE DO THESE COME FROM



Whoever you were fighting didn't have a Rattata this legit.



You repulse me.



You're not even in the grass.



NOT AGAIN



It's all in the Rat.



Get a flashlight.







You are by far the weirdest person in Johto.







Yeah 'kay.



This is getting old.



Really, guy? 3 level 2 caterpies?



Yawn.



And your trump card is a level 3 weedle?



You suck.



I'm going to bet that you used a flashlight.



Good luck to you. Gonna be tough without this Rattata.



I came from the east. Sprout Tower is in Violet City, to the west.







This better not mean what I think it means.



I call shenanigans.



I call double shenanigans.



Wow, you guys sure are upfront about having a Hidden Machine.



The tower's full of sages with these. Some Highlights:







This is twice the bellsprout of those other ones.



Oh, so the Elder has the Hidden Machine? Thanks for the info before I even beat you.



No, it is your head that is dim.



This is different.



But still easy for this Rattata.



Otacon?



It's no use, guy. He's a real Asshat.



OH GOD HE HEARD ME



I'matreeI'matreeI'matree



Stillatree



I'm nice to my pokémon.



Well, take a look at my Rattata! It'll kick your ass this time!



...You're not nice.



Your people need more training.



Rattata and I are brothers from another species.



Another one of these fucking bellsprout.



His Hoothoot isn't quite as pathetic as the other guy's, though.



But still weak.



'Kay.







Sounds like the next stop to me, then.



Bring it on, Lincoln.



That's... different.



Nothin' this rat can't handle.



You were... sooo close, too!



Oh no this guy is a bird master! I'm in trouble!



Ahahahahahahaha



Oh man, Pidgey.







You need a new keyword. You also need to clean your Pidgeys' old keyword off the floor, here.



2/3 down.



I'm JOEY, Rattata Master.



Don't most people use scissors for that...?



Isn't that what vets do, though?



He's the leader, so I'm sure he has really tough poké-



Nevermind.







Well, this is different. (How does he have a level 9 Pidgeotto?)



Ahahahahahahaha. Gym 1: Complete. Flawless Victory.



I love this rat.



...You don't even have your own pokémon? How the hell are you a Gym Leader?







Coolio.







Good to know.







And the Violet City Gym was closed the very next day out of sheer embarrassment.

SUPER SPECIAL BONUS IMAGE

[RobinStarwing]

My god man...that Rattata raped Falkner.

[Fenris]

I got bored so I started prematurely on episode 4 of IASVVS, but I hit a snag.

My Rattata hit level 20, so I saved states and turned it off.

Do I evolve him or do I not? It's up to you guys to decide!

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Don't evolve him! Because it would be that much more awesome to rape the Elite Four with a Rattata then it would with Rattacate.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Depends on if you want to stick to when NPC Joey evolves his or if you want to branch out.

[Fenris]

http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Joey

According to this, that time is now.

e: doin it, Joey evolves his rattata at about this level and I don't want to limit myself to making him hold an everstone.

[Token]

Sup, bitches?

So, at this point, most of you know I mentioned a musical episode. Thing is, I'm uber self conscious about my voice, especially when it's recorded. So, on the chance that it sucks, I don't want you fuckers to have to sit through the two musical episodes I have planned (Yes, two. Exact wording can be a bitch). So, just in case (and because I thought of this song in the shower and cracked the fuck up), either the next update or the one after that will contain two songs, to get a feel for what you crackas think. Unlike the rest of what I have planned, one of them will be a parody of an existing song. The other one will not be. It will also not be sung by Asshat.

In other words, next time you see a post by me, cover yo motherfukkin ears.

Love,
Token

[Julford Hajime]

*Covers ears now*

I'm being SUPER prepared!

[RobinStarwing]

*puts on Circus Calliope music* Same here...

[Melfice]

Uh, Jules and Robbie? I don't think that's the kind of encouragement AsshatToken is looking for.