Jokes, bad and otherwise. - Page 2

TDK · 04-21-2009, 02:42 PM

A rodeo clown came up to me and told me he'd stepped in some kind of poop.

I told him "That's bull shit."

Funka Genocide · 04-22-2009, 03:50 PM

so three high ranking military officers are sitting in an officer's club on base, arguing about who's soldiers/marines/sailors are the most courageous and best disciplined. An Army general, a Marine general and a Navy Admiral.

One of them decides just talking about it isn't enough, and so he challenges each of his compatriots to prove their claims. They agree to spend the next weekend touring each other's bases to do just that.

So the next weekend rolls around and their first stop is an Army base. The three are walking down the street as a young army private comes into view. The private immediately halts and comes to attention before presenting a crisp salute to his superiors.

"Private, I want you to break your own arm" the army general says. The private hesistates for a moment, but then proceeds to position himself in such a way that he can step on his own arm, shattering the bone.

As the young soldier falls to the floor in pain, the army general says "You see that's military discipline!"

the other two nod but seem unconvinced, so they leave for the Marine base.

They find a young corporal in their travels, who comes to attention and salutes much like the army private.

"Marine, I want you to shoot yourself in the arm." says the marine general.

"HOOAH!" replies the corporal, who without a second's hesitation draws his sidearm and fires a round into his own arm, he grunts a bit as blood loss causes him to pass out.

"Now THAT's courage!" the marine general says smugly.

The admiral just shakes his head and they head on to the navy base.

They go aboard a Navy ship and come across a petty officer doing some work on the ships mast. He's a good 60 feet from the deck of the ship and doesn't notice the three decorated officers beneath him until the admiral shouts.

"Good afternoon sailor"

"Good afternoon sir" the sailor replies, somewhat bewildered.

"Sailor I want you to jump down from there immediately"

the sailor makes a face and thinks, replying after several seconds, "Fuck you sir."

"Now that's courage" states the Admiral.

Axoren · 04-23-2009, 02:40 PM

Q: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

A: Dr. Dre

Mesden · 04-23-2009, 02:46 PM

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks "do you want a drink?" Rene responds "I think not." Nothing happens, and the world realizes that Daniel Dennett was right all along.

shiney · 04-23-2009, 03:08 PM

What do you call a one legged woman?

Eileen.

Same woman, in China?

Irene.

Axoren · 04-23-2009, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mesden

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks "do you want a drink?" Rene responds "I think not." Nothing happens, and the world realizes that Daniel Dennett was right all along.

But if nothing happens, how did "the world realizes that Daniel Dennett was right all along."

Can you just brush that off as nothing?

What do you call thousands of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

What do you call those same lawyers being isolated from society and starved to death?
The Holocaust D:<

Mesden · 04-23-2009, 08:55 PM

Nothing happens directly to Rene, Mr. Let's-ruin-a-good-joke.

I bet you don't even know who Daniel Dennett is. >:

Doc ock rokc · 04-23-2009, 09:02 PM

two guys walk into a bar...
The guy behind them ducks!

Amake · 04-24-2009, 01:19 AM

A baby seal walks into a club.
That's the whole joke.

Here is another slightly longer joke that you win prizes for reading. (I'm linking it because otherwise I'd have to post three times.)

Marelo · 04-24-2009, 11:37 AM

I hate Nate the snake. I first heard a version of it on a camping trip where we were hunting rattlesnakes.

It was 2 HOURS LONG.

04-23-2009, 02:46 PM	#14
Mesden There is no Toph, only Melon Lord! Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Inside of a box inside of a smaller box Posts: 4,310	Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks "do you want a drink?" Rene responds "I think not." Nothing happens, and the world realizes that Daniel Dennett was right all along. __________________ I can tell you're lying.

04-23-2009, 03:08 PM	#15
shiney Derrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The land of fartz and buttz Posts: 8,266	What do you call a one legged woman? Eileen. Same woman, in China? Irene. __________________ boop

04-23-2009, 08:55 PM	#17
Mesden There is no Toph, only Melon Lord! Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Inside of a box inside of a smaller box Posts: 4,310	Nothing happens directly to Rene, Mr. Let's-ruin-a-good-joke. I bet you don't even know who Daniel Dennett is. >: __________________ I can tell you're lying.

04-23-2009, 09:02 PM	#18
Doc ock rokc ...Really? Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: in Theory. Everything works here Posts: 3,961	two guys walk into a bar... The guy behind them ducks! __________________ I have a Pesterchum its DangerousDoc I am ether fading out of Time, Space, or Reality...Or Simply my Typewriter is running out of ink

04-24-2009, 01:19 AM	#19
Amake Keeper of the new Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: A place without judgment Posts: 4,506	A baby seal walks into a club. That's the whole joke. Here is another slightly longer joke that you win prizes for reading. (I'm linking it because otherwise I'd have to post three times.) __________________ Hope insistent, trust implicit, love inherent, life immersed Last edited by Amake; 04-24-2009 at 01:21 AM.

04-21-2009, 02:42 PM	#11
TDK Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Reality Posts: 2,914	A rodeo clown came up to me and told me he'd stepped in some kind of poop. I told him "That's bull shit."

04-22-2009, 03:50 PM	#12
Funka Genocide Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 4,566	so three high ranking military officers are sitting in an officer's club on base, arguing about who's soldiers/marines/sailors are the most courageous and best disciplined. An Army general, a Marine general and a Navy Admiral. One of them decides just talking about it isn't enough, and so he challenges each of his compatriots to prove their claims. They agree to spend the next weekend touring each other's bases to do just that. So the next weekend rolls around and their first stop is an Army base. The three are walking down the street as a young army private comes into view. The private immediately halts and comes to attention before presenting a crisp salute to his superiors. "Private, I want you to break your own arm" the army general says. The private hesistates for a moment, but then proceeds to position himself in such a way that he can step on his own arm, shattering the bone. As the young soldier falls to the floor in pain, the army general says "You see that's military discipline!" the other two nod but seem unconvinced, so they leave for the Marine base. They find a young corporal in their travels, who comes to attention and salutes much like the army private. "Marine, I want you to shoot yourself in the arm." says the marine general. "HOOAH!" replies the corporal, who without a second's hesitation draws his sidearm and fires a round into his own arm, he grunts a bit as blood loss causes him to pass out. "Now THAT's courage!" the marine general says smugly. The admiral just shakes his head and they head on to the navy base. They go aboard a Navy ship and come across a petty officer doing some work on the ships mast. He's a good 60 feet from the deck of the ship and doesn't notice the three decorated officers beneath him until the admiral shouts. "Good afternoon sailor" "Good afternoon sir" the sailor replies, somewhat bewildered. "Sailor I want you to jump down from there immediately" the sailor makes a face and thinks, replying after several seconds, "Fuck you sir." "Now that's courage" states the Admiral.

04-23-2009, 02:40 PM	#13
Axoren I carry mustard packets in my pants Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 16	Q: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? A: Dr. Dre

04-24-2009, 11:37 AM	#20
Marelo Napoleon Impersonator Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Kansas Posts: 816	I hate Nate the snake. I first heard a version of it on a camping trip where we were hunting rattlesnakes. It was 2 HOURS LONG.