"Fuck Man" or "We're Talking About The Lord Of The Rings Now" - Page 2

Professor Smarmiarty · 10-01-2011, 05:03 AM

The ring was sitting on the bottom of the river for 2500 years and gollum had it 500 years according to Wikipedia.
Also according to Wiki Sauron kicked it for 1000 years before reappearing witht he Nazgul in Mirkwood, right next to the fucking river and the cave where gollum is kickingit.
Man if a bunch of hobbits can do it I'm pretty sure the Nazgul could handle the journey.
Give them some fishing nets. It'll be sweet.
Like during this time Sauron was capturing cities and shit. He clearly has armies. Send a few dudes to search a river.

Or if you can't find it in the river, Gollum puts the ring on- ho shit he's right over there. He's hiding in the darkness but that doesn't stop the Nazgul.

And the ring is fucking magic and does it best to return to Sauron. If he sends his servants otu to find it it'll will itself to them.. Problem solved.

Archbio · 10-01-2011, 05:09 AM

Well, shit. Better write a letter to Tolkien telling him he got it all wrong! SMBP's Mind Laser just cracked the case wide open.

The Ring just had to roll out of the bottom of the river and down the road like a little wheel. Easy peasy. And to think Tolkien didn't even think it could do that!

Come to think of it, why doesn't it just enlarge itself and strange people to death? That'd be pretty evil!

Professor Smarmiarty · 10-01-2011, 05:13 AM

I'm saying fish up the river. The ring clearly has the ability to help people find it. It's one of the explicit powers fo the ring. You start fishing for it to give it to Sauron it will help you find it if you're close.
And even without that, you got like 1500 years to find it in the river and an army. Easy to find. Just train some dudes to swim. That's how gollum found it.

And even if they missed it why didn't they just go murder gollum?

Archbio · 10-01-2011, 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SMBP

I'm saying fish up the river.

Assuming that Sauron has detailed, accurate knowledge about an event that occured while he didn't even have a body.

An event about something that's described as being "lost."

I don't think that a reading of the story as going "well, the Ring was underwater, so we couldn't get it, and it's all muddy down there too" is one that's in good faith. What I'm getting at is that I'm pretty sure Sauron isn't supposed to know that it was at the bottom of that river.

And looking at the Wikipedia page, seems like the chronology that you're rigidly using combined with a "whatever" reading of the actual text are mostly from the Silmarillon. As I recall, the Silmarillon is actually not all that harmonized with Tolkien's other Middle Earth stories, and was never intended for publishing by the author. So if the Silmarillon has a clear chronology, while the Lord of the Rings references events and times vaguely; and the former makes the latter nonsensical?

I'm gonna go with the latter when we're talking about the latter.

Professor Smarmiarty · 10-01-2011, 05:46 AM

But like Isildur was wearing it in the river then it slipped off. Sauron should have been able to know that- hecan sense the ring bearer and the last place the ring bearer was wearing the ring was where it happened to sit for the next few millenia.
And like even if he was having an emo moment at the time Isildurs death was a famous moment, heaps of orcs were there when it happened, everyone knew where it happened. ike he was the last dude to hold the ring, he died in this place, nobody has seemingly used the ring since then, this place is just down the road from my bitching fortress, maybe I should go check it out just in case.

E: All I'm saying is that when your villain is foiled in his master plan by a river which is maybe a bit muddy and then hiding in a room and turning all the lights off- it doesn't inspire confidence in his ability..

E2: Also build a dam.

Archbio · 10-01-2011, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Archbio

I don't think that a reading of the story as going "well, the Ring was underwater, so we couldn't get it, and it's all muddy down there too" is one that's in good faith. What I'm getting at is that I'm pretty sure Sauron isn't supposed to know that it was at the bottom of that river.

The ring is described as "lost." Sauron and a bunch of "Wizards" are described as not being able to find it.

No, I don't think that it's in any way a reasonable reading to conclude that they know exactly where it is but just haven't bothered going there.

So you probably mean a different villain.

Marc v4.0 · 10-01-2011, 06:06 AM

For a famous moment, Gandalf had to do a hell of a lot of digging through obscure and forgotten texts just to find one rather vague entry.

