Episode #550: Of course he won't tell

[Kurosen]

Brian, did you mean naivete in that last panel, or is naivety a word I don't know?

It goes either way apparently.

[Mike McC]

Originally Posted by Skyshot

Also, that panel with Red Mage was awesome. That's bound to go into someone's signature somewhere. (Although, one wonders why he said "as long as we live.")

He said "For as long as we live." What he thinks he means is that with this new technique, they'll never be cold again in thier natural lives. But the joke in that line can easily be summed up by the following:

"Give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

If you don't know what that means, shame.

Originally Posted by 1blackmage

wait - does thief have a weakness then? looks like he doesn't from what I read.

Yes, Thief has a weakness. His Greed. You see, you set up a trap that has some desireable, valuable, or exploitable treasure within it, and Thief will not be able to resit it's siren call, so to speak. Fighter just misinterpreted his weakness, and think it's the hastiness the greed leads to.

[AscendedPikachuZero]

Fighter was partly right about his assessment of the team; I'll reveal the flaws in their mentality in-depth along with that of the Dark Warriors.


Fighter: Naive to a fault. Fighter is probably too trusting; I mean, he's been traveling around with a guy who secretly wants to stab him into four digits for cryin' out loud. He also lacks active intelligence, the kind that tells you how to effectively fight an opponent despite any real circumstances (the time when he realized sword-chucks doesn't count). Also, Fighter is overly obsessed with swords; anything heavily resistant to swords, like iron golems, will stop him in his tracks if he's alone.

Thief: Greed incarnate, just as Fighter said. Thief will take anything and everything of value if it suits him; he lifted everything that WAS nailed down in Pravoka, after Bikke's pirates jacked everything that wasn't. In many a battle situation, Thief thinks he is above violence, using legal methods to try to turn the battle in his favor. This is a vital flaw on the battlefield; isolate him, lure him to a room with more treasure than he can pass up, and have that treasure guarded by anything that is either ignorant of, or blatantly disregards, the law (on top of being immune to knives), and Thief will literally walk to his doom.

Red Mage: Red Mage's biggest mental flaw is that he thinks his plans never fail; if he were Pinocchio, his nose would be 50' long by now. The only genuine success was when he cast Ice-9 on Marilith/Kary after containing her in the Bag of Holding (this same scenario also proved that White Mage's oath only extends to humans, elves, dwarves, mermaids, and Lufenians). Red Mage's biggest flaw period is the fact that his abilities are defined by his 'stat sheet', a lousy piece of paper. Marilith should have incinerated Red Mage's stat sheet before he came up with the Ice-9 strategy; that would have scored her extra brownie points with Chaos for offing the Light Warriors. He's still got it somewhere, so that means if it is destroyed, he's a blubbering mess.

Black Mage: Black Mage is a little trickier, because he's easily the most competent of the Light Warriors. But his glaring flaw is his Hadoken; it expends so much of his magic energy just using it that he can only fire it off once a day. I can see Tiamat making him waste a shot, effectively crippling the Light Warriors' ability to fight her. That and Black Mage's stereotypical flaw of being physically weak; because he's devoted so much of his time to mastering the arcane arts, he's shifted developmental focus away from his body. The only reason Black Mage hasn't killed Fighter is because he needs a meat shield to soak up damage for him. Speaking of which, Black Mage is prone to needless, cruel, and gratuitous violence; remember when he blew up a ship carrying supplies for dying orphans? I can see it now; Black Mage gets isolated and runs into the Onion Kid he bullied around, only for the OK to be carrying all the Onion equips. In addition to being a whirling dervish of death, the FEOK's magic tolerance will be impossibly high, meaning even the almighty Hadoken won't get close to vaporizing him/her. Proverbial shoe's on the other foot now, huh, BM?
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From my assessment, one must think the Light Warriors are real weak if you play your cards right. Unfortunately for the Dark Warriors, they can't play their cards right.

Garland: Garland is stupid. He's not the brightest person on the block, I'm sure; hell, he threw away POISON intended for the Light Warriors! The lack of intelligence is clearing up, as he asked the gullible Fighter to divulge the flaws in his team. There's also the fear of Forest Imps; Garland hasn't run into any lately, but what will happen if he does?

Bikke: He's just as stupid as Garland. He actually believes CHEETOHS are a source of vitamin C! And he also was dumb enough to believe Black Mage can't speak English when he WAS speaking English. He's the incurable weak link to the Dark Warriors; destroying him will disrupt the remainder of the group.

Drizz'l: Drizz'l is smart enough, cutthroat enough, and likely evil enough to take command of the Dark Warriors and make them effective - though not in the same way Evil Sara would. Maybe he just doesn't have the nerve to declare mutiny on Garland, because if he did, he surely would have killed that fop and taken over by now.

Vilbert: Vilbert is an LARPer to the core, on top of being a vampire. While this does give him the flaw of being a target for his unpopularity (Black Mage didn't care that the Armoire's leg punctured his gothicular membrane, as that caused his bad poetry to stop), it also gives him a strong memory advantage. The problem is that he doesn't apply his mental talents in the proper manner. Unless he can somehow correct it, I see in his future him chained inside the Armoire, the Pile Driver, and White Mage powering it with the strongest Dia magic she can whip up.

