I'm totally not ripping Bluestarultor off. - Page 2

Khael! · 11-11-2007, 07:51 PM

Zilla, boxers or briefs?

No I'm kidding, I don't want to know that.

What I do want to know is what should I store in case of a zombie apocalypse. Guns and bullets are in obviously, but what else would be a good idea to keep around? Kinds of foods, which tools... that kind of stuff.

neyo the king · 11-11-2007, 08:24 PM

Dear Zilla,

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only sane person here, and I hate being wrong, so...

What can I do to make sure that I'm right?

Khael! · 11-11-2007, 08:34 PM

You don't need Zilla to answer that! Just listen to us all for a moment and you'll be thoroughly convinced that you are indeed the only sane one present.

Bells · 11-11-2007, 08:43 PM

yeah... that's... like... a given. It's not like any of us will try to convince you that it's not true...

bananarama · 11-11-2007, 09:11 PM

Zilla, should I get a Zune, an iPod Classic, an iPod Nano, or an iTouch for myself?

Corn · 11-11-2007, 10:17 PM

Should I beat a kitten mercilessly with a shoehorn or should I beat a puppy mercilessly with a shoehorn? Or maybe a baby? Help me, Zilla!! So many options...

Quote:

Originally Posted by bananarama

*snip* iTouch ~~for~~ myself.

I'm so immature.

Zilla · 11-11-2007, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demetrius

Dear Zilla,

I'm a long time reader, first time poster in your advice column, and I have to say, you are much better than any of your detractors and naysayers.

My question today is, how do you deal with your recent rise to celebrity and the constant hounding and occasional stalking?

Four words: I bought a tazer.
Also, the hounding and stalking can come in handy. I mean, that gaurantees a witness. Wait... I don't want witnesses... *tazer crackles*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art of Hilt

Once I wanted to carry swords everywhere, but I found out that was illegal for some reason. Recently, however, I have fallen in love with drills. Could I still carry those around, or have the government shot down yet another one of my mistresses? If so, what should I do?

For one thing if the government is shooting your mistresses you should file for murder against the state. Fight the power man! But really, carrying drills isn't illegal or else nobody would be building things on a construction site. If the man is getting down on you for carrying power tools, you can say you're on your lunch break, and are heading back to the site. If they persist, you can demonstrate how their face needs reconstruction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bananarama

Hey Zilla! Why are you so awesome?

Mountain Dew. It flows through my veins.

It's the green medicine, which restores ALL of my magical power.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Masked Jedi

Dear Zilla,
Why am I asking you a question instead of soing my homework?

See above question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bellsouth Minion

Dear zilla,

Is pasta only good as the sauce you put in?

Pasta is only as good as the heart you put into it.

I've found that Brazilians give it that extra zest.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khael!

Zilla, boxers or briefs?

No I'm kidding, I don't want to know that.

What I do want to know is what should I store in case of a zombie apocalypse. Guns and bullets are in obviously, but what else would be a good idea to keep around? Kinds of foods, which tools... that kind of stuff.

Okay time out, because if you're reading this and you decide to skip over this question WOE BE UNTO YE!

The list reads like a wedding list.

Something sharp, something blunt,
Something caustic, something ranged,
Something small, a compass, fire starting materials, and a spatula.

So near the end it gets kinda off track, but those are the essentials. Also, a quilt. Wrap yourself in a quilt when you need to sleep, and do so in a place that is high up. Zombies lack the dexterity to really do much about getting into high places, but make sure you have some alternate escape routes planned or you'll be pinned down pretty harshly, and eventually they'll stack up to you.

Oh, and probably the most important thing to remember: Don't start one of these zombie things unless you're suicidal, because this stuff gets out of hand really quickly. Sure, you set out for like a fun Friday night with your friends, but then the police come and act like dumbshits who have never dealt with the living dead before and the next thing you know the whole county is moaning and lusting for brains.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neyo the King

Dear Zilla,

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only sane person here, and I hate being wrong, so...

What can I do to make sure that I'm right?

Step 1: Apply crowbar to associate's face.
Step 2: Repeat until results are satisfactory.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bananarama

Zilla, should I get a Zune, an iPod Classic, an iPod Nano, or an iTouch for myself?

You touch yourself what?

Seriously, if you want functionality go for the Zune, if you want economics, go for a third party player, and if you want something crazy, go for the iTouch. How much money are you made out of?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corn

Should I beat a kitten mercilessly with a shoehorn or should I beat a puppy mercilessly with a shoehorn? Or maybe a baby? Help me, Zilla!!

Corn we've been over this already and there's just something so last week about the whole kitten/puppy/baby dynamic.

Move up to orphanages and we'll talk again, but until then, I'm not touching you. You need to move on! Life can't be about violence towards individual small beings forever. There's bigger fish to fry out there (and really, you should have been past frying fish at like third grade). It's time to grow up!

wasoe · 11-11-2007, 11:49 PM

Dear Zilla,
I don't think I need any advice. What sort of advice should I ask for?

Zilla · 11-12-2007, 12:03 AM

Financial advice.

"What should I do with all of my money?"

There's a nice park bench down at Oak Grove, right next to the big swingset, that really likes it when you put all of your money under it at about 5 PM on Sunday.

Pay no attention to the woman stalking perimeter of the park.

PyrosNine · 11-12-2007, 12:28 AM

Dear Zilla, a week before you and Bluestarultor made these advice columns, I had a genius idea to make an "Ask Pyros's multiple personalities!" thread, building up the nerve to find that Blues had beaten me to it, and now you have made one for yourself.

Since it would seem as if I was ripping you guys off even though this is clearly a case of mental idea thought-thingy theft, I chose not to go ahead and make the thread.

So now, here's my question:

What is the most economical means for Zilla to avoid chronic burnination (the worst kind!), taking into factor the lunar cycles, alignment of the universe, and the fact tazers only slow me down?

Spelling counts, and this will be on your final exam!

11-11-2007, 07:51 PM	#11
Khael! I'm somebody else these days. Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Same house same hill same bat channel still canada Posts: 1,968	Zilla, boxers or briefs? No I'm kidding, I don't want to know that. What I do want to know is what should I store in case of a zombie apocalypse. Guns and bullets are in obviously, but what else would be a good idea to keep around? Kinds of foods, which tools... that kind of stuff. __________________ "Life is like a box of chocolates. Cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for." - CGB Spender Super Perfundo on the Early Eve of Your Day.

11-11-2007, 08:24 PM	#12
neyo the king Dr. Ivo Robotnik Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Mobius Posts: 674	Dear Zilla, Sometimes I feel like I'm the only sane person here, and I hate being wrong, so... What can I do to make sure that I'm right? __________________ I am Doctor Ivo Robotnik, the greatest scientific genius in the universe! ~"Where There's Smoke, They Pinch Back."~

11-11-2007, 08:34 PM	#13
Khael! I'm somebody else these days. Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Same house same hill same bat channel still canada Posts: 1,968	You don't need Zilla to answer that! Just listen to us all for a moment and you'll be thoroughly convinced that you are indeed the only sane one present. __________________ "Life is like a box of chocolates. Cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for." - CGB Spender Super Perfundo on the Early Eve of Your Day.

11-11-2007, 08:43 PM	#14
Bells That's so PC of you Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: In a Server-sided Dimension where time is meaningless Posts: 10,490	yeah... that's... like... a given. It's not like any of us will try to convince you that it's not true... __________________ *BELLS STORE : Clothes! You wear* them! Free US Shipping Subscription System? WTF?! Zazzle Black!**

11-11-2007, 11:49 PM	#18
wasoe Ruthless Corporate Recruiter Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 106	Dear Zilla, I don't think I need any advice. What sort of advice should I ask for? __________________ Hey, don't joke about black people. It happened to me once.

11-11-2007, 09:11 PM	#15
bananarama Old Gregg Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 2,189	Zilla, should I get a Zune, an iPod Classic, an iPod Nano, or an iTouch for myself?

11-12-2007, 12:03 AM	#19
Zilla Lakitu Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,378	Financial advice. "What should I do with all of my money?" There's a nice park bench down at Oak Grove, right next to the big swingset, that really likes it when you put all of your money under it at about 5 PM on Sunday. Pay no attention to the woman stalking perimeter of the park. __________________ MENCHI Pink It's cowboy time, I'm so MENCHI right now. Metroid is a great man because his friends don't rape him.

11-12-2007, 12:28 AM	#20
PyrosNine Zettai Hero Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: A figment of my own imagination Posts: 6,103	Dear Zilla, a week before you and Bluestarultor made these advice columns, I had a genius idea to make an "Ask Pyros's multiple personalities!" thread, building up the nerve to find that Blues had beaten me to it, and now you have made one for yourself. Since it would seem as if I was ripping you guys off even though this is clearly a case of mental idea thought-thingy theft, I chose not to go ahead and make the thread. So now, here's my question: What is the most economical means for Zilla to avoid chronic burnination (the worst kind!), taking into factor the lunar cycles, alignment of the universe, and the fact tazers only slow me down? Spelling counts, and this will be on your final exam! __________________ Pyrosnine.blogspot.com: An experimental blog of writing. Updated possibly daily. Possibly. A fair chance. Current Works for reading: War Between them, Karma Police. PyrosNine: Weirdo Magnet Extraordinaire!