You try sensing anything when you don't exist, sure it can't be as hard as that sounds.

Archbio · 10-01-2011, 06:09 AM

He just had to go to the Elrond Memorial Library and look up microfilms for the Gondor Daily News.

Duh.

Azisien · 10-01-2011, 10:21 AM

I love the extended editions because they portray Gandalf as more and more of a pothead.

Ecks · 10-01-2011, 11:19 AM

I assume you're talking about Return of the King?

Extended scene where's he's smoking a pipe making fun of Pippin (as usual), he coughs an awful lot.

Like, that's not tobacco smoke coughing. That's pipe "weed" coughing.

10-01-2011, 05:03 AM	#11
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	The ring was sitting on the bottom of the river for 2500 years and gollum had it 500 years according to Wikipedia. Also according to Wiki Sauron kicked it for 1000 years before reappearing witht he Nazgul in Mirkwood, right next to the fucking river and the cave where gollum is kickingit. Man if a bunch of hobbits can do it I'm pretty sure the Nazgul could handle the journey. Give them some fishing nets. It'll be sweet. Like during this time Sauron was capturing cities and shit. He clearly has armies. Send a few dudes to search a river. Or if you can't find it in the river, Gollum puts the ring on- ho shit he's right over there. He's hiding in the darkness but that doesn't stop the Nazgul. And the ring is fucking magic and does it best to return to Sauron. If he sends his servants otu to find it it'll will itself to them.. Problem solved. Last edited by Professor Smarmiarty; 10-01-2011 at 05:10 AM.

10-01-2011, 05:09 AM	#12
Archbio Data is Turned On Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,980	Well, shit. Better write a letter to Tolkien telling him he got it all wrong! SMBP's Mind Laser just cracked the case wide open. The Ring just had to roll out of the bottom of the river and down the road like a little wheel. Easy peasy. And to think Tolkien didn't even think it could do that! Come to think of it, why doesn't it just enlarge itself and strange people to death? That'd be pretty evil! __________________ 6201 Reasons to Support Electoral Reform.

10-01-2011, 05:13 AM	#13
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	I'm saying fish up the river. The ring clearly has the ability to help people find it. It's one of the explicit powers fo the ring. You start fishing for it to give it to Sauron it will help you find it if you're close. And even without that, you got like 1500 years to find it in the river and an army. Easy to find. Just train some dudes to swim. That's how gollum found it. And even if they missed it why didn't they just go murder gollum? Last edited by Professor Smarmiarty; 10-01-2011 at 05:16 AM.

10-01-2011, 05:46 AM	#15
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	But like Isildur was wearing it in the river then it slipped off. Sauron should have been able to know that- hecan sense the ring bearer and the last place the ring bearer was wearing the ring was where it happened to sit for the next few millenia. And like even if he was having an emo moment at the time Isildurs death was a famous moment, heaps of orcs were there when it happened, everyone knew where it happened. ike he was the last dude to hold the ring, he died in this place, nobody has seemingly used the ring since then, this place is just down the road from my bitching fortress, maybe I should go check it out just in case. E: All I'm saying is that when your villain is foiled in his master plan by a river which is maybe a bit muddy and then hiding in a room and turning all the lights off- it doesn't inspire confidence in his ability.. E2: Also build a dam. Last edited by Professor Smarmiarty; 10-01-2011 at 06:03 AM.

10-01-2011, 06:06 AM	#17
Marc v4.0 Fight Me, Nerds Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3,470	For a famous moment, Gandalf had to do a hell of a lot of digging through obscure and forgotten texts just to find one rather vague entry. You try sensing anything when you don't exist, sure it can't be as hard as that sounds. __________________

10-01-2011, 06:09 AM	#18
Archbio Data is Turned On Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,980	He just had to go to the Elrond Memorial Library and look up microfilms for the Gondor Daily News. Duh. __________________ 6201 Reasons to Support Electoral Reform.

10-01-2011, 10:21 AM	#19
Azisien wat Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,177	I love the extended editions because they portray Gandalf as more and more of a pothead.