[Klyco]

I like how fighters ADD kicked in.

[AscendedPikachuZero]

There are only four more characters to cover, but they hold enough of an influence over the 8-Bit Theatre world to warrant covering.

White Mage: White Mage is smart, caring, talented... everything you could want in a woman of her position. She clearly has everything needed to lead the Light Warriors, and if Red Mage or Thief didn't jack her spot in the group, they would be much better off than they are now. Fighter could get over his sword obsession, Thief would learn what it's like to care about humans and not his wallet, Red Mage would learn that there is life beyond a piece of paper, and Black Mage would actually come to look beyond blowing anything he wants up with the biggest fireballs he can conjure. Speaking of Black Mage, if it weren't for the healer's oath, he would have been permanently dead a long time ago. You think he would learn, huh?

Black Belt: Black Belt is too much of a xenophobe; while he's a one-man wrecking crew, his lack of knowledge of the outside world impairs his ability to learn and adapt to the environment. This, as we know, led to his combustion at Marilith's hands. He became able to partially open up to the world around him through White Mage, but he didn't make it all the way before his rather unfortunate end. Sarda was a jerk for not reviving him; all the power in the universe and he wouldn't bring him back, or at least ascertain his viability.

Princess Sara: Sara is the evil equivalent of White Mage, minus the healing magic. Smart, talented, an important political figure, even a bit cutthroat. It's a shame she decided to stay in Cornelia with daddy, because she would have made the Dark Warriors far more formidable than they are now. She would have been the best candidate for leading them, make no mistake. And speaking of daddy...

King Steve: If there was EVER a guy in the 8-Bit world who NEEDED to die, King Steve is that guy. The man takes stupid to a whole 'nother level; he mistakes freshly-removed LIGHTBULBS for the Crystal Orbs destined to restore light to the world, he acts like he's a genius when he clearly isn't, taking credit for stuff he couldn't make in his entire lifetime, setting up a stupid ELECTION when you do not vote in a king whatsoever... he's lucky Sara - or ANYONE in the castle, for that matter - hasn't decided to do the right thing and put some poison in his goblet. He needs to be taken out of power as soon as possible for Cornelia's sake.
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There's a reason I assessed the Light Warriors' flaws so critically, and it revolves around the CITADEL OF TRIALS. It's likely Brian will run them through that place, so something like this would be the Light Warriors' ultimate test...

1] Before entering, the Light Warriors must place in enchanted treasure chests every personal belonging they have on them - ranging from their weapons to food to even personal mementos. (Black Mage: The hat stays with me.)
2] After being ushered inside, the Light Warriors will be given equipment for a class considered to be most distasteful for them (Fighter wielding a staff, Black Mage in chainmail, Thief wielding an axe) and forced to wear it for the duration of the trial.
3] The LWs will then be forced to contend with a powerful monster vulnerable to sharp weapons (Fighter can't exploit because he's got the staff, remember?) in close quarters and with impossibly high magic defense (to the point where using the Hadoken would be outright suicide, to keep Black Mage from weaseling his way out of the trial). The exit would only open when the monster is permanently dead.
4] The Light Warriors claim five keys from the corpse; one for each of the enchanted chests they put their belongings in, plus one to open the chest containing the coveted Rat's Tail. Just as a last-minute shocker, Red Mage's stat sheet would combust when exposed to oxygen after the chest is opened, burning right in front of him. If he can't overcome that flaw, he has no right to be a Light Warrior, period.
5] Any and all attempts to seek out any legal loopholes will be reprised with instantaneous petrification without exception. The first time, the offender will be un-petrified shortly thereafter and informed of the situation as a warning, the second will follow with the petrified offender being completely shattered. Thief will have no choice but to do this the hard way, as the laws he professes have no influence in Citadel territory.

[Viktor Von Russia]

Woah Nelly. AscendedPika-whatever guy. You might want to check out the rules before posting. Double posting that is. Twice. You can find the rules here.

That being said, welcome to the forums.

Originally Posted by Bravefencer Shinryuu

Yes, Thief has a weakness. His Greed. You see, you set up a trap that has some desireable, valuable, or exploitable treasure within it, and Thief will not be able to resit it's siren call, so to speak.

The time EPS captured all of the LW's is proof of that. I forgot exactly what the sign said, but the point is, hang something shiny in front of him and his Elven intelligence goes right out the window.

[Trixbeat]

You're probably referring to the sign that said "Free swords, free exp, free gold, free pie" to attract the LW one by one. Which reminds me: Will Brian ever revive the very small and very old gag of BM's obsession with pie?

[konnor]

blackbelts weakness: hes friggin dead!

[Bob The Mercenary]

I could come in here with a "CASTERS SUXXORZ!!" rant, which would be fact, but Brian already commented a while ago that he doesn't like rogues. This being said, I will never be able to agree with him on anything, because if you don't like my class then you don't have class...oh that one's good.

[Kima Azure]

You know, I think that a funny sequence would be if WM was jealous of the mermaids and unconsciously almost killed them without realizing it (she wouldn't really see that they are in pains). It could be worth a laugh or